Stopped a girl from getting beat up last night, still shaken up

[Shera]

Cliffs:
-see a guy beating up a girl in the mall parking lot
-no body does anything so i yell at him to stop and call 911
-guy takes off
-cops show up
-girl refuses to press charges
-I am upset



i am leaving the mall around 8pm. on the way to my car i hear shouting so i look around expecting to just see people goofing around but instead i see a young girl screaming "let me go!" while a young man has her arm twisted back. I freeze and literally just stand there staring with my mouth open...i take a few steps toward them hoping he would stop
because there is a person witnessing it. this does nothing he begins to punch her hard 4 times in the side and stomach. I still don't know what to do it was one of those situations where you just freeze and wonder is this real life? There are lots of other people around but nobody does anything just keep going about their business

so she breaks free and begins walking fast diagonally across the parking lot away from the mall toward the main highway. He follows her and all i can think is they are leaving a well lit area where there are people i just move into action. i stomp toward them and i shout "leave her alone! let go! (because at this point he had grabbed her again and had her arm twisted right back) he turns around as i get closer and says... this is not your business! go away...and i am like your damn right its my business leave her the **** alone now! i am calling the police right now!

he says ( not really sure why ) oh call your boyfriend. I was like my boyfriend? we don't beat women around here bitch I am calling the police (as i take out my phone and begin to dial) Mean while i am betting closer and closer stomping over in a menacing way and not really knowing what I am going to do once i get there because after all i am still just a 5'2 woman and this guy although not very big for a guy is still a dude.

just as i am getting close this car whips up with like a car load of other guys and they are all gawking at me as he jumps in and they take off. hes yelling at me out the window and i give him the finger. so then i look at the girl and i am like are you OK?

she is like yeah i'm OK! thank you! so i'm like...come with me, we are going to a safe spot so i make her come to a nearby hotel lobby with me while i am on the phone with 911. meanwhile shes like...ow i think he broke my wrist...but she is not crying at all which i found really extraordinary since i was vibrating and i didn't even get assaulted. so I am on with 911 they ask me her name she gives it then
they ask his name
and shes like why? i am like..they want to know if you want to press charges...shes like..no no that's OK I'm OK! I am like...you need to press charges honey you cant let him off with that ..no no he wont do it again she says...and i am like...mark my words sweetie he will and next time he could kill you... no no he won t do it again. so the 911 was like...well we sent a couple police to where you
are at does she need an ambulance and shes like oh no I'm fine . i am like...your are though? i thought you said it felt broken...no no its OK I'm fine I'm just going to walk home now . I was lie...you are not going anywhere until the police get here . shes like...OK. so i get off with 911 and I'm begging her to speak to the police and press charges... she would not have any of it.
police show up and take my statement then come back from talking to her and are like...thank you for your statement we are making a report on it but she does not want to press charges. can we call you if she changes her mind? i am like yeah...or if he kills her eventually . and the police was like...shaking his head and says we see this all the time unfortunately. then hes like..you can go now
so i walk back to my car and everything starts sinking in and I'm just shaking. i am like... man i need to get used to this if I'm going to work in this field (I graduate from Social Work in December) . i was ready to beat the **** out of that guy hes lucky i was a woman. I would have given anything to be an undercover cop at that moment and slap the cuffs on that bitch.

[milosmom]

Wow.. she's lucky you where there.. Lot of good the other on-lookers did. (people get your heads outta yours asses!) people are getting more braizen with what they do to others.. and the general public seems to turn a blind eye if it's not happening to them.. as a mother of a teenage daughter i would hope that there would be more people like you around if something like that would ever happen again.. *pat on the back for you*

[guest89]

I'm doing an internship at a local PD and we see domestic violence cases every day/night.


We usually give the advice of filing for a retraining order and divorce ASAP. But most of the time they end up back together.


It always gets me when they refuse to press charges... Last night we went to a 911 call and they said it was a kid who dialed 911, that everything was ok. An hour later we get a call from the same address. This time he was in the process of choking her and she had visible marks on her neck. The thing is when we got there the guy walked out smiling and trying to be nice and the woman said nothing was going on. (But we could see damage to her neck from him squeezing so hard.) The guy was cuffed and brought to the car and she still didn't want to press charges/have him arrested. We arrested him anyways of course to stop the abuse/drama for the night.


I am confident there will be another callback to the house soon for more domestic violence.

Its a repetitive cycle. When you hear they aren't gonna press charges you can be sure there is a high chance she'll be getting abused again fairly soon. All you can do is intervene when possible and give them advice on how to handle the situation. (Restraining order)

[seanb1979]

It amazes me how many women go back to that ****. My mom did it for years and years. Some women I think like it/need it on a deep down subconscious level.

[sonti]

Well, for those of you who are graduating from social work or interning at your local PD, get used to it, it's the same merry-go-round for years and years. Personally, after 6 years working in a PD, I couldn't give a **** about these situations anymore. I still do my job when it comes to asking questions, recording evidence, but I don't get shaken up and I don't take it home with me. You can't help people who won't help themselves. You guys will soon realize that the only thing that will shock you is if the female (or male) victim actually is willing to cooperate.

Anyways, here it doesn't matter so much. If there's a sign of violence, you are charged. End of story. DV victims here can't press or drop charges. The courts have had enough of that.

A bit jaded, no? Well, when you deal with it on a daily basis with the same couples, you need to learn to let it go. Save yourself some grief if you are going into that kind of career and just realize not to take it in personally. Easier said than done, but it will come with time.

[equestrian]

Good for you OP on doing the right thing! That's a true sign of courage, moving forward when you're scared to death.

My dad's a retired cop, and of all the calls, he hated the DV ones the most and they are the most dangerous for cops too. It's not uncommon to see the guy beating the crap out of the girl then when the cop arrives and tries to stop him, have the girl turn on the cop to defend her guy.

It's really sad to see the "battered wife" syndrome. It really is a deep seated psychological issue.

OP - you're a hero in my book!

[TakeYourMulti]

should of killed him instead

[NOVA888]

I can imagine how this would shake anyone up, story gives me shivers. I hate hearing this kind of stuff, and even more so when women stay with these types of men. Worse yet, when children have to grow up in homes like this.

You did fine OP.

[Shera]

Wow.. she's lucky you where there.. Lot of good the other on-lookers did. (people get your heads outta yours asses!) people are getting more braizen with what they do to others.. and the general public seems to turn a blind eye if it's not happening to them.. as a mother of a teenage daughter i would hope that there would be more people like you around if something like that would ever happen again.. *pat on the back for you*

Milosmom, I am from NB too! where are you located? im in fredericton

[beaucephus]

My friend and I were leaving a bar several years ago when we saw a guy on the side of the road smack the girl he was with (might have been his GF, I don't know). Jerry (my friend) and I were always looking for a fight, so we ended up knocking out a few of his teeth before the cops showed up.

I spent a month in jail on a 45 day sentence and paid restitution.

Looking back on it, I should have just chased him off and taken the girl home, but unfortunately that's not what happened. Life goes on.

[NOVA888]

My friend and I were leaving a bar several years ago when we saw a guy on the side of the road smack the girl he was with (might have been his GF, I don't know). Jerry (my friend) and I were always looking for a fight, so we ended up knocking out a few of his teeth before the cops showed up.

I spent a month in jail on a 45 day sentence and paid restitution.

Looking back on it, I should have just chased him off and taken the girl home, but unfortunately that's not what happened. Life goes on.

Wow. Sorry to hear about the jail sentence.

[beaucephus]

Wow. Sorry to hear about the jail sentence.

some things you have to learn the hard way. Like "make sure he throws the first punch"

[rpsemi93]

she didnt press charges because she knows her place.

[Johnlove]

she didnt press charges because she knows her place.

wow, thaz so mean fat fck

[Amanda76]

Shera, you ARE a hero! Hopefully that chick will be ready to get out of her situation, whatever it is, before it's too late for her.

My sister is a police officer. She LOVES her job. Obviously, there are situations like this that are very aggravating to leave without a real resolution, but it's something she's able to take in stride. If I had a job like that, I'd probably end up with a general hatred for people. I'm just better off not knowing exactly how many people are as cruel/twisted as some of the stories I've heard. I don't know how people who protect and assist people (as you will as a social worker) in that way do it without losing their minds.

[Herz28camaro]

It amazes me how many women go back to that ****. My mom did it for years and years. Some women I think like it/need it on a deep down subconscious level.

Hi,
I must first off thank you for stepping in. I endured the abuse for 19 years. I did NOT like it nor did I need it. I married him when I was 15 (cultural thing), He was 17 and joined the Army, I grew to fear him. Even though you saved her for that moment. She would have to face him later. My beatings got worst if I attempted to get help. After 19 years it was my son that saved me. Without going into details of what I endured or how I got out. Let’s just say, My son kicked his ass. My son was the only one to EVER step in to help me. There are several reasons why women endure the abuse, trust me when I say we don’t like nor need it. Please continue to help any women in need. No one knows what their circumstance are. Thank you to all who give a damm to point out that it is WRONG to hit a women. BTW, I recently saw my ex-husband (after 16 years), and told him “I don’t know why I was so afraid of you, I could kick your ass) He laughed and said yeah you could.”

[sonti]

Shera, you ARE a hero! Hopefully that chick will be ready to get out of her situation, whatever it is, before it's too late for her.

My sister is a police officer. She LOVES her job. Obviously, there are situations like this that are very aggravating to leave without a real resolution, but it's something she's able to take in stride. If I had a job like that, I'd probably end up with a general hatred for people. I'm just better off not knowing exactly how many people are as cruel/twisted as some of the stories I've heard. I don't know how people who protect and assist people (as you will as a social worker) in that way do it without losing their minds.

Unfortunately Amanda, we just stop caring too much! It's the only way. You do your job, you take the info, you give the whole protection order/safe house line, notify child services if needed, you forward charges... and that's it. Go off and have coffee and forget it ever happened. Those who take it personally or take it home with them are the ones who burn out and go mental or become alcoholics.

Now child victims is usually another story, those ones you always take home with you no matter how jaded you are.

[Forge3]

Hmmm I feel mad just reading that this happens. I never have nor ever will hit a woman. I was not raised that way. If a woman attacks me I will wrestle her down and hold her their until she hopefully calms down. And maybe get someone else to keep her there well I walk away. I was assaulted by some crazy lady before. I just walked away after grabbing her arms and stuff.

[CoffeCanSlayer]

Its getting more popular, I got jacked up doing something like this last weekend. Gotta be careful jumping into other people's fueds.

[ANP]

That's a real extra ordinary thing you did there, even when knowing that you are not gonna gain anything in the end, great work.

[Svonne]

It amazes me how many women go back to that ****. My mom did it for years and years. Some women I think like it/need it on a deep down subconscious level.

I agree, esp on the subconcious level. It pertains to childhood abuse. I had 3 chaotic relationships with men who had parallel issues to mine. (I was never 'physically' beaten)

I'm learning to break the victim cycle now. I'll share my side since I wanted to let it be known some get better.

First place accept it happened & place appropriate blame for sexual abuse experienced from ages 7-12.

I got to that point with advice from my doctor... and hospital's worth of counselors, phychiatrists, psychologists, etc..

summary of what I was told by ^^^
-When you are a child, your brain is growing and making neuron connections, your parents are supposed to help form these connections to help you survive in adult life. How to handle emotions, proper social behavior, etc... the better your needs are met, the better you are able to handle adulthood.

-Well a ****phile basically takes a sh!t on this process. THEN those neural pathways are formed, I wasn't treated and pretended it never happened and parents took his $$ anyway. Children brains are flexable, can learn faster, but adult brains have well formed connections, very very difficult to change.

My personal feelings with hindsight with above knowledge:
-First you blame yourself. The adult abuser treated you as an 'equal' so you feel you had equal complicity in it. Later you learn society is discusted by ****s...so YOU feel how society feels about ****s about yourself. Anything negative that happens to you, you feel you deserve. In fact you like when people are @ssholes to you, so you can feel redeemed by your past. Its a screwed up reward system.

-Emotions have no label (you will get triggered without being aware you are) You pretend that your past should just 'get over'. You 'feel' emotions then react on them to get rid of these unpleasant nearly unbearable feelings. To others this makes NO SENSE on your behavior. But provides you with temp relief

-Your past. Only gets mentioned indrunken arguments. THEN everything in the world would get blamed on it. It's also used as a 'get out of consequences' card.

-No one is to be trusted. You believed the ****, and were betrayed of the highest order. Now every human has a possible to do the same thing. In fact, the nicer (because of **** grooming for me), the higher fear of them.

-Men you really want to like you, yet terrified too. You think they only value your body. There is a mix of 'resentment' or 'thank goodness' because they'll put up with anything. BECAUSE of how your actions (you seek men who only DO value your body), you actually enforce this belief of 'you'll forever only be used by men for sex'


Second stage of get out of victimhood: prosecute

Luckily the statue of limitation isn't over for me. My silence just passes this hell onto someone else. ****s treat children like lays potato chips, can't have just one. /sick humor off

[DHFX]

Great job, you for sure did the right thing. Back in 07 I was in Oregon and one night while walking back from a store I passed by a collage campus and heard the exact same thing... yelling and struggling. So I ran down the steps and sure enough there was a guy grabbing onto a girl (apparently his g/f) and he shoved her down hard so I raised my voice and started to walk toward them. He took off and I phoned the police after I brought her over to a well lit area where other collage kids were. I gave a statement and she was checked out, apparently he was drunk or so she said. Hope the guy was caught myself.

[ajzoot]

A very noble undertaking, next time just call the police and leg it.

Lettuce be reality, take into account the way the incident concluded, the best case scenario, the worst case scenario and the usual way these events come to a close.

[solidhadriel]

You did an honorable thing. Thank you. I would hope that everyone else here would have done the same.

[SSbrah]

Good on you!!

[TrixieMuffin]

Wow.. I feel bad for girls like her because they just keep going back to the guy and usually end up worse than before.

[zrach]

OP: you did a great thing! luckily, that guy didn't move on to you or something..

Svonne: interesting explanation. hope he gets what he deserves

[BigD_SEVA]

great job OP, You were more composed than I would be.

I just dont understand as I had a friend who was in a few abusive relationships, and she always goes back to them

[SoggyDoughnut]

so why didn't you charge and spear him into a vehicle???
edith, you is woman, ballsy move, repped.

[al-faz]

i would have turned a blind eye. Not my problem -. Just another domestic, it happens everyday - many are happening as I type. No point being a hero and dying for some weak female who refused to walk away from an abusive relationship