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    Registered User borcherding's Avatar
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    Does freakin' KINDNESS exist anymore??

    Yesterday at the gym I saw a girl who I've seen a few times before and I always smile and say HI to her. I'm friendly that way. :-) How can people not say HI back? Come on. I smiled and said HI and she gives me this nasty look and says nothing. WTH?? I know people don't want to have big conversations when they are working out (at least I don't), but dang, I said HI when she wasn't doing anything. General kindness is just NOT what it used to be!!! Okay, rant over for today. When I rant to my hubby about this he just tells me people aren't as friendly as me and I should quit being so nice. I refuse to become one of those people...I'll keep being friendly and then just bitch about here...LOL!!

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    Registered User equestrian's Avatar
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    lol! Well, nice still exists over here.

    I was at the gym yesterday and working on my own for the first time. There's a gentleman there who comes at the same time I do, so I've seen him a lot but I've been so busy paying attention to what I'm doing, I don't pay close attention to him. I just know he seems to work hard but he's not huge.

    Anyway, I was working with my headphones on and left one set of cables to go to the free weights and I heard a faint, "Excuse me, miss." I took my headphones out and he asked if I was done with the machine I just left. Yuppers, go right ahead.

    Turns out, the guy was (I think) supersetting and splitting from one thing to the next - not sure if I got my terminology right. But he'd go on a cable - then go to the other side of the gym, work on leg presses, go back to the cable...etc. This would continue for quite awhile, so I kept an eye on him so I wouldn't get in the way. He was also meticulously logging everything. Inevitably though, no matter how hard I tried, we'd go for the same things at the same time. It was actually kinda funny and we started laughing about it.

    So every time we walked past each other, we'd grin or ask if someone was going to use something. He could have been a jerk about the whole thing but he wasn't.

    So yes - there are still nice people out there. I guess all the grumps and the mean ones just make the nice ones seem extra special. I know I'm getting to the point where I appreciate the nice ones all the more!
    ˙ǝsɹoɥ ʎɯ uo ʞɔɐq ǝɯ ʇnd puɐ dn ǝɯ ʞɔıd ǝsɐǝןd 'sıɥʇ pɐǝɹ uɐɔ noʎ ɟı

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  3. #3
    Registered User borcherding's Avatar
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    Cute story. Good to know kindness exists somewhere!! ;-)

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    achieved bro status discdoggie's Avatar
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    Yes, you just have to look harder for it these days.


    That snub you received at the gym, that was more a lack of common courtesy that downright unkindness. Courtesy is also becoming more and more a rare find these days.

    Since the age of the internet, the unkindness and cruelty has gotten out of control. It's easier to bully behind the safety of a computer monitor, I guess. Even on this site (not this particular forum, this forum is GREAT) the things I read make me cringe. People come here looking for help, and this "mob-mentality" takes over, ripping them to shreds sometimes. Apparently, making fun of people in a group setting has become the new form of recreation and entertainment.

    <rant over>

  5. #5
    Registered User KaraPhoto's Avatar
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    Huh. I guess I don't get it, since I don't consider not saying "hi" back to be unkind. Maybe a little impolite, but not unkind. Honestly, I don't like to talk to people I don't know at the gym. It's not being snobby or being rude or anything ... I'm just focused and in my own little world and I feel like being made to converse pulls me out of it. So most often I'll give a short smile/nod or say "hi" very briefly, but in a way that indicates that I'm just not interested in conversation. If someone keeps trying to initiate conversation after that, I might well resort to a look that says "leave me alone".

    Also it's possible that she thought you were hitting on her - esp since you said you "always" smile and say hi when you see her. It might be that she was discouraging what she perceived as an unwelcome advance. (It's not just guys that hit on girls at the gym, you know. )

  6. #6
    Gettin' back up again Rowyn's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by discdoggie View Post
    Yes, you just have to look harder for it these days.


    That snub you received at the gym, that was more a lack of common courtesy that downright unkindness. Courtesy is also becoming more and more a rare find these days.

    Since the age of the internet, the unkindness and cruelty has gotten out of control. It's easier to bully behind the safety of a computer monitor, I guess. Even on this site (not this particular forum, this forum is GREAT) the things I read make me cringe. People come here looking for help, and this "mob-mentality" takes over, ripping them to shreds sometimes. Apparently, making fun of people in a group setting has become the new form of recreation and entertainment.

    <rant over>
    Totally. I just saw someone relatively new post "over there" and he got offended at the attitudes he got back and said something rude...well, he now has a new a**hole, lol. Apparently it was NOT okay for him to be rude (being new and all), but perfectly fine for the others to close ranks and devour him.

    Originally Posted by KaraCooks View Post
    Huh. I guess I don't get it, since I don't consider not saying "hi" back to be unkind. Maybe a little impolite, but not unkind. Honestly, I don't like to talk to people I don't know at the gym. It's not being snobby or being rude or anything ... I'm just focused and in my own little world and I feel like being made to converse pulls me out of it. So most often I'll give a short smile/nod or say "hi" very briefly, but in a way that indicates that I'm just not interested in conversation. If someone keeps trying to initiate conversation after that, I might well resort to a look that says "leave me alone".

    Also it's possible that she thought you were hitting on her - esp since you said you "always" smile and say hi when you see her. It might be that she was discouraging what she perceived as an unwelcome advance. (It's not just guys that hit on girls at the gym, you know. )
    Well, she said "hi" when the other chick was not doing anything, so there was no reason not to say hi back. Or at least NOT do the mean stare thing, lol.

    There is a girl at my gym who seems to be very nice to everyone except me, for some reason. I even went out of my way to introduce myself to her one day and she STILL gives me the cold shoulder. We are about the same age and while she is a crossfit chick, we both lift heavier than most of the other girls and I would think she would at least feel some camraderie. Apparently not. Of course, my last gesture was my last, I just ignore her now.

    Don't stop being nice, the world is such a much better place with considerate people around!
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  7. #7
    achieved bro status discdoggie's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Rowyn View Post

    There is a girl at my gym who seems to be very nice to everyone except me, for some reason. I even went out of my way to introduce myself to her one day and she STILL gives me the cold shoulder. We are about the same age and while she is a crossfit chick, we both lift heavier than most of the other girls and I would think she would at least feel some camraderie. Apparently not. Of course, my last gesture was my last, I just ignore her now.
    Eff her. She's probably threatened by you.

  8. #8
    TILA tlam12's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by borcherding View Post
    Yesterday at the gym I saw a girl who I've seen a few times before and I always smile and say HI to her. I'm friendly that way. :-) How can people not say HI back? Come on. I smiled and said HI and she gives me this nasty look and says nothing. WTH?? I know people don't want to have big conversations when they are working out (at least I don't), but dang, I said HI when she wasn't doing anything. General kindness is just NOT what it used to be!!! Okay, rant over for today. When I rant to my hubby about this he just tells me people aren't as friendly as me and I should quit being so nice. I refuse to become one of those people...I'll keep being friendly and then just bitch about here...LOL!!
    IMHO, she may have not said anything because she may not have wanted you to spark a conversation with her. From my own experience at the gym, if someone says "Hi" or smiles and waves at me, then I will shoot a smile, but I won't say anything. I do this to avoid conversations because it leads to too much break time in between sets.

    I would not take it offensively next time. I am a kind person as well, but everyone (like myself) is selfish when they go to the gym. When you think about it, going to the gym is having one's own personal "me" time. You are at the gym for yourself, not to please others with kindness.

    I hope I do not sound offensive, just my two cents!

    EDIT: I agree with Kara. Same mindset.
    Last edited by tlam12; 07-29-2010 at 02:33 PM.

  9. #9
    Try and Hold Me Back bullrider_IL's Avatar
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    not gym related, but I was working at wal-mart last year, and they want us to say hi or make eye contact with all customers (reduces chances said customer will steal, etc...) i saw a customer and did the man nod (see man law, nod up to friends, down to fellow men). He proceeded to spin around and go "what the **** was that nod for?" when I said it was just a friendly gesture, he proceeded to tell me that i was ****ed in the head, and he wanted to speak to my manager...i went and got my manager, who laughed at him and proceeded to tell me the guy always harasses ppl at the wal mart haha
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  10. #10
    Registered User KaraPhoto's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Rowyn View Post
    Well, she said "hi" when the other chick was not doing anything, so there was no reason not to say hi back.
    Didn't appear to be doing anything ... but whose to say? Maybe she was counting seconds. Maybe she was thinking about her next set or her next lift. Maybe she was thinking about what she was gong to fix for dinner. Maybe she was going over a difficult conversation she'd had with a co-worker or her boss or her spouse. Maybe she was having a bad day. Maybe she was just wanted to be left alone.

    *shrug*

    I just don't see the point in looking for offense just because a complete stranger doesn't want to talk to you (generic you, not you personally). Someone said "hi" and she didn't want to talk. Seems like a lot of wasted emotional energy to get bent over a lack of response and a look from a complete stranger.

  11. #11
    Registered User Amanda76's Avatar
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    I haven't encountered anyone who is that rude very often.

    I actually have a habit of "staring through" people at the gym. I'm sure I either come off as a bitch when I don't notice greetings (sometimes I'll get a mental replay of the moment if I'm halfway aware and can go back and correct the situation) or a total creeper who can't take my eyes off a person. Really though, I'm just in "my zone." I'm not really looking at anyone. My eyes are just pointed in that direction. A few people I've apologized to do the same thing though, and already understood where my mind was. So maybe chick was totally into her upcoming set (or whatever) as you passed each other.

  12. #12
    Registered User kickasskittykat's Avatar
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    I have this with a girl that's happy to be my friend on face book but ignores me at the gym... Lol.

    I have a few faces now I said hi to.. Chat to a few. I find the gym less scary with few faces I say hi to... I don't chat to any if them really but a hi is nice... Admittely they are all blokes, but think that's just cause of area I train in.

    I don't zone out or ignore people cause I'm training on purpose for fear of a conversation.. Just find that most people are happy with a nod or a hi... Guess we are all there for sane reason :-) I like my gym cause it's friendly like that... But mines a huge chain gym so that could be why... Xx

    If someone ignored me though I wouldn't try and be nice the next time... Balls in their court xx

  13. #13
    I Train to Bring You Pain kfisherx's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by KaraCooks View Post
    ... Honestly, I don't like to talk to people I don't know at the gym. It's not being snobby or being rude or anything ... I'm just focused and in my own little world and I feel like being made to converse pulls me out of it. So most often I'll give a short smile/nod or say "hi" very briefly, but in a way that indicates that I'm just not interested in conversation. If someone keeps trying to initiate conversation after that, I might well resort to a look that says "leave me alone".....
    This is me to a T. I am not much for chit chatting. That said, I am NEVER rude to people who initiate with a nod or smile and always acknowledge a smile or a nod. So I actually do get what OP is saying. No reason to look at someone and give nasty looks for merely saying, "Hi" at the gym.

    Now since there are always two side to the story I am left wondering if OP is one of those cell phone talkers or some other annoying thing...

  14. #14
    Registered User borcherding's Avatar
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    I should have also maybe mentioned that this girl works at the local gas station so she sees me there AND at the gym. And she as the same unfriendly manners there as well!!!

    So, it's definitely not a matter of me hitting on her (LOL...to whoever thought that!) OR the fact that she's concentrating so much on her workout..it's just a matter that she's unfriendly whether it's the gym OR the gas station. ;-)

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    I like to think that I'm always friendly and will always return a kind smile and a greeting. But no, not always.

    Just about two weeks ago, I was trying to get some plates off the rack and towards my machine. I work out with a partner, and when I got back, he says: "Holy crab, are you always that rude?" and I said... "WTF??" and then he explained to me that some guy had smiled and greeted at me and I just blankly went about my business. The dude happens to be REALLY nice and I felt bad that I didnt notice.

    I wondered if he thought i was being a beeetch. I wasn't trying to, but sometimes, I am in my own little world and the only person who is invited is ME. Nothing personal, not trying to be rude, but it can come off as that.

    So, SOMETIMES, people aren't rude, as much as they're just not paying attention. I'm guilty of that.
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    Registered User 1972girl's Avatar
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    People tell me I look mad alot of the time, I know I look like this when I'm at the gym. I'm off in my own little world with my head phones on and I listen to talk radio when I'm working out so I'm trying to pat attention to it. I'm sure people have said hi to me and I just did not catch it and have come across rude. I talk to people when I'm out shopping or doing other things but at the gym I'm total caffeine out in my own world. I think one thing we need to remember is that when we see people at the gym they may have just took three scoops of superpumps of a bunch of fat burners and that could make people feel unsociable when its kicking in. Anyway just keep being kind and if someone is not kind back let it go and just keep being kind.

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    Registered User 1972girl's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by borcherding View Post
    I should have also maybe mentioned that this girl works at the local gas station so she sees me there AND at the gym. And she as the same unfriendly manners there as well!!!)
    Maybe she is just unfrindly, some people are and thats just a fact of life. I dont think you should trip about it when a stranger does not act the way you think they should.

  18. #18
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    Have you noticed how our world has shifted in the past 50 years? (From what I've heard of our culture) 50 years ago, a woman was pretty much REQUIRED to ignore her own preferences (like being in the zone at the gym) for the sake of "politeness". Now, the pendulum has swung the other way, to the point where it is perfectly acceptable to ignore people who make a friendly gesture to you on the street (they might be rapists!).

    I'm not judging either way, I just think it's interesting how our culture changes. Yes, I do think kindness and common courtesy, as discdoggie put it, have been trampled under our feet as we race to equality. And men are afraid to make friendly gestures because they might be perceived as coming on to you.

    It's an interesting world we live in.
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  19. #19
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    Originally Posted by summertown74 View Post
    Have you noticed how our world has shifted in the past 50 years? (From what I've heard of our culture) 50 years ago, a woman was pretty much REQUIRED to ignore her own preferences (like being in the zone at the gym) for the sake of "politeness". Now, the pendulum has swung the other way, to the point where it is perfectly acceptable to ignore people who make a friendly gesture to you on the street (they might be rapists!).

    I'm not judging either way, I just think it's interesting how our culture changes. Yes, I do think kindness and common courtesy, as discdoggie put it, have been trampled under our feet as we race to equality. And men are afraid to make friendly gestures because they might be perceived as coming on to you.

    It's an interesting world we live in.
    Sorry for the hi-jack - but I do think you bring up an interesting point. I live in Southeast Texas, so southern hospitality is very much in play. I have no problem if a gentleman opens a door for me, or offers to help me with something (I am cautious but not paranoid). To me, they are not saying she's a female, she can't do it - but they are just being nice. I also have no problem opening a door for a gentleman if I see he's got his hands full or the door would smack him in the face or something.

    Despite that southern hospitality, there are some real losers out there and it doesn't matter what sex they are. I had a lady yell at me for holding a door open for her. She followed me out of the store with her arms loaded with packages and a herd of kids in tow. I paused and held the door. Half-way through, she looks at me and snaps, "I don't need you to hold that for me." Her voice was pure venom.

    No thank you, just anger. For a split second I was stunned. I could have understood ignoring me. But no, she had to get nasty about a simple act of common courtesy.

    Problem was, she hadn't quite cleared the door when she snarled at me. I said, "So much for being nice," and let go. It knocked the crap out of her. She called me every name in the book as I walked away.

    Was I being nice? Nope. But hey, I tried.

    /hi-jack
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    Probably it wasn't the case in the situation the OP described, but I do things like that unintentionally. I mean I get carried away in my thoughts that I don't even see or hear people talking to me even if I look at them. It happened a few times that my boyfriend said: "hey, that person was saying hy", or "didn't you hear that he talked to you?". And I was like what? where? when?. But I guess there aren't many people so air headed like me...

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    Originally Posted by equestrian View Post
    sorry for the hi-jack - but i do think you bring up an interesting point. I live in southeast texas, so southern hospitality is very much in play. I have no problem if a gentleman opens a door for me, or offers to help me with something (i am cautious but not paranoid). To me, they are not saying she's a female, she can't do it - but they are just being nice. I also have no problem opening a door for a gentleman if i see he's got his hands full or the door would smack him in the face or something.

    Despite that southern hospitality, there are some real losers out there and it doesn't matter what sex they are. I had a lady yell at me for holding a door open for her. She followed me out of the store with her arms loaded with packages and a herd of kids in tow. I paused and held the door. Half-way through, she looks at me and snaps, "i don't need you to hold that for me." her voice was pure venom.

    No thank you, just anger. For a split second i was stunned. I could have understood ignoring me. But no, she had to get nasty about a simple act of common courtesy.

    Problem was, she hadn't quite cleared the door when she snarled at me. I said, "so much for being nice," and let go. It knocked the crap out of her. She called me every name in the book as i walked away.

    Was i being nice? Nope. But hey, i tried.

    /hi-jack



    great story!!! :-)

  22. #22
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    Both my fiance and I are the types who will talk to people in grocery store lines or make small (but short) talk with cashiers and will say hi to people passing by. We certainly don't tell life stories or anything, but we like to talk and socialize. I actually call him the modern day cassanova because he can basically make dang near any woman swoon in about ten seconds. He doesn't even realize he's doing it, but even the act of common courtesy or politeness is generally enough.

    My gym is full of people who like to make small talk. I used to say hi to someone on the treadmill next to me or someone using free weights on the bench one over (unless they really are hard at work). Now most of them initiate the small talk. Like someone said earlier, it's a lot less intimidating and more inviting if you are in a friendly environment.

    The place I usually encounter the most rude people is actually where I keep my horse. My horse is 23 and semi-retired. I don't show anymore, but I still trail ride and ride in the arenas frequently. I usually let his whiskers grow out and I let him roll in the dirt and I get comments like, "I'd never let my horse look like that" and some people just won't acknowledge my presence anymore.

    But, don't worry about it too much. Just think it's their loss!
    'In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility.' -Elanor Roosevelt

  23. #23
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    Originally Posted by borcherding View Post
    Yesterday at the gym I saw a girl who I've seen a few times before and I always smile and say HI to her. I'm friendly that way. :-) How can people not say HI back? Come on. I smiled and said HI and she gives me this nasty look and says nothing. WTH?? I know people don't want to have big conversations when they are working out (at least I don't), but dang, I said HI when she wasn't doing anything. General kindness is just NOT what it used to be!!! Okay, rant over for today. When I rant to my hubby about this he just tells me people aren't as friendly as me and I should quit being so nice. I refuse to become one of those people...I'll keep being friendly and then just bitch about here...LOL!!
    That's true people aren't as nice these days, but I wouldn't take that incident too personal. People smile and say hi to me all the time at the gym, and as long as I notice I always smile and nod back or whatever. I'm sure there are times when I am not even aware someone acknowledged me. I mean sometimes I am so into my workout I would have no clue if the frickin gym was burning down around me! I always listen to my Ipod so I never have people trying to start conversations with me. But I have had people come up to me (always between sets) and ask me for a spot or a question on how to use a machine. I always help out if I can and I'm flattered someone wants my help. I guess I must not be that bad then, lol, and it's nice to make a few gym friends so I have someone I know to ask for a spot when I need it.
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  24. #24
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    I look at it as a test of will, for example its easy to be nice to other people when things are going well and you're in a good mood.
    Try to maintain that same composure when you're in not so great a mood.

    Cross post but still a good one for when being nice crosses into this...

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  25. #25
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    hahaha

  26. #26
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    Originally Posted by SunnyAZGrl View Post
    Both my fiance and I are the types who will talk to people in grocery store lines or make small (but short) talk with cashiers and will say hi to people passing by. We certainly don't tell life stories or anything, but we like to talk and socialize. I actually call him the modern day cassanova because he can basically make dang near any woman swoon in about ten seconds. He doesn't even realize he's doing it, but even the act of common courtesy or politeness is generally enough.

    ^^^^^^ THIS is just like me and my hubby!!! ^^^^^^^^^^

    My gym is full of people who like to make small talk. I used to say hi to someone on the treadmill next to me or someone using free weights on the bench one over (unless they really are hard at work). Now most of them initiate the small talk. Like someone said earlier, it's a lot less intimidating and more inviting if you are in a friendly environment.

    The place I usually encounter the most rude people is actually where I keep my horse. My horse is 23 and semi-retired. I don't show anymore, but I still trail ride and ride in the arenas frequently. I usually let his whiskers grow out and I let him roll in the dirt and I get comments like, "I'd never let my horse look like that" and some people just won't acknowledge my presence anymore.

    But, don't worry about it too much. Just think it's their loss!
    And this ^^^^^^^^ is exactly what my husband says!! ^^^^^^^

    If only everyone could be as friendly as us right?? LOL!!

  27. #27
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    It's "funny" though. In Holland there is even an active campaign going:
    How to deal with kind people? Billboards, tv etc.

    Here also when you just look (in a normal way) to people, you get angry faces etc. In the gym also.
    Lat week, I come in...just walking towards the changing/dressing(?) room, see a woman and saying: Hi. Without really thinking about it.
    She: Pfff...hittting on me...
    My reaction: Sorry, but you are one of those women, who should never worry about that, getting hit on.
    I realized I lowered myself to her level, in a split second.

  28. #28
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    I totally understand the "off in your own world" thing, but you can usually tell the difference between someone staring right through you and somebody who looks at you with the blank stare after you say hi. I do think it's kind of rude - but that's just me.

    I am one of those people who do NOT like to talk to people at the gym (at least not much) however if I'm entering the room and there's someone right in front of me that I have to pass by, I always smile and acknowledge them. Some people smile back, or say hi, or whatever... but others give you this blank, bitchy look... and yes, I think it's a lack of courtesy.
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  29. #29
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    Originally Posted by discdoggie View Post
    Eff her. She's probably threatened by you.
    That's exactly what I was thinking!!!

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