Is getting divorced while having little kids the worse thing that can happen to a man

[Silencespeaks]

Obviously I'm generalizing, but of the 3 young married family men I've known who died, all were replaced within 3 months despite their wives being "devastated." I'd be shocked if this guy's wife wasn't already interviewing 2 or 3 new orbiters on the down low. That's life, son.

I don't really consider it a character flaw srs. It's part of female DNA that goes all the way back to the days men were crushing each other's skulls in with rocks. The women who survived were the ones who disregarded the last guy and quickly moved on to a new one. Loyalty is primarily a male trait, not a female one.

Agreed about the lack of loyalty in women but disagree men are loyal. Lmao where did you get that nonsensical idea. Men are literally DNA programmed to spread their seed around as much as possible.

[Silencespeaks]

inb4 SilenceSpeaks "You should never divorce and stay together forever and ever for your kids"

Too late

[Mercworx]

No, because any decent looking man will be able to score younger poon within 6 months of his divorce if he has even an ounce of confidence. It would be worse for the kids, who will likely grow up with developmental or behavior problems due to the psychological trauma of the separation (speaking from experience).

You must not have children.


Poon from some skank isnt even on your radar if your child is suffering. I couldn't sleep at night.

[Luc1fer]

I actually have been giving divorce a lot of thought this past year and my new opinion is that people should stay together for the kids. Only exceptions are physical abuse or addictions. Any normal problems or cheating etc I think you should just accept to keep the family together for the kids.

You can hide it. You don’t have to tell them anything.

Divorce is pretty much the worst thing that can happen to kids. It should be avoided at almost any cost.

Agreed. Do whatever it takes until the kids are at least 5-7y. Suffer if you must; act if you must.

You chose to bring humans into the world. Don't fuk their lives up because of your poor decisions.

[ErnieMccracken]

Agreed about the lack of loyalty in women but disagree men are loyal. Lmao where did you get that nonsensical idea. Men are literally DNA programmed to spread their seed around as much as possible.

Yeah I meant it in a historical tribal context, but I guess that doesn't really apply anymore. I don't think anyone is really loyal anymore.

[Silencespeaks]

You must not have children.


Poon from some skank isnt even on your radar if your child is suffering. I couldn't sleep at night.

Why did you leave then? Stay and keep your family together for your kids.

[Silencespeaks]

Yeah I meant it in a historical tribal context, but I guess that doesn't really apply anymore. I don't think anyone is really loyal anymore.

Lmao come on Ernie I’m sure tribal men were banging every women in the tribe plus raping women in other tribes. Men are not biologically loyal AT ALL.

[Silencespeaks]

Agreed. Do whatever it takes until the kids are at least 5-7y. Suffer if you must; act if you must.

You chose to bring humans into the world. Don't fuk their lives up because of your poor decisions.

I think people should stay together until the kids leave home for college. So around 18-19. Just fake it until then. Keep the family together, keep everything stable, keep the family home, don’t disrupt anything in the kids lives. Suck up your pride until they leave home.

[iloveus]

"Stay Together For The Kids"

It's hard to wake up, when the shades have been pulled shut
This house is haunted, it's so pathetic, it makes no sense at all
I'm ripe with things to say, the words rot and fall away
If this stupid poem could fix this home, I'd read it every day

So here's your holiday
Hope you enjoy it this time, you gave it all away
It was mine, so when you're dead and gone
Will you remember this night, twenty years now lost
It's not right

Their anger hurts my ears, been running strong for seven years
Rather than fix the problems, they never solve them, it makes no sense at all
I see them everyday, we get along so why can't they?
If this is what he wants, and it's what she wants, then why is there so much pain?

So here's your holiday
Hope you enjoy it this time, you gave it all away
It was mine, so when you're dead and gone
Will you remember this night, twenty years now lost
It's not right

So here's your holiday
Hope you enjoy it this time, you gave it all away
It was mine, so when you're dead and gone
Will you remember this night, twenty years now lost?
It's not right
It's not right
It's not right
It's not right

[Cass40]

I think people should stay together until the kids leave home for college. So around 18-19. Just fake it until then. Keep the family together, keep everything stable, keep the family home, don’t disrupt anything in the kids lives. Suck up your pride until they leave home.

I can see your point. My parents divorced when I was twelve and my grades dropped a lot.

[katya422]

Pls explain why I didn’t date at all for 4 years after my divorce. I feel like this is very atypical. I wish I was normal and could have just monkey branched like a normal person. Why am I so weird.

Because your situation wasn't a typical breakup.

In many concluded relationships, after the shouting has ended and what Daniel Gilbert has called our psychological immune system has kicked in (permitting us to remember all the not-so-wonderful things about our ex instead of crying our eyes out) there comes a moment of calm and detachment when we’re ready to start over. And with that comes the “We’ll always have Paris” moment when you actually remember some of the good times—and you’re okay with the memory. You can pick up a photograph of the two of you without wincing and maybe even smile.

That doesn’t happen with a narcissist.

There is no “We’ll always have Paris" moment because Paris—every promise he or she made to you, every moment you spent together, everything you ever believed about your relationship and connection—has been strafed or burned to the ground.

You’re not recovering from love lost or even the failure of a marriage, but from warfare.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/b...ife-is-so-hard

[Luc1fer]

I think people should stay together until the kids leave home for college. So around 18-19. Just fake it until then. Keep the family together, keep everything stable, keep the family home, don’t disrupt anything in the kids lives. Suck up your pride until they leave home.

I can see your point. My parents divorced when I was twelve and my grades dropped a lot.

Grades is one thing, but bonding and personality development is another.

That's why I say at least up to 5-7yo; apparently that's the critical time period. Personality disorders are almost always linked to messed up childhoods during this period.

[Silencespeaks]

Because your situation wasn't a typical breakup.

In many concluded relationships, after the shouting has ended and what Daniel Gilbert has called our psychological immune system has kicked in (permitting us to remember all the not-so-wonderful things about our ex instead of crying our eyes out) there comes a moment of calm and detachment when we’re ready to start over. And with that comes the “We’ll always have Paris” moment when you actually remember some of the good times—and you’re okay with the memory. You can pick up a photograph of the two of you without wincing and maybe even smile.

That doesn’t happen with a narcissist.

There is no “We’ll always have Paris" moment because Paris—every promise he or she made to you, every moment you spent together, everything you ever believed about your relationship and connection—has been strafed or burned to the ground.

You’re not recovering from love lost or even the failure of a marriage, but from warfare.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/b...ife-is-so-hard

Yeah

Mine was even worse than just a narcissist. He is a sociopath so that’s a level above that even more extreme.

[Silencespeaks]

Grades is one thing, but bonding and personality development is another.

That's why I say at least up to 5-7yo; apparently that's the critical time period. Personality disorders are almost always linked to messed up childhoods during this period.

Personality disorders are at least partially innate too though. My ex’s parents are normal and still together after 50+ years marriage. His sister is normal and has been married 20+ years to a normal guy. She won’t speak to her brother anymore because of how he is. They are completely different. One normal person with good morals and empathy. And one complete sociopath.

[Legz422]

I think people should stay together until the kids leave home for college. So around 18-19. Just fake it until then. Keep the family together, keep everything stable, keep the family home, don’t disrupt anything in the kids lives. Suck up your pride until they leave home.

Lolololol I can't even.

[Coachbombay]

Notice what sort of thread automatically summons every female miscer in the western hemisphere?

Now try to convince yourself that they don't have some inherent biological instinct to be constantly scheming in even the most pure and sacred of relationships.

[user3657]

Lmao come on Ernie I’m sure tribal men were banging every women in the tribe plus raping women in other tribes. Men are not biologically loyal AT ALL.

[QUOTE=Silencespeaks;1629791403]

Because your situation wasn't a typical breakup.



Yeah

Mine was even worse than just a narcissist. He is a sociopath so that’s a level above that even more extreme.

Lolololol I can't even.

[Luc1fer]

Personality disorders are at least partially innate too though. My ex’s parents are normal and still together after 50+ years marriage. His sister is normal and has been married 20+ years to a normal guy. She won’t speak to her brother anymore because of how he is. They are completely different. One normal person with good morals and empathy. And one complete sociopath.

That doesn't dispute the point about parents needing to stay together after 5-7yo. 18-19 is pretty extreme. If anything, you're presenting a counterargument.

[Motiviert]

Aside from having to bury your wife or kid, yeah probably

[katya422]

Notice what sort of thread automatically summons every female miscer in the western hemisphere?

Now try to convince yourself that they don't have some inherent biological instinct to be constantly scheming in even the most pure and sacred of relationships.

Um, yeah, sure.

Because a thread about relationships is the least appropriate topic for female discussion on misc.

[Silencespeaks]

That doesn't dispute the point about parents needing to stay together after 5-7yo. 18-19 is pretty extreme. If anything, you're presenting a counterargument.

Yeah it was a separate point.

If you stay until their adulthood you can give them the best childhood and best adolescence. I really believe that should come before personal pride.

Btw of course it’s not only one spouse’s decision. The other spouse can decide to leave and move in with someone else and you can’t stop that. But as to your own conduct I think it’s best to stay until the kids grow up. With some very limited exceptions like physical abuse.

[user3657]

Yeah it was a separate point.

If you stay until their adulthood you can give them the best childhood and best adolescence. I really believe that should come before personal pride.

Btw of course it’s not only one spouse’s decision. The other spouse can decide to leave and move in with someone else and you can’t stop that. But as to your own conduct I think it’s best to stay until the kids grow up. With some very limited exceptions like physical abuse.

Are you ****ing stupid? do you know what that does to a house? Once hate and disrespect is involved its going to get ugly inside a house. Pareants should move on and be happy, this way they can be civil and cordial and allow the kids to grow without being in a dysfunctional household.

[Coachbombay]

Um, yeah, sure.

Because a thread about relationships is the least appropriate topic for female discussion on misc.

A thread about imploding relationships. About calculating.

Happily ever after doesn't do the same.

[Silencespeaks]

Are you ****ing stupid? do you know what that does to a house? Once hate and disrespect is involved its going to get ugly inside a house. Pareants should move on and be happy, this way they can be civil and cordial and allow the kids to grow without being in a dysfunctional household.

There is no need for disfunction and hate and disrespect. No need to fight. Just swallow your pride and hide your emotions and act normal and stable in front of the kids.

[katya422]

A thread about imploding relationships. About calculating.

Happily ever after doesn't do the same.

I believe that you are the only poster who has brought "calculating" into this thread.

There is no need for disfunction and hate and disrespect. No need to fight. Just swallow your pride and hide your emotions and act normal and stable in front of the kids.

I understand your thinking, but it is highly unlikely.

If the two parties involved were capable of being unselfish and treating each other well then they probably wouldn't be in a rush to be divorced, at least while the kids are very young.

[ChewYourFood]

A guy I know is went through separation and divorce now and it doesnt look like much fun. He's a Chadlette - Went from living in a home with his 2 daughters and dog, to living by himself in an apartment. Financially it sucks, but getting permission to see your own kids is terrible. Cant even begin to imagine the feels when some dude starts spending time / sleeping over in your home while your daughters are home and you are isolated.

Getting laid is easy asf - it doesn't fill the hole (no pun) of never hearing 'daddy's home' ever again.

I've always said I would walk away with nothing and start over, but I would never be able to replicate the situation I have now. Took the kids & their friends sledding on a whim tonight, dinner was ready when we came home. Nothing is going to duplicate that when you live in two different homes. So do your best and hope for the best.

[fishnbrah]

Especially when you realize your corpse won't even be cold before your lovely wife is riding another dink and your kids calling some other ******* Daddy (and maybe get plowed by him, too).

Yeah, that's worse.

would you rather be a corpse when thats happening or alive? cuz thats exactly what happens to some dudes and they have to live through it.

[sif]

No, but it's probably up there for ' worst possible scenarios' for a stay at home mom. ugh hard pass.

[plebmaximus]

OP no there are million other things worse, such as terminal illness. Divorce men (and women) can recover, specially if the partner is understanding and mature so the divorce won't be messy. I've seen divorce go as smooth as possible and I've seen chit shows.

Most people aren't award winning actors/actresses. No way would I be able to hide my feelings on an ongoing basis. Plus your kids are growing up seeing a loveless marriage and that's not good modeling for them.

^^ This. Kids pick more on subtle behaviours and cues. DO not stay in chit marriages because of kids, but at the same time don't just bail because the FEELz aren't right for 5 minutes, be reasonable.

[plebmaximus]

There is no need for disfunction and hate and disrespect. No need to fight. Just swallow your pride and hide your emotions and act normal and stable in front of the kids.

Don't give out relationship advice based on your one messy break up, life isn't as bad as it seems. You're just theorising about how people should act and how 50% chance cheating etc etc.

It's normal to see the world as doom and gloom straight after we have a chitty thing happen to us. The world is full of normal happy relationships and u won't hear about it on the Internet - it doesn't make the news, there're no movies about it because from the outside it looks boring...you know just normal people going to work and doing things with their kids....there's nothing wrong with it, and there isn't a whole lot of dopamine rushes involved but that's life, it's not a Netflix blockbuster where someone gets killed in the 5 mins of the first episode.

Take a break from relationship advice and you will feel better and hopefully things improve. srs.

(unless you're the same Indian guy running all Misc female account, in which case Pajeet I will find you).