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  1. #1
    MMC's Mr.O KouRon's Avatar
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    What to say to a girl when you approach her?

    Hey guys.

    I wan't to talk about a problem that i myself face and i am sure many others as well.

    One of the many reasons why i fail at getting with girls is i have no idea wtf to say to them when i approach them, lets just say at a club or something.

    I have seen so many guys go up to girls and in 2 minutes of talking to them they are either holding hands, squeezin ass, or hooking up. I simply stand there going "fffffffuuuuuuuuu".

    Now i don't necessarily mean pick up lines and especially cheesey ones like "do you like my belt buckle? because it would look better pressed up against your forehead" or something like that lol. What i mean is let say your approach is go up and start by saying "hi my name is ____". Where do you escalate after that? with the intention on getting with this girl and not being placed in the dreaded "friend zone".

    discuss.

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    Banned Schnitter's Avatar
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    "Confidence" will be what most people here (who know what they are talking about) will answer.


    Best thing to do is go talk to girls see what happens and learn from your mistakes. Ask those friends of yours that get the girls what they say, and learn...

    Same thing as going to class and learning from the best teacher possible... you wont learn sh!t unless you do the work yourself.
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  3. #3
    Banned DocHol1day's Avatar
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    you really have to learn to go with the flow and not plan things out. just say exactly what your thinking and dont second guess yourself. it does take confidence to do properly and not be creepy or akward, so just practice. find something out of place or whatever and comment on that. anything.
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  4. #4
    Everything's cool dude EctoMorph_9's Avatar
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    pick-up lines are horrible. when a girl hears one, their bitch shield immediately goes up.

    Just make a comment about something in the bar/club. Whether it be something weird that just happened to you or her, or if its about a person that's within both of your views.

    Example:

    Some creepy pick-up line guy is making his rounds and just said something cheesy/creepy to her. After he gets rejected, walk up to her...

    You: "Damn, wish I was that smooth" *with a little smile while you say it*

    Her: "haha I know! I can't believe some guys actually think that works, it's so creepy!"

    You: "haha aww c'mon, dudes a stud.......................................he's prolly fcuked more farm animals than all of us."

    Her: "hahaha I know right?"

    -take it from there, ice is broken, you loosened her up with some humor, and now especially since you started talking to her right after the creeper just tried, you've got more credibility than he does, you seem 100 times more normal/confident than he is.


    Also, I don't like to introduce myself right outta the gate unless I'm meeting them through somebody introducing us. Seems too urgent. I like to get a good vibe and then when I feel the time is right, I'll be like...

    You: "I'm Cameron by the way"

    Her: "Im Amy"

    "Nice to meet you, etc, etc...."

    -continue the convo from there
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  5. #5
    Registered User InMyBelly's Avatar
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    Usually the phrase, said very genuinely, and honestly, "I just want to let you know that I think you look absolutely gorgeous" always works. I've never seen a pretty girl turn down talking to even an ugly guy if that phrase is said correctly. You'll get the most brilliant smile after, assuming nothing is wrong with the girl and she's not afraid of strangers complimenting her.

    Sometimes I think talking to the opposite sex is based a lot on a gut feeling. Does she seem open to more conversation? Did she suddenly turn her body to you, more attentive? You can then talk about whatever piques your interest (what she's wearing, what's going on around you two, etc..) Essentially, that first phrase up there has just ensured that you stay out of the friendzone for now as it conveys interest.

    Don't try to be smooth, just be polite, natural.
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    hey baby when ya gunna let me clapdemcheeks
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    Open ended questions.
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    1. Confidence, even stupid lines can work at times as long as you are confident not cocky.

    about the lines..How about how's it going?,it always seems to work. or ask something about the situation/setting, appearance etc. I had alot of anxiety approaching as well bro, but the intro is usually easy, its making something outa situation I find toughest lol.
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    try thrusting your private region towards them when your talking. It will signal to them what ur about and show your a true man.
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  10. #10
    MMC's Mr.O KouRon's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by InMyBelly View Post
    Usually the phrase, said very genuinely, and honestly, "I just want to let you know that I think you look absolutely gorgeous" always works. I've never seen a pretty girl turn down talking to even an ugly guy if that phrase is said correctly. You'll get the most brilliant smile after, assuming nothing is wrong with the girl and she's not afraid of strangers complimenting her.

    Sometimes I think talking to the opposite sex is based a lot on a gut feeling. Does she seem open to more conversation? Did she suddenly turn her body to you, more attentive? You can then talk about whatever piques your interest (what she's wearing, what's going on around you two, etc..) Essentially, that first phrase up there has just ensured that you stay out of the friendzone for now as it conveys interest.

    Don't try to be smooth, just be polite, natural.
    Thats sounds very beta to me though.
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  11. #11
    Eats carbs @ 11pm Simmo0508's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by KouRon View Post
    Thats sounds very beta to me though.
    It is.

    Strong white knights up in here lol A gorgeous girl knows she's gorgeous. She hears it 101 times a night when she's out clubbing. She doesn't need nor want to hear it 102 times.

    Be different. Never put the pussy on the pedestal. She's there to impress you, not the other way around.


    OP, depends if you're goin solo or if you're ridin with a crew. 2-on-1's are piss easy if you've got a good wingman, since you don't have to focus all of the convo towards the girl.

    Have the wingman make you out to be a big shot, and then tease your wingman. 9 times out of 10, this gets the girl laughing. Obviously your wingman won't take it to heart, since it's a predetermined plan and setup. Just part of the game.

    So there's no boring conversation, she sees you of higher social status, she sees you as an alpha male within your group, and there's attraction/interest building as a result.

    When she starts talking, immediately cut her off, praise your wingman again, and start teasing the girl with support from your wingman. She'll be seeking your approval at this point, and you're in control.

    Forget this misconception where you have to have in depth convos with initial encounters. The first few times you see a girl (including first dates etc.) you're meant to keep things light and entertaining. No D&Ms.

    Play around for a couple of minutes, get her name, get the number in your fone, and move on to the next one.
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  12. #12
    devil may care kineticforce's Avatar
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    most of the time its either walking up and saying hi, Im k-fed. She will say something and if Im lost ask what they are there celebrating - life, bday, girls night out... go from there

    OR

    situational (easiest to talk and than transition to other topics)....saturday I was asking girls about pirates walking around the city.

    Confidence, a smile, fun, playful, witty, and eye contact - you have these things the rest will fall into place.

    one final note, if you really put to much thought to it you will come off as nervous and she will exit the conversation. If you are not used to talking in social settings, push yourself to do it and eventually you will become comfortable in your own skin and being social
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  13. #13
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    Originally Posted by InMyBelly View Post
    Usually the phrase, said very genuinely, and honestly, "I just want to let you know that I think you look absolutely gorgeous" always works. I've never seen a pretty girl turn down talking to even an ugly guy if that phrase is said correctly. You'll get the most brilliant smile after, assuming nothing is wrong with the girl and she's not afraid of strangers complimenting her.

    Sometimes I think talking to the opposite sex is based a lot on a gut feeling. Does she seem open to more conversation? Did she suddenly turn her body to you, more attentive? You can then talk about whatever piques your interest (what she's wearing, what's going on around you two, etc..) Essentially, that first phrase up there has just ensured that you stay out of the friendzone for now as it conveys interest.

    Don't try to be smooth, just be polite, natural.
    Stopped reading there. You fail.

    Situational openers are the easiest for me. But if my confidence is high I just say 'hey how's it going?' and go from there. You seem really nervous so just go out and approach. But don't give yourself time to think, when you see a chick just go up to her and say whatever comes out. This will build up your confidence and then you'll be able to approach anywhere and not have to worry about wtf to say.
    Last edited by Tuga88; 04-15-2010 at 05:28 AM.
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  14. #14
    MMC's Mr.O KouRon's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Simmo0508 View Post
    It is.

    Strong white knights up in here lol A gorgeous girl knows she's gorgeous. She hears it 101 times a night when she's out clubbing. She doesn't need nor want to hear it 102 times.

    Be different. Never put the pussy on the pedestal. She's there to impress you, not the other way around.


    OP, depends if you're goin solo or if you're ridin with a crew. 2-on-1's are piss easy if you've got a good wingman, since you don't have to focus all of the convo towards the girl.

    Have the wingman make you out to be a big shot, and then tease your wingman. 9 times out of 10, this gets the girl laughing. Obviously your wingman won't take it to heart, since it's a predetermined plan and setup. Just part of the game.

    So there's no boring conversation, she sees you of higher social status, she sees you as an alpha male within your group, and there's attraction/interest building as a result.

    When she starts talking, immediately cut her off, praise your wingman again, and start teasing the girl with support from your wingman. She'll be seeking your approval at this point, and you're in control.

    Forget this misconception where you have to have in depth convos with initial encounters. The first few times you see a girl (including first dates etc.) you're meant to keep things light and entertaining. No D&Ms.

    Play around for a couple of minutes, get her name, get the number in your fone, and move on to the next one.
    I usually go out with my mate, who in a way has the same problem i do. He also struggles with approaching women, but he has no troubles picking up, as most of the women go to him.

    Originally Posted by kineticforce View Post
    most of the time its either walking up and saying hi, Im k-fed. She will say something and if Im lost ask what they are there celebrating - life, bday, girls night out... go from there

    OR

    situational (easiest to talk and than transition to other topics)....saturday I was asking girls about pirates walking around the city.

    Confidence, a smile, fun, playful, witty, and eye contact - you have these things the rest will fall into place.

    one final note, if you really put to much thought to it you will come off as nervous and she will exit the conversation. If you are not used to talking in social settings, push yourself to do it and eventually you will become comfortable in your own skin and being social
    Yeah i no situational conversations seem like the easiest. Only problem is i need a situation to happen so i can talk lol.

    Originally Posted by Tuga88 View Post
    Stopped reading there. You fail.

    Situational openers are the easiest for me. But if my confidence is high I just say 'hey how's it going?' and go from there. You seem really nervous so just go out and approach. But don't give yourself time to think, when you see a chick just go up to her and say whatever comes out. This will build up your confidence and then you'll be able to approach anywhere and not have to worry about wtf to say.
    Its not that im nervous its more confidence and not knowing what to say that holds me back. Even if i manage to build the confidence, i will still pussy out because i won't know what to say to them.

    Just trying to found the best way to over-come this. Otherwise im going to be a very lonely boy .

    edit: Have repped good responces so far, will get more people on recharge!
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  15. #15
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    Originally Posted by KouRon View Post
    Thats sounds very beta to me though.
    Sure, but it works. I've seen it happen in front of me at a cafe one evening. Guy was pretty ugly, girl was absolutely gorgeous, so when she responded to him, I had a strong "WTF" feeling.

    Originally Posted by Tuga88 View Post
    Stopped reading there. You fail.

    Situational openers are the easiest for me. But if my confidence is high I just say 'hey how's it going?' and go from there. You seem really nervous so just go out and approach. But don't give yourself time to think, when you see a chick just go up to her and say whatever comes out. This will build up your confidence and then you'll be able to approach anywhere and not have to worry about wtf to say.
    What do you mean I fail? I'm usually the one that gets asked out. But do whatever works for you I guess.
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  16. #16
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    i have this same problem. i don't get intense anxiety or anything, I just don't know wtf to say. In for more responses.
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  17. #17
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    don't do it bro

    you know why?





    she's only gonna break break ya break break ya heart she's only gonna break break ya break break ya heart she's only gonna break break ya break break ya heart she's only gonna break break ya break break ya heart she's only gonna break break ya break break ya heart she's only gonna break break ya break break ya heart she's only gonna break break ya break break ya heart she's only gonna break break ya break break ya heart she's only gonna break break ya break break ya heart she's only gonna break break ya break break ya heart she's only gonna break break ya break break ya heart she's only gonna break break ya break break ya heart she's only gonna break break ya break break ya heart she's only gonna break break ya break break ya heart
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    Registered Runner ToningCh1ck's Avatar
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    i think the smoothest things to say that seem most genuine are just comments and questions pertaining to the situation you're in. So first introduce yourself and then you can say:

    If at a party/club:
    "So how do you know (the host)?"
    "Do you come to his parties a lot? I havent seen you around"
    "Are you from around here?"

    then theres always random things you can say if you have some sort of connection to something theyre wearing
    "haha that shirt is awesome! whered you get it?" (that worked for me last week when a guy was wearing a shirt that had the symbol Pi and then "mp" after it...lulzz at math joke shirts"
    if they're wearing a sports team shirt or hat you can say something about the team...
    "I thought your outfit was really sexy...until I saw that Cubs hat" (lol idk, i suppose that could be creepy
    if theyre wearing a college shirt "so do you go to U of M?? niice..one of my best friends goes there. what are you studying?"
    for those rubber band bracelet thingies... *grab it* "hey, what does your bracelet say??" (usually theres a story behind it, like a charity or something)
    If they're wearing a bandage or something, ask what happened...that always leads to a good story

    You can seriously say anything random to someone else. As long as you dont seem nervous or awkward, it shouldnt be. I was having guy troubles last week and randomly asked a guy I didnt know if he could give me advice on my situation (yes, its probably easier to approach guys than girls, but still)

    and REMEMBER:
    1. If a girl blows you off or thinks youre creepy, IT DOESNT MATTER. You wont see them again. THEY'RE the stuck up bitches who missed out on talking to a cool person

    2.The more you get rejected, the easier it is to approach someone (I once wrote "youre cute" on a guys shirt at a highlighter party and he looked at it, laughed, and walked away...yeah, that sort of sucked at the time, but now i laugh about it...and its made me realize that the worst that can happen really isnt so bad)

    3. People like being approached. even if girls seem like its annoying, its an ego boost...99% of the time, they're liking it
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    Registered User Kokanee's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ToningCh1ck View Post
    i think the smoothest things to say that seem most genuine are just comments and questions pertaining to the situation you're in. So first introduce yourself and then you can say:

    If at a party/club:
    "So how do you know (the host)?"
    "Do you come to his parties a lot? I havent seen you around"
    "Are you from around here?"

    then theres always random things you can say if you have some sort of connection to something theyre wearing
    "haha that shirt is awesome! whered you get it?" (that worked for me last week when a guy was wearing a shirt that had the symbol Pi and then "mp" after it...lulzz at math joke shirts"
    if they're wearing a sports team shirt or hat you can say something about the team...
    "I thought your outfit was really sexy...until I saw that Cubs hat" (lol idk, i suppose that could be creepy
    if theyre wearing a college shirt "so do you go to U of M?? niice..one of my best friends goes there. what are you studying?"
    for those rubber band bracelet thingies... *grab it* "hey, what does your bracelet say??" (usually theres a story behind it, like a charity or something)
    If they're wearing a bandage or something, ask what happened...that always leads to a good story

    You can seriously say anything random to someone else. As long as you dont seem nervous or awkward, it shouldnt be. I was having guy troubles last week and randomly asked a guy I didnt know if he could give me advice on my situation (yes, its probably easier to approach guys than girls, but still)

    and REMEMBER:
    1. If a girl blows you off or thinks youre creepy, IT DOESNT MATTER. You wont see them again. THEY'RE the stuck up bitches who missed out on talking to a cool person

    2.The more you get rejected, the easier it is to approach someone (I once wrote "youre cute" on a guys shirt at a highlighter party and he looked at it, laughed, and walked away...yeah, that sort of sucked at the time, but now i laugh about it...and its made me realize that the worst that can happen really isnt so bad)

    3. People like being approached. even if girls seem like its annoying, its an ego boost...99% of the time, they're liking it
    sometimes you do see them again though. for example, there's a chick on my bus i've wanted to approach for a while. i'm pretty sure she's into me, but if I mess up the convo (which I would) then I gotta deal with the awkwardness for the 1/2 hour bus ride and see her on the bus all the time. The biggest reason I haven't approached her is because of the pressure of keeping the convo going for 1/2 hour and having to talk to her/see her on the bus again and again.
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    i usually go up to them and say guess how much i bench works 18% of the time
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    just a generic "hey" usually works.


    everyone is right. ...ite not really what you say its how you say it.


    if you just use the word hippopotamus and the delivery is good, you will leave with a number no problem, and she will answer cuz its memorable
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  23. #23
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    Its not what you say......





    Its how you say it
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    Originally Posted by Chris.Doja View Post
    Its not what you say......





    Its how you say it
    the fuk man i scrolled all the way down to the reply button to say that and you just said it haha.


    but its true. its all about how you say it. confidence/not giving a fuk about the outcome = win. you think too much and you will fail. go with the flow. and always bust out some humor as much as possible... but the key is NOT trying so hard. you gotta let it come naturally.
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  25. #25
    devil may care kineticforce's Avatar
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    If a woman doesnt like me - I realize that woman has bad taste in men......

    if you dont care - neither will she........................

    me: OMG, I almost wore that exact same thing/outfit tonight!!!
    her: whaaatttt **giggle**
    me: yeah problem is you woulda had to go home and change, I would made you look reallll bad
    her: ROFLES....
    me: hi Im k-fed

    fun, energetic and yes very very original .............
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  26. #26
    Registered User Kokanee's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by kineticforce View Post
    If a woman doesnt like me - I realize that woman has bad taste in men......

    if you dont care - neither will she........................

    me: OMG, I almost wore that exact same thing/outfit tonight!!!
    her: whaaatttt **giggle**
    me: yeah problem is you woulda had to go home and change, I would made you look reallll bad
    her: ROFLES....
    me: hi Im k-fed

    fun, energetic and yes very very original .............
    more realistic scenario:
    me: OMG, I almost wore that exact same thing/outfit tonight!!!
    her: ummmmm... k *looks away*

    or I guess you're talking about a club scenario. i guess it's different when they're drunk.
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    devil may care kineticforce's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Kokanee View Post
    more realistic scenario:
    me: OMG, I almost wore that exact same thing/outfit tonight!!!
    her: ummmmm... k *looks away*

    or I guess you're talking about a club scenario. i guess it's different when they're drunk.
    club yes supermarket HELLL NO....

    dude - dont knock sh*t till you try it.... ok!! cause there are haters on here/bb.com first to knock sh*t and than complain they cant get anything....while Im over here having fun, socializing and meeting chicks.

    I dont know your game but in your mind you visualize sh*t to not work, I only know success (and met women with bad taste in men). You visualize failure, and only think about failure. Keep it up - Id encourage you but you'll be a typical miscer talking sh*t.

    If you want to add fine - give something positive that YOU'VE done and used successfully...until than sit down.

    /rant
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  28. #28
    Registered User Kokanee's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by kineticforce View Post
    club yes supermarket HELLL NO....

    dude - dont knock sh*t till you try it.... ok!! cause there are haters on here/bb.com first to knock sh*t and than complain they cant get anything....while Im over here having fun, socializing and meeting chicks.

    I dont know your game but in your mind you visualize sh*t to not work, I only know success (and met women with bad taste in men). You visualize failure, and only think about failure. Keep it up - Id encourage you but you'll be a typical miscer talking sh*t.

    If you want to add fine - give something positive that YOU'VE done and used successfully...until than sit down.

    /rant
    lol chill out brah. I guess I could see it working but it'd depend highly on what the guy looks like and on his charisma. Actually I could see myself pulling it off if I was high on e or something. Not with my usual personality though.
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    Originally Posted by droolmonkey View Post
    just a generic "hey" usually works.


    everyone is right. ...ite not really what you say its how you say it.
    If we are talking about a club or bar scene, I first usually look for some sign of interest. Chicks are all predictable and will stand near you, or glance your way if they are game for you to approach. I usually just say "hey whats up", or ask an open ended question as another poster alluded too. Nothing fancy. At this point, if they looked at me, I know I am in so a chill conversation can happen. Sometimes they don't feel it, I move on.

    Focus on this: eye contact, proximity. After that, just having a normal conversation should be enough.

    go get em.
    you are so ****ing money and you don't even know it
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  30. #30
    devil may care kineticforce's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Kokanee View Post
    lol chill out brah. I guess I could see it working but it'd depend highly on what the guy looks like and on his charisma. Actually I could see myself pulling it off if I was high on e or something. Not with my usual personality though.
    Im chill - I was,for a while, looking for the "perfect line" or "the perfect interaction" - just like a lot of men who are confused and frustrated by women.

    Im not gonna preach or say Im some seduction, Svengali or anything, but I do understand the female persona/chi/person/what-have-you on a decent level. Im not 100% and its not easy understanding women. Esp. when we dont understand ourselves. We like to doubt ourselves and think oh thats not possible. Even if we had a PROVEN word for word dialogue that one guy used to slay a girl - that dialogue probably wont work on the next.

    Its been said a million times here - be fun, energetic, social, dont worry if she rejects you, confident, dress decent, and be positive and the rest comes with practice. Its not a perfect science, but through your practice and understanding of the female mind - you will understand we men make things more difficult with them than we really should.

    You dont have to be on E to say that line - its funny and witty - if you can handle what she throws at you afterward you may be surprised. It breaks her mental state cause shes expecting some standard pick up line, like EVERY OTHER GUY (read:hitch and Eva Mendez bar scene), its different. Thats all bro - just trying to throw some fun stuff Ive used in the past and what has worked.....
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