Big changes ahead!

[heidismommy]

I kept a journal here a while back, but had a hard time keeping up with it. I'd like to try again, with a fresh, clean slate.

For those who don't know me, my name is Lauren and I'm 31 years old. I'm married and have a lovely 6-year-old daughter named Heidi. I'm a stay-at-home mom, but babysit a couple days a week to bring in extra income.

I'm also a recovering anorexic. Struggled from the age of 14 until really very recently. Spent years in-and-out of treatment centers for the eating disorder, but finally was able to turn things around within the past couple years. Felt stronger and more capable, more able to deal with life without having to turn inward. That is part of what the eating disorder was for me---a huge coping mechanism. I was able to bail out on life without having to bail out on life permanently. It was my way of dealing (or not dealing) with life. Put all my focus into one thing---food/weight---then I wouldn't have to feel the bad stuff. Thankfully all this is safely behind me and I'm learning to deal with my emotions.

I have huge news! My husband and I had been talking about maybe starting to try for one more baby starting next April---but it didn't work out that way because as it turns out I'm already pregnant. We had been using fertility awareness method to avoid, but I ended up ovulating earlier than normal this time and I wasn't paying enough attention to the other signs. I'm thrilled though and actually so is my husband. He already has names picked out and he's been super supportive. He seems almost as excited as I am which is shocking to me because he showed some resistance to having another one for quite a while. We told Heidi and she cannot wait to be a big sister, she's been wanting a little brothers or sister for years now. I told my mom, sister, and sister-in-law and those were the only people I'd planned on telling for the time being, but my mom ended up telling everyone (cousins, aunts, uncles, my grandfather, her friends, etc). My sister is also pregnant, she's 3 weeks ahead of me, and she's excited that our little ones are going to grow up together. When she has her baby I'm going to watch him or her for a little extra income while I'm also taking care of the newborn. Heidi will be in school most of the time, but when she isn't she'll be a big help. She loves, loves, loves babies and likes to entertain. When she's gone over with me to babysit Leah this summer, she will spend hours on the floor with Leah playing with her. She's super nurturing!

I tested positive on Father's Day!

And so the journey begins.

I'm super excited, though it's super early. I'm only 6 weeks, 4 days and I don't think I'll be able to relax until I hear the heartbeat at the first appointment at between 10 and 11 weeks. I know that rates of miscarriage are highest in the first trimester and that once I get past it I'll be a lot less likely to lose the pregnancy and I'll be able to really enjoy being pregnant.

Since I got a positive pregnancy test, I haven't worked out. I just haven't had any energy at all, but I know that it'll most likely come back in the second trimester and I'll be able to be more active. Maybe I'll lift lighter weights and do some walking when I'm feeling up to it. My appetite is really strange. A lot of things that normally would appeal to me no longer do. I'm having a hard time getting much protein because it makes me gag. Major food aversions. I eat what appeals to me and I'll munch on things throughout the day to keep the nausea at bay. What appeals most are things like: soups, scrambled eggs, cheese, macaroni and cheese, baked potatoes, pretzels, and mashed potatoes. I can eat fruit too, but not vegetables. I'm normally a sweet-a-holic, but sweet don't appeal to me with the exception of ice cream and milkshakes. I can't even eat peanut butter and pizza doesn't appeal to me. I have a hard time with bread, though I can eat grilled cheese sandwiches. I do take both a multi-vitamin and a folic acid supplement so that makes up for some of the missing vitamins and minerals.

Luckily I haven't gotten as sick with this pregnancy. When I was pregnant with Heidi the nausea and vomiting of pregnancy (NVP) was so severe that I actually lost weight in the first trimester. If I don't start feeling worse, I'll probably end up gaining a few lbs in the first trimester.

I'm not worried about weight at all though because I know that I'll be gaining for a good cause. Plus I plan to breastfeed again for at least a year and I know that my body loses a lot of weight in trying to create adequate milk supply. So my goal will be trying not to lose too quickly once the baby comes.

So that is all for now. Super excited and nervous at the same time.

[heidismommy]

My husband and I took Heidi up to the Children's Museum in Indianapolis yesterday and we had a blast! Such a neat place. Here are a few pictures (there are a ton more, but these are my favs):

[heidismommy]

A few more:

[mlandis]

It will be exciting to follow your new "transformation"!!!! I look forward to reading all the updates.

[heidismommy]

It will be exciting to follow your new "transformation"!!!! I look forward to reading all the updates.

Thanks Mike!

[MuscleMom]

Congrats!!!! How exciting!

[heidismommy]

Congrats!!!! How exciting!

Thank you !

[drumchick34]

Your daughter is so pretty! I will be following along!

[heidismommy]

Your daughter is so pretty! I will be following along!

Thank you !

[serinebean]

I am a fan of your posts!!! I hope to see you journal more

[BuffBubbles]

I know I sound like a broken record, but there is just no end to how much I look up to you!

It all began when you shocked me with the reality of the kind of transformation I hoped for. Then I got to know you as a person--the kind of person I'd love to be--and now, a mommy too.

You live my dreams and inspire me...and as a friend, I am so excited for how many good things the future holds for you!

[heidismommy]

I am a fan of your posts!!! I hope to see you journal more

Thanks Serine! I really want to keep up journaling this time around and just spend more time in others' journals as well. Right now I'm more of a lurker than a poster.

I know I sound like a broken record, but there is just no end to how much I look up to you!

It all began when you shocked me with the reality of the kind of transformation I hoped for. Then I got to know you as a person--the kind of person I'd love to be--and now, a mommy too.

You live my dreams and inspire me...and as a friend, I am so excited for how many good things the future holds for you!

I appreciate that and I'm super flattered. Thank you so much ! You can do it too, I can tell you're a strong person and you've already made great strides. Keep it up and you'll get to where you want to be. Thanks again, you're sweet!

[SophieM]

Yay! A new journal!!

[heidismommy]

Yay! A new journal!!

Thanks Sophie!

[MuscleMom]

Ditto to all the above!!

[Emma-Leigh]

Yes!!~>>> in!

[heidismommy]

Ditto to all the above!!

Yes!!~>>> in!

Thanks guys !!

[mlandis]

Checking your journal, see how everything is going.

Hope all is well.

[girl22]

Wow, congratulations!!! I'll be following along

[heidismommy]

Checking your journal, see how everything is going.

Hope all is well.

Things are good, thanks.

Wow, congratulations!!! I'll be following along

I'm excited!! Thank you .

[agility2live]

Awwwwww your daughter is so cute!

I'll follow!

[FemmeFatale28]

Congrats!! I love the picture with your husband holding your purse and the look on his face... so priceless lol

[heidismommy]

Awwwwww your daughter is so cute!

I'll follow!

Thank you !

Congrats!! I love the picture with your husband holding your purse and the look on his face... so priceless lol

LOL, I totally caught him off guard :P. Thank you!

[heidismommy]

I cannot believe how much different my symptoms are this time around. When I was pregnant with Heidi, I had severe nausea and vomiting of pregnancy starting at around 5 weeks. I'm now 7 weeks exactly and I've only had minor queasiness and not even all the time. When I was pregnant with Heidi, I didn't experience any changes in my breasts until the very end of pregnancy and not even that much. No soreness at any point. It wasn't until my milk came in that I really noticed big changes. This time around, my breasts have literally doubled in size (which isn't saying much) and they are super sore. Also I never experienced cravings in my first pregnancy. I went from severe morning (er---all day) sickness to being completely normal at the 14-week mark. I'm now experiencing cravings like I've never experienced before. It's like there is one food on my mind and nothing but that one food will do. Yesterday it was watermelon. I craved watermelon for literally the whole day. We had some at home, but I spent the day babysitting so I didn't have access to my watermelon. At one point I stopped by my parents' house with Heidi and the baby. Heidi said she was hungry and my mom pulled a couple things out of the refrigerator---including a big bowl of watermelon. Haha, I went to town!

Also my digestion is slow so I can't eat as much in one sitting, but I get a lot hungrier a lot more frequently. I get painfully hungry if I wait to long too eat and that only adds to the queasiness so I snack on small things often. Burping. Oh my goodness, it is horrible this time around. Nothing even close to that when I was pregnant with Heidi.

It's amazing how even in the same person pregnancies can vary so much. I'm not sure, maybe it's because I'm older or because this is my second pregnancy. Or maybe it's just totally random.

In other news, I'm hooked on iCarly thanks to Heidi. LOL, that is her favorite show and after having watching it with her a couple of times, I must say that I really like that show too .

[heidismommy]

My mom is really excited that my sister and I are both pregnant. She actually took us shopping about a week ago. My sister picked out a few things, as did I. I got a high chair, a swing, a diaper bag, and a breast pump. I got a cheaper breast pump because I'll mainly be breastfeeding, only pumping occasionally. That is what I did with Heidi, though she rarely took a bottle. I made the mistake of introducing the bottle too late. My sister is going to invest in a more expensive breast pump since she works full time and is planning to pump exclusively.

I have a carseat from when Heidi was little and it hasn't been in any accidents and is safe, so we're covered on that. We need a stroller, but those aren't too expensive. We still have the crib from when Heidi was a baby, but it looks like we aren't going to be able to use it because there is going to be a ban issued for the drop-down side baby cribs and that is the kind we have. I've looked at a couple different cribs online and they actually aren't too pricey. I'll probably get the convertible crib so that once the baby is out of the crib, he/she can use it as a toddler bed. I think the weight limit is 50 lbs and Heidi is not even 50 lbs and she's 6.5 years old. In other words, if I get a convertible crib, we'll get years and years of use out of it. We also need to get a new dresser. But we're going to get the new dresser for Heidi (so that she can get something new and "big girl-ish" and we're going to give Heidi's dresser to the baby.

I'm actually going to turn the workout room into the baby's nursery since we need that space. But I never worked out in the workout room, I always worked out in the living room and just stored stuff in the workout room. We'll just have to store stuff in closets and stuff when not in use. We're not going to start on that project until I'm in the second trimester though. And I'll wait until then to get some of the essentials that we'll need for the baby.

In other news, for the remainder of my pregnancy I'm going to stick to only the journaling section of the forums. I just think it's healthier for me mentally since I won't be able to do what I normally do as far as workouts and my eating habits have changed so much thanks to major aversions and cravings. It's good though, in becoming pregnant and not having energy, I have broken the obsessiveness with working out. I have not exercised in weeks, though I plan on picking it back up (moderately) when I'm feeling up to it again. My body doesn't really look much different except for I look flatter (no muscle pump) and thinner (no muscle pump). Oh, and I have boobs now. It will change though and I'm totally accepting that I'm going to gain some body fat along the way. All pregnant women do and I want nothing more than to have a healthy pregnancy. I'm looking forward to when I get a baby bump!

BTW, I've attached a picture of my baby bump from when I was pregnant with Heidi. Believe it or not, I got even bigger than what is in the picture. Heidi was a big baby so she had to fit somewhere :P.

[leslietea]

Congratulations!

[heidismommy]

Congratulations!

Thanks Leslie! It's good to see you again and yay for putting up a profile picture !

[RebeccaG]

Congratulations again! With the number of pregnant women popping up on these boards, there might be something in the supps.

Your post yesterday about how different your pregnancies have been so far is identical to my experience. My first (in 2007) was super easy - little bit of nausea that was quite manageable with snacking throughout the day, I went through stages of INTENSE food cravings and no aversions to anything my boobs grew a bit, but nothing substantial until my third trimester. The whole thing was just easy. This time around, I spent month 2 to month 4 with my head in the toilet. I didn't lose weight, but I didn't gain any and I was put on meds - that did NOTHING to help. My boobs grew almost instantaneously, I've had severe pregnancy sciatica, and while I haven't had any 'cravings', I, like you, will get a certain food stuck in my head and can't get it out until I eat it.

The only thing that has really been constant is that I get HUGE. Last time it was head to toe huge, this time it's boobs and belly huge. But HUGE nonetheless. Since month 6, people have been telling me I look 'ready to pop.'

I think it's random. lol

Congrats again!

Oh, and I, too, love the pic of Heidi's Daddy with the purse. It's a good color for him.

[heidismommy]

Congratulations again! With the number of pregnant women popping up on these boards, there might be something in the supps.

Your post yesterday about how different your pregnancies have been so far is identical to my experience. My first (in 2007) was super easy - little bit of nausea that was quite manageable with snacking throughout the day, I went through stages of INTENSE food cravings and no aversions to anything my boobs grew a bit, but nothing substantial until my third trimester. The whole thing was just easy. This time around, I spent month 2 to month 4 with my head in the toilet. I didn't lose weight, but I didn't gain any and I was put on meds - that did NOTHING to help. My boobs grew almost instantaneously, I've had severe pregnancy sciatica, and while I haven't had any 'cravings', I, like you, will get a certain food stuck in my head and can't get it out until I eat it.

The only thing that has really been constant is that I get HUGE. Last time it was head to toe huge, this time it's boobs and belly huge. But HUGE nonetheless. Since month 6, people have been telling me I look 'ready to pop.'

I think it's random. lol

Congrats again!

Oh, and I, too, love the pic of Heidi's Daddy with the purse. It's a good color for him.

Thank you so much! LOL about the supplements!

It is amazing how pregnancies can differ so much even within the same individual. I really was unaware of how common it is to not have the same pregnancy experience twice. You definitely sound a lot like me in that your first was SO unlike your current pregnancy. I agree, I think it is totally random.

Thanks again . I'll have to tell him that he should carry around my purse more often, that it suits him well, lol. Luckily he has a good sense of humor :P.

[heidismommy]

Eric and I had talked about having two kids from the very beginning and then life got in the way. I relapsed with the anorexia and during that time Eric started drinking heavily. We were both addicted, though in different ways. I think we fed off each others' weaknesses and it turned into a vicious cycle. The more he'd drink, the more I'd shut down and restrict food and the more I restricted food, the worse his drinking would get. I bottomed out first, then had started to turn around. Luckily I was in a stronger place when he bottomed out and I was able to be there for him to support him with getting sober. It will be 4 years in September that he took his last drink. And I cannot imagine myself going back either.

After all that, coupled with his age (he's 47 years old---16 years older than I am), of course there was reluctance on his part to go ahead with plans for number two. Which is understandable, most people his age are sending kids off to college. He wasn't married before me (he is super timid and didn't even date much before I came along) and so he didn't have his (our) first until he was 40 years old. I had actually given up hope on having another one, but then, just within the past 6 months, I had started to really feel my biological clock ticking. I'm only 31 years old, so not old by any stretch, but I know that once I hit 35 I'm considered "advanced maternal age". With that label comes more risks, including higher rates of gestational diabetes, pre-eclampsia, miscarriage, infertility, and chromo****l abnormalities---and those aren't things that just happen to other people. My aunt has a son who has Down's Syndrome and my cousin has 2 children with Down's Syndrome. Both were over 35 when they conceived. Pregnancy and childbirth are always a gamble. You take what you get and you have to be prepared for things to go wrong, but I didn't want to add an extra level of risk by waiting too long. At the same time I knew that I'd never be able to completely get over not having another one. I have a healthy, amazing child, but there would have been a hole in my heart if I'd grown old and not had that dream fulfilled of giving Heidi a sibling.

So now here we are. I'm pregnant---7 weeks, 2 days along. And Eric seems as excited about this as I am. It was a shock at first. Not only for him, but for me as well. Although I've been wanting another child, I just was not at all expecting things to happen this way. We had planned on trying to conceive starting in April. I went off the pill months ago and started charting, while avoiding around fertile times. But this past June I ovulated much earlier than normal. But still I didn't expect that one time would lead to a pregnancy. I thought that it would take a while, even with perfect timing---which it still was far from perfect timing when we conceived last month, even with the earlier ovulation---in part because of our ages. The older the couple, the longer it may take, though with men the age is less of a factor.

We were at Target the other day, we had to pick a few things up. The cashier noticed Heidi's missing tooth and asked if her little brother did that to her. Eric said, "no, but maybe in 9 months!" He seems to tell random people like that, like he can't wait to share the news lol. We were at the pool yesterday and Heidi had a swim noodle that she had been playing with. She said she was going to pretend that her little brother needed help so she did some role-playing with Eric. She handed him the swim noodle and said, "here little brother". Eric and I looked at each other and smiled. He then proceeded to tell Heidi that it might not be a little brother, it very well could be a little sister :P. Heidi is super excited that she's going to be a big sister. Whenever she goes with me to babysit for Leah, she always hints about how she wishes we had a baby. There are advantages to being an only child, but there are also disadvantages. I think sometimes she wants another little one in the house so she isn't so outnumbered by her parental units. I know she wants a brother or sister, she has been asking for one for years.

Anyway, just rambling, jotting down thoughts as they come to me. That is all for now.