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  1. #301
    Proud Dad 5x10's Avatar
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    seriously op, get "the proper care and feeding of husbands" by dr laura
    it will give her a female perspective on how marriage should be

    not the bs oprah spews on a daily basis
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  2. #302
    Recompin' pumpingjoe's Avatar
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    Thumbs down

    women in this thread, just wow
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  3. #303
    Registered User tuckcts's Avatar
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    Exclamation

    Originally Posted by unauthorized View Post
    sorry man

    sounds like this is the beginning of the end

    i couldnt agree more...

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  4. #304
    mic dropper pondus_levo's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by mdmass06 View Post
    Agreed

    I know guys that have left there children, in fact I am related to one of them. I get some on the side to keep the relationship civil, outside the bedroom , we are a happy civilized family, my daughter is a very happy little girl, I am sorry but the pecking order of the importance of happiness in my household goes: 1. daughter, 2. me, 3. wife. The important thing here is my daughter is happy, I cannot just leave and break up the house, my daughter asks for me sun up to sun down and is the first to greet me at the door when I get home from work, and at the same time she likes to have her mom tuck her in at night.

    Maybe it is selfish to put the wife at three, but she is not satisfying me so I took it upon myself to make myself happy.
    Wow. Just wow.

    If you keep that attitude, you won't have to leave. Your wife will eventually do it for you. If you really cared about your kid like you say you do and not want to break up the family, you better fix things with your wife.

    Nothing good will come of making her #3. EVER.
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  5. #305
    Registered User SiZzLaX's Avatar
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    your child is VERY important.. but your wife comes first.. it's just the way it is.
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  6. #306
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    Originally Posted by sirengrl1106 View Post
    How is him cheating on the mother best for the kids? Not only does that cause a breakdown in the marrige, but, his overall behavir is a poor example for the children. If his daughter were to ever find out, and I'm sure she wouldn't, but IF. What does that say to her about her father?? Your dad is supposed to be the person who exemplifies all that is good and right with the world, what a blow to her psyche that will be if she finds out daddy has been doing a little porkin' on the side.

    OP, as I have said multiple times, if you love your wife and you want to stay married for reasons more than just your daughter, i URGE you (strongly) to go seek professional help with your wife. Maybe that is counseling, or seeking an OBGYN, or a sex therapist.

    But, coming here and seeking validation from all the poor examples of men is not doing you any favors. I know that is why you came to the RH, to hear all the men tell you, 'good job brah" or ' i would do the same thing' but most of the men on here either a: aren't married or b: aren't that great of men if they would do that.

    The men who have spoken on here who ARE married and have healthy sucessful relationships know what they are talking about. They know what it takes to make the marriage work for both parties. Are women difficult? yes we are. But men are just as difficult. Are we smart about knowing how to get what we want, absolutely. But, men do this every day in their careers. Is your wife being a huge part of the problem? Yes! But, it still does make it okay for you to go out and have affairs. If you would have said on your very first post that you had an affiar and feel terrible about it, then I don't think there would be 11 pages of this for you to read. But, you played it off like it was no big deal and it is a VERY big deal.

    You asked a few posts ago does the monogamy thing have to do w/religion or living in this soceity etc; Yes, to both parts of that. If you don't subscribe to any particular religon, that's your choice, but living in the U.S. and being brought up the way all of us have, it is not looked upon favorably to cheat on your spouse. If that is the kind of life you want to lead, then you should tell your wife that, tell her you want to stay married but that she is free to go and have as many other sex partners as she wants. Something tells me the territorial part of being a man, you wouldn't be all that excited if she were doing the same thing.
    Cheating is not whats is the absolute best for the kids, but it is the best option given the circumstance. The alternative is come clean, end it, have the old hag turn crazy, take all of his money and take his daughters away. Also thinking about the guy he himself is getting the best of all worlds, sound pretty sweet to me.
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  7. #307
    5/25 Scanning 200 bishses MAKUA NUI's Avatar
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    Don't know if anybody has asked this question yet. But, how was the sex life before you married her? What's changed? What hasn't? The first few years the wife and I were married we argued so much it ruined our sex life. But, a few years went by and we've learned that the arguing was childish and it was ruining our sexy time.

    The first few years of marriage are always tough. But, if you make it past the first 3 years, it's rewarding.

    Edit: I guess I skipped the part of you cheating on her. Dude, what'd you expect? If my wife cheated on me I would not even touch her. She'd be dirty to me. She'd have to GTFO!
    Last edited by MAKUA NUI; 02-02-2009 at 01:01 AM.
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  8. #308
    Registered User CRIMINALGRRL's Avatar
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    From the first post, it sounds like she is having sex with you, but it's just not the way you like it (ie: her complaining or having no enthusiasm with it etc)

    Is this right?

    Are you ok with her (and I hate to put it like this..) "letting" you have sex with her for you to get off? or are you wanting her to be more involved, into it, and want something in return as well?
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  9. #309
    Fabulous! Tiffany Wantsmore's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SiZzLaX View Post
    your child is VERY important.. but your wife comes first.. it's just the way it is.
    I'm assuming you don't have kids, or you wouldn't be saying that. Children come first.
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  10. #310
    5/25 Scanning 200 bishses MAKUA NUI's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Tiffany Wantsmore View Post
    I'm assuming you don't have kids, or you wouldn't be saying that. Children come first.
    Yup. Kids, Wifey and then myself.
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  11. #311
    Registered User Jagerbomb's Avatar
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    Thumbs down

    Originally Posted by pondus_levo View Post
    Wow. Just wow.

    If you keep that attitude, you won't have to leave. Your wife will eventually do it for you. If you really cared about your kid like you say you do and not want to break up the family, you better fix things with your wife.

    Nothing good will come of making her #3. EVER.
    Yep.

    You have one life to live, best to put everyone ahead of you if you want to be happy.

    Seriously how much Oprah do you watch daily?
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  12. #312
    mic dropper pondus_levo's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Jagerbomb View Post
    Yep.

    You have one life to live, best to put everyone ahead of you if you want to be happy.

    Seriously how much Oprah do you watch daily?
    How many failed relationships have you had?

    I'm sick and tired of these guys jumping in when they don't have a clue what they are talking about!

    1.) Kids 2.) Wife 3.) Yourself

    You want to know WHY that works? Because you wife should also be putting you before herself. Which makes you equals in the relationship.

    Any other order and it is destined to fail.
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  13. #313
    Registered User alero's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by mdmass06 View Post
    Agreed

    I know guys that have left there children, in fact I am related to one of them. I get some on the side to keep the relationship civil, outside the bedroom , we are a happy civilized family, my daughter is a very happy little girl, I am sorry but the pecking order of the importance of happiness in my household goes: 1. daughter, 2. me, 3. wife. The important thing here is my daughter is happy, I cannot just leave and break up the house, my daughter asks for me sun up to sun down and is the first to greet me at the door when I get home from work, and at the same time she likes to have her mom tuck her in at night.

    Maybe it is selfish to put the wife at three, but she is not satisfying me so I took it upon myself to make myself happy.
    Christ man- I didn't support your stance, but I tried to help people take a view on things that wasn't jaded by their past experiences. Obviously that's not easy to accomplish.
    But after that last sentence, I'm out. Sorry.
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  14. #314
    Registered User U2642's Avatar
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    Wow - unbelievable - not your post but rather so many of the responses.

    Sex isn't just sex for a woman. You cheating on her isn't something she needs to know first hand. She is a woman and can sense your distance and that in sex you aren't "loving" her. Sex with your wife should be the RESULT of a deep healthy relationship where you CHERISH HER. If you don't figure this out, you WILL lose her. Cherishing means giving her everything you are and loving her more than you love yourself.

    Quit focusing on the sex and focus on your inability to relate to her in the way she needs it. Read my articles at www.manforher.com for more ideas. This is serious and from the sound of it, you don't have much time to fix it my man. I could go on, but trust me, I know what I'm talking about.

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  15. #315
    Registered User Messiahtype's Avatar
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    LOL at putting someone other than a child ahead of yourself.

    Strong pussification of some American men. Makes me ashamed to be one. Borderline ***gotry.
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  16. #316
    Registered User U2642's Avatar
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  17. #317
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    Originally Posted by pondus_levo View Post
    Wow. Just wow.

    If you keep that attitude, you won't have to leave. Your wife will eventually do it for you. If you really cared about your kid like you say you do and not want to break up the family, you better fix things with your wife.

    Nothing good will come of making her #3. EVER.
    Dude, that is easy for you to say -- you're the one who has that smoking hot wife. I remember that time you posted a picture of her, and oh man, wow, it would not be hard to make a woman like a top priority.

    Anyway, all of this talk is beside the point really. I think everyone can see that this relationship is a dead man walking. It seems like we are all just trying to figure out whose fault it is that it died and is waiting to be pronounced dead.
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  18. #318
    Registered User U2642's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Messiahtype View Post
    LOL at putting someone other than a child ahead of yourself.

    Strong pussification of some American men. Makes me ashamed to be one. Borderline ***gotry.
    ~ Exactly the reason so many relationship are in trouble. A REAL man doesn't need to prove it by putting himself ahead of everyone else. I think, if anything is a sign of insecurity it's seeing a man that has to put his own needs above everyone else's. You can still lead and be in control, but do it to better those around you - not yourself.
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  19. #319
    Registered User Messiahtype's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by U2642 View Post
    ~ Exactly the reason so many relationship are in trouble. A REAL man doesn't need to prove it by putting himself ahead of everyone else. I think, if anything is a sign of insecurity it's seeing a man that has to put his own needs above everyone else's. You can still lead and be in control, but do it to better those around you - not yourself.
    A REAL man knows he only has about 80 or so years to live and does everything he can to make HIMSELF happy. Same with a REAL woman.

    But if you want to be someone else's doormat/slave, have at it man. You guys are the ones whose girlfriends and wives **** us real men on the side.
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  20. #320
    Registered User user23960508710783's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by 5x10 View Post
    seriously op, get "the proper care and feeding of husbands" by dr laura
    it will give her a female perspective on how marriage should be

    not the bs oprah spews on a daily basis
    I think I know that book!

    Is that the one where Dr. Laura printed a conversation she had with a woman caller to her radio show that went:

    WOMAN: I'm so sick of my husband wanting sex. I don't want to have sex as much as he does. I shouldn't have to give it to him at all.

    DR. LAURA: You mean you shouldn't be expected to have sex unless you feel like it?

    WOMAN: Yes.

    DR. LAURA: Well, do you expect him to only go to work when he feels like it?

    lulz.
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  21. #321
    Registered User U2642's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Messiahtype View Post
    A REAL man knows he only has about 80 or so years to live and does everything he can to make HIMSELF happy. Same with a REAL woman.

    But if you want to be someone else's doormat/slave, have at it man. You guys are the ones whose girlfriends and wives **** us real men on the side.

    ~ Wow. I won't waste my time on this one. I think it speaks well enough for itself.
    U+2642
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  22. #322
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    The fact that someone has to rate the importance of his kids wife and himself doesn't make sense to me. Shouldn't all 3 of those things be more or less equally important if you want a successful marriage?
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    Originally Posted by pondus_levo View Post
    How many failed relationships have you had?

    I'm sick and tired of these guys jumping in when they don't have a clue what they are talking about!

    1.) Kids 2.) Wife 3.) Yourself

    You want to know WHY that works? Because you wife should also be putting you before herself. Which makes you equals in the relationship.

    Any other order and it is destined to fail.
    What a complete pussy you are.

    Have fun being your wife's tool the rest of your life.

    What have you been married for, two months? You're still in the lovey dovey honeymoon phase kid.

    Yes, because I have my own goals and dreams that don't involve waiting hand and foot on a girl that is going to play mind games with me, I must be incapable of having a serious relationship and not a human being
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  24. #324
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    Originally Posted by metaldrummer View Post
    The fact that someone has to rate the importance of his kids wife and himself doesn't make sense to me. Shouldn't all 3 of those things be more or less equally important if you want a successful marriage?
    Not to beta male ponduos levo or whatever the f*ck his name is.

    He is too busy holding his wife's purse and taping Oprah to worry about himself.
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  25. #325
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    Originally Posted by Messiahtype View Post
    But if you want to be someone else's doormat/slave, have at it man. You guys are the ones whose girlfriends and wives **** us real men on the side.
    HAHA, sad but true, 1. kids 2.me 3.sons mother then gf(bm has the edge on this)
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  26. #326
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    Pondus is right though:

    His priorities: 1 kids, 2 wife, 3 self
    Her priorities: 1 kids, 2 husband, 3 self

    If both people put the other's needs first, both will be happy.
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  27. #327
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    Originally Posted by Tiffany Wantsmore View Post
    Pondus is right though:

    His priorities: 1 kids, 2 wife, 3 self
    Her priorities: 1 kids, 2 husband, 3 self

    If both people put the other's needs first, both will be happy.
    How do you know what her priorities are?

    Considering she's refusing sex and to tell the OP what she wants there is no basis for believing she is putting OP ahead of herself.
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  28. #328
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    Originally Posted by Tiffany Wantsmore View Post
    Pondus is right though:

    His priorities: 1 kids, 2 wife, 3 self
    Her priorities: 1 kids, 2 husband, 3 self

    If both people put the other's needs first, both will be happy.


    Here is that guy's priorities:
    1. His wife 2. His kids 1243. Himself

    Here is his wife's priorities:
    1. Herself 2. Kids
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  29. #329
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    Originally Posted by SiZzLaX View Post
    your child is VERY important.. but your wife comes first.. it's just the way it is.
    No.
    When all that says 'it is good' has been debunked, what says 'I want' remains.

    - CS Lewis
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  30. #330
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    Originally Posted by Peter Pendragon View Post
    How do you know what her priorities are?

    Considering she's refusing sex and to tell the OP what she wants there is no basis for believing she is putting OP ahead of herself.
    I didn't mean the OP or Pondus specifically, I meant any happy couple. That's how it should be. Obviously it doesn't apply in the OP's case, to either party.
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