Corporate jargon that pisses you off

[DropTheBS]

Newest one: Using "WE" as a passive aggressive way to suggest that "YOU" do something.

"Are we setting that meeting today?"
"Are we sending that out later?"
"Are we fcking ourselves this afternoon for lunch?"

Let's hear 'em, office brahs...

[DanteEdmond]

Please advise?

[DropTheBS]

Please advise?

"Please Advise" is the ultimate buck pass.

Translation: "I am asking you to review this so that it is now your responsibility to follow-up and do whatever is needed to get this off my plate."

[MuzzieChik786]

Lately it's "MVP" or minimal viable product. Um no, not every tech product should be taken in if it fits MVP.

[mchabs]

"livin' the dream"

code for wanting to jump off a cliff

"did you get my email?"

yes i got your fukking email, no i did not read it, i have more important **** going on

[redraider86]

Noun-ing verbs or verbing nouns.

"We're going to adequately resource this project"

"That's a significant spend"

"We're going to hold off on actioning on this"

Also, "bio break." I hear this more and more and it's fuking weird. Humans have needs, and sometimes we need to use the bathroom, and it's okay to say that.

[Madvillainy]

people that go overboard with shortening things

"going forward" is passive aggressive as fuk

[whtcoupe]

Lean processes

[tk217]

We is a common way to not make people "bitch" too much.

"You're accusing me whaaaaaa - HR."

I tend to refer to the department name rather than the person(s) I am talking about.

"Operations on Job 22201 failed to complete a timely spec analysis in period 3 of quarter one now the billings department is unable to ascertain milestones for subcontractors A1 through D3. The long form will now be necessary for procurement processes on all lead level 3-5 scope processes."

[Murph0408]

i say hi, they say hi how are you? as we pass by in the hallway

let's not do the questions. just hello and keep rolling. please

[DropTheBS]

Lately it's "MVP" or minimal viable product. Um no, not every tech product should be taken in if it fits MVP.

Not in tech, unaware. But using MVP as the antonym to something that sounds like bare minimum acceptable standard sounds right up the alley of corporate assfckery.

"livin' the dream"

code for wanting to jump off a cliff

Just another day in paradise, bro.

[Budjola]

i hope this email finds you well


BRB FKN BLOOD BOIL when i read that chit

[DropTheBS]

Noun-ing verbs or verbing nouns.

"We're going to adequately resource this project"

"That's a significant spend"

"We're going to hold off on actioning on this"

I'm guilty of saying this one. I've said "Make the ask" when I mean "Request it." Like every environment, there's a language to speak, and some are more ridiculous than others.

[DropTheBS]

people that go overboard with shortening things

"going forward" is passive aggressive as fuk

The passive aggressiveness is what triggers me. No one has the balls to say what they want anymore due to tighter HR restrictions and the constant threat of liability so we had to invent language to talk around it.

[tk217]

I'm guilty of saying this one. I've said "Make the ask" when I mean "Request it." Like every environment, there's a language to speak, and some are more ridiculous than others.

If you said Make the Ask to me - I would just laugh at you. Oh my ****ing god.

[Fuqdatass]

If you ask me to CC you on something you’ve guaranteed I’m specifically not going to

[tk217]

The passive aggressiveness is what triggers me. No one has the balls to say what they want anymore due to tighter HR restrictions and the constant threat of liability so we had to invent language to talk around it.

This is why I have to be passive aggressive in everything I do and write in the workspace.

Waaaaaaaaah my feelings. He's a male. He's oppressing me.

[CrookedDink]

best regards,
timothy

[OutdoorsBrah]

"I was only able to fit my hand and some of my wrist up the secretaries arse.... I hoping to go full fist, wrist, and arm next week...












Okay, great, lets "touch base" and "cross that bridge" when the time comes.... Best regards."












In all seriousness, I don't have this issue. If someone tries to speak to me in corporate-autism, I will ask them to just speak to me "in English". Most people deeply despise this "jargon" so if you let it be known you hate it as well, they will just talk to you like a human being. Gotta speak up about this chit MISC Sor you will continue to the get the passive aggressive corporate jargon tossed at you.

[mazimi18]

'Hi There,

Just following up on the e-mail request below. Please advise when we might anticipate a response.

Thanks!'

[tk217]

best regards,
timothy

Even better is the --

Please see the attached:

<img1234.pdf>
<img3455.pdf>

Best Regards,

Timothy

Timothy L. Ramirez IV C.P.A., P.M.P., LL.M.
Company X Company Inc.
Fortune 500 Best Rated Companies
Office: (1)-XXX-XXX-XXXX
Cell: (1)-XXX-XXX-XXXX
Fax: (1)-XXX-XXX-XXXX

Contact us:

1234 Corporate Avenue
San Francisco, CA
94334-5500

Mailing Address:

P.O. Box 1234
Antioch, CA
94531-5007

<font color="#009900" face="Webdings" size="4">P</font><font
color="#009900" face="verdana,arial,helvetica" size="2"> <strong>Please
consider the environment before printing this email</strong></font>

Can you make a longer e-mail footer please? Especially like it when the code fails and they haven't realized it and they send me an e-mail in the wrong format so I can't even see what the **** they sent.

[MuzzieChik786]

Not in tech, unaware. But using MVP as the antonym to something that sounds like bare minimum acceptable standard sounds right up the alley of corporate assfckery.

It's exactly that. You got it in one.

[DanteEdmond]

best regards,
timothy

I see no issue with this one. In fact, I think the bigger issue is the overuse of the word "Thanks."

I'll say thanks if the person I'm emailing actually did something. But if I'm emailing to just offer information, to request information, to answer a question etc -- then what am I thanking this person for?

and "thanks" comes up in so many emails. Some people write it as part of their signature even,

[SiegeMT]

When people say "BLUF", like okay sure use it in an e-mail whatever but don't use (lexicon?) in speech. The same as someone saying TL;DR, like STFU and stop adding all the filler information then and get to the point. Such a waste of time.

[SuperChieftain]

I don't know why, but i get really irritated when someone uses "per" in an email.

[BraneyGumble]

Haha, you're such a rockstar OP, finally a true ninja.

Now let's adopt a horizontal approach in order to enhance effectiveness.

[mchabs]

best regards,
timothy

should hit them back with a

warm, moist regards

[stevlor]

Might not seem bad to US posters, but 'do a 360' and 'thanks for reaching out' kill me when a UK bro types them.

[tk217]

Might not seem bad to US posters, but 'do a 360' and 'thanks for reaching out' kill me when a UK bro types them.

do a 360? do a circle?

[JUGGERNAUT1333]

"We"
"Going forward"
"Please Advise"
"Per my e-mail"
"Need a big month"

I basically despise everything about corporate life except the ease, and air conditioning all day.