[SRS] Depression Discussion and Support Thread Part III

[2RDEYE]

Don't worry about it. In 5 years it won't matter.

yeah i just got a warning. they said if i call in sick tomorrow im going to get terminated and replaced.

so i just told them well i'll go in tomorrow and if im feeling bad i'll just leave, try for a half day.

makes me so miserable. i don't want to be sick. i don't choose to be sick. i want to make money. i want to hit the fuking gym.

they told me i need to bring a doctor's note too. ****in retarded. it costs like $20 to get one at a walk-in clinic i think. so i gotta go outside and ****in wait in line for a doctor to ask for a doctor's note. so stupid

[midcoastking33]

yeah, idk if i can though. maybe i'll go in and ask for a half day. i think they're really annoyed because i have been literally calling in every morning. can't be helped though. like for me if i can't even go to the gym, or don't have motivation to even brush my teeth that's enough to know that i'm not physically or mentally well to go outside. i think my chit is turning into a fever. i feel weaker and more lightheaded everyday. really affecting my mental state. like feelings of hopelessness, worthlessness, and misery. face is looking extremely bloated due to the amount of soup i'm drinking.

i've never had this many sick days in my entire life. i am damn sure its because those morons don't turn the heaters on. like i even had a job where i was power washing sheet metal outside in the rain, midnight in winter. and i still never got sick from that. i've had so many jobs where i worked outside in the rain in the middle of winter. never been sick. i think warehousing u get sick more because the dust on the boxes is from china, and when u breathe that chit in, and it's freezing cold, ur body is ****ed.

that's no cold man

[2RDEYE]

that's no cold man

i think it developed into a sinus infection or laryngitis. i lost my voice, and feel lightheaded, insanely weak, and very drowsy. even peeling an orange this morning was fatiguing.

like i think it started as a cold, and then my sinuses were all messed up i was feeling so stiff and sore in the face, couldn't breathe out of nose whatsoever. and then i lost my voice.

i seriously think if i had kept using one of those japanese face masks i wouldn't have gotten sick. i tried it one day and it worked so well, the only thing is that it's not socially acceptable in ****in dumbass western society. everyone stared at me like i was a terrorist or as if there was something wrong with me. when those masks are perfectly logical to use. everyone loves to make fun of them but they make so much sense. in this society everyone just ****in coughs or sneezes wherever the fuk they want.

[salamisalem]

well i'm now on antipsychotics. and i feel like sht. want to drink but family is over. these meds are supressing my dopamine receptors, meaning even though I started out the day feeling good now i feel like sht. godammit. fk. fk everything.

Edit: i'm going to give this a week, and then go look for some hydrocodone if it doesn't work

[eod8989]

I don't know anymore, i try to speak but the words just don't come out these days. Not really much to say. Too much of an outcast.

[KRANE]

well i'm now on antipsychotics. and i feel like sht. want to drink but family is over. these meds are supressing my dopamine receptors, meaning even though I started out the day feeling good now i feel like sht. godammit. fk. fk everything.

Sounds like some pretty serious stuff. We're here for ya.

Edit: i'm going to give this a week, and then go look for some hydrocodone if it doesn't work

A pain killer?

[salamisalem]

Sounds like some pretty serious stuff. We're here for ya.A pain killer?

Thanks man means a lot. Let's see how this week goes.

Yeah opioids. Fk it. I think with that and alcohol I can manage to finish checking some work goals off my list before I die. Which I feel won't be that far in the future.

[salamisalem]

I don't know anymore, i try to speak but the words just don't come out these days. Not really much to say. Too much of an outcast.

You're not an outcast bro. Just need to practice. Say something. Anything that's on your mind. People are just WAITING to talk especially about themselves. You can do this trust me. I was the same, practiced on uber drivers and the gym checkin desk dudes and got better at it

[eod8989]

You're not an outcast bro. Just need to practice. Say something. Anything that's on your mind. People are just WAITING to talk especially about themselves. You can do this trust me. I was the same, practiced on uber drivers and the gym checkin desk dudes and got better at it

Man my neck injury and bipolar just kill me. Totally make me an anti social *******. It's some deep psychological **** because i'm not the same since this happened to me.

[salamisalem]

Man my neck injury and bipolar just kill me. Totally make me an anti social *******. It's some deep psychological **** because i'm not the same since this happened to me.

Bro I KNOW look at me the docs pushed anti psychotics on my bipolar self after 3 visits. But you know what, I'm still really good at talking to people. And every time I open my mouth, I expect to sound like a useless depresssed piece of sht. Instead, my habits take over and turns out I'm able to communicate well and actually feel good and have fun. It's insane. But you just gotta try it. With anyone. And eventually it becomes habit. Just try it, I don't even understand it myself. Huge disonnance between how I feel and what I sound like often

[eod8989]

I had an eye exam today at my old job and it was so awkward talking to the people there. I knew them but it has been a while since i talked to any of them, and i was just so socially awkward. Unless i talk about myself or something i'm interested in i can only come up with stupid one word responses. Everything just seems so forced. I just come across as a really self centered retard. Like normal people could have easily said more than one word responses at least and carried a conversation. I just don't get this because i had decent social skills several years ago.

[2RDEYE]

I had an eye exam today at my old job and it was so awkward talking to the people there. I knew them but it has been a while since i talked to any of them, and i was just so socially awkward. Unless i talk about myself or something i'm interested in i can only come up with stupid one word responses. Everything just seems so forced. I just come across as a really self centered retard. Like normal people could have easily said more than one word responses at least and carried a conversation. I just don't get this because i had decent social skills several years ago.

i think what it is, is like high expectations for socializing causing extreme fear of judgment. there's too much criticism in this society. i suffer from the same thing, but overseas like even if i haven't talked to someone in a week or something the next time i talk to someone my social skills and confidence are still there. but over here in western society if i don't have anyone to talk to for a week, EVERYTHING declines, i get so much anxiety, my social skills go back down to zero, my confidence is zero, no self-esteem etc.

its like over here, if you're quiet, you're weak. if you're too nice, you're a pushover. if you're too loud, you're obnoxious. if you talk too much, you're annoying. if you don't talk, something is wrong with you. if you don't talk professional, you're immature. if you laugh too much, you're fake. i mean im sure its like this most countries, but not to the extreme level of western society.

i remember in ****ing school, sometimes i would laugh at a joke and someone would be like "why the **** are you laughing" or like many times i don't talk "why are you so quiet?" "you're so quiet" "you're so shy"

this society is bullchit

[Smashiin]

I love how one minute you think your friends are caring and look up to you and then the next minute they stab you in the back. Fuk this douchebag.

[eod8989]

i think what it is, is like high expectations for socializing. like fear of judgment. there's too much criticism in this society. i suffer from the same thing, but overseas like even if i haven't talked to someone in a week or something the next time i talk to someone my social skills and confidence are still there. but over here in western society if i don't have anyone to talk to for a week, EVERYTHING declines, i get so much anxiety, my social skills go back down to zero, my confidence is zero, no self-esteem etc.

its like over here, if you're quiet, you're weak. if you're too nice, you're a pushover. if you're too loud, you're obnoxious. if you talk too much, you're annoying. if you don't talk, something is wrong with you. if you don't talk professional, you're immature. if you laugh too much, you're fake. i mean im sure its like this most countries, but not to the extreme level of western society.

i remember in ****ing school, sometimes i would laugh at a joke and someone would be like "why the **** are you laughing"

The thing is i wasn't experiencing anxiety, i just had no idea how to hold a conversation because it all seemed so trivial to me.

Yes the last sentence is exactly what happens to me. People seem to judge the **** out of me and point out the awkward things i say (i don't do that to other people but they always do it to me), and it makes conversations difficult. There's no point in talking if people are going to make little comments like that to bring you down. Eh, small talk is just so stupid, especially for quiet guys like me.

I can be cocky too but i don't like to be that way around ppl i don't know, so i choose to be the respectful/quiet one. Never works out.

I work with mostly women too and you can't even say anything to them without them getting offended. God forbid you make a smart ass comment when there are women are around because they will just make the conversation awkward. I don't know man i'm like the fat kid on the bball court bringing the rest of the team down when it comes to socializing. Always have been but it's worst now that i don't know anyone.

[shreksantana]

I love how one minute you think your friends are caring and look up to you and then the next minute they stab you in the back. Fuk this douchebag.

He doesn't matter. You're fine as you are and the only person you should commit to pleasing.

[2RDEYE]

The thing is i wasn't experiencing anxiety, i just had no idea how to hold a conversation because it all seemed so trivial to me.

Yes the last sentence is exactly what happens to me. People seem to judge the **** out of me and point out the awkward things i say (i don't do that to other people but they always do it to me), and it makes conversations difficult. There's no point in talking if people are going to make little comments like that to bring you down. Eh, small talk is just so stupid, especially for quiet guys like me.

I can be cocky too but i don't like to be that way around ppl i don't know, so i choose to be the respectful/quiet one. Never works out.

I work with mostly women too and you can't even say anything to them without them getting offended. God forbid you make a smart ass comment when there are women are around because they will just make the conversation awkward. I don't know man i'm like the fat kid on the bball court bringing the rest of the team down when it comes to socializing. Always have been but it's worst now that i don't know anyone.

idk, i think it's not like anxiety, but still somewhat fear. well for me. whenever i *very rarely* have to talk to a new social group like i have a new job or coworker(s), or even in a class for example, i'm hesitant to just talk the way i usually talk. in fear of being judged, or getting a negative rebound. even with people i'm comfortable with i'm always thinking about how to act, or choosing my words, or what i say, wisely... there's so many ways people can judge you. i'm a little more tolerable now to judgment, i feel like i'm a good socializer, but still after like a week of no communication i lose everything.

yeah i worked with older white women once, i ****in hated it. that was at a retail store i lasted about a week. ****in superiority complex feminists. can't be helped. feminists will always be feminists. anything you say you'd be judged harshly, they wouldn't even laugh or smile.

[2RDEYE]

alright my fuking boss wants me to go in sick otherwise i'm fired. im goin in with one of those surgeon masks. show that motherfker that im actually sick. i actually want to keep my job too because its hard to find an unskilled warehouse job with this rate, so i have no choice but to go in.

[eod8989]

alright my fuking boss wants me to go in sick otherwise i'm fired. im goin in with one of those surgeon masks. show that motherfker that im actually sick. i actually want to keep my job too because its hard to find an unskilled warehouse job with this rate, so i have no choice but to go in.

Fuk that I would enter that bitch with a gas mask and full body armor. Dead srs. Warehouse bosses are suck kunts, not sure if I've ever met a decent one.

[2RDEYE]

Fuk that I would enter that bitch with a gas mask and full body armor. Dead srs. Warehouse bosses are suck kunts, not sure if I've ever met a decent one.

lol. its ****ing stupid. i understand where that fuker is coming from though. i missed 4 days. but it can't be helped if a person is sick then they should stay home. otherwise every cough or sneeze is going to infect others. plus going to work will just make me worse, thats the main reason i want to stay home. but i don't want to lose my job.

i seriously feel so weak, like all my muscles are aching, and feels so sore, i haven't hit the gym in 5 days. but my body feels so swollen. its gonna be hell, i don't even have a voice right now. too much chest and nasal congestion.

maybe when my boss says where have u been i should just keep coughing at his ****ing face. get him sick too this mother ****er.

i don't even think i can manage to work slowly. well whatever i'll go in and do my best, for the sake of income. i don't really want to be unemployed right now. not at the start of the fuking year.

[CrazySerbian]

I feel you bro. what always helps me a bit is listening to happier music and working in a public place eg starbucks. good place to start i guess, helps clear some of the fog

Though lately i've been listening to angry music and embracing the fog lol. but do as I say not as I do

So you enjoy being solemn? If that's the case then nobody can help you. Things will never change and you will never get better unless YOU make the first step towards that change and improving your life.

I think that's the problem with a lot of posters here. You're waiting for some type of power to come into your lives and make everything well, but it doesn't work that way. You can't say you're hungry and then say you don't feel like working. If you don't first work, you don't eat.

I'm gonna set some small goals. I went to the gym today after a long break even if I really didn't want to. I was weak as hell and tired very easily but at least I did something.

[DefensiveEnd896]

I'm gonna set some small goals. I went to the gym today after a long break even if I really didn't want to. I was weak as hell and tired very easily but at least I did something.

Yes - keep setting small goals. Do it every day. It'll give you confidence and most importantly. Keep you busy and your mind active.

I find the gym is the best for me when I am depressed. I take my anger out on the weights. I've learned in my life that when I get stressed it's always good to keep my mind and body busy. Whether that is more time in the gym, more time working on a business idea, getting errands done, etc. Last thing I want to do is lay around all day and do nothing cause at least for me that tends to lead to more depression.

So even if you go through the motions then go through the motions. Get it done! You only live once... You don't want to look back at your life full of regrets.

Keep hitting that gym man!

[2RDEYE]

ended up leaving work an hour early, felt like fainting the entire time, stomach was killing me, and i couldn't communicate with anyone, was so miserable. i feel so fat too, been eating a **** ton to try to help my body get better but i think im gaining weight.

[eod8989]

I don't even exist. I have a chit job, depression, anxiety, bipolar, nerve damage, no friends......nothing. Hell i'd even say people who work at mcdinks and have a kid and wife are more successful than me. I've never even posted on FB or IG because i wouldn't get any likes.

[salamisalem]

ended up leaving work an hour early, felt like fainting the entire time, stomach was killing me, and i couldn't communicate with anyone, was so miserable. i feel so fat too, been eating a **** ton to try to help my body get better but i think im gaining weight.

Yah good that you left. but at least you showed and pacified the manager. You're not gaining weight. I used to binge when I had an issue on like 4k calories a day, took like 2 weeks of that to put on a couple pounds. So unless your eating 4k a day you're good my buddy

I don't even exist. I have a chit job, depression, anxiety, bipolar, nerve damage, no friends......nothing. Hell i'd even say people who work at mcdinks and have a kid and wife are more successful than me. I've never even posted on FB or IG because i wouldn't get any likes.

bro i know. literally me a few months ago. only difference is that I forced myself to talk to everyone and now I have a few friends that I can hit up for drinks like once a week. Not close friends, but it's good enough. You can do this. It'll make you feel loads better. I know that even when I'm sitting at home feeling miserable for a few weeks, the day or 2 that I hang out I feel so great.


Also an update, the antipsychotics actually make me feel so mellow. I feel like the way i've been talking and acting the last few months is so insane. But now i feel bummed that i'm being boring. But not too bummed, cause the meds are working i think. lol. I feel very robotic. which i guess means i can do my work. whatever. also less of a desire to do crazy/fun things like drink and chase after girls that I know arent good for me. idk if this is good or bad guess it's life and I'll see how it goes next couple weeks

Edit: also feel like inwardly i'm kinda down/depressed. and this one chick rejected me but that's chill we can be friends

[2RDEYE]

im getting like super anxiety or stress thinking about school that i can't function. it's so miserable. i had a nightmare last night. showing me people i knew in my childhood, already having a good career in their mid twenties, already have fiances and all that ****, their own housing. and im here in my mid twenty, attempting to make up for the years i've wasted. i'll be 30 when i graduate from college with no career, housing, or marriage. its just driving me crazy i can't function. it's like where to start... jesus. i feel like im running out of time. i can't waste anymore. its so stressful to the point where im also thinking about suicide as an option. i want a restart so bad. it makes me so fukin sad. i feel like i'm definitely going to kill myself when im 30+

[salamisalem]

im getting like super anxiety or stress thinking about school that i can't function. it's so miserable. i had a nightmare last night. showing me people i knew in my childhood, already having a good career in their mid twenties, already have fiances and all that ****, their own housing. and im here in my mid twenty, attempting to make up for the years i've wasted. i'll be 30 when i graduate from college with no career, housing, or marriage. its just driving me crazy i can't function. it's like where to start... jesus. i feel like im running out of time. i can't waste anymore. its so stressful to the point where im also thinking about suicide as an option. i want a restart so bad. it makes me so fukin sad.

house and marriage are bull, and youll have a career for sure. keep your chin up bruh. some things take more time than other things, usually means they're worth the extra time. and everyone is different. Daisy Ridley was a successful actor in early 20s but Adam Driver is in his 30s. it's your life not your friends.

[2RDEYE]

house and marriage are bull, and youll have a career for sure. keep your chin up bruh. some things take more time than other things, usually means they're worth the extra time. and everyone is different. Daisy Ridley was a successful actor in early 20s but Adam Driver is in his 30s. it's your life not your friends.

i wanna fix my life so bad. i still feel exactly the same as i felt when i was like 14. i still feel like a fukin child. i want a real career, i want to be able to have the option of settling down, and stuff like that. i don't know where to start though. i don't understand college at all. just looking at the schedules and this and that, requirements, etc. i don't understand anything. like simple things like if i start in may do i go to school the entire summer or what, if i apply for a program, what then. its fukin retarded they make this chit so complicated. plus i have to do a lot of adult upgrading from the looks of it. which could take a year itself. then when i try to google this chit. there's no answers, it's like everyone already understood from the beginning, or like its supposed to be simple.

[Fang2]

i wanna fix my life so bad. i still feel exactly the same as i felt when i was like 14. i still feel like a fukin child. i want a real career, i want to be able to have the option of settling down, and stuff like that. i don't know where to start though. i don't understand college at all. just looking at the schedules and this and that, requirements, etc. i don't understand anything. like simple things like if i start in may do i go to school the entire summer or what, if i apply for a program, what then. its fukin retarded they make this chit so complicated. plus i have to do a lot of adult upgrading from the looks of it. which could take a year itself. then when i try to google this chit. there's no answers, it's like everyone already understood from the beginning, or like its supposed to be simple.

It doesn't matter how old you are man, as long as you want to get a good education. Never quit school, and don't hurt yourself. srs... there are people who love you. Your family, friends, etc. What are you studying and can't you take online classes?

[2RDEYE]

It doesn't matter how old you are man, as long as you want to get a good education. Never quit school, and don't hurt yourself. srs... there are people who love you. Your family, friends, etc. What are you studying and can't you take online classes?

i'm thinking about getting a bachelor's degree in computer science, but there are a lot of prerequisites for math at my local college. idk how it works. like i want do it all online, because there are 3 year online degrees overseas, but then i lose out on like job employability i think. and maybe i won't be able to get internships if doing an online program.

and if i take certain classes online, idk how it would work when i take a program locally. nothing about education is clear to me at all. its retarded and frustrating to understand. its so chaotic. also there's no affordable adult upgrading classes its ridiculous. for highschool math it will cost me $1500, grade 10, 11, and 12. maybe i can skip and just do 12, but i think it would be difficult. idk.

[Fang2]

i'm thinking about getting a bachelor's degree in computer science, but there are a lot of prerequisites for math at my local college. idk how it works. like i want do it all online, because there are 3 year online degrees overseas, but then i lose out on like job employability i think. and maybe i won't be able to get internships if doing an online program.

and if i take certain classes online, idk how it would work when i take a program locally. nothing about education is clear to me at all. its retarded and frustrating to understand. its so chaotic. also there's no affordable adult upgrading classes its ridiculous. for highschool math it will cost me $1500, grade 10, 11, and 12. maybe i can skip and just do 12, but i think it would be difficult. idk.

Don't they have loans or scholarships in Canada? In the US... for CS, you have to take College Algebra, Cal 1-3, and then programming classes. idk how it is over there.