Eating Disorder Support Thread: "Take Action" (part 3)

[MosToorani]

@fretslayer

Determined passed away, God bless his soul.

RIP

[MosToorani]

Felt like sharing these thoughts before going to bed. I wonder if I'm not the only one.

Since I've increased my intake, I've been getting these thoughts:

"You're not like the other guys here. You're normal. You just have to safe the fact and accept that you only need a normal amount of calories (2.1k to 2.3k, just like before) to grow and gain strength + bulk in the gym"

"The guys in this forum have were at an extremely low body weight and body fat, they're extremely active and their metabolism is much higher than yours Mos, that's why they need/can eat 3k+ of calories and not gain weight"

"You're only going to get fatter at a faster rate. Gain weight, but slowly, at a lower intake. You don't need this much food".

I know, what I wrote sounds a bit too dramatic but I had to share it as I hate these thoughts.

Did you guys experience this at the beginning as well?

I'm just trying to cope with it and ignore it. Going strong.

MT

[Bonnappe]

@MosToorani why would you give single flying f what others eat? What does it matter if one person has to eat 6000 kcals to gain and one has to eat 2000 kcals to gain, how does that affect you in any sort of way? Just find what works for you, instead of comparing yourself to others

[AdamWW]

@MosToorani why would you give single flying f what others eat? What does it matter if one person has to eat 6000 kcals to gain and one has to eat 2000 kcals to gain, how does that affect you in any sort of way? Just find what works for you, instead of comparing yourself to others

He's just venting his experience. We all struggle in our own ways.

ED's are not logical by nature, so our thoughts aren't going to be black and white.

@Mos:

The comparing issues are very, very common. I do this myself as well. What helps me personally in avoiding such thoughts is to try and list out (in your head or on paper, whatever) what you PERSONALLY are going to get as a benefit from recovery. Maybe you don't need the same relief other people do, but it doesn't mean you don't need similar steps.

[AdamWW]

I almost feel like I've been having too much fun with food this week. Not literally, I just mean I've been finally able to eat my 'fear foods'... things that typically I never buy before I always fear i'll overeat them...

Yesterday I had basically all my fear foods in some way, shape, or form either in meal or snack capacity. I never ate to sickly feeling, just as much as I felt like to get 'enough'. Not gunna lie... it was a LOT... but man was it good.

Oddly enough my favorite thing I had was a snack: 2 White Chocolate Macadamia Nut Clif Bars, a PB/Banana Sandwich, and a glass of almond milk. For some reason, it just hit the spot perfectly.

Sadly i've been not sleeping too great due to other life stresses so I haven't been lifting/exercising for about 4-5 days... but that's fine with me. gotta recover before you can lift and build.

[Grappa]

Felt like sharing these thoughts before going to bed. I wonder if I'm not the only one.

Since I've increased my intake, I've been getting these thoughts:

"You're not like the other guys here. You're normal. You just have to safe the fact and accept that you only need a normal amount of calories (2.1k to 2.3k, just like before) to grow and gain strength + bulk in the gym"

"The guys in this forum have were at an extremely low body weight and body fat, they're extremely active and their metabolism is much higher than yours Mos, that's why they need/can eat 3k+ of calories and not gain weight"

"You're only going to get fatter at a faster rate. Gain weight, but slowly, at a lower intake. You don't need this much food".

I know, what I wrote sounds a bit too dramatic but I had to share it as I hate these thoughts.

Did you guys experience this at the beginning as well?

I'm just trying to cope with it and ignore it. Going strong.

MT

Take it simple man, do not let this bull**** ED thoughts distract you from your goals, if you are hungry, you have to eat until you are not hungry anymore. DO not let your ED starve you, you have to take control over your ED and land a punch on it's face. You have to go to sleep every day like you owned that day, you have beaten that day your ED. Quitting your old habits is hard i know it well, it is fking hard, but u have to make changes in order to get better. Recovery is not a linear process, it is a fking roller coaster.

[fretslayer]

@MosToorani oh wow, I am sorry to hear that. I hope it wasn't ED related??

Thanks for the reply.

[Grappa]

I almost feel like I've been having too much fun with food this week. Not literally, I just mean I've been finally able to eat my 'fear foods'... things that typically I never buy before I always fear i'll overeat them...

Yesterday I had basically all my fear foods in some way, shape, or form either in meal or snack capacity. I never ate to sickly feeling, just as much as I felt like to get 'enough'. Not gunna lie... it was a LOT... but man was it good.

Oddly enough my favorite thing I had was a snack: 2 White Chocolate Macadamia Nut Clif Bars, a PB/Banana Sandwich, and a glass of almond milk. For some reason, it just hit the spot perfectly.

Sadly i've been not sleeping too great due to other life stresses so I haven't been lifting/exercising for about 4-5 days... but that's fine with me. gotta recover before you can lift and build.

oooh how i envy you that u are still having cravings. :c

[AdamWW]

oooh how i envy you that u are still having cravings. :c

I'm sure it'll back off eventually... but I just haven't been exposing myself to the plethora of calories and food long enough to get over them. Of course I get kind of stuffed, but then when it stops I'm right back at it.

I do feel like a girl on her 'time of the month' sometimes though... the cravings I get can be so damn random.

Like last night... I craved popcorn, curry, protein bars, and sushi..... i mean what the hell?


Right now the most irritating part for me has been when I literally do not have an option to eat during a situation where I get hungry. Sometimes it happens during a work meeting or when I'm on the bus coming from or going to work, and instead of just feeling a little hunger like a normal person my brain just switches into survival mode and it's hard not to get sidetracked from thinking about eating.... i'm basically either content/full for a while, or I suddenly get massively hungry... like I said before, my body seems to get paranoid and overreact out of fear I might be starving it.

[Grappa]

I'm sure it'll back off eventually... but I just haven't been exposing myself to the plethora of calories and food long enough to get over them. Of course I get kind of stuffed, but then when it stops I'm right back at it.

I do feel like a girl on her 'time of the month' sometimes though... the cravings I get can be so damn random.

Like last night... I craved popcorn, curry, protein bars, and sushi..... i mean what the hell?


Right now the most irritating part for me has been when I literally do not have an option to eat during a situation where I get hungry. Sometimes it happens during a work meeting or when I'm on the bus coming from or going to work, and instead of just feeling a little hunger like a normal person my brain just switches into survival mode and it's hard not to get sidetracked from thinking about eating.... i'm basically either content/full for a while, or I suddenly get massively hungry... like I said before, my body seems to get paranoid and overreact out of fear I might be starving it.

My funniest was bread with olive oil topped with sugar? DD

[AdamWW]

My funniest was bread with olive oil topped with sugar? DD

That actually doesn't sound THAT bad... but definitely weird

[Bentley41]

Okay gents, imma stop counting calories. My 512 day MFP steak is gonna come to an end... I'm just going to eat mindfully and try to listen to my body. Wish me luck boys

[AdamWW]

Okay gents, imma stop counting calories. My 512 day MFP steak is gonna come to an end... I'm just going to eat mindfully and try to listen to my body. Wish me luck boys

whoa.... 512 days??

[Grappa]

whoa.... 512 days??

o_o

[Strawng]

Depends, i never was into the fitness macro counter world, i count only when my med team ask me cuz my weight gain is too slow, or plateus. But i hate it, it is boring, time consuming, and i fking hate to do it. To be honest, i have better things to do rather than measuring my food.

This. In the early days of my anorexia recovery l obsessed over my calories/macros all day everyday, but as I recovered more & more, calorie counting became one of the dullest things on Earth and I only counted calories because my med team forced me to when I was hypermetabolic & stalling. In my experience, the more pointless and boring food/macro talk sounds, the better.

[AdamWW]

This. In the early days of my anorexia recovery l obsessed over my calories/macros all day everyday, but as I recovered more & more, calorie counting became one of the dullest things on Earth and I only counted calories because my med team forced me to when I was hypermetabolic & stalling. In my experience, the more pointless and boring food/macro talk sounds, the better.

Im starting to wonder if I'm experiencing hypermetabolism, but I suppose it doesn't matter given the approach would simply be to eat more... which I am.

[AdamWW]

I could use some advice ya'll. I feel like I know the answer, or what the answers will be, but it'd be great to get input.

I mentioned above, I haven't lifted or actually 'trained' in any way except my weekend golf matches (my golf matches amount to about 1 hour of practice between swings/range and short-game work and 4.5-6hours of actual golf: a combination of swinging and walking about 5-7 miles while pushing my cart over varied degrees of undulation depending on the course) and some basic stretching/yoga in the AM when I wake up for about 10-15 minutes to loosen up for the day for about 4-5 days.

As much as I crave a good lifting workout, I haven't been sleeping the best, so if I'm in the office or at home hanging out I don't feel very energized to go lift.

HOWEVER, there have been a couple cases where I went in (over the past 3 weeks) despite not feeling a ton of energy, and after a few sets of chin ups, I was able to feel at least 'OK' and do a good full body routine or an upper/lower session for about 30-40min. Mainly just low-volume compounds and some basic arm isolation work... then leave.

Question is, what do you think about this idea of going into the gym in order to get in the mood for it? I absolutely want to avoid exercise if I don't feel physically ready, and I DO NOT want to do anything that makes me more likely to force workouts where I don't feel 100% going in, but like I said...sometimes a few sets of something basic gets me a little amped up and I can knock out a session.

Another reason I'm hesitant is because, from my past experience, I almost always saw the bulking success when I went INTO the gym feeling totally spilled over with glycogen and energy... there was no 'ramp up'... I just had plenty on reserve and I crushed it every time.

I'm curious if I should wait until I gain some more fat or weight in general, and then only go in and lift if I can WALK IN already good to go....

This is a tricky call for me...

appreciate any input!

[ErikTheElectric]

The problem is the association of positivity with "going in for the mood of it". Chances are, you could replicate whatever type of "mood" you may feel, OUTSIDE of the gym setting. The gym (most likely, just as it viewed by the large majority of us that suffer from Eating Disorders and exercise addictions) use it as a coping mechanism to deter ourselves from focusing on the other things in life that we CAN focus on to bring us satisfaction and happiness.

You be the judge, are you ready? Do you feel as you've been able to TRULY rid yourself of the obligatory mindset of "needing" to be in the gym?

Keep working hard, Adam.

[AdamWW]

The problem is the association of positivity with "going in for the mood of it". Chances are, you could replicate whatever type of "mood" you may feel, OUTSIDE of the gym setting. The gym (most likely, just as it viewed by the large majority of us that suffer from Eating Disorders and exercise addictions) use it as a coping mechanism to deter ourselves from focusing on the other things in life that we CAN focus on to bring us satisfaction and happiness.

You be the judge, are you ready? Do you feel as you've been able to TRULY rid yourself of the obligatory mindset of "needing" to be in the gym?

Keep working hard, Adam.

Mentally I want to lift, but physically I don't feel up to it until I get in there and toss some things around.

It isn't so much a 'need' to lift so much as a desire to. I'd like to get stronger, bigger, etc. Honestly it's hard to say... I'd need to stop and think about that for a while really... lot of these motivations have been so deeply set in my mind for a long time it's hard to tell whats what.

[MosToorani]

Mentally I want to lift, but physically I don't feel up to it until I get in there and toss some things around.

It isn't so much a 'need' to lift so much as a desire to. I'd like to get stronger, bigger, etc. Honestly it's hard to say... I'd need to stop and think about that for a while really... lot of these motivations have been so deeply set in my mind for a long time it's hard to tell whats what.

I was on the same boat a couple of weeks ago. Used to ditch the gym and as soon as I did ditch going to the gym, my mood felt much, much better! Motivated to do anything! Hang out with friends, go shopping, whatever activity felt much better than going to the gym and lifting weights.

I thought I needed a break. went on vacation, came back, same mood. no motivation at all to hit the weights.

Then Sonny (Daniel) gave me a new routine which i've been running for the past couple of weeks and i feel much more motivated to go to the gym and lift weights! It could be because of the increased intake? or the new routine? these are the two variables that changed and made me feel much better.

MT

[MosToorani]

With regards to what I posted last night about the disordered thoughts. Thank you all for the advice.

I slept over it, at work now and I've realized that the brain is just .. unbelievably amazing?

hear me out.

When you reach to a low BF %, the brain sends signals and you tend to binge in order to stop yourself from "starvation".

And then, when you reach a higher weight, like me for example, the brain tricks you into thinking you're too fat and you need to lose weight..

What is this bulls***? What is the brain trying to do? Is it trying to tell the individual that there is a medium or equilibrium of body fat/weight that you need to be around? Is that why it 'forces' you to binge and then 'forces' you to lose weight?

I think the root cause of my recent disordered thoughts of "you don't deserve to eat this much" is due to the workout routine, the increased intake and the main reason is that I don't know how much I weigh now (I'm sure i gained weight as i feel filled out).

While I'm on the subject of the workout routine .. Had an upper session yesterday and I left the gym feeling .. amazing! For the first time in such a long time I feel like this. Finished work, hit an upper session in the gym, left the gym not feeling fatigued/drained or even hungry! (forced myself to eat anyways). The session lasted like an hour in comparison to previous sessions under the previous routine where each session would last at least an hour and 30 mins to 2 hours.

oh yeah .. any advice on these thoughts?

I've been ignoring them .. my brain is basically telling me "in order for you to feel better, you should have just changed the routine to the current one and not increased intake"

MT

[AdamWW]

@Mos

I think what you're describing is two distinct situations...

1. In starvation situations your body trying to force your brain to adhere to a primal need to feed for calories / energy. That's basically what I've been experiencing... we call it 'extreme hunger'. It is, however, a situation of conflicting thoughts: your ego is telling you that you should stay thin/lean, but your deeper urges for food are also there trying to win the battle... sadly, for many of us the ego wins.

2. When you begin eating more and your weight starts to restore itself, the ego/self-loathing/superficial parts of your mind (NOT the body as mentioned above) are in direct conflict with your physical actions. It is THAT - the superficial part of your mind - which is becoming uncomfortable...


The ultimate goal, I believe, is to adjust to a point where you can be 'OK' being either of those things, or a combination of both... and just be OK living in a constant state of flux. That's what I'm hoping for.

Life is a dynamic and complicated journey, and ED's are a coping mechanism used to try and find control the confusing, difficult times we have. They allow us to avoid confronting our true issues and they make the complexities seem less complex...they're a distraction.

Again, we have to be OK with not being OK all the time... we need to accept that we'll gain fat, lose fat, get bigger, smaller, etc, during different periods of our lives... and trust that we'll be fine no matter what we weigh or look like.

[Bentley41]

Today I didn't count calories really. I ate a lot of food, but I wouldn't call it binging, I just ate to my hunger. I didn't feel like I was out of control of my choices of food, even though I had some ice cream and waffles lol. It felt so weird to eat fruit guys... when I got off of work I had a PB sandwich with agave and a glass of almond milk, It felt so normal.
One step closer

[Grappa]

Im starting to wonder if I'm experiencing hypermetabolism, but I suppose it doesn't matter given the approach would simply be to eat more... which I am.

Checking your thyroid will show you if u are having it, or not. This condition is way more complex than "cool i can eat a fkton without gaining weight". Actually you can/have to eat waaaaay more above satisfaction to gain weight. This is what happened me during active recovery: I received my first mealplan, and i ate 4-5x more than that cuz i was hungry as hell. I got weighted every 3 days during that time, the first week was okay, i have gained 5 kg in that week, i continued to eat like a hog, and i started to lose weight RAPIDLY, 2 weeks after my 5kg weight gain, my weight dropped even lower than my starting weight so i was below 45 kg, my team asked me if i stick to the mealplan or what, i told them no, instead i stuff my face all day, i got tested asap for my thyroid, and it was on overdrive, i was told to keep eating more and more, and u know what happened? I started to lose even MORE WEIGHT. For 2 months i had to eat until i nearly throwed up to gain weight. Things not so hardcore nowdays, but the night sweats still there, the absurdly high intake still there, and my fked up thyroid is still there. They have told me the following: That this situation my body's main focus is not to gain weight, it repairs the organs, bones all kinds of damage i have done to my body. It is really wonderful btw, how my skin changed, my hair started to grow again, my nails are strong again. The body is a wonderful thing!

[Grappa]

I could use some advice ya'll. I feel like I know the answer, or what the answers will be, but it'd be great to get input.

I mentioned above, I haven't lifted or actually 'trained' in any way except my weekend golf matches (my golf matches amount to about 1 hour of practice between swings/range and short-game work and 4.5-6hours of actual golf: a combination of swinging and walking about 5-7 miles while pushing my cart over varied degrees of undulation depending on the course) and some basic stretching/yoga in the AM when I wake up for about 10-15 minutes to loosen up for the day for about 4-5 days.

As much as I crave a good lifting workout, I haven't been sleeping the best, so if I'm in the office or at home hanging out I don't feel very energized to go lift.

HOWEVER, there have been a couple cases where I went in (over the past 3 weeks) despite not feeling a ton of energy, and after a few sets of chin ups, I was able to feel at least 'OK' and do a good full body routine or an upper/lower session for about 30-40min. Mainly just low-volume compounds and some basic arm isolation work... then leave.

Question is, what do you think about this idea of going into the gym in order to get in the mood for it? I absolutely want to avoid exercise if I don't feel physically ready, and I DO NOT want to do anything that makes me more likely to force workouts where I don't feel 100% going in, but like I said...sometimes a few sets of something basic gets me a little amped up and I can knock out a session.

Another reason I'm hesitant is because, from my past experience, I almost always saw the bulking success when I went INTO the gym feeling totally spilled over with glycogen and energy... there was no 'ramp up'... I just had plenty on reserve and I crushed it every time.

I'm curious if I should wait until I gain some more fat or weight in general, and then only go in and lift if I can WALK IN already good to go....

This is a tricky call for me...

appreciate any input!

I can really relate to "missing my old performace" part. It will going to take me years to get back my former endurance, flexibility, agility and speed. As how lifting goes: If you enjoy it, do it but your main focus should be performance/feel entertained while in the gym. That is why i rotate a lot of exercises, i get bored easily, so when i do not like something, i try something new to keep me entertained. I am going to be honest here, if i would been limited to do ohp, deadlift, squat and bench i would quit lifting, for me it is like playing a game over and over again just in harder difficulty. Hope this can help

[Bentley41]

How do I know when I'm ready to experiment with cutting and dieting again? When I'm just indifferent to food?
Edit: bros I couldn't fit into my lever belt today, i don't wanna get fuking fat guys. Iv worked hard for where I am.

[Bonnappe]

Okay gents, imma stop counting calories. My 512 day MFP steak is gonna come to an end... I'm just going to eat mindfully and try to listen to my body. Wish me luck boys

While I haven't weighed my foods on the scale for a long time now, I have still been eye balling calories so I know somewhat closely how much calories I eat but this right here, this would be my end goal. Eating without worrying a thing about whether I get enough fats / protein / carbs / calories, eating because I feel like so, without having to think about eating at all and just doing so like other people do. When eating becomes as easy as going to the toilet in the mornings I know I have made it, when it feels natural

[AdamWW]

How do I know when I'm ready to experiment with cutting and dieting again? When I'm just indifferent to food?
Edit: bros I couldn't fit into my lever belt today, i don't wanna get fuking fat guys. Iv worked hard for where I am.

You're entering into this with the WRONG mindset if you're already pondering when you'll be able to stop. Set yourself up for success by focusing on THIS goal, not with how lean you can trim down to in the future. Mos was asking similar questions... it's NOT the right way to go about it.

It's kind of like going into a new job and only being able to think about when you'll be able to leave. Do you think that'll set you up for success? No... you need to enjoy the process.. enjoy where you are NOW, and trust that your body will tell you (not your mind) when things are OK.

If you were to ask 'how will I know when i'm recovered' from an ED, well, that depends.

One explanation I liked stated that [you know you're recovered when you no longer think about your disorder].

So for myself, my ED is focused on orthorexia, exercise bulimia, and general restriction to be as lean (not at light, just lean) as possible. I feel that I will consider myself 'recovered' when:

- I no longer actively ponder the nutrition content of food I eat
- I do not actively think about how many calories I am burning/will burn from exercise
- I continue to not track my calories/macros to support unhealthy habits
- I am able to not exercise and truly be OK with it, not feel like I need to somehow overcompensate
- I gain weight/fat and can continue accepting myself for who I am


Basically, I'll be 'recovered' when food/eating and exercise are only a positive influence on my life. I'll be a 'normal eater':

Normal Eater: "Normal eating is going to the table hungry and eating until you are satisfied. It is being able to choose food you like and eat it and truly get enough of it -not just stop eating because you think you should. Normal eating is being able to give some thought to your food selection so you get nutritious food, but not being so wary and restrictive that you miss out on enjoyable food. Normal eating is giving yourself permission to eat sometimes because you are happy, sad or bored, or just because it feels good. Normal eating is mostly three meals a day, or four or five, or it can be choosing to munch along the way. It is leaving some cookies on the plate because you know you can have some again tomorrow, or it is eating more now because they taste so wonderful. Normal eating is overeating at times, feeling stuffed and uncomfortable. And it can be undereating at times and wishing you had more. Normal eating is trusting your body to make up for your mistakes in eating. Normal eating takes up some of your time and attention, but keeps its place as only one important area of your life.

In short, normal eating is flexible. It varies in response to your hunger, your schedule, your proximity to food and your feelings."




As with most of these things though, it's very individual. YOU personally need to be brutally honest with yourself in how you're feeling. When you know, you'll know. If you're still sitting around dealing with the negative impacts of a disorder, if you're still having negative effects on your life caused by whatever you're going through, then hell no, you're not ready....

Most of us with ED's KNOW what the problem is... we happen to suck as being honest with ourselves though... and it gets in the way.

[Bentley41]

You're entering into this with the WRONG mindset if you're already pondering when you'll be able to stop. Set yourself up for success by focusing on THIS goal, not with how lean you can trim down to in the future. Mos was asking similar questions... it's NOT the right way to go about it.

It's kind of like going into a new job and only being able to think about when you'll be able to leave. Do you think that'll set you up for success? No... you need to enjoy the process.. enjoy where you are NOW, and trust that your body will tell you (not your mind) when things are OK.

If you were to ask 'how will I know when i'm recovered' from an ED, well, that depends.

One explanation I liked stated that [you know you're recovered when you no longer think about your disorder].

So for myself, my ED is focused on orthorexia, exercise bulimia, and general restriction to be as lean (not at light, just lean) as possible. I feel that I will consider myself 'recovered' when:

- I no longer actively ponder the nutrition content of food I eat
- I do not actively think about how many calories I am burning/will burn from exercise
- I continue to not track my calories/macros to support unhealthy habits
- I am able to not exercise and truly be OK with it, not feel like I need to somehow overcompensate
- I gain weight/fat and can continue accepting myself for who I am


Basically, I'll be 'recovered' when food/eating and exercise are only a positive influence on my life. I'll be a 'normal eater':

Normal Eater: "Normal eating is going to the table hungry and eating until you are satisfied. It is being able to choose food you like and eat it and truly get enough of it -not just stop eating because you think you should. Normal eating is being able to give some thought to your food selection so you get nutritious food, but not being so wary and restrictive that you miss out on enjoyable food. Normal eating is giving yourself permission to eat sometimes because you are happy, sad or bored, or just because it feels good. Normal eating is mostly three meals a day, or four or five, or it can be choosing to munch along the way. It is leaving some cookies on the plate because you know you can have some again tomorrow, or it is eating more now because they taste so wonderful. Normal eating is overeating at times, feeling stuffed and uncomfortable. And it can be undereating at times and wishing you had more. Normal eating is trusting your body to make up for your mistakes in eating. Normal eating takes up some of your time and attention, but keeps its place as only one important area of your life.

In short, normal eating is flexible. It varies in response to your hunger, your schedule, your proximity to food and your feelings."




As with most of these things though, it's very individual. YOU personally need to be brutally honest with yourself in how you're feeling. When you know, you'll know. If you're still sitting around dealing with the negative impacts of a disorder, if you're still having negative effects on your life caused by whatever you're going through, then hell no, you're not ready....

Most of us with ED's KNOW what the problem is... we happen to suck as being honest with ourselves though... and it gets in the way.

so I should just not care? Or try to be okay with not caring? It normal eating just eating whatever I want? Whenever I want? I really appericate the in depth response. But iv just been eating a **** ton lol. Why is eating a lot bad once a week vs eating a lot all the time? Besides the guilt of course...

[AdamWW]

so I should just not care? Or try to be okay with not caring? It normal eating just eating whatever I want? Whenever I want? I really appericate the in depth response. But iv just been eating a **** ton lol. Why is eating a lot bad once a week vs eating a lot all the time? Besides the guilt of course...

That's exactly it: the guilt.

If you are truly happy with what you're doing, and you truly know it's the right thing for you, it's not negatively impacting your life... then yes, THAT is the right thing.

But, if your decisions around food, eating, exercise, or anything in your life - really - are causing you mental pain, anxiety, guilt, or any negative emotion, you need to change it. That's the whole point.

Like the description said: "Normal eating is being able to give some thought to your food selection so you get nutritious food, but not being so wary and restrictive that you miss out on enjoyable food. Normal eating is giving yourself permission to eat sometimes because you are happy, sad or bored, or just because it feels good. "

Notice that it's a BALANCED approach...

We shouldn't be living in extremes... it just causes problems. Food should not be the focal point of your existence, you shouldn't be thinking about it all the time, and you shouldn't be pondering whether you're 'doing the right thing' with your food or feeling the guilt you mentioned.

I think you KNOW deep down - we all do - if what you're doing is wrong. Again, you need to be honest with yourself.

The goal isn't any one specific route: even people who eat 'normally' can have VASTLY different habits... the GOAL is to eat in a way that gives you the energy, enjoyment, and nutrition you need without becoming an overwhelming or harmful part of your life.