Pondus_levo's dating log and general relationship advice/chat

[HockeyBacon18]

I didn't know that it was ever "too much" interest = undesirable. For me at least, I don't really play games, if I'm interested, I let the guy know. Most of the time not verbally, but it's not exactly subtle either. In this case, if the guy seems "distracted" or disengaged from the conversation, I pull back. I don't want to get my feelings hurt, so I'm not going to chase a guy that is preoccupied with other things/women. Don't smother a woman with attention, just match what she does, if she texts you, text back. If her level of interest in the conversation is evident, and she has actual value added things to say, don't intentionally pull back to feign smugness. I cannot speak for all women, but for ones like me, that wouldn't work out in your favor. And how incredibly unfortunate would that be if you both missed out because you're "playing" a game, the wrong way.

it must depend on the girl then

when i text back as soon as i see it on my phone: lost interest quick

when i wait an artificial amount of time (but never exactly an hour thats too obvious, wait say 1:13 instead): their interest levels stay much higher

[Nedo]

Do you wear sexy/ish clothes on dates? Like show some cleavage or your figure off? That can make a huge difference in getting a second date if the guy is on the fence about you.

If you don't think you have the prettiest face you gotta bring in your other assets to keep reminding the guy he's attracted to you

I am not too impressed when I go on a date and she is flaunting her jugs at me, just screams sl00t and lack of respect for her body IMO. However, when she's got it going on and covers up, I like that, especially on first dates. My position on this does change though once we start dating and say go out for dinner. Yeah, then I want her to look shexy. A truly classy woman will look hnnnnnng without wearing overly revealing clothes. Maybe I'm just weird? My experience has shown that if a good portion of her clothes are revealing, she is a sl00t/attention seeker.

To add to the discussion of keeping her chasing you, I have been known to do the following:

-always end on a high/good note when you talk/text so it allows you to pick up right where you left off and it allows her to correlate that fun experience with you and keeps her wanting to repeat it. You bet she will be thinking about it! Try to end off with some kind of banter.
-do things to keep her thinking about you; tell her you have a surprise for her, delay texts when she is waiting for you to reply to something (especially plans to meet), when appropriate/deserved buy her a small gesture which reminds her of you ie a plant. Many times I've heard "I don't know what it is but I just can't stop thinking about you"
-having meaningful/fun discussion which includes alot of banter which keeps her wanting to talk to you, especially through text. Envision yourself as a mild clown providing entertainment. Many guys don't do this so you stand out and are not boring. Leave the more boring convo for in person. With texts you have time to think it through, so make it count!
-at the start, leave when things are at their peak to keep her wanting more. It takes alot of self control to get up and leave during a heated make out session or a date where you are having a blast. However, such patience pays off bruhs and BIG TIME . Then they sit there and question themselves and strive to know how you feel about them and work harder to please since they suspect you might be on the fence about them. Rest assured, they have NEVER experienced this before so it totally throws them off. Its almost mean muahahaha.

pondus: first off, welcome back and behave will ya lol. I sense that at times you leave big gaps of time between contact with some women (1 week +) which makes them think you ain't interested. I like to be in touch every 2, max 3 days. If she is not texting everyday, it often means you just have more work to do. I have heard women say that they are interested in a guy but he doesn't text so they perceive it as lack of interest/she is option B (and it usually is the case). Not sure if you've just done this to women who you had limited interest in? Your style is similar to mine with the whole banter thing, I'm rather surprised you ain't getting chased more often than not.

[repsDTGdaily]

I give every woman a chance to step up. I'm not, too prideful. I'm actually pretty keen at detecting disinterest. What I'm getting at is I need to tweak my approach (notice I didn't say game, because I don't play games) to continue to maintain and increase attraction over time.

For example, the woman I went out with last week that told me she is too busy. I was 99% certain she was going to tell me something like that, but I asked her out again anyway. Guess who advised me to do that? A woman. It seriously amazes me how accurate I am at this. I always hope I am wrong, but I never am.

But again, I think it is something that I am not doing correctly now that is making them lose interest and attraction.



The only time too much interest is not desirable, is when the woman is even more interested. No, what I am getting at is this. In the past I might send the last text or make the last call. I would expect HER to step up and initiate, so I would back off a few days to let her do that, and she would because she would realize she hasn't talked to me for a while and want to. I do my share of initiating and chasing, but I refuse to put in more effort than her. With all the social media and dating apps, this doesn't happen as much anymore. She may still want to talk to me, but she is so pre-occupied with the other attention she is getting, she never makes the time, and actually doesn't really care because her dopamine needs are being met by all the other rando's hitting her up. Even if they mean nothing to her, they still capture her curiosity and her attention. The retreat phase used to be my key to success. That's what got her locked in. That no longer works.

And actually, I don't think I'm losing the game only when it comes to texting. I have no problem using my text game to get dates. I am losing them in person, too, after the first or second date, whcih used to be my strong point. I always knew that if I could just get them out with me, it was a lock in. Now it's like they get off more on the online attention than the in person attention, so I think it's a combination of both.

You have the same mentality as the FA's. The mentality of, "I should just have to be straight forward and be myself." I'm sorry, but that doesn't work for men. That only works for women. It's always been that way, but men really have to step their game up even more now. Now, if a woman "feels" like a man is doing that, he is playing the game EXTREMELY well, LOL!

I'm certain whatever it is I'm missing is very small, but enough to have huge consequences.

I'm the complete opposite. They are more interested when they meet me. The problem with online dating that I see is that the woman (probably about 70% of the time) just stops messaging back. This is perplexing, because nothing bad was said. It could be a great conversation, and all the sudden they disappear when all signs point to them being interested and engaged in it.

[DanielleGreen]

I completely agree. I think a lot has to do with society these days. In general, the attention span of everyone has gotten shorter and there needs to be more done in order to keep attention these days, which obviously includes females. The old "rules" of waiting 2 days after a date to text, getting their number, etc. is complete bull**** as that girl has likely had double digit suitors giving them attention that takes her mind off of you in that time. Therefore, if you didn't completely blow them out of the water, which is highly unlikely, you need that "constant" contact. Unless of course, like you mentioned, you already have them hooked and they caught dem feels.

Repped. I feel like this is the same with "new friends" too. You just have to keep people interested.

Pondus: Back to square 1 for me.

[Nedo]

I'm the complete opposite. They are more interested when they meet me. The problem with online dating that I see is that the woman (probably about 70% of the time) just stops messaging back. This is perplexing, because nothing bad was said. It could be a great conversation, and all the sudden they disappear when all signs point to them being interested and engaged in it.

This is why I stress the importance of keeping it fun with constant banter E-S-P-E-C-I-A-L-L-Y with online. Stand out from the rest of the pack asking the typical "what do you do" questions.

[Luc1fer]

it must depend on the girl then

when i text back as soon as i see it on my phone: lost interest quick

when i wait an artificial amount of time (but never exactly an hour thats too obvious, wait say 1:13 instead): their interest levels stay much higher

If you can text back as soon as you get every message, you are not focused or busy enough.

[SeanGarrity]

I think what a lot of this discussion about is equal effort, or at least wanting equal effort from the other person. Sure, at times one person is going to be putting in more effort, but in the long run it should all even out basically.

[pondus_levo]

I'm the complete opposite. They are more interested when they meet me. The problem with online dating that I see is that the woman (probably about 70% of the time) just stops messaging back. This is perplexing, because nothing bad was said. It could be a great conversation, and all the sudden they disappear when all signs point to them being interested and engaged in it.

Think about what is difference is your behavior/approach over text and in person.

Looking back, things for me started changing when I realized I was open to a LTR. I think that I stopped being so playful in person and this might be what my problem currently is.

I think it's important that even if you want something serious, don't be serious aka boring. It's all about the emotional response so bland getting to know you conversation is an attraction killer. Obviously the point is to get to know each other, but it needs to come out in ways other than just asking and answering questions.

[HockeyBacon18]

ight brah. just my first rodeo at this stuff in a long time and have no idea what im doing at this point. trying to avoid going full blown "beta" and blowing it

well the girls got about 4 days before i leave to have "the talk"

currently preparing for her not to do it and just going separate ways

[SeanGarrity]

well the girls got about 4 days before i leave to have "the talk"

currently preparing for her not to do it and just going separate ways

Why is it a mandatory "going separate ways"?

[BlackScorpio91]

If you can text back as soon as you get every message, you are not focused or busy enough.

True

[HockeyBacon18]

Why is it a mandatory "going separate ways"?

i guess i just thought it would be weird to leave for uni without a commitment from each other

[SeanGarrity]

i guess i just thought it would be weird to leave for uni without a commitment from each other

How far is uni from home? I tried browsing the thread for the initial post but was unsuccessful, may just be easier to link me to that post so I can give my feedback.

[HockeyBacon18]

How far is uni from home? I tried browsing the thread for the initial post but was unsuccessful, may just be easier to link me to that post so I can give my feedback.

https://forum.bodybuilding.com/showt...4549611&page=7 post 198

but it seems you were one of the first responders anyway. Im going to school 3 hours away in 1 direction, while shes going an hour away in a different direction.

[pondus_levo]

i guess i just thought it would be weird to leave for uni without a commitment from each other

you need to talk about what you are going to do, but it doesn't have to be a commitment talk.

[HockeyBacon18]

you need to talk about what you are going to do, but it doesn't have to be a commitment talk.

are there options besides commitment and separate ways?

[pondus_levo]

are there options besides commitment and separate ways?

Continue talking/dating and see where it goes. She may turn that talk into a commitment talk and if that's what you want then go with it.

[HockeyBacon18]

Continue talking/dating and see where it goes. She may turn that talk into a commitment talk and if that's what you want then go with it.

do i have to initiate the other convo or will she? I was told not to start the commitment talk by the fellow folks here

[pondus_levo]

do i have to initiate the other convo or will she? I was told not to start the commitment talk by the fellow folks here

Figuring out the logistics of how you are going to communicate and continue seeing eachother while the two of you are away at school is not a commitment talk. It something you SHOULD talk about.

"So once we start school, how often do you want to chat/call/facetime and make time to see each other?"

But yes, she will probably turn it into a commitment talk, which is fine. It's okay to tell her you are still interested in dating her even though it's going to be long distance.

[BetaThanU]

I am not too impressed when I go on a date and she is flaunting her jugs at me, just screams sl00t and lack of respect for her body IMO. However, when she's got it going on and covers up, I like that, especially on first dates. My position on this does change though once we start dating and say go out for dinner. Yeah, then I want her to look shexy. A truly classy woman will look hnnnnnng without wearing overly revealing clothes. Maybe I'm just weird? My experience has shown that if a good portion of her clothes are revealing, she is a sl00t/attention seeker.

To add to the discussion of keeping her chasing you, I have been known to do the following:

-always end on a high/good note when you talk/text so it allows you to pick up right where you left off and it allows her to correlate that fun experience with you and keeps her wanting to repeat it. You bet she will be thinking about it! Try to end off with some kind of banter.
-do things to keep her thinking about you; tell her you have a surprise for her, delay texts when she is waiting for you to reply to something (especially plans to meet), when appropriate/deserved buy her a small gesture which reminds her of you ie a plant. Many times I've heard "I don't know what it is but I just can't stop thinking about you"
-having meaningful/fun discussion which includes alot of banter which keeps her wanting to talk to you, especially through text. Envision yourself as a mild clown providing entertainment. Many guys don't do this so you stand out and are not boring. Leave the more boring convo for in person. With texts you have time to think it through, so make it count!
-at the start, leave when things are at their peak to keep her wanting more. It takes alot of self control to get up and leave during a heated make out session or a date where you are having a blast. However, such patience pays off bruhs and BIG TIME . Then they sit there and question themselves and strive to know how you feel about them and work harder to please since they suspect you might be on the fence about them. Rest assured, they have NEVER experienced this before so it totally throws them off. Its almost mean muahahaha.

pondus: first off, welcome back and behave will ya lol. I sense that at times you leave big gaps of time between contact with some women (1 week +) which makes them think you ain't interested. I like to be in touch every 2, max 3 days. If she is not texting everyday, it often means you just have more work to do. I have heard women say that they are interested in a guy but he doesn't text so they perceive it as lack of interest/she is option B (and it usually is the case). Not sure if you've just done this to women who you had limited interest in? Your style is similar to mine with the whole banter thing, I'm rather surprised you ain't getting chased more often than not.

Yes. But she's stated she isn't hot. So she's going to have to up the physical game.

[SeanGarrity]

https://forum.bodybuilding.com/showt...4549611&page=7 post 198

but it seems you were one of the first responders anyway. Im going to school 3 hours away in 1 direction, while shes going an hour away in a different direction.

Got it. If you want to continue seeing her, follow Pondus' advice IMO, and AT LEAST it will get you guys on the same page before you guys go away for school.

[mhrreturns]

So I moved back to university yesterday without making any progress with Y or R. Y is a masters student in my home city and was not really giving me any indication it was going to go any further from the replies I was getting. I did not get time to message R before I saw her Snapchat story the next morning which showed her travelling to another city a few hours away. So that option is probably gone now, although maybe for the best as she seemed to give off an attention seeker's vibe from when we met.

I have been walking to J more often recently, with her often initiating the conversation more often than not. Got talking about when she was going to visit me and she asked "Am I only coming for the day?". I replied asking if she wanted to start for longer and her reply was along the lines of "I would do, but my bf would get mad at me". (Yeah, too right!). Answered with "Wouldn't he be mad for you visiting for the day then?" and she replied about "He doesn't control my life".

So there's some red flags here. Rest of the convo was her saying about how badly her bf treats her and how he's really controlling. (Apparently he deleted one of her college friends from her ******** because they talked too much lol). I said that I didn't want to be a home wrecker but she needed to resolve her relationship problems. Anyways, she is going on holiday to America this week so any visit wont be happening until end of September. Hope I've played this situation he best I can.

Also had some good small talk with my neighbours in the accommodation complex yesterday as I moved in. I'll probably go introduce myself to them properly today, although I probably should have done so yesterday. (It's been a busy few days so I'm running on fumes right now).

[HockeyBacon18]

Continue talking/dating and see where it goes. She may turn that talk into a commitment talk and if that's what you want then go with it.

Why is it a mandatory "going separate ways"?

well i think we had this talk

i asked her if she wanted to hangout one last time cause you know summer was ending and stuff and she hit me back with a thats pretty depressing to think about, and that i was "breaking her heart"

so i told her well if its not gonna be the last time you know youll have to still hit me up once schools back and of course she gave me a " we'll see " but im assuming the winkey face is a good sign and she just didnt wanna come right out and say ok (were both weird like that)

[Nedo]

So there's some red flags here. Rest of the convo was her saying about how badly her bf treats her and how he's really controlling. (Apparently he deleted one of her college friends from her ******** because they talked too much lol). I said that I didn't want to be a home wrecker but she needed to resolve her relationship problems. Anyways, she is going on holiday to America this week so any visit wont be happening until end of September. Hope I've played this situation he best I can.

Unless FWB, I wouldn't be getting involved with a cheater bro

[mhrreturns]

Unless FWB, I wouldn't be getting involved with a cheater bro

If anything happens, that's all it will be. She was not the first option last time I was dating her and with freshers just round the corner, I doubt she will be this time.

[Legend1617]

Had a seizure last week and I have been pretty sick since then, a few days ago I couldn't even turn sideways on a bed without throwing up. I have been with my gf for 2 1/2 months it will be a challenge for us to remain together. I hope to god she stays.

[Nedo]

Had a seizure last week and I have been pretty sick since then, a few days ago I couldn't even turn sideways on a bed without throwing up. I have been with my gf for 2 1/2 months it will be a challenge for us to remain together. I hope to god she stays.

Sorry to hear bro. Hope you feeling better soon. As for gf, don't beg her to stay, show insecurities or anything like that, test her quality instead by just going through the paces. If she helping you out?

[DanielleGreen]

So this weekend I caved in and downloaded 2 dating apps. Lots of interesting things to say, but I'll keep it short.
A lot of men have kids especially in their profile picture, sorry not into that. I swiped left on a guy I work with that is definitely married and has 2 daughters. He also lied about his age, strong WTF. I by passed a few good looking dudes because they are way too good looking for me. 1 match wanted my number after the 1st message, way too aggressive for me.

There is 1 guy I may have a chance with. Nerdy half-Asian computer programmer that seems interested. I can tell he is pretty shy, because it took him 2 days to give me his number. I'm giving him a chance, because he's at my pace level.

The other guy that matched with was really intrigued that I mentioned a book I liked and music that I listen too. He said he doesn't meet a lot of Libertarian rock music loving people. He wanted to meet right then, but I told him that's too fast for me. We may meet this weekend? I hope he doesn't lose interest cause he seems pretty cool.

I will gave the apps 2 more weeks and if I don't have any success, I will delete them.

[Nedo]

So this weekend I caved in and downloaded 2 dating apps. Lots of interesting things to say, but I'll keep it short.
A lot of men have kids especially in their profile picture, sorry not into that. I swiped left on a guy I work with that is definitely married and has 2 daughters. He also lied about his age, strong WTF. I by passed a few good looking dudes because they are way too good looking for me. 1 match wanted my number after the 1st message, way too aggressive for me.

There is 1 guy I may have a chance with. Nerdy half-Asian computer programmer that seems interested. I can tell he is pretty shy, because it took him 2 days to give me his number. I'm giving him a chance, because he's at my pace level.

The other guy that matched with was really intrigued that I mentioned a book I liked and music that I listen too. He said he doesn't meet a lot of Libertarian rock music loving people. He wanted to meet right then, but I told him that's too fast for me. We may meet this weekend? I hope he doesn't lose interest cause he seems pretty cool.

I will gave the apps 2 more weeks and if I don't have any success, I will delete them.

Things are looking up, good to see. Got a good feeling you are better looking than you make yourself out to be and the recent online interest has confirmed this. Lettuce be cereal, you wouldn't be getting interest from anybody if you were "not so good looking".

Exposed the guy at work hard, can't believe he takes that chance. What if his wife's friends see him? 20% of his pay or else, nomsayin?

[DanielleGreen]

Things are looking up, good to see. Got a good feeling you are better looking than you make yourself out to be and the recent online interest has confirmed this. Lettuce be cereal, you wouldn't be getting interest from anybody if you were "not so good looking".

Exposed the guy at work hard, can't believe he takes that chance. What if his wife's friends see him? 20% of his pay or else, nomsayin?

We work in different departments. I keep my head down and do work. Maybe crack a joke here and there. I don't get involved in petty stuff here, I'm trying to move up.
Like I said before, if I was hot I would've had a boyfriend by now. Also the guys that I matched with could be looking for a quick lay soooooo.
I really hope this works, I haven't had a bang/sorta BF in more than 2 years.