What will life actually be like into our 30s and 40s if we don't pursue familiies

[AlamedaBoy]

Just here thinking of the post- Covid world. Realistically I'll be a good few months into my 32rd year as we re-emerge into the new world. Before the pandemic began I was in a relationship for 8 months with a girl I was looking forward to navgating my 30s with. Possibilities were good and we were planning to move to the same city together.
Anyway, things happened and the relationship is no more but it left me thinking about what to expect as the years progress.

I'm not really a family guy...
I'm far too individualistic I think. I like living on my own terms and while I liked my relationship, it was a particular set of circumstances that led to it happening at all. As an introverted recluse(exaggerating a bit) I genuinely find it bothersome to let people in.

But just wondering today how my 30s will look like. Will it be more late night bars and getting yucky with the boys. I'm not for or against having a family nor am I interested in a perpetual adolescence but I don't know what there is to do with my time if a relationship and family doesn't materialise? As an introverted person my relationships need to be deep so casual dating isn't for me. As someone who shuns responsibility and people relying on me, neither is a family.

[Titansfan08]

[KingNothing95]

Become a single dog father, whoremaxx and pursue hobbies. Maybe find and LTR or FWB that doesn't want kids

[AlamedaBoy]

Hahaha the year is 2055

[BalognaNbeans]

Become a single dog father, whoremaxx and pursue hobbies. Maybe find and LTR or FWB that doesn't want kids

It's all we can do now

[JoeDelts]

[redraider86]

I have plenty of family responsibilities but no kids, and I find that's often the case with people in my age group so that's something to consider. I can't really say that I've ever been bored, and at the same time I'm really not one to go out and get into the bar scene at all. My time is spent on my hobbies, service work, continuous learning, fitness. It's fulfilling for me but I know it wouldn't be for everyone.

Why don't you enjoy responsibility and being reliable? It's all good and there's no wrong answer, I'm just wondering because I'm exactly the opposite.

[orangetide]

the "life is better without kids" meme is being pushed HARD by the media.

Do some investigating sometime on the journalists that write those articles trying to convince people that kids are unfulfilling/ too expensive, etc.

They either:
1. Come from a big, wealthy family, and lowkey have kids & families of their own (do as i say, not as i do plebs)
2. Are children in adult bodies who cant handle any real responsibilities
3. Single & made poor life choices and are past the point where they can have kids


Everyone I know that is 40+ no kids, even if they are married/in a LTR, confesses to wishing they had a kids/ponder how life would be different with kids when they get drunk.

no one is ever "ready" for kids. your whole outlook on life changes when you have them.



if you are worth any real value and have skills, you SHOULD look forward to having kids.

Govt has incentivized the poor & stupid to procreate rapidly with no consequences, please help us maintain the bell curve of intelligence before it moves too far to the left.

[Silencespeaks]

I’m extremely introverted too. For me marriage with no kids was the ideal situation. The deep bond and companionship and safety of marriage without the family responsibilities of having to take care of someone.

That was the best lifestyle for me because it gave me both companionship/safety and freedom/free time to relax and do my own thing. It was great.

Anyway I lived that marriage/no kids life all through my thirties but then got divorced and have been single my forties. I do not like it because I am very lonely. I don’t want to replace marriage with a busy social life because I’m too introverted to enjoy that.

[Jms89]

I wouldn't go deep into your 30's without getting wifed up tbh. I found that after around 30, the cool single guy life becomes less cool. You are also left with significantly less options. Don't let misc lie to you... most guys in their 40's have no chance with a girl in her 20's unless shes mentally fuk'd in the head. Kids give your life a purpose i think. You stop living for yourself and start living for your family. It feels great. Much rather have the feeling of being a dad than having the feeling of fuking another random broad.

[Lexira]

I would be glad if I make it to 40s lmao I am not too optimistic about how long I will live.

[KingNothing95]

Most single bros don't live that long

[JoeDelts]

the "life is better without kids" meme is being pushed HARD by the media.

Do some investigating sometime on the journalists that write those articles trying to convince people that kids are unfulfilling/ too expensive, etc.

They either:
1. Come from a big, wealthy family, and lowkey have kids & families of their own (do as i say, not as i do plebs)
2. Are children in adult bodies who cant handle any real responsibilities
3. Single & made poor life choices and are past the point where they can have kids


Everyone I know that is 40+ no kids, even if they are married/in a LTR, confesses to wishing they had a kids/ponder how life would be different with kids when they get drunk.

no one is ever "ready" for kids. your whole outlook on life changes when you have them.



if you are worth any real value and have skills, you SHOULD look forward to having kids.

Govt has incentivized the poor & stupid to procreate rapidly with no consequences, please help us maintain the bell curve of intelligence before it moves too far to the left.

Bolded is very true. The reality is that as first time parents you're essentially wingin' it but that's how it's always been. The problem in today's society is that young people are being pushed to remain in an extended state of adolescence until it's literally too late for them to have kids. There are other factors to consider (like economic) but in the past your mid to late 20's would be the time when people would be looking for a serious relationship and potential life partner. When you wait until your 30's the entire dynamic has changed by that point.

[Kev1972]

My brother got married in his 40s. His only regret is not having kids. I can't tell you anything else, but from my own experience, the guys who stayed single tended to lose touch since they have less in common with the rest of us who wifed and kids up.

He shouldn't have married a dried up crusty old broad.

[Stray800]

Your boys will get married and form families.

The wives more often than not won't want them to be around the still single friend.

You'll find someone if you want to - don't spend too much time 'planning' because more often than not where we end up isn't where we intended.

"Life is what happens while your busy making other plans"

[Polaris]

I'm the introverted type who greatly values my personal time/solitude. To be perfectly honest, I wouldn't be shocked if a lot of shrinks would label me with "Schizoid Personality Disorder" (basically they pathologized being a real loner). Being in a relationship feels like a huge unpleasant chore to me.

I've had opportunities to get married/women in the past really pushing for it, and was engaged like...2-3 years ago (though it was LARGELY because she twisted my arm into, several times she said "I had to propose to myself!" - which wasn't exactly false). Some people genuinely don't want that.

[overtrainbrah]

scroogemaxxing



no gracias jeff

[Noliberals4]

I am scared of having kids (and a wife) for one reason: the finality of it. That means I am now truly an adult, and it's going to make my mortality all the more apparent to me. Once I have a wife and kid(s), my life is now set and that's it. I am worried as hell about that so I probably won't do this til I am about 35-37.

[Coldsloth]

the "life is better without kids" meme is being pushed HARD by the media.

Do some investigating sometime on the journalists that write those articles trying to convince people that kids are unfulfilling/ too expensive, etc.

They either:
1. Come from a big, wealthy family, and lowkey have kids & families of their own (do as i say, not as i do plebs)
2. Are children in adult bodies who cant handle any real responsibilities
3. Single & made poor life choices and are past the point where they can have kids


Everyone I know that is 40+ no kids, even if they are married/in a LTR, confesses to wishing they had a kids/ponder how life would be different with kids when they get drunk.

no one is ever "ready" for kids. your whole outlook on life changes when you have them.



if you are worth any real value and have skills, you SHOULD look forward to having kids.

Govt has incentivized the poor & stupid to procreate rapidly with no consequences, please help us maintain the bell curve of intelligence before it moves too far to the left.

Really good points. I never felt ready and when I had mine it really showed me what’s important in life. Yeah, if i had stayed single or no kids I’d have a lot more free time and money, but I feel like it would be a waste.

[SSM12]

Im basically single at 32. I don't mind it. I enjoy spending my money on me and only having to worry about myself tbh. Its just easier. Obviously I am still dating and I am currently sorta seeing someone, but as far as like intense relationships go, I enjoy my freedom. Sorta sucks because I do enjoy relationships, but its hard for me at the current moment to feel 100% committed and that isn't fair to anyone else.

Im very comfortable with where I am at and what I am doing and I really don't need a distraction.

If you YEARN for a relationship, I am sure it will suck as you get older, but if you enjoy your own company, its fine.

[_zman]

It's something I've been thinking about as I age. So I got some hobbies, which helped a lot. I got a dog, which helped even more. It's not that I'm against marriage and/or kids. I just haven't found the right person to do it with, and to me that's ok.

I'm an introvert/extrovert depending on my mood. I don't get lonely very much, but I can definitely understand the people who do, it's gotta be a pretty terrible existence to always be wanting someone around and you have no one. If this is you, then you should probably do everything you can to find someone to settle down with and have kids.

I have a larger family with a lot of extended family, they all have kids. All my friends have kids. I can always spend time with them or spoil them and do Uncle things. I'm definitely fitting into the lonely category, but I don't feel that at all, honestly never have. The only time I feel lonely is when I have no one to have deep/real conversations with. Luckily I have some family members for that and some friends I picked up a long the way. So I'm still in no rush personally. Just acquiring currency, knowledge and enjoying what life has to offer. If it happens, it happens, if it doesn't, it doesn't. Also, I wouldn't judge single people when they say they wish they had kids. Not everyone had the right person come along and people do their best to try to relate to people with kids. Too many people I know say they wish they didn't have kids and so I'll just remind them it's something I would like to have had, and that's only partially true, partially to make them feel better, when in reality, I'm pretty indifferent about it.

Most of my life was pretty grueling, well into my 20s, now life is like on easy mode for me. If it's just me and my dog, I feel like I have nothing to worry about as well. I do things for me, for my family and for the dog, and it just feels really nice. I've always been able to take care of myself, and at some point, I know that won't be the case, but that's also not a reason to have kids like some people try to tell me.

Yesterday, for whatever reason I was thinking if I meet someone in the same situation as me financially and the same mindset, I'd definitely be happier. We could build the house we've always wanted, buy nicer cars, travel even more. I'm definitely open to that. Life would be on easier mode for sure. But that's not necessarily how marriages work out either.

[guest89]

A lot of miscers have delusional ideas about what life as a single bachelor will be like. I like to think I did that part right. Basically stayed single and just relied on fwbs/ons until I was about 31-32. Got my finances right and managed my money so I was very comfortable/set. Etc.


Here's the thing. Literally all of your friends/peers will be in two categories. People who have their schit together and have a wife and/or kids. And people who don't have their schit together and are still trying to run bars/clubs and get laid by low tier bimbo's. People that haven't had a lot of sex thinks they'll come into their own and start plowing and are happy with that idea. At a certain point you've got the finances/resources to do whatever you want. But none of your single friends do. Your married friends do, but they have a family and can't.


But the simple truth is if you aren't going to bars/clubs and banging randoms in your 20s. Its not going to suddenly turn around for you in your 30s-40s. Your still going to be that lonely miscer who spends most of his time fapping.


Now that I'm reaching my mid 30s, I'm happy to be in a LTR. Its still an adjustment, but the idea of having a combined income and doubling my house-hold income is very appealing. Assuming things don't work out with my girl that's cool. I'll still be alright. But I'd probably be looking for a decent girl with her schit together instead of just being a bachelor again.

[JoeDelts]

I am scared of having kids (and a wife) for one reason: the finality of it. That means I am now truly an adult, and it's going to make my mortality all the more apparent to me. Once I have a wife and kid(s), my life is now set and that's it. I am worried as hell about that so I probably won't do this til I am about 35-37.

What's the alternative? Did you ever go clubbing in your early 20's? Do you remember cringing at those few creepy guys in their 30's and 40's and how pathetic and out of place they looked? The older women looked just as pathetic in an environment made for people in the prime of their youth and glow years.

[overtrainbrah]

A lot of miscers have delusional ideas about what life as a single bachelor will be like. I like to think I did that part right. Basically stayed single and just relied on fwbs/ons until I was about 31-32. Got my finances right and managed my money so I was very comfortable/set. Etc.


Here's the thing. Literally all of your friends/peers will be in two categories. People who have their schit together and have a wife and/or kids. And people who don't have their schit together and are still trying to run bars/clubs and get laid by low tier bimbo's. People that haven't had a lot of sex thinks they'll come into their own and start plowing and are happy with that idea. At a certain point you've got the finances/resources to do whatever you want. But none of your single friends do. Your married friends do, but they have a family and can't.


But the simple truth is if you aren't going to bars/clubs and banging randoms in your 20s. Its not going to suddenly turn around for you in your 30s-40s. Your still going to be that lonely miscer who spends most of his time fapping.


Now that I'm reaching my mid 30s, I'm happy to be in a LTR. Its still an adjustment, but the idea of having a combined income and doubling my house-hold income is very appealing. Assuming things don't work out with my girl that's cool. I'll still be alright. But I'd probably be looking for a decent girl with her schit together instead of just being a bachelor again.

happy for you brah, kids on the table?

[DeputyDong5]

I have siblings... other family... I have friends closer than family. The only time I'm alone is when I want to be.

[ooph]

32, no wife/kids. Got girlfriends.



I have a business associate, 45 2 kids over 18+ out of the house, no wife. He seems happy af being able to do what he wants.

Another friend 44, no kids, no wife. Has a girlfriend whos late 30's with a daughter. But she lives an hr away. He is in politics and seems happy as **** being able to go out and do what he wants, is wealthy and successful. Doesn't have any desire to have kids.


Idk how/what these lives will look like when they are 55+ but so far they seem to be doing great, a lot less stress I'd say.

[Noliberals4]

What's the alternative? Did you ever go clubbing in your early 20's? Do you remember cringing at those few creepy guys in their 30's and 40's and how pathetic and out of place they looked? The older women looked just as pathetic in an environment made for people in the prime of their youth and glow years.

It's not really about that. It's more like..... now I am a dad, and I will soon be a grandpa. Old, then die. My life is now set (yeah, I could run out on the kid and pretend s/he doesn't exist but I would never do that). I still want to live life for a few more years before I set my future in stone. I see how old my mom is getting and having a kid will make me think about me getting that old and then next is death.

[Shortfuze]

When I was single, I used to come back home to an empty apartment. I microwaved some food, made some coffee, sat down in front of the TV, and watched my favorite TV shows. That's pretty much it.

[JoeDelts]

It's not really about that. It's more like..... now I am a dad, and I will soon be a grandpa. Old, then die. My life is now set (yeah, I could run out on the kid and pretend s/he doesn't exist but I would never do that). I still want to live life for a few more years before I set my future in stone. I see how old my mom is getting and having a kid will make me think about me getting that old and then next is death.

I get what you're saying but trying to just ignore the passage of time won't change anything. If anything it'll just make your anxiety about it even worse because trying to ignore it or block it out is literally impossible.

[guest89]

happy for you brah, kids on the table?

We've been together 2 years and aren't married yet. She does want kids so perhaps one will be on the table when the time is right.


I want to say I never really chased a serious commitment things just sort of worked itself out. She cooks, cleans does my laundry, deleted her social media accounts, gave me her phones passcode and her bank account login info (srs). Just volunteered all that I never asked. Makes a good salary and already told me when we are married I should be the one to control all the money. She's also made it clear she believes as man should be a leader in the relationship and she's just along for the ride.

Basically the complete anti-feminist. I never really aspired to be married/have kids because I didn't think I'd find someone worth investing that heavily into. But again things just kind of fell into place.



Another huge bonus is she likes working and doesn't plan on retiring anytime soon. Assuming we did get together and I double down on investments I could probably semi-retire in 5 years and just focus on running a small business from home as a part time gig. Spend my free time fishing, hunting, gardening and lifting. That sort of life-style will take me another 15 years minimum if I stayed single.