The typical relationship and how most of them ultimately fail.

[pondus_levo]

first.. have always enjoyed reading your posts, so blunt

second.. i hope to never have "routine" nights with the love of my life... sure we've had hard times, and i know ive become victim to the "not giving me enough attention" but then i realized wtf is wrong with me? i know this man loves me and wants to be with me.. so i should stop b****g and just love him back ... and i feel since we've been together so far we've grown up a lil more together

in total agreement that if a relationship is to last, you must grow together, not apart

This is the key to relationships. No relationship is perfect. There will always be ups and down. As long as there is an up after ever down and the two of you can learn from each other and your experiences together and make your relationship that much stronger. Be in love with each other that much more. You have to constantly work on your relationship, whether it be 6 months, 6 years, or 60 years. Your relationship should be stronger than yesterday, every day.

If everything "feels" fine for an extended period of time and the two of you have just been going about your day living ever day like the last, then everything is NOT fine. It means the two of you have become content. Content is like a downward slope that turns into a 300 ft. cliff. This must be something you learn to recognize so you can turn around and start walking back up the slope before you fall off.

Reps earned.

[victor1985]

well im in a really ****ty mood. met a girl couple months ago, she totally fell for me. she was saying how she really cares about me, how shes in love. i didnt say it back because i felt that she would f*ck me over sooner or later. she kept saying all these beautiful words to me so i finally believed her and told her i really care about her too.

and what do u know? its like she just turned off a switch in her head and fell out of love with me. i promised myself that i would never fall for a girl again after being hurt many times but i just gave into her. i started caring for her and now she doesnt give a flying f*ck about me anymore. im really starting to hate women, this story repeats itself everytime i meet someone.

theyre totally in love with me but i kind of ignore it because i know sh*t will not end well, when they finally make me believe that maybe its something serious and i give into it they just switch 180 degrees. i wonder what im doing wrong. it makes me feel like a loser, like im only good on the outside but once they get to know me they dont like me anymore. just venting, its been a hard day. all you guys keep your head up, maybe one day well meet a girl that will actually care for us

[PullAndBear]

bumping this thread because it is the TRUTH. 100% happened to me. Should guys just say 'no' when the girl starts asking them to start centering their lives around the girl? How do you not come across as a major d-bag?

[anklez]

Sounds a lot like what I was saying about finding validation for your life through your life and not a girls in this thread

http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?p=537052843#post537052843

[anklez]

bumping this thread because it is the TRUTH. 100% happened to me. Should guys just say 'no' when the girl starts asking them to start centering their lives around the girl? How do you not come across as a major d-bag?

Just ignore and avoid the subject as much as possible. If she starts cornering you point out she's being kinda needy/clingy and insecure. She will get all offended and will like you twice as much for it.

[GetHimABodyBag]

Good ****, age 20, and already "get's it", on the recharge

[Ilovemyamazingboo]

so true man

[mike.hunt]

Great posts by wifebeater and guardian.

This just happened to me with a 2 yr relationship. Feelsbadman, but I kinda always knew she wasn't the "one" and her family is completely jerry springer insane, so it's for the best. Now I'm working on regaining my "alphaness" and doing stuff I want to do (travel,hobbies,etc).

[CrazyCallum]

Let me clear this up for most of you men.........

Basically you're complaining that you get in a relationship where you're not really acting yourself. Then when you start getting jealous and cant help but to show your true insecure ***gy self she suddenly realises how much of a loser you really are behind all the muscles and bravado and then to top it off you become clingy and push her away from you...


Maybe you lot in here should stop reading books on being 'cool' and just develop real personalities.

[BigMacMeal]

it sucks that this is true... in the end it's all a big game

[Budjola]

from my experience which is not that great since i have only one relationship under my belt which lasted for 23 months, but to cut the crap and get to tha case, it ended cause we couldnt talk anymore, i mean we could about some stupid things, but deep smart convo was over, sex got borring also (ok we were both guilty for that), everything was just borring same old things every single day. lesson to learn from that relationship is to refresh things daily if not daily than weekly atleast.
no few years after that im with this super cute lovely girl that loves me and i love her more than anything we are together for 4-5 months, know each other for 9-10 months and im noticing that when we spend few days together on 3rd or 4th day there is lots of silence moments its like my brain freezes and i dont know what the fuk to say to her. ok i used to solve those silence problems with sex but this one, she is still virgin, sexually shy and totaly inexpirienced (im her firs real bf) so i still dont have sex as option to pass the time or break the silence, or have marathon of sex for whole day to have fun. its just usual things, watch movie, walk, play some stupid pc games, cook/eat dinner/lunch and some light make out (still stuck on 1st base). idk if matters that she is 5 years younger than me. the main problem is that sometimes i feel like if i tell her something she would eather not understand it or just act shy/stupid about it. example we were in bed kissing etc and i asked her "honey what turns you on, cause whatever i do it seems like either it aint working or u dont want it to work" and reply was "u will find out one day" i mean WTF is this real life did she rly said that. i am willing to w8 for her to open up more sexualy and mentaly, but for how long, im not some sexual freak that needs sex 24/7365 but i would apriciate from time to time to have another hand on my cock rather than my own. oh and talking about sex with her is like talking with deaf man in dark room, u can talk all u want but it just aint working.
wtf should i do.

in b4 to long did not read.

[CrazyCallum]

from my experience which is not that great since i have only one relationship under my belt which lasted for 23 months, but to cut the crap and get to tha case, it ended cause we couldnt talk anymore, i mean we could about some stupid things, but deep smart convo was over, sex got borring also (ok we were both guilty for that), everything was just borring same old things every single day. lesson to learn from that relationship is to refresh things daily if not daily than weekly atleast.
no few years after that im with this super cute lovely girl that loves me and i love her more than anything we are together for 4-5 months, know each other for 9-10 months and im noticing that when we spend few days together on 3rd or 4th day there is lots of silence moments its like my brain freezes and i dont know what the fuk to say to her. ok i used to solve those silence problems with sex but this one, she is still virgin, sexually shy and totaly inexpirienced (im her firs real bf) so i still dont have sex as option to pass the time or break the silence, or have marathon of sex for whole day to have fun. its just usual things, watch movie, walk, play some stupid pc games, cook/eat dinner/lunch and some light make out (still stuck on 1st base). idk if matters that she is 5 years younger than me. the main problem is that sometimes i feel like if i tell her something she would eather not understand it or just act shy/stupid about it. example we were in bed kissing etc and i asked her "honey what turns you on, cause whatever i do it seems like either it aint working or u dont want it to work" and reply was "u will find out one day" i mean WTF is this real life did she rly said that. i am willing to w8 for her to open up more sexualy and mentaly, but for how long, im not some sexual freak that needs sex 24/7365 but i would apriciate from time to time to have another hand on my cock rather than my own. oh and talking about sex with her is like talking with deaf man in dark room, u can talk all u want but it just aint working.
wtf should i do.

in b4 to long did not read.

jk, force her into it bro....she'd love that

[BigMacMeal]

^^
lold

[Budjola]

jk, force her into it bro....she'd love that

u mean rape
if so not sure if srs

[Icicle]

bro, you should write a book!

[Danger_Close]

in a nut shell always let a girl know she is second, third or 4th. like fuk u bish, its me, my career, my mom, the rest of my fam, my car, my xbox and her.

live your life full speed for you, and never slow down for a bish.

[Ashrivas18]

strong user to content ratio.

[SlavPride]

Truth brah

[OTG]

This is true early on or for what I call "love gap" situations. What this means is that for whatever reason there is a delay or out right absense of love and the relationship is based pretty much soley on factors like attraction or money.

When love kicks in, then the ops rules are not so clear cut, even if the guy shows more attention and so forth that doesn't mean his ship will sink.

Relationships are about being on the same page, behaviors such as more attention, affection, making time for the girl, making her more a part of your life, etc only work when the girl has developed rea love. If you do those things before they love then it will be a turn off, if you do them after love it may actually better the relationship. Basically a guys same exact behavior will have different outcomes based on the state of where the girl is.

This is also why some girls just bounce around from one guy to another or stay in abusive relationships, these girls for whatever reason never love and therefore only like a guy who is in your stage one and two.

On the other end a girl who isn't damaged and devlopes love fairly quickly will actually be turned off by a guy who remains the alpha uncaring role

The reason the ops ideas apply alot is because now a days it seems more and more people including women are reluctant to love often because of daddy issues or being hurt before or poor self esteem or whatever.

They are correlated but not in the manner you are thinking.

Let's think of it like this, there is a couple that is married, and lets assume they trully are happy together and have no cheated. Was the woman more attracted to the guy the first day or week she knew him (you stage one) or now? Lets say they have been married for 5 years.

If she trully was more attracted to him at the very start that means they probably would never have made it to marriage because somewhere between she'd leave him for someone else because no matter how well you "play it" a "fresh new" guy will be early in your step sequence then the guy that's in a relationship.

But, she didn't leave him, and they got married, why? Its love, and I personally think what "love" actually means is sharing, that is being more at one with someone, this is those cheesy times when you can sense what someone is thinking or what they will say, etc. The problem is you can't share with someone who is distant, so a girl will have a hard time ever truly loving a guy who plays the alpha distant role from day one and forever. On the other hand if the guy tries to share before the girl is ready then she will bail. It's kind of like running a race together, if one person is to fast or to slow the other will feel guilty and give up or be a drag on the team, if each person is running together and running at a pace that's comfortable to them they will enjoy the run together and finish together.

Physical attraction (which also entails the alpha gig because it is on the "surface") is pretty much the person feeling like they could share themselves with you on a physical level. But that is only the first step, and if its the only step taken either the relationship will end or be unfullfilling.

But on deeper levels, emotional, intimate, spiritual, etc it involves each person letting down the alpha guard and becoming more at one with the other.

The alpha push pull type style works because the woman yearns to be at one with you and for a certain amount of time this works well, but at some point if the cycles just never ends and she never reaches a greater level of oneness then she will look elsewhere.

I'm sure you have had that "special" girl in your life before where you loved her and enjoyed beign with her all the time and so forth. Now if this girl was always distant for years on end where you only seen her once or twice a week and it seemed like she was always holding back sooner or later you'd get tired of it and leave, same goes for girls.

Bottom line is everyone likes the fun of the chase, but sooner or later we get hungry and want to eat. Being overly alpha and distant indefinatly is a kin to always hunting but never eating anything you killed. Some people never love because maybe they have ate something that tasted horrible before or nearly killed them or gave them food poisoning.

The older (and smarter) women get the more they need to be white knighted alittle.


The younger (and stupider) they are the more they are into the "bad" type of guys.

I love these posts (and others on page 2 after completely reading the thread), specially the being on the same page and running the race together and finishing at the same time part. Maybe it's because I want a girl who'll do everything with me and I can love her and actually show her that I love her without playing games. Only way to keep an attraction going in that type of relationship going is to do new and interesting things all the time in order to avoid being in a boring/stale relationship.

[Danger_Close]

desperately needed cliffs



How do you get to a point where you're just truly enjoying being with someone and you no longer have to worry about childish alpha and beta games of tug of war? Or does that exist?

it never ends. srs

[wickedman]

Lot lot lot of truth in this thread. My 4 year just coming to a close and pretty much followed that list exactly, I had to laugh.

I even dug up an old IM conversation where she kept trying to suck affectionate comments out of me and I wouldn't budge, was a real prick, and she was crazy about me.

I made the mistake of thinking after ~3 years she would grow the **** up and I wouldn't need to pull that **** as much - live and learn.

[Bunpitsu]

This may sound like a stupid question, but from what I can glean from certain responses in this thread; you're telling me that a woman, regardless of her age, will never stop doling out the ****-tests, man traps and all the rest?

That's depressing as fuk. Brb, staying alone forever.

[guvanata2]

Wise words. But perhaps it is better to never ever center your life on your girl. Throughout the relationship you still focus on yourself and only occasionally focus on her (the things that really matter to her). That way even if she leaves you, it is not a gigantic loss and thus the hole in your heart is more like one made by a tiny needle than that made by a knife.

[goodthings]

You trust one another enough to stop working against one another and work for the two of you.....you sacrifice, compramise and assist, and you try your best to stay at 100% commitment as a couple, regardless of who is putting in more at any one time because you know it will never be equal, so you do what is best at that time for the survival and enhancement of the relationship....and you do it knowing your partner acknowleges your efforts and will do the same when they have to.

To do this well, your partner has to have the same values and aspirations as you do....then it is easy because you both have the same vision.......you need the right fit in a SO, then you can have peace of mind.

Good thread OP and a good basic template!
as Dawgs says the person has to have the same values and aspiraions as you, they also need to respect you. you both need to drop your guard to a certain degree as you learn to trust each other but I do believe a to of guys drop it too far and become a bit slack, the guy still has to be the man and its that which retains the attraction.

[NZDB]

I've always thought of relationships like this neither side should try to be independent of the other, dependent on the other both sides should strive for interdependence.

In an interdependent relationship, all participants are emotionally, economically, ecologically and/or morally self-reliant while at the same time responsible to each other.

[goodthings]

This may sound like a stupid question, but from what I can glean from certain responses in this thread; you're telling me that a woman, regardless of her age, will never stop doling out the ****-tests, man traps and all the rest?

That's depressing as fuk. Brb, staying alone forever.

pretty much true, with a good woman the tests wil be fewer and far between but then its also partly dependant on the guy showing he wont put up with them

[Ejjw18]

just something I want to add.

Never change yourself for anyone, let alone a girl, unless it's a change that's going to make YOU better. Your girl doesn't like that you drink too much? That's a change for a better. I mean if you're drinking like once a week and she has a problem with that then tell her to go **** herself, but if you're the type of dude that's getting drunk 4-5 times a week and you're 21+ then you should probably get your **** together and start to focus on your career that you should probably have soon.

Basically, just do you. If you know that you're a good person and you're happy with the choices that you're making in life(you know that they're good ones I mean), then disregard everyone and do whatever the **** that YOU need to do. You will always come before someone else, because at the end of the day if you're not happy with yourself then you won't be happy with someone else.

[nvrstopworking]

Damn.... this may be the best thread that I've read in this forum so far.

Reps to OP and Guardian for their contributions. Sensible, helpful stuff. Wish I could have read something like this when I was 20. LOL.

Bottom line is everyone likes the fun of the chase, but sooner or later we get hungry and want to eat. Being overly alpha and distant indefinatly is a kin to always hunting but never eating anything you killed. Some people never love because maybe they have ate something that tasted horrible before or nearly killed them or gave them food poisoning.

A LOT of guys here and in the big Misc. that are living this right now. ^^^^

Basically, just do you. If you know that you're a good person and you're happy with the choices that you're making in life(you know that they're good ones I mean), then disregard everyone and do whatever the **** that YOU need to do. You will always come before someone else, because at the end of the day if you're not happy with yourself then you won't be happy with someone else.

Great stuff here too.... esp. in bold. I know that I fukked up a relationship or two in my past because of this exact reason.

[tommyV_1988]

I doubt I'll be getting married, if I do, it'll be a pre-nup only setup.

My buddys long term girlfriend who lives with my buddy in HIS OWN HOUSE, WHICH HE PAYS FOR, that if they got married and broke up she'd 'only take half of the house' LOL

Phuck women. phuck em'

[John$Galt]

lulz

http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showth...hp?t=137651223