Cats , Dogs and pills ...

[*STEVE*]

My Mom sent me this and I got a kick out of it so I thought I would post it and share ...



How to Give a Cat A Pill

1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth.

Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa.

Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3.. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger.

Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7.. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit.

Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing.

Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot.

Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

13. Tie the little *&#%^'s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed.. Push pill
Into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15. Arrange for RSPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

How To Give A Dog A Pill

1. Wrap it in bacon.

2. Toss it in the air.

[Atropa]

The sad part is..this is true

[user94984100999]

Lmao!!!!good point,cats are hell on wheels when trying to give a pill to

[blu2xtreme]

Too funny...
with my dog - you have to drop it on the ground and pretend you don't want him to get it and he eats it right up

[RonGoon]

i use a chunk of hotdog.

recently inherited a cat...not looking forward to giving meds or vet visits.

[*STEVE*]

Ive been lucky enough to not have to give my cat any pills but I know for a fact if I put it into some hamburger he will down it in a sec !

[Atropa]

Ive been lucky enough to not have to give my cat any pills but I know for a fact if I put it into some hamburger he will down it in a sec !

How come your lucky? I take my cat to the vet, they pull out her folder with a red tape across it that says dangerous and eyeball me with much displeasure, I think they give me pills for her just to punish me for whatever she did to them while they took her temp or something.

[*STEVE*]

How come your lucky? I take my cat to the vet, they pull out her folder with a red tape across it that says dangerous and eyeball me with much displeasure, I think they give me pills for her just to punish me for whatever she did to them while they took her temp or something.

How come Im lucky ?

Theres so many different ways to answer that

Theres never been anything wrong with my cat ( thank God ) but he thinks hes a dog and begs and comes when called just like one. hes my buddy so I called him Buddy

[Atropa]

This is Jacqueline, she looks sweet no?
She thinks she is a human, head on the pillow to sleep and covers on her even.
I fail at pictures

[*STEVE*]

This is Jacqueline, she looks sweet no?
She thinks she is a human, head on the pillow to sleep and covers on her even.

Ah , now thats a cool lookin relaxed cat !

I fail at pics too , stayfit fixed mine for me in the pet thread ... heres Buddy

[freebirdmac]

<------- Has given cats pills

Pet pill dispenser works really well http://reviews.petco.com/3554/2764/reviews.htm

[Atropa]

Ah , now thats a cool lookin relaxed cat !

I fail at pics too , stayfit fixed mine for me in the pet thread ... heres Buddy

He is laying there saying, hoooman it is cuddle time!

[*STEVE*]

He is laying there saying, hoooman it is cuddle time!

ya , hes a big whore , he will do anything to get touched / rubbed / scratched ... wonder where he gets that from , lol

[RonGoon]

<------- Has given cats pills

Pet pill dispenser works really well http://reviews.petco.com/3554/2764/reviews.htm

is that how you lost your hand?

[Atropa]

<------- Has given cats pills

Pet pill dispenser works really well http://reviews.petco.com/3554/2764/reviews.htm

Has used..still got skin ripped off arms and hands.

[freebirdmac]

Nope. No injuries. My cats know who is boss

[jsmircich]

peanut for the dog with me. They eat the meat from around the pill and leave the pill on the floor, which means the dog not supposed to get the pill attempts to eat the pill. My vet has bandaids ready for me when I bring one of my cats in, she's crazy. Getting her into the carrier is next to impossible. The pill dispenser worked well once, now where the h*$% is the cat.

[tolewfo]

My vet has bandaids ready for me when I bring one of my cats in, she's crazy. Getting her into the carrier is next to impossible. The pill dispenser worked well once, now where the h*$% is the cat.

My cat loves the carrier. Actually, he loves anything he can climb into, up, down, get under, go over but never around. My problem is getting out of the Xmas tree.

[*STEVE*]

My cat loves the carrier. Actually, he loves anything he can climb into, up, down, get under, go over but never around. My problem is getting out of the Xmas tree.

Ya , thats a cat in a x mas tree , lol , cool pics

[tolewfo]

Ya , thats a cat in a x mas tree , lol , cool pics

Thanks, that was 2 years and 2 fake trees ago. He's a great cat.