[SRS] Depression Discussion and Support Thread Part II

[2RDEYE]

It scares me. I need to take action, but i work in a basement alone and i don't know anyone. How are you even supposed to integrate back into society under these circumstances? I would say i'd rather work in a factory or retail, but i'm too ****ed in the head and injured to do that i think. They were much better for meeting people, but absolutely **** jobs

It's hard to deal with society when you don't feel connected, I already feel really scared to take on another job because of this growing social anxiety and lack of communication. and i've only had one week of no social interaction.

[MrDevereaux]

I pray that I don't make it past 40 srs I'm 25 now even my 30s is pushing it

Feels, I'm much closer to that age than your age. The thing is though once you hit your thirties it's not like people exactly hang out that much anyway. Everyone is so focused on their jobs or their families. I think maybe in the US it's more common for guys to hang out with their friends and even go on vacations and stuff into their 40s even but in the UK I think that would be considered more strange? Does anyone agree, disagree with that? I might be totally wrong, it's just an observation I've made (I'm a Brit). Generally I would only see young crowds of Brits hanging out but I've seen packs of middle aged American guys quite often when I've been there.

[eod8989]

It's hard to deal with society when you don't feel connected, I already feel really scared to take on another job because of this growing social anxiety and lack of communication. and i've only had one week of no social interaction.

It is dude. You just feel like a piece of **** and not worth anyone's time. And when you are constantly inside your own head you don't even know how to react when people talk to you because all of the anxiety, depression and paranoia is built inside of you.

[BigTimePlayer]

I feel I can't even watch porn anymore since it makes me feel so jealous & angry about what I don't have. It just sucks that it seems like I'll never be well enough to have any sort of relationship of any kind. I keep telling myself if I'm not improved by the time I'm 40 then it's officially over for me.

[hidingwithmusic]

I feel I can't even watch porn anymore since it makes me feel so jealous & angry about what I don't have. It just sucks that it seems like I'll never be well enough to have any sort of relationship of any kind. I keep telling myself if I'm not improved by the time I'm 40 then it's officially over for me.

I knew that feel... everything changed for me when i moved out of an abusive home, started vitamin d, and went back to school. I looked over old posts since 2009 and im happy that im no longer a maniac. I havent been reading the forums much lately but have you found the reason why you feel sick?

[2RDEYE]

fuk i don't know what to do anymore. i'm so unmotivated and lost in life again.

[Nellster]

Never knew this thread existed and I want to put in my own two cents.

It's been a year since I have graduated from college. I moved back home back in May 2016 and I admit I was a complete wreck. My highest weight was 250 pounds and I am a 4'11" asian woman. I cried nearly every night because I felt lost, confused, and even disgusted at myself. I filled in job applications and have gotten interviews, but no luck. It was two months of this until I eventually got a therapist. Slowly, but surely, I started to exercise.

At first, I mostly exercised because I know it would help with my moderate depression. I am willing to do anything to not feel so lowly about myself. Instead of eating out of wild emotions, I took a walk or go to the gym or hang out with friends at a park. I started to be more conscious what I eat because I am aware that the foods I was eating was affecting my moods. I was prone to irritation and impatience. I was having trouble controlling myself emotionally. I admit that.

As for what I want to do, I want to be part of the entertainment industry. I can't think of anything else. Thanks to a good friend of mine, I was pushed to socialize, network, and attend mixers. I was afraid to go out by myself due to my social anxiety and body image issues, but I started to go out at least once a week. Little by little, I became more comfortable in my own skin.

This all started in baby steps. Slowly, I noticed my weight has been shedding off. I am currently 210 lbs right now. I joined Weight Watchers 4 months ago. Prior to joining Weight Watchers, I lost 20 pounds. Currently, I am taking a HEMA class (Historical European Martial Arts) class. I feel so much happier and lighter. I noticed that I am more energized and productive. This productivity led to building my portfolio. I feel that I have more control over my body and my own life. Yes, I go through bouts of self-doubt and that I get very critical over myself over the petty things.

What I strive is that I want to become healthier, stronger, and faster. It's going to take time. I have to be patient and be consistent. My main goal is to get the CPAP machine that I have been using for 3 years. My other goal is to be strong enough to protect and help my autistic younger brother. I know I can't help him if I don't help myself.

These are the words I tell myself every day. "What can you do today that will get you closer to your goal?"

Never give up. Keep going. Keep moving forward. It's going to get better.

[KMadigan777]

Hey guys I pop in here once in a while. I won't tell you a long story suffice to say I have been in some of the massive lows you guys feel. Lost, hopeless, endless crushing, suicidal...I felt them all. I rationalized the CHIT out of why 'it was different' for me than others. Anyway, know this. YOU CAN GET BETTER. I didn't believe it at the time. I personally didn't find counselors useful, but 'Feeling Good' really worked for me as well as TRULY TRYING for 'just one month'.

I did all the stupid stuff like count my negative thoughts (usually over 100 major ones a day) etc. Just trying to get better worked for me, and I was in total chit, it might work for you. At least a month later you can truly said you tried anyway.

GL bros if someone needs to seriously talk I can listen.

[darkninja67]

Honestly, I don't want to relapse or slip up again.

then make it so. Sobriety (clean and sober) was the best thing I ever did and I hit the bottom pretty hard with several "issues".
Try to stay positive and concentrate on something that is good in your life and build on it.

[cheapWiFi]

Posting in this thread for the first time, I want to also say that THINGS CAN GET BETTER.

I've gone through some long periods of depression ever since I was a kid, definitely had my share of really dark times. I'm surprised I'm still alive to be honest. I know meds and antidepressants don't work for everyone, some people find counselors ineffective, and I know family and friends can pass off some serious judgement if you just mention "depression". It took me years before I sought real treatment and I'm glad I eventually did. My problems haven't all been solved, but things are a little more in control and I think it's important we seek out help where we can. Depression makes you think seeking that help is pointless, but there's a ton of things out there and I think you'll be surprised to see what helps.

[eod8989]

The problem is I'm a nobody. When I worked retail and drank I was cool with so many people at work. I talked to everyone and had fun. Now I don't know anyone, have no friends and no social momentum. I don't even work In a social place. I have 40 friends on fb. How the fuk am I supposed to make any friends this way? I literally don't even exist to anyone besides the few people I work and my family & gf.

I'm never going to find anyone to connect with when I see the same 25 ppl every day

[2RDEYE]

beating myself up for spending $550 on that stupid physics course that i can't understand, but if i don't go to school i'm sure i will end up picking another dead end labour job and then i'll be at square one again

[eod8989]

I'm scared to tall to everyone. I don't know wtf is wrong with me.

[2RDEYE]

i need a life counsellor or something. i am so fuking lost. literally have just been sitting on this chair staring at my ceiling and the walls. a little youtubing here and there.

[BigTimePlayer]

I just can't get that feeling out of my head like I'm missing out on life due to my issues. It's destroying me knowing I'm pretty much held back from being able to live a life due to all of it. It's so exhausting. I can't get it out of my head of never being able to experience a relationship. It's just so pathetic that I'm the age I am now & never been with anyone. As every year goes by that feeling is just going to get worse & worse.

[eod8989]

I'm now at 9 months without speaking to anyone at work. I don't even know how I'm still alive. I'm invisible there, stuck in a damn cube. It is really starting to feel like jail now

[fagort]

ive cut myself some more scars again. i just feel like it's flagellation for all the bad things i've done. being a disappointment to my parents, fighting with my friends and people, being weak and a disappointment to myself. i just feel like a piece of sht. i've done nothing but cause destruction around me. all i do is think negative and aggressive thoughts and i hate it. why do i have to be this way? i feel like i belong in an insane asylum or i should be locked up. i have no motivation at all to do anything. 22 yrs old and all my life i've been a social outcast, never had a gf. it makes me even angrier at myself for typing this pussy sht, seeking attention, pity and sympathy from an online forum. how pathetic. ill never live a normal life

[2RDEYE]

ive cut myself some more scars again. i just feel like it's flagellation for all the bad things i've done. being a disappointment to my parents, fighting with my friends and people, being weak and a disappointment to myself. i just feel like a piece of sht. i've done nothing but cause destruction around me. all i do is think negative and aggressive thoughts and i hate it. why do i have to be this way? i feel like i belong in an insane asylum or i should be locked up. i have no motivation at all to do anything. 22 yrs old and all my life i've been a social outcast, never had a gf. it makes me even angrier at myself for typing this pussy sht, seeking attention, pity and sympathy from an online forum. how pathetic. ill never live a normal life

if ur not going to school right now trust me just take anything that u think will land u a good job for now. when ur in ur mid-twenties like me it's going to be a lot worse. 22 is still enough time to enjoy your twenties and fix everything if u act now, unlike me. i won't be able to have a career and enjoy life until i'm like 30 because just now i'm trying to get my stupid school chit done this late. and even then i won't know if i'll even be able to land a job, so i'd probably be in like my mid 30's when i finally can start life but i would still be severely depressed as fuk

don't even know what i'm doing anymore

the online school i was taking my physics 11 course agreed to refund me the $550 since i could barely finish the first unit.. so that's a good thing i think. only question is what to do after i drop out of that. maybe try biology 12. i think the math chit i have to take in class for me to understand better and like other chit i can do by myself. so fukin unmotivated.

[MrDevereaux]

Does anyone get post exercise anxiety when you over do it? I ran intervals today and pushed myself too hard. Now my pulse is still pretty high and I feel completely exhausted. It's making the anxiety worse if anything.

[BigTimePlayer]

Think I might have creptius in my joint in front of my ear. I always hear these crackling/grating sounds there. Sometimes it feels like it's gone back into place than I hear a loud pop & than hear the sounds all over again. It just keeps happening that way & I don't know what to do to fix this. I think this is what's causing me my burning in my head & ears. But if I've been to every doctor about this & no one can find anything wrong I don't know what I'm supposed to do at this point about it.

[BigTimePlayer]

This is seriously just pure hell having to live this way. Day after day after day with the same issues over & over & over with nothing changing. I just don't see ever improving in any way if my issues won't ever go away. It seems like this is the best it's going to get for me which is going to make for a very lonely & depressing life ahead of me. I had so many things I wanted to accomplish & have in life but it's all been robbed from me due to the way I am now. There's just no way I can have a life like this.

[Sickkpuppy]

Knock back after knock back. How annoying people telling you to just "move on" or "get over it" just feel like letting go and drowning

[2RDEYE]

asked for a cancellation of my physics course... what the fuk do i do with my life now...

i've been doing nothing but staring at my computer for the past 10 days. my brain and eyes are going insane.

[bee su]

I was just doing the numbers yesterday and i went into a downward spiral. Long story short. i even called out of work today because of how that event affected me. I wasnt too sure exactly what happened. I just started to feel like shet. I was having a good day and had to recall what i did during that day to see what could have started the downward spiral. Its the amount of money. Money can always be link to any question.

well, until the job problem is resolved. Building your accolades would boost your self image. Im just working on a few things that would help my resume. Schooling and licensing. You need a hobby that would bring some joy to your life or to find a new one if you already have some. Heck, i need a new hobby. I just recently joined the gym again after just looking at my old pictures. I was my own motivator. I would like to have legs as arms again. I want to make it happen. I bike to and from places and find that enjoyable.

[2RDEYE]

I was just doing the numbers yesterday and i went into a downward spiral. Long story short. i even called out of work today because of how that event affected me. I wasnt too sure exactly what happened. I just started to feel like shet. I was having a good day and had to recall what i did during that day to see what could have started the downward spiral. Its the amount of money. Money can always be link to any question.

well, until the job problem is resolved. Building your accolades would boost your self image. Im just working on a few things that would help my resume. Schooling and licensing. You need a hobby that would bring some joy to your life or to find a new one if you already have some. Heck, i need a new hobby. I just recently joined the gym again after just looking at my old pictures. I was my own motivator. I would like to have legs as arms again. I want to make it happen. I bike to and from places and find that enjoyable.

i just started a new hobby, painting figures, it's fun and it keeps my mind off things, like time goes by like nothing, but when i'm done, i just feel like chit because the rest of my life is not good, and i have to work on the rest of my life.

fuk i had to go outside because the online school needed my credit card for a refund and my social anxiety was so fuking strong. i could barely speak. i felt like having a heart attack. first time i went outside besides the gym and spoke to someone in like 11 days. my confidence is already non-existent. so fuken sad right now.

[eod8989]

I was in a pretty good mood today, but i know this depression will never go away. I'll always be an under achiever. I'm always going to have to live with disabilities and pain. And trauma from my alcoholic days. It's just sad that you can't control this disease. Once you've had it bad enough it never goes away.

[BigTimePlayer]

I'm probably at rock bottom right now. Started having messed up thoughts towards women I found attractive today. I seriously wanted to just tell them to fuk off even though they didn't do anything to me. So tired of this ****. No one will ever give me a chance with the way I am & it just makes me sick. So many health issues & I can't deal with it anymore. I was hoping someone in the parking lot of my job wouldn't see me as I was crossing so they can just run me over. It fukin sucks being me & I'll never have a life. I don't understand why I bother to go on if I'm never even going to have a good life.

[2RDEYE]

has anyone done grade 12 biology? should i try it in class or online? i think something like this would be better online because I can just look up the definitions of things. fuk just found out this career is female dominated... having doubts now idk. fuk i don't know what to do.

[eod8989]

I had to go upstairs to make a delivery today, and the higher ups were all at a table eating lunch. I peeked in the door, and left. I couldn't get myself to say a word. I feel worthless.


Life is pointless if you have anxiety and are an outcast. All i want to do is be able to talk to people with ease, but i have so many problems. I don't even know for sure what it is. Anytime people approach my way, i get nervous. I'm bigger and stronger than most people i see and i'm still afraid to look at them or talk.

I wish i knew what happened to me the last few years

[bangwhosnext]

I had to go upstairs to make a delivery today, and the higher ups were all at a table eating lunch. I peeked in the door, and left. I couldn't get myself to say a word. I feel worthless.


Life is pointless if you have anxiety and are an outcast. All i want to do is be able to talk to people with ease, but i have so many problems. I don't even know for sure what it is. Anytime people approach my way, i get nervous. I'm bigger and stronger than most people i see and i'm still afraid to look at them or talk.

I wish i knew what happened to me the last few years

I can strongly identify with this. It was in worse in the past and still some days it is worse than others.

Look up The bio-psycho-social model for dealing with mental health issues.
I would say all three aspects of this are affecting your mental state.