ALCOHOLICS: RECOVERY & FITNESS (Serious Only Please)

[1972girl]

Sometimes I run into friends that have not seen in years, people that drank and maybe sometimes did other things but did not have a problem with drugs and alcohol. I'm talking about people that I new from like 15 to 25, good friends some of them roommates but were always together,hanging out. Well when I run into them they always want to hang out again or go have coffee. I never do because even though we had good times together it was not a happy time for me, I dont remember a lot of things from that time and I'm not the same person anymore. These are good people, but when I got clean and sober some of the thing I used to like I dont anymore, things like music, TV show and things like that and im kind of afraid I might feel the same about them. Its like going to hang with people I once close with and had good times but unsure why or what they were. Anyone else feel like this?

[thepainter5]

Sometimes I run into friends that have not seen in years, people that drank and maybe sometimes did other things but did not have a problem with drugs and alcohol. I'm talking about people that I new from like 15 to 25, good friends some of them roommates but were always together,hanging out. Well when I run into them they always want to hang out again or go have coffee. I never do because even though we had good times together it was not a happy time for me, I dont remember a lot of things from that time and I'm not the same person anymore. These are good people, but when I got clean and sober some of the thing I used to like I dont anymore, things like music, TV show and things like that and im kind of afraid I might feel the same about them. Its like going to hang with people I once close with and had good times but unsure why or what they were. Anyone else feel like this?

I understand exactly what you are saying/feeling. I too had lots of friends, before I quit, that I never hang with. The person they knew me to be doesn't exist anymore and they may or may not like who I have become. If they are still like they were then what would we have in common? The only exception to this is a freind from 33 years back and while we see each other maybe 6 times a year, we don't hangout. He has slowed down on his drinking and some of his pot smoking but I can clearly see the damage caused by them. I couldn't imagine sitting in a room full of friends like this and I definitely never go to his house when he has a party.

When we move on to a life of sobriety, we need to do so by cutting many strings that attach us to our old lifes. We will all find new strings to get tied to and as long as those strings are all healthy ones, then sobriety will strengthened.

[chodan9]

. Anyone else feel like this?

I felt this way early on for sure.

I felt like "I have moved on, things from that part of my life no longer hold any interest for me"
I did feel kind of bad though sometimes when I would see people I used to run with. But I got over it pretty quick

[vindex1963]

I felt this way early on for sure.

I felt like "I have moved on, things from that part of my life no longer hold any interest for me"
I did feel kind of bad though sometimes when I would see people I used to run with. But I got over it pretty quick

The people you used to run with are still running, you stopped and relaxed.

[mickyb55]

\

When we move on to a life of sobriety, we need to do so by cutting many strings that attach us to our old lifes. We will all find new strings to get tied to and as long as those strings are all healthy ones, then sobriety will strengthened.

Very well said !

[supy]

Sometimes I run into friends that have not seen in years, people that drank and maybe sometimes did other things but did not have a problem with drugs and alcohol. I'm talking about people that I new from like 15 to 25, good friends some of them roommates but were always together,hanging out. Well when I run into them they always want to hang out again or go have coffee. I never do because even though we had good times together it was not a happy time for me, I dont remember a lot of things from that time and I'm not the same person anymore. These are good people, but when I got clean and sober some of the thing I used to like I dont anymore, things like music, TV show and things like that and im kind of afraid I might feel the same about them. Its like going to hang with people I once close with and had good times but unsure why or what they were. Anyone else feel like this?

I felt this way early on for sure.

I felt like "I have moved on, things from that part of my life no longer hold any interest for me"
I did feel kind of bad though sometimes when I would see people I used to run with. But I got over it pretty quick

The people you used to run with are still running, you stopped and relaxed.

I too can relate to all of this above. Again we are not alone as i/we have great AA friends now. I have lots of laughter and no misery. Its great to be sober and still i have lots to improve on

[billrich210]

Sometimes I run into friends that have not seen in years, people that drank and maybe sometimes did other things but did not have a problem with drugs and alcohol. I'm talking about people that I new from like 15 to 25, good friends some of them roommates but were always together,hanging out. Well when I run into them they always want to hang out again or go have coffee. I never do because even though we had good times together it was not a happy time for me, I dont remember a lot of things from that time and I'm not the same person anymore. These are good people, but when I got clean and sober some of the thing I used to like I dont anymore, things like music, TV show and things like that and im kind of afraid I might feel the same about them. Its like going to hang with people I once close with and had good times but unsure why or what they were. Anyone else feel like this?

This is why I do not have a ******** account.

[TNetz]

I'm not sure if this has to do with drinking but it might have something to do with my recovery.

Has anybody else clearly recognized their addictive personality traits in other things besides drinking? I have these hobbies that I tend to jump around with and it drives me nuts. For a few months I'll be completely obsessed and then something will happen and I get into something else which causes me to neglect the old hobby. A part of the problem, probably the biggest problem, is that each of these hobbies has an online aspect to it. Forums. I find myself on these damn forums so much that I'm not getting any sleep! My wife is yelling at me to get off of the damn computer and spend more time with her . Now she's got me making up excuses for why I'm going online lol.

Anyway, I was just wondering if any of you guys have thought about this stuff.

Thanks

[daplaymaka48]

I'm not sure if this has to do with drinking but it might have something to do with my recovery.

Has anybody else clearly recognized their addictive personality traits in other things besides drinking? I have these hobbies that I tend to jump around with and it drives me nuts. For a few months I'll be completely obsessed and then something will happen and I get into something else which causes me to neglect the old hobby. A part of the problem, probably the biggest problem, is that each of these hobbies has an online aspect to it. Forums. I find myself on these damn forums so much that I'm not getting any sleep! My wife is yelling at me to get off of the damn computer and spend more time with her . Now she's got me making up excuses for why I'm going online lol.

Anyway, I was just wondering if any of you guys have thought about this stuff.

Thanks

im with ya there man.. its just psrt of ur personality

[supy]

I'm not sure if this has to do with drinking but it might have something to do with my recovery.

Has anybody else clearly recognized their addictive personality traits in other things besides drinking? I have these hobbies that I tend to jump around with and it drives me nuts. For a few months I'll be completely obsessed and then something will happen and I get into something else which causes me to neglect the old hobby. A part of the problem, probably the biggest problem, is that each of these hobbies has an online aspect to it. Forums. I find myself on these damn forums so much that I'm not getting any sleep! My wife is yelling at me to get off of the damn computer and spend more time with her . Now she's got me making up excuses for why I'm going online lol.

Anyway, I was just wondering if any of you guys have thought about this stuff.

Thanks

im with ya there man.. its just psrt of ur personality

I can relate to this a little. 12th step will help with this

[bastian720]

Its like going to hang with people I once close with and had good times but unsure why or what they were. Anyone else feel like this?

I'm still in the infancy of sobriety - well, not entirely sober but in treatment and reducing at this point. But I have quit going out to the bars, and now I have exactly one friend to hangout with during the day. I told her to imagine what her nights out would be like if the alcohol was removed. Who would be there? Nobody. What would they talk about? Nothing but awkward silence, probably. Why? Because they're not really friends, they're drinking buddies. Friends that don't hangout in the daytime doing things without a beer in their hand aren't friends. "Get sober and you'll find out who your friends aren't." So yeah, thinking of spending time with some people actually makes me a little angry. I wasted time with them and they helped keep me sick.

[chodan9]

So yeah, thinking of spending time with some people actually makes me a little angry. I wasted time with them and they helped keep me sick.

I can understand this,
but you have to look at both sides,
you were there helping them waste time and helped keep them sick.
So try not to dwell on them.
I think your doing the right thing moving forward.
Keep it up!

[GreenWave1]

Sometimes I run into friends that have not seen in years, people that drank and maybe sometimes did other things but did not have a problem with drugs and alcohol. I'm talking about people that I new from like 15 to 25, good friends some of them roommates but were always together,hanging out. Well when I run into them they always want to hang out again or go have coffee. I never do because even though we had good times together it was not a happy time for me, I dont remember a lot of things from that time and I'm not the same person anymore. These are good people, but when I got clean and sober some of the thing I used to like I dont anymore, things like music, TV show and things like that and im kind of afraid I might feel the same about them. Its like going to hang with people I once close with and had good times but unsure why or what they were. Anyone else feel like this?

I get this. The thing for me is, the people that I used with are my family. Literally. My brother, sister and brother in law. They all still use. It was really weird for the first couple of years. They did not know how to act around me. I was never judgemental (in fact, we've never discussed it after I told them I quit) but they were really uncomfortable. Even now when I'm visiting my parents, they'll come over high and it will take them a little while to get comfortable around me.

I pray that they will someday get clean. And if they choose to, I'll be there for them.

[1972girl]

I get this. The thing for me is, the people that I used with are my family. Literally. My brother, sister and brother in law. They all still use. It was really weird for the first couple of years. They did not know how to act around me. I was never judgemental (in fact, we've never discussed it after I told them I quit) but they were really uncomfortable. Even now when I'm visiting my parents, they'll come over high and it will take them a little while to get comfortable around me.

I pray that they will someday get clean. And if they choose to, I'll be there for them.

That must make it tough.These people dont use or party anymore(maybe drink from time to time) they have good jobs, house, kids, married and all grown up. They gave me a place to stay when I had none and picked me up when I had no way to get home and did nice things for me. I would like to have them back in my life but I'm not the same person and I dont know who they are anymore. The people who I "really" did my partying with I dont care about, they weren't really friends. A few times I have ran into someone I used to party hard with all the time and they will say " You look familiar" they dont even know who I am, and I am more than ok with that.

[mickyb55]

A few times I have ran into someone I used to party hard with all the time and they will say " You look familiar" they dont even know who I am, and I am more than ok with that.

This brings back quite a memory for me .. frankly one I haven't thought of in quite some time. During my heavy drinking days (20+ years worth of days), I worked on a charter fishing / party boat cruising around the islands. I was more of the party director, keeping peoples drinks full, making sure the poles were in the water, passing food around .. you get the picture. Well, about 5 years ago, I ran into a couple in a local food store. They stopped me and began to talk about all of the great times we had on the boat. Thanking me for all the laughs. Apparently, they chartered our boat every year, for 7 years, when they were on vacation. For the life of me, I could not remember them or recall any of their memories. I was already sober or this would have been a real scared straight moment.

Anyway, I hear what you are saying. The folks we partied with were never necessarily good friends. Just good people to be with when you are drunk.

[thepainter5]

This brings back quite a memory for me .. ...... The folks we partied with were never necessarily good friends. Just good people to be with when you are drunk.

In my case it was drugs but this is so much my story that I could have written those very words.

[Tallho]

I get this. The thing for me is, the people that I used with are my family. Literally. My brother, sister and brother in law. They all still use. It was really weird for the first couple of years. They did not know how to act around me. I was never judgemental (in fact, we've never discussed it after I told them I quit) but they were really uncomfortable. Even now when I'm visiting my parents, they'll come over high and it will take them a little while to get comfortable around me.

I pray that they will someday get clean. And if they choose to, I'll be there for them.

Now I can relate to this,they always try and ask if I want a beer,which falls on deaf ears and then start to get an attitude then I say well there is more for you.But love just to know that I wake up every morning before the alarm clock,without a headache and can run down someone if they steal my lunch money.Plus that beer belly looks so dam sexy.

[vindex1963]

"Get sober and you'll find out who your friends aren't." So yeah, thinking of spending time with some people actually makes me a little angry. I wasted time with them and they helped keep me sick.

They had nothing to do with you being sick. You had everything to do with it. This one is all yours. How many did it take to hold you down while the others poured the booze in your mouth?

[vindex1963]

Anyway, I hear what you are saying. The folks we partied with were never necessarily good friends. Just good people to be with when you are drunk.

Using friends are friends of opportunity and that's it. Nothing more and nothing less.

[bastian720]

They had nothing to do with you being sick. You had everything to do with it. This one is all yours. How many did it take to hold you down while the others poured the booze in your mouth?

You're absolutely right. My perspective is still blurred. I'm still screwed up by my failures, angry and afraid (I'm sure you all identify), but only been in treatment for a month. It's not going so well. I dare say it seems impossible. But the alternative is much worse than pressing forward. Thanks for calling me out on my bull****. I need to face the hard truths, and blaming others isn't accurate or fair.

[vindex1963]

You're absolutely right. My perspective is still blurred. I'm still screwed up by my failures, angry and afraid (I'm sure you all identify), but only been in treatment for a month. It's not going so well. I dare say it seems impossible. But the alternative is much worse than pressing forward. Thanks for calling me out on my bull****. I need to face the hard truths, and blaming others isn't accurate or fair.

You are on the road to recovery. Our screw ups are hard to face but they must be faced. They must be realized and delt with. You are in my prayers. Always remember that we are sober only for today because today is all that you can control. The past is set in stone and the future is not in your control just today. Keep it simple. You can and will do it.

[thepainter5]

.... Always remember that we are sober only for today because today is all that you can control. The past is set in stone and the future is not in your control just today. Keep it simple. You can and will do it.

I know this is going to rub many people the wrong way, but I have to say that I disagree with that type of philosophy. Before I say why, understand that I have over 20 years of sobriety behind me and I understand that when we first start on the road of sobriety, that we easily falter until it finally clicks and at a different moment for each individual.

The part I disagree with is our not having control over the future, specifically control over our sobriety future. We alone choose to give in and use. We alone put that drink/drug into our bodies. We control that action. We control our mind to the point where we choose to stay sober or accept a lie (our lie) as to why it is okay to give into to our destructive addictions.

I don't accept that once an addict, always an addict. I am not a sober addict. I am not a non-using addict. I once was an addict. There is no chance that I will use today, there is no chance that I will use tomorrow and there is no chance that I will ever use again. I have put too much time between me and my addiction. I have put too many tragedies behind me (since I have quit using drugs) to know for certain that life can't drag me back to drugs.

I hear too many people say the opposite of what I believe and I believe that, that needs to change. On this site we have training in common and that training strengthens us. At the same time we should be strengthened by our victories over addiction and as we count victory on top of victory on top of victory over drugs/alcohol, then we should all arrive at the point where we are stronger than the day we quit using. We should also get to the point where we are strong enough to say we are ex-addicts, years removed from our addiction not one day from falling back into it.

No one on here will accept a man coming up to them and slapping them in the face yet some will say that the face in the mirror is one step from doing just that, by giving in after years of sobriety. What are you going to say/do to that guy?

My name is Rod and 20 years ago, I was a drug addict.

[chodan9]

I understand where your coming from, thepainter
I fully intend to never use again.
But to stand here and say I'm no longer an addict would be dishonest for me.
Because I know what would happen if I took a single drink or drug. I believe addiction is more than just the symptom of the drug abuse and all of its accompanying troubles.
If all I had to do was not drink or use to be "cured" then I would have been so 21 years ago next month, but it turned out getting clean and sober was just the first step in a long journey.

The reason we say "we only have today" is not because we believe we are always on the verge of a relapse. We say it to remind us to focus on what we need to today, and to worry about the issue tomorrow brings when it comes.
Thats not to say we bury our heads in the sand and never plan for the future, that would be fool hardy, but we don't emotionally invest our mental well being in future events.

That being said, you should use what works for you, just don't insist that we should all see it that way

[thepainter5]

I understand where your coming from, thepainter
I fully intend to never use again.
But to stand here and say I'm no longer an addict would be dishonest for me.
Because I know what would happen if I took a single drink or drug. I believe addiction is more than just the symptom of the drug abuse and all of its accompanying troubles.
If all I had to do was not drink or use to be "cured" then I would have been so 21 years ago next month, but it turned out getting clean and sober was just the first step in a long journey.

The reason we say "we only have today" is not because we believe we are always on the verge of a relapse. We say it to remind us to focus on what we need to today, and to worry about the issue tomorrow brings when it comes.
Thats not to say we bury our heads in the sand and never plan for the future, that would be fool hardy, but we don't emotionally invest our mental well being in future events.

That being said, you should use what works for you, just don't insist that we should all see it that way

I understand that there are different views and I also understand that mine is the exception not the rule.

I also have had many things to deal with, many changes to make after I quit using because quitting didn't make me a better person, just a sober one.

Part of the reason for what I was saying is that I talked with a parole officer who had gone 20 years without a drink but couldn't say he wouldn't drink the next day. He still went to AA a few times a week and that perplexed me because he had 20 years behind himself.

As you mentioned we are all different, and what some of us struggle with is of no issue to someone else. At the same time what they struggle with (regularily/sporadically/frequently) may never enter into our minds.

If there was only one way then it would be easier for us all to do and as you and I both know, easy was not a word associated with quitting.

[mickyb55]

Chodan and painter - you both make great points. I do believe that everyone has their own was of handling it and I think I fall somewhere in the middle. I don't have as many years behind me as you guys do (8 years this May). I do consider myself an addictive person and I do fear drinking again. With that being said, that feeling is widdling away and I can say that I no longer fear my environment and what impact it will have on me. I have made radical changes in my life over the past 7+ years and I love every minute of it. I believe that one slip and it will all be gone so in that case, I have lived cautiously and avoided all temptations. Over the past several months, I have loosened up those limitations and am finding that I do not have to be as terrified as I thought. I believe I am strong enough to handle any situation. Am I afraid of slipping ? I have to say I am yet I really don't believe I will.

The feeling of worrying about my future is starting to go away and I do feel in control of it. I got this present job as football coach and high school teacher through some friends that really went out on a limb for me. I will not let them down! And I will not let myself down. I've come too far.

[thepainter5]

Chodan and painter - you both make great points. I do believe that everyone has their own was of handling it and I think I fall somewhere in the middle. I don't have as many years behind me as you guys do (8 years this May). I do consider myself an addictive person and I do fear drinking again. With that being said, that feeling is widdling away and I can say that I no longer fear my environment and what impact it will have on me. I have made radical changes in my life over the past 7+ years and I love every minute of it. I believe that one slip and it will all be gone so in that case, I have lived cautiously and avoided all temptations. Over the past several months, I have loosened up those limitations and am finding that I do not have to be as terrified as I thought. I believe I am strong enough to handle any situation. Am I afraid of slipping ? I have to say I am yet I really don't believe I will.

The feeling of worrying about my future is starting to go away and I do feel in control of it. I got this present job as football coach and high school teacher through some friends that really went out on a limb for me. I will not let them down! And I will not let myself down. I've come too far.

It sounds like your road is a good one and you see things for what they are.

The thought of slipping up is totally normal, so is the feeling/thought/expectation (of yourself) that you won't. I won't say that the stupid thought of maybe I should 'get high', to deal with some major issue, never enters my brain. In fact those rare times remind me of the times you see on TV that someone has a little devil on one shoulder saying "do it" and on the other shoulder is a little angel saying "don't do it". In my case they both look like me except the little angel me has a bazooka and he blasts that little devil me faster than he speaks. If you where there when this happens you would actually see/hear me laugh out loud because I know that the thought of 'do it' has no place to root itself any longer.

You also mentioned your friends going out on a limb for you and that you won't let them down. I believe you because when someone stands up and says they believe in us that is a powerful and uplifting motivator. Good on your friends because friends like them are hard to come by.

[vindex1963]

All I know is I have one more drink left in me but I'm not sure if I have one more recovery.

I think saying I'll NEVER drink again is dangerous and conceded the later being an enemy of the dry drunk. Deny if you want but you're a dry drunk. You are an alcoholic and will be as long as your heart beats. Your Way of thinking seems to work for you but for most of us it's failure waiting to happen. I'm an alcoholic and have been sober since September 23 2001 and by my own will I hope I don't drink tomorrow but I won't know or worry about that until tomorrow.

[thepainter5]

All I know is I have one more drink left in me but I'm not sure if I have one more recovery.

I think saying I'll NEVER drink again is dangerous and conceded the later being an enemy of the dry drunk. Deny if you want but you're a dry drunk. You are an alcoholic and will be as long as your heart beats. Your Way of thinking seems to work for you but for most of us it's failure waiting to happen. I'm an alcoholic and have been sober since September 23 2001 and by my own will I hope I don't drink tomorrow but I won't know or worry about that until tomorrow.

I have to be honest, I do not understand the I hope part. You have 8+ years in already and you have learnt that by not taking the first drink, there isn't the need to recover. So why then would you not be able to say, no way in hell am I going to drink tomorrow?

Perhaps, and please guys don't take offense, that is the one short coming of AA because if I am correct that way of thinking is part of the program. When I quit 20+ years ago, I was a really bad addict. In fact the drug counsellor told me I would need meetings 7 days a week and after a year or two maybe I would do with just 4 or 5 days. By the time I had gotten out of my 3 month residential treatment I had seen many people whose bottom was different from mine and I refused to go back there, ever. It is the same determination I put into lifting/running/MA. I have no quit, I refuse to give up. Now I see your profile and I can't imagine you giving up in the gym let alone saying, I hope I can lift that weight tomorrow, even though you have lifted it time and again over the last 8 years.

I know we all have different lives/experiences and I try to understand others, which is why I share my experiences and ask questions. Without questions there are no answers and I mean no disrespect to anyone.

[08WVGT]

It sounds like your road is a good one and you see things for what they are.

The thought of slipping up is totally normal, so is the feeling/thought/expectation (of yourself) that you won't. I won't say that the stupid thought of maybe I should 'get high', to deal with some major issue, never enters my brain. In fact those rare times remind me of the times you see on TV that someone has a little devil on one shoulder saying "do it" and on the other shoulder is a little angel saying "don't do it". In my case they both look like me except the little angel me has a bazooka and he blasts that little devil me faster than he speaks. If you where there when this happens you would actually see/hear me laugh out loud because I know that the thought of 'do it' has no place to root itself any longer.

You also mentioned your friends going out on a limb for you and that you won't let them down. I believe you because when someone stands up and says they believe in us that is a powerful and uplifting motivator. Good on your friends because friends like them are hard to come by.

Good Stuff! I am half way thru a 12 step program, and I have to agree. I see so many just admitting defeat and hoping for the best in the future. Hey, it may work for some. For me, I also admit defeat, but I have taken the mind set to take control of the situation and do whatever is needed to stay clean. I took control when I started using, seems only right that it's my job retake control and clean up the mess and make sure it is not an option in the future. Yeah, it's no cakewalk, but it's worth it. Support is the key........ As old and tired as the saying is, "This is when you find out who are your real friends and who was just along for the ride."

[mickyb55]

You also mentioned your friends going out on a limb for you and that you won't let them down. I believe you because when someone stands up and says they believe in us that is a powerful and uplifting motivator. Good on your friends because friends like them are hard to come by.

I am blessed to have such friends. When I came back to the states after 20 years, I moved in with a couple and their kids and continued to abuse my friendship, staying drunk and basically, continuing the party, yet at their expense. Some tough love and my friends pushy wife basically scared me straight and with their help, got me sober, got my lazy fat ass back to the gym and helped me land the job I am at right now. I owe them an incredible debt of gratitude, one I cannot repay but one that I will never forget. I don't see them so often anymore as the job they helped me get is out of their state but we keep in touch and my buddy comes to my area 2 - 3 times a year on business so we connect then.