ALCOHOLICS: RECOVERY & FITNESS (Serious Only Please)

[StAFl]

You've done it before, you can do it again. 111 days isn't easy. It's something to be proud of.



One day at a time is all we can do. You did that today. Tomorrow when you wake up, plan to do it again.



It's a good quote

heh, I can muster up lots of excuses apparently. : \

[tandpr]

Just an update hopefully to help someone else as I have given up (at least for now). I have been absent from posting in this thread for a while as I felt bad about drinking and posting here. Things were going decent. Overindulging some but not near like before. As we all know it gets a little worse and a little worse. Then I wasn't even that "drunk" but just got tired of denying true self. Drank as fast as I could (but just beer so no biggie right ). Tore up my truck. Pissed off my wife. Acted inappropriately with my friends wife. Stoked up the fire that is my self loathing. I don't even know if its the alcohol or if deep down I am really just an obnoxious immature destructive piece of sh*t. Things still are not that bad other than the self loathing that I feel building and I know where that leads.

past for those who don't know me:

same as everyone else on tear stuff up, hurt people, nearly kill self (accident and other)
tried AA but got nothing from listening to everyones drunk stories
have quit numerous times for as long as a year and like a dog to its vomit always return
nearly lost wife multiple times
lose most friends and some family due to drunken escapades
nearly chased my 2 step kids out of my life

[StAFl]

Just an update hopefully to help someone else as I have given up (at least for now). I have been absent from posting in this thread for a while as I felt bad about drinking and posting here. Things were going decent. Overindulging some but not near like before. As we all know it gets a little worse and a little worse. Then I wasn't even that "drunk" but just got tired of denying true self. Drank as fast as I could (but just beer so no biggie right ). Tore up my truck. Pissed off my wife. Acted inappropriately with my friends wife. Stoked up the fire that is my self loathing. I don't even know if its the alcohol or if deep down I am really just an obnoxious immature destructive piece of sh*t. Things still are not that bad other than the self loathing that I feel building and I know where that leads.

past for those who don't know me:

same as everyone else on tear stuff up, hurt people, nearly kill self (accident and other)
tried AA but got nothing from listening to everyones drunk stories
have quit numerous times for as long as a year and like a dog to its vomit always return
nearly lost wife multiple times
lose most friends and some family due to drunken escapades
nearly chased my 2 step kids out of my life

Don't be so hard on yourself. Life can be hard enough without beating yourself up.

[StAFl]

Well, another day of work and stress behind me, just waiting for dinner, then a movie on Netflix, then early to bed. I figure that is the best mode for the first week again. I'm dehydrating fruits to keep on hand for the evenings.

[Creakylifter]

Just an update hopefully to help someone else as I have given up (at least for now). I have been absent from posting in this thread for a while as I felt bad about drinking and posting here. Things were going decent. Overindulging some but not near like before. As we all know it gets a little worse and a little worse. Then I wasn't even that "drunk" but just got tired of denying true self. Drank as fast as I could (but just beer so no biggie right ). Tore up my truck. Pissed off my wife. Acted inappropriately with my friends wife. Stoked up the fire that is my self loathing. I don't even know if its the alcohol or if deep down I am really just an obnoxious immature destructive piece of sh*t. Things still are not that bad other than the self loathing that I feel building and I know where that leads.

past for those who don't know me:

same as everyone else on tear stuff up, hurt people, nearly kill self (accident and other)
tried AA but got nothing from listening to everyones drunk stories
have quit numerous times for as long as a year and like a dog to its vomit always return
nearly lost wife multiple times
lose most friends and some family due to drunken escapades
nearly chased my 2 step kids out of my life

Hey, back in the boat Bro. We don't shoot our wounded. I hear what you say about AA, but for me the deal was that I didn't get any relief from the misery of my active drinking & drugging until 2 things happened:

1) The pain got bad enough.

2) I went to a meeting and asked someone with some experience to help me. And to the best of my ability, tried what they suggested. All of what they suggested. Because.. see #1.

And you know what? My life got less miserable, then eventually better. A LOT better. Not perfect.

It was pointed out to me that I can climb in the oven, but that doesn't make me a pizza. Kinda like going to meetings & listening to drunkalogues, but never doing the work. And it is work. But a hell of a lot less work then all the drama that comes with my drinking & drugging.

I'm too damn old to run down the street with a flat screen. Anyway, welcome back. My first sponsor told me ANYBODY can not get loaded for just one day. It was a moment of enlightenment for me. Best of luck.

[raynerd]

Just an update hopefully to help someone else as I have given up (at least for now). I have been absent from posting in this thread for a while as I felt bad about drinking and posting here. Things were going decent. Overindulging some but not near like before. As we all know it gets a little worse and a little worse. Then I wasn't even that "drunk" but just got tired of denying true self. Drank as fast as I could (but just beer so no biggie right ). Tore up my truck. Pissed off my wife. Acted inappropriately with my friends wife. Stoked up the fire that is my self loathing. I don't even know if its the alcohol or if deep down I am really just an obnoxious immature destructive piece of sh*t. Things still are not that bad other than the self loathing that I feel building and I know where that leads.

past for those who don't know me:

same as everyone else on tear stuff up, hurt people, nearly kill self (accident and other)
tried AA but got nothing from listening to everyones drunk stories
have quit numerous times for as long as a year and like a dog to its vomit always return
nearly lost wife multiple times
lose most friends and some family due to drunken escapades
nearly chased my 2 step kids out of my life

You are a drunk with a conscience, IMO a true alcoholic. Instead of getting nothing from listening to everyone's drunk stories, try contributing and making an honest change and effort. Its easy to walk away from AA saying "I tried that, it doesn't work"
You were back out drinking and miserable before you started. Sorry if my words are harsh, but this cycle always repeats itself. I ran this circle for too many years. You are powerless over alcohol and your life is unmanageable....step 1

[tandpr]

When I went to AA for a few months the steps were on the wall. we read them. That was all. NO one ever mentioned how or when or anything about doing them. We read the steps. We read the motto or what ever and then everybody told the same stories about getting messed up. Sometimes we would read from the big book some. Just all seemed very pointless.

I am not getting back in the boat. I can't? Don't want to? I don't know. I just know its pointless. I have to be able to drink to make my life work. My wife. My circle of friends. Its just all very awkward and dysfunctional if there is a guy in the corner watching everyone else drink. I have to continue to fight for control. Perhaps as an example to others as to how it never really works? Perhaps one day I will grow up and learn that it is just me and not alcohol. IDK

I do know my boy started lifting with me yesterday. (22yr old step son) We were discussing his diet and he said he really wanted to quit drinking but he hated everyone asking him why he wasn't drinking. Like he just doesn't fit in if he doesn't drink. Said he was gonna try just drinking slow and not many so people would leave him alone. Broke my heart a little because I am afraid he will end up going through the same struggles I have. I honestly believe that alcohol is good for nothing. Serves no purpose in our lives other than to make things harder. And yet I refuse to turn from it. ???????????

[tandpr]

You are a drunk with a conscience, IMO a true alcoholic. Instead of getting nothing from listening to everyone's drunk stories, try contributing and making an honest change and effort. Its easy to walk away from AA saying "I tried that, it doesn't work"
You were back out drinking and miserable before you started. Sorry if my words are harsh, but this cycle always repeats itself. I ran this circle for too many years. You are powerless over alcohol and your life is unmanageable....step 1

Doesn't seem harsh to me. Believe me, I am harder on myself than anyone else has been. Perhaps I need to look at the steps again to have this conversation, but they are impossible to do. I mean so I admit being powerless. Changed nothing. Ten minutes later I change my mind. Or whatever. Its just words. Means nothing. And the big one is making amends. How the hell am I suppose to make amends to everyone? I had a guy come up to me the other day and ask if I was gonna kick his ass again. I didn't even remember doing it the first time. All the drivers on the road. People from the bar that I don't know or even remember? My x wife. Definitely not opening that can of worms.

[Creakylifter]

There's no such thing as drinking/using without bad things happening for me (and to the people I love). It's why I asked for help from people at meetings who have learned to apply The Steps. I found one and asked him to sponsor me, that means showing me what The Steps are (basically principles - honesty, hope, faith, humility, perseverance, service, ..), and how to apply them in my life. And not get loaded for one day while I do that.

"I have to be able to drink to make my life work." I chased that thought into jail and rehab.

My second sponsor told me, "Pull your head off and throw it as far as you can, your brain is trying to kill you."

[tandpr]

There's no such thing as drinking/using without bad things happening for me (and to the people I love). It's why I asked for help from people at meetings who have learned to apply The Steps. I found one and asked him to sponsor me, that means showing me what The Steps are (basically principles - honesty, hope, faith, humility, perseverance, service, ..), and how to apply them in my life. And not get loaded for one day while I do that.

"I have to be able to drink to make my life work." I chased that thought into jail and rehab.

My second sponsor told me, "Pull your head off and throw it as far as you can, your brain is trying to kill you."

Over the corse of a lot of bad choices a friend of mine had to drag my lifeless body out of a shallow river and call an ambulance. Before it got there I had woke up and began looking for my bottle of scotch while he tried to keep what was left of my scalp covering my skull. I ended up fighting some cops and taking a ride to the hospital in a squad car as I refused to believe I needed to get in an ambulance. My head still has sore spots on it and that was over a year ago. That is the short version of just one of the many f-ups I have had. Jail (never prison yet) is not uncommon. Lost one wife and nearly another. Its not like I haven't had my share of life changing moments. They just don't last.

[tandpr]

I don't mean to be a douche or argue with people trying to help me. Its just that I have been through this with different people multiple times and just can't seem to get it I guess. I do appreciate everyones opinions and concern. As others have said as long as we are on top of the ground, there is still hope. Worst part is, I ain't even that worried about it anymore. I have accepted the fact that I am going to f-up a lot. And if I end up alone I guess that's best for everyone. Just numb really. Mostly. I guess I still have some feelings cuz I still drop a tear for unknown reasons occasionally. IDK. What comes out of my mouth one minute is completely contradicted in the next. My thoughts and decisions have laways been all over the place. I am a mess LOL. Always have been and likely always will be.

[raynerd]

Doesn't seem harsh to me. Believe me, I am harder on myself than anyone else has been. Perhaps I need to look at the steps again to have this conversation, but they are impossible to do. I mean so I admit being powerless. Changed nothing. Ten minutes later I change my mind. Or whatever. Its just words. Means nothing. And the big one is making amends. How the hell am I suppose to make amends to everyone? I had a guy come up to me the other day and ask if I was gonna kick his ass again. I didn't even remember doing it the first time. All the drivers on the road. People from the bar that I don't know or even remember? My x wife. Definitely not opening that can of worms.

Making amends is about sweeping your side of the sidewalk and nothing more. Some people take it gratiously while others may not. It is about putting the way you used to be to rest, for you, so you can live in your own skin again. My ex-wife was my last amend. It was something that I kept delaying for a while. Our relationship is so much better now, and so much better for the son we share.

For the record I am not trying to pimp AA out to you. It has to be you that makes that step. I just know where I have been, just like you, and what has been keeping me sober. And not just sober, very happy for the first time in my life. AA has to come to you from attraction not promotion.

[tandpr]

For the record I am not trying to pimp AA out to you. It has to be you that makes that step. I just know where I have been, just like you, and what has been keeping me sober. And not just sober, very happy for the first time in my life. AA has to come to you from attraction not promotion.

I never felt that way. I feel like everyone in here offers opinions because they care and empathize.

[Big_Sky_Guy]

When I went to AA for a few months the steps were on the wall. we read them. That was all. NO one ever mentioned how or when or anything about doing them. We read the steps. We read the motto or what ever and then everybody told the same stories about getting messed up. Sometimes we would read from the big book some. Just all seemed very pointless.

I am not getting back in the boat. I can't? Don't want to? I don't know. I just know its pointless. I have to be able to drink to make my life work. My wife. My circle of friends. Its just all very awkward and dysfunctional if there is a guy in the corner watching everyone else drink. I have to continue to fight for control. Perhaps as an example to others as to how it never really works? Perhaps one day I will grow up and learn that it is just me and not alcohol. IDK

I do know my boy started lifting with me yesterday. (22yr old step son) We were discussing his diet and he said he really wanted to quit drinking but he hated everyone asking him why he wasn't drinking. Like he just doesn't fit in if he doesn't drink. Said he was gonna try just drinking slow and not many so people would leave him alone. Broke my heart a little because I am afraid he will end up going through the same struggles I have. I honestly believe that alcohol is good for nothing. Serves no purpose in our lives other than to make things harder. And yet I refuse to turn from it. ???????????

There are many AA groups out there. I come from a lineage (and pass it on) where a sponsor has you call every day to touch base, goes to meetings with you, sits down and takes you through the steps from the Big Book, helps you get involved in service work in a home group, and in general service.

Creates a whole different experience when you go to meetings where they talk about the solution more than the problem.

[fingolfin34]

There are many AA groups out there. I come from a lineage (and pass it on) where a sponsor has you call every day to touch base, goes to meetings with you, sits down and takes you through the steps from the Big Book, helps you get involved in service work in a home group, and in general service.

Creates a whole different experience when you go to meetings where they talk about the solution more than the problem.

I agree. I have been fortunate enough to be part of groups that focus on how incredible our lives are RIGHT NOW. When folks start in on their drunk-alogues, they are encouraged to relate those stories to how their lives are/would be different without the addictive cycle. My current home group is more like a family than my own family. In that room, I can be my authentic self, not the character I portray in public.

I will hit 5 years without alcohol this coming Sunday. Fitting that its Easter day this year. A time of celebration for all that my higher power has done for me, a lowly addict. His love is great. We can all have this gift, if we open our hearts to listen to the experiences of others in our groups. This is God's love incarnate in our lives, today. The love of others, given freely.

God Bless

[MidnightSun]

I have been under a lot of stress because of work lately. I got a promotion and a job abroad for my company. I have been working from home and organizing things for the past few weeks. I don't think I was ever an alcoholic but I feel that I'm at risk at the moment. I have been having too much beer lately to fight boredom and stress. I have been drinking about 4 to 5 tall (500 ml) cans of beer four to five days a week. That's just too much for me. It could be small potatoes compared to what some of you guys may have been drinking but I consider that way too much for me.

I didn't drink any alcohol for the past three days. I seem to have some control over it. However, when I pass in front of the liquor store, I feel like I need to go buy some. I'm trying to get it under control and perhaps return to a couple of beers per week pattern...

Thanks for reading.

[raynerd]

I have been under a lot of stress because of work lately. I got a promotion and a job abroad for my company. I have been working from home and organizing things for the past few weeks. I don't think I was ever an alcoholic but I feel that I'm at risk at the moment. I have been having too much beer lately to fight boredom and stress. I have been drinking about 4 to 5 tall (500 ml) cans of beer four to five days a week. That's just too much for me. It could be small potatoes compared to what some of you guys may have been drinking but I consider that way too much for me.

I didn't drink any alcohol for the past three days. I seem to have some control over it. However, when I pass in front of the liquor store, I feel like I need to go buy some. I'm trying to get it under control and perhaps return to a couple of beers per week pattern...

Thanks for reading.

If you can go a length of time without alcohol, that is one thing, even I have done that many times. If you can easily have one beer and then stop without any problem, than I think you are ok. Good for you for addressing this if you think it is an issue. When I drank, I blacked out often, and couldn't stop at one...ever. Also, it was not uncommon to drink as soon as I got up after a hard night of drinking.
Give it a try and if it is still a problem, there are solutions.

[BlackJack619]

My GF took my to vegas the other weekend that was a bad idea :/

[krete77]

This is going to be long.


Definitely different things to each person. Simplest description IMO developing a life in the spot substances used to fill. I'm not going psychobabble here, not my thing. I am just talking about filling hours, thoughts, space occupied by the substance. As well as clearing away some of the chit that accumulates with using to be in a better place on a daily basis.

For some this is a lot of work, and drastic changes, others less so. It's ongoing too, part of having a good sponsor for many, continuing implementing a program to live life more on life's terms, fix what you can, accept what you can't, practice making the distinction between the two. The latter is the hard part IMO.

My road map for living = loaded every feckin day. No sugar coating it, that is how I roll every damn day by default. That isn't fixed by white knuckles and abstinence alone for long and I sure as can't change over night. It's a daily activity to change my >>>>get loaded!, get loaded!, get loaded!, get loaded!<<< normal messaging as the fix for everything into a more normal message. It also takes some practice at dealing with the overwhelming desire to get loaded when it does arise. And it will again and again, its just a matter of time.

I mean when you see somebody with 20-30 years sober go out and drink themselves to death, literally, it wakes you up. It sends a strong message to stay vigilant. That is one of the reasons I stay active in AA. To be around people like me. I am the worst AA salesman, I don't really like meetings much when it comes down to it. I don't do as much giving back as I should. My really good sponsor died and I have not found a replacement worth a crap. I am a chitty AA'er when it comes down to it. But I go to a meeting and am reminded that I am a dyed in the wool drunk one drink from killing myself with the stuff, and I try to be honest about my program, and how my life has improved via the implementation of the program.

Somebody sober I am acquainted with overdosed a few weeks ago. Gone, no more chances. Another fellow shot himself late last year. AA keeps it real for me, it keeps me reminded that if I don't do work I am going to fukc up and get dead.

Recovery isn't just about resisting alcohol, it is about learning to live in a manner that also drastically reduces the default "Get loaded" messaging, so its not such a struggle to stay clean. It is also preparing to deal with the "Get loaded" message in a way you survive it.

The desire still comes out of the blue and blindsides me when I least expect it. I just have a number of safeguards to try and keep it from coming to fruition. If I don't pull the rip cord early enough, call somebody, go to a meeting and say "I think I am going to get loaded really soon and I don't know how to stop it" I will get loaded again guaranteed. It is what I do, I am an alcoholic. But when I do raise my hand I get some good andvice, support, and kicks in the ass to get back to work on what I should have been doing anyway.

JMO. Just my experiences.

Thanks for the awesome post. the First part that I bolded I agree with wholeheartedly.

The second part is what I'm learning as we speak. I'm just over 2 months sober. Lets see, I started drinking when I was 17 (going on 31 now, so almost 14 years of abuse, which includes lots of periods of heavy marijuana use, and I did a lot of other drugs as a teenager as well), heavily and only briefly had a 5 month stint where I was sober in all of that. So technically speaking, 5 month is the longest I've gone, but that was sorta cuz I was on deployment and chose not to drink. But honestly, it's been a get chit-faced sorta life since then and the past 3 years it had gotten close to where I was drinking 3-5x/week minimum but not getting totally hammered.

Anyways I woke up last year and had many relapses including an alcohol poisoning incident where I swore I would never touch alcohol again only to start drinking again within a few weeks.

So this is really my first true shot at going sober, staying sober and living in recovery. Which was why I asked in the first place what recovery is..and you pretty much summed up what I thought it is; replacing the thing that the substance took up and time with other activities.

And I'm very scared of myself. I'm not going to be overconfident in anything. I feel that I could just lose it at any given moment. I'm not going to meetings, I went before but I really wasn't feeling it. I'm getting my support from this website, soberrecovery dot com...not trying to advertise it here, just saying they have been a HUGE help for me.

I should add that I'm trying to discover the root cause of why I even abused any substance at all, and it's becoming rapidly apparent that I've never learned to cope with my feelings and grow/mature as a human.

[Idealius]

Thanks for the awesome post. the First part that I bolded I agree with wholeheartedly.

The second part is what I'm learning as we speak. I'm just over 2 months sober. Lets see, I started drinking when I was 17 (going on 31 now, so almost 14 years of abuse, which includes lots of periods of heavy marijuana use, and I did a lot of other drugs as a teenager as well), heavily and only briefly had a 5 month stint where I was sober in all of that. So technically speaking, 5 month is the longest I've gone, but that was sorta cuz I was on deployment and chose not to drink. But honestly, it's been a get chit-faced sorta life since then and the past 3 years it had gotten close to where I was drinking 3-5x/week minimum but not getting totally hammered.

Anyways I woke up last year and had many relapses including an alcohol poisoning incident where I swore I would never touch alcohol again only to start drinking again within a few weeks.

So this is really my first true shot at going sober, staying sober and living in recovery. Which was why I asked in the first place what recovery is..and you pretty much summed up what I thought it is; replacing the thing that the substance took up and time with other activities.

And I'm very scared of myself. I'm not going to be overconfident in anything. I feel that I could just lose it at any given moment. I'm not going to meetings, I went before but I really wasn't feeling it. I'm getting my support from this website, soberrecovery dot com...not trying to advertise it here, just saying they have been a HUGE help for me.

I should add that I'm trying to discover the root cause of why I even abused any substance at all, and it's becoming rapidly apparent that I've never learned to cope with my feelings and grow/mature as a human.

good on you. definitely had all of those feelings.

i've posted in here before, but just for reference i'm on 1 & 1/4th years sober and for me I definitely can relate about the meetings not being my thing

i'm more of the schizophrenic loner artist type so it's a tough fit. that said the things I learned from the people there are... immeasurably valuable. immeasurably

so even though I stay a bit on the sidelines and don't fully throw myself into the steps or into the group I still get a lot of benefit going to meetings

the main thing I heard in my 1st or 2nd meeting was "you gotta get a year" and after I got a year, literally, things realllly started to go places for me in my life with job promotions, less stress, etc. just my 2 cents

[tandpr]

and it's becoming rapidly apparent that I've never learned to cope with my feelings and grow/mature as a human.

I think this is my biggest problem. Also I have no clue who/what I am or who/what I am supposed to be. HOw am I suppose to work towards something if I have no idea what direstion that is??

[tandpr]

the main thing I heard in my 1st or 2nd meeting was "you gotta get a year" and after I got a year, literally, things realllly started to go places for me in my life with job promotions, less stress, etc. just my 2 cents

I am not a meetings person either but if I took one helpful thing from it, I would say it was "just don't drink today". Granted I can't live by that, but it helped me through a very rough patch and limits my use to once or twice a week.

[ISAID69]

Been in and out of AA for around 5 years, been an alcoholic for 20. It is definitely not fun being an addict, who the hell in their right mind would choose to be addicted to booze or drugs?

I was clean from Nov-Feb, just got my 3 month token and fell off the wagon after a company weekend away. I was well behaved but the point is I broke my promise to myself to stay clean. I've been sober for 2 or 3 weeks now but I felt too embarrassed to go back to my home group because I consciously made the decision to drink for the weekend away. The self loathing has passed now and I'm feeling great again.

The alcoholic mind is a strange beast and will always try and convince you that you're ok now, things have changed, this time things will be different. Truth is nothing has changed, I'm still an alcoholic but I'm sober today and for this I'm grateful.

[~Mase~]

Hey guys am I allowed to post in here if I'm only 20? I'm a recovering drug abuser and I've been sober for 4 months. I'm looking for some support as unfortunately I'm having a very tough time as I have a lot of mental health issues lingering from abusing ecstasy so much. I've been pretty suicidal some days as a result and most of my friends were supportive at first, but it's tough when I can't go out drinking with them every weekend. I feel like I'm slowly becoming a loner and it sucks.

[Creakylifter]

Hey guys am I allowed to post in here if I'm only 20? I'm a recovering drug abuser and I've been sober for 4 months. I'm looking for some support as unfortunately I'm having a very tough time as I have a lot of mental health issues lingering from abusing ecstasy so much. I've been pretty suicidal some days as a result and most of my friends were supportive at first, but it's tough when I can't go out drinking with them every weekend. I feel like I'm slowly becoming a loner and it sucks.

Hey bro, I don't make the rules but you'd be welcome at any meeting. And my experience has been that I've made better friends there than the ones I got high or drunk with. Hang in there.

[mirroroferised]

A lot of great posts and some troubling ones in here these last few days. Hope everybody is doing okay at least today.


I'm closing in on 6 months sober and I've been to about 5 meetings. They are not for everybody. What I take away from them though is they are there if I need/want them. If I feel suddenly like the walls are closing in, I know I've got a place to go and that to me is more important than anything. I can go, listen and don't have to talk. There are a multitude of great resources online as well.

Stay strong. We all have our demons and weakness, otherwise we'd never be in this thread. In 4 days I plan on waking up and being thankful for being 6 months sober for the first time since I've been 16; 23 long years ago. I know damn well though that one little thing can send the last 6 months crashing down around me. I've worked hard on focus, determination and a desire to be the type of person I want my kids to look up to and the type of person that doesn't cringe when I look in the mirror. And it's really ****ing hard to do.

Hey guys am I allowed to post in here if I'm only 20? I'm a recovering drug abuser and I've been sober for 4 months. I'm looking for some support as unfortunately I'm having a very tough time as I have a lot of mental health issues lingering from abusing ecstasy so much. I've been pretty suicidal some days as a result and most of my friends were supportive at first, but it's tough when I can't go out drinking with them every weekend. I feel like I'm slowly becoming a loner and it sucks.

No age limit in here. Welcome.

[ISAID69]

[QUOTE=~Mase~ I've been pretty suicidal some days as a result and most of my friends were supportive at first, but it's tough when I can't go out drinking with them every weekend. I feel like I'm slowly becoming a loner and it sucks.

Listen mate, I can guarantee you that every single person that has posted in this thread can identify with some of the feelings you are feeling. The truth is that you are not on the journey alone and we have all had the feelings of helplessness and despair some days. The fact that you are willing to speak up and have decided to turn your back on that life is a testament to your inner strength and desires for a healthier fuller life. You are on the right track, keep up the hard work and stay focused on your goals. Don't worry too much about your old friends because when you choose to walk the path of a sober life you will soon meet the most amazing people that also want that life for themselves and will genuinely care about you as a friend and your well being.

I still see some my friends from the old drinking days and guess what happens when they come over? They bring their kids, we swim, we BBQ, we chat, just like old times but they support me by not drinking for the day. They are true friends who understand my struggles and care enough for me to not tempt me into drinking. These are true friends.

9 years ago I stopped the recreational drugs too because I could see them destroying my mind and soul. That was single handedly one of the best decisions I ever made because now come Friday afternoon now I get to plan a weekend around weight training, movies, friends..

Hang in there mate, you're still young and have everything still ahead of you. I wish I had the sense you have at your age. When you're in your 30's, 40's and 50's like us and you're fit, healthy and happy you can look back and say, you know what, best decision to stay clean I've ever made. Well done bro, very inspirational.

[fingolfin34]

Today makes 5 years since I took a drink, or any painkillers. It took the 12 steps and a lot of tough love from my wife, who said, "get help or get out, and you may need to get out anyway, so at least get help."

AA meetings helped me get through those first days, weeks, and months. Without the encouragement of fellow addicts, I wouldn't have stood a chance against my addict. I never did before.

The 12 steps have taught me that I AM worth loving. My life IS worth fighting for. My higher power, the spirit of love in the universe (God), has shown me the beauty of life.

I am grateful for every day that I can look at my kids' faces without the blurring lens of addiction.

It isn't an easy walk, but its the best choice we can make :-)

[raynerd]

Today makes 5 years since I took a drink, or any painkillers. It took the 12 steps and a lot of tough love from my wife, who said, "get help or get out, and you may need to get out anyway, so at least get help."

AA meetings helped me get through those first days, weeks, and months. Without the encouragement of fellow addicts, I wouldn't have stood a chance against my addict. I never did before.

The 12 steps have taught me that I AM worth loving. My life IS worth fighting for. My higher power, the spirit of love in the universe (God), has shown me the beauty of life.

I am grateful for every day that I can look at my kids' faces without the blurring lens of addiction.

It isn't an easy walk, but its the best choice we can make :-)

5 years! Awesome and congratulations, and thanks for keeping me sober another day!

[mirroroferised]

Today makes 5 years since I took a drink, or any painkillers. It took the 12 steps and a lot of tough love from my wife, who said, "get help or get out, and you may need to get out anyway, so at least get help."

AA meetings helped me get through those first days, weeks, and months. Without the encouragement of fellow addicts, I wouldn't have stood a chance against my addict. I never did before.

The 12 steps have taught me that I AM worth loving. My life IS worth fighting for. My higher power, the spirit of love in the universe (God), has shown me the beauty of life.

I am grateful for every day that I can look at my kids' faces without the blurring lens of addiction.

It isn't an easy walk, but its the best choice we can make :-)

That is fantastic for the five years. Great post, I hear you loud and clear .