Female with an Eating Disorder returning to lifting after a back injury

[DustinTheHuss]

It was suggested that I post a journal on here vs. on the Misc. I’ll type more when I’m on my computer.

I have a huge treatment team that’s exhausting to see with all of their appointments. Thankfully I have good insurance.

-ED (Eating Disorder) therapist
-ED nutritionist
-ED psychiatrist

Thus I won’t ask for nutrition advice as that’s in her domain now. I just started seeing her before Thanksgiving.

I’ve been hospitalized for anorexia, and since then I’ve battled the diet and binge cycle with bulimia and binging.

- Chiropractor for my back injury and it’s improving. I injured it in the outdoor gym placing 45 lb plates on the sled when it was cold and rainy outside. I woke up at 3am with spasms and horrible pain.

Now I’m back walking 2 miles a day 3x a week and lifting machines only 3 days a week legs, chest and tri and back and bi.

I trained with an IFBB Pro who got me in amazing shape 2012-2014. I’d love to get back to even close to that again. But I’m tired of the eating disorder and I want to be healthy, not thin or overweight.

Just normal.

[Cass40]

First

[DustinTheHuss]

Thanks for the good idea!

[Cass40]

I should do a journal too.

I've never had one.

[DustinTheHuss]

I should do a journal too.

I've never had one.

Yeah you should. Perhaps a lifting log for accountability? I had a journal when I first joined. It was in the female Misc.

[Cass40]

Yeah you should. Perhaps a lifting log for accountability? I had a journal when I first joined. It was in the female Misc.

Yeah I was able to get to 115lbs. last year because I literally took pictures of everything I ate.
I wonder what your therapist would say about that btw.

All the meals I ate were beautiful and colorful. I didn't want to take a picture of a snickers bar so I didn't eat anything that wasn't just healthy and colorful and beautiful.

[DustinTheHuss]

Yeah I was able to get to 115lbs. last year because I literally took pictures of everything I ate.
I wonder what your therapist would say about that btw.

All the meals I ate were beautiful and colorful. I didn't want to take a picture of a snickers bar so I didn't eat anything that wasn't just healthy and colorful and beautiful.

Hmmmm. Colorful is helpful as I remember my grandmother said to eat from a colorful plate full of fruits and veggies. Yeah a Snickers bar doesn’t quite fit beautiful.

ED nutritionists want us to eat treats every now and then. I don’t trust them in my house so I’ll occasionally go to Baskin Robbins or get a cookie from a bakery once a week. Although I haven’t done that lately as I felt that Thanksgiving week was more than enough!

They follow the book Intuitive Eating so that you eat what is satisfying and stop when you’re full. I’ve had a tough time with IE over counting calories as I remember overeating on IE so I stopped it right away. I figured it gave me permission to eat donuts and cake lol. They say to do that at first but then you feel sick and want to eat salads and veggies. I don’t know. It’s so hard to figure this stuff out.

[Cass40]

That's so weird to me. Seems so extreme. You don't have to eat anything that doesn't taste delicious yet is healthy. Healthy whole foods are delicious if you learn to cook them right.

It really doesn't make any sense to me that ED therapist or anyone wants someone to eat some groce artificial crappy enriched carbs and sugars. Nobody needs that. Fruits are natures candy and sweet enough already.

Seems like everything is so extreme..either boring ass salad or cakes and donuts. There's a middle ground where you can eat tasty healthy foods that are satiating.

[DustinTheHuss]

That's so weird to me. Seems so extreme. You don't have to eat anything that doesn't taste delicious yet is healthy. Healthy whole foods are delicious if you learn to cook them right.

It really doesn't make any sense to me that ED therapist or anyone wants someone to eat some groce artificial crappy enriched carbs and sugars. Nobody needs that. Fruits are natures candy and sweet enough already.

Seems like everything is so extreme..either boring ass salad or cakes and donuts. There's a middle ground where you can eat tasty healthy foods that are satiating.

The theory is that if you allow yourself permission to have a treat you’re less likely to binge on it. It’s a book and it didn’t work for me 25 years ago, but I’m trying it again as I’m fed up with the diet/binge cycle. I’ll diet and then binge on husband’s chips or daughter’s Nutella, which piss them off understandably. Thankfully I haven’t done that recently. But I did binge for years after my trainer’s diet.

[Cass40]

Yeah I get that. I don't have any guilt if I sometimes fall off the wagon. I just shrug it off and be like "oh well tomorrow's a new day". I understand the thought of not demonizing any foods. I just generally think that enriched carbs and sugars are the cause of early death, diabetes, and heart disease.

Does your therapist ever try to make you change your thinking from what food makes you look like to performance?

You eat to perform and food is fuel, and you eat for health and longevity. Btw. Dieting is not the answer. It's more about the quality and quality of life.

[DustinTheHuss]

Yeah I get that. I don't have any guilt if I sometimes fall off the wagon. I just shrug it off and be like "oh well tomorrow's a new day". I understand the thought of not demonizing any foods. I just generally think that enriched carbs and sugars are the cause of early death, diabetes, and heart disease.

Does your therapist ever try to make you change your thinking from what food makes you look like to performance?

You eat to perform and food is fuel, and you eat for health and longevity. Btw. Dieting is not the answer. It's more about the quality and quality of life.

Yeah they don't want to demonize foods and it's not like they want you to eat that daily, just a treat so when you have Thanksgiving and they pass around the pumpkin pie the high from that sugar doesn't lead to a binge.

Well the therapist doesn't know as much about food itself, but my nutritionist did say that I should look at food as fuel, specifically carbs. My brain needs glycogen and energy, and I was only eating protein and fat during the day before November, and then I found myself starting to binge again on my husband's chips at night because I was so depleted. That's why she now has me balance carbs out during the day, and I'm no longer binging at night.

Also you're right as I was so tired and depleted that I would use caffeine to get myself through the day, which isn't good when you have anxiety.

You're right about health and longevity. Dieting just means that I end up gaining it back and then some because your body is in starvation mode for so long that it feels hungry all of the time and depleted.

When I diet it goes on for months and months and then I keep wanting to lose more and more and end up losing 60 lbs and then regaining it all Thus I'm tired of this cycle for 25 years and want to get out of it. I don't know if it's too late at my age, but I'm giving it a shot.

[Cass40]

That's why I don't do KETO..or that's why I haven't ever tried KETO.

I'm so scared I will end up bingeing on carbs and that seems really dangerous. So I try to moderate carbs and not go crazy.

[DustinTheHuss]

Yeah I tried keto and I ended up with brain fog so I couldn’t work. Then I went straight to the work cafeteria and got some rye bread and boom I could work again!

When you say moderate carbs, what type of carbs do you eat?

[bustasinclair]

I'll join in the fun!

[Cass40]

I think you're not metabolically flexible enough to do KETO. That's why that happened to you. Standard American diet has made most of us metabolically messed up and that's why that happens when we stop eating carbs. Most normal healthy people should easily be able to do KETO without loss of energy nor brain fog.

Well I ideally should eat only two pieces of bread a day for instance for carbs. But I mostly end up eating like four pieces of bread and some oatmeal for example. Then I think well it's not so bad because it's whole grain at least. I try not to eat cakes or cookies or processed sugars.

I am addicted to bread and I don't think I seriously ever have gone all day without eating bread. I don't think you need it but I think I'm conditioned to eat it. It's just best not to be too harsh so you don't end up bingeing something even worse.

[Cass40]

BTW..this title might scare people. People don't often want to chime in when someone has an eating disorder. Too scary to give them any advice as we are not trained to talk with people who have distorted viewpoints regarding food.

[DustinTheHuss]

Yeah I wouldn’t expect anyone to chime in regarding food advice.

Last summer I only had protein powder with almond butter for lunch and a blueberry spinach protein shake for dinner. I skipped breakfast. That was around 800 calories. After 8 weeks of that I started binging on bread (I like bread like you and chips, so I added oatmeal with fruit and protein fortified soy milk for breakfast. That bumped me up to 1200 calories.

Then I started adding in protein snacks but still started binging again so I started seeing the eating disorder nutritionist. She’s added in a slice of bread with almond butter for a snack or Greek yogurt with fruit. Sometimes a protein bar or brown rice and a cheese stick.

[DustinTheHuss]

I walked for 2 miles and did chest and tri at home. I tried to go to the gym but I was so cold.

So i did push-ups with different variations and chest press with my Tom Brady bands.

* Pushups regular arm stance - 3x10
* Pushups closed arm stance - 3x12
* Chest press/bands - 3x12 each side
* Overehead tricep extension with bands - 3x10 each side
* Laying down triceps with bands across the chest (something my former trainer showed me with dumbbells ) - 3x10 each side
* Skullcrushers with bands 3x10

I usually do these exercises with weights, but I was too lazy and cold to go there, plus I enjoyed watching the Chiefs/Chargers game while I was lifting.

[DustinTheHuss]

Today is normally my rest day, but I was hungover on Sunday after partying in my Mrs. Claus dress around SF, so I did nothing but sleep. I'll motivate myself to do something tonight

[Athena]

I trained with an IFBB Pro who got me in amazing shape 2012-2014. I’d love to get back to even close to that again. But I’m tired of the eating disorder and I want to be healthy, not thin or overweight.

Just normal.

i'm in!

you've got my support, sistah. i have battled my own disordered eating through the years...but i've been hanging good for a while now.

subbed, and looking forward to your progress.

~athi

[Athena]

Yeah I tried keto and I ended up with brain fog so I couldn’t work. Then I went straight to the work cafeteria and got some rye bread and boom I could work again!

When you say moderate carbs, what type of carbs do you eat?

i switched to keto in march and it did NOT work for me. my blood sugar went way out of control. but i did stick with no starchy carbs. i eat the carbs/veggies keto recommends, but am high protein and moderate fat.

just my two cents.

[DustinTheHuss]

i'm in!

you've got my support, sistah. i have battled my own disordered eating through the years...but i've been hanging good for a while now.

subbed, and looking forward to your progress.

~athi

Oh thank you so much! I appreciate your support.

[DustinTheHuss]

I went on a 3 mile walk yesterday yet I feel like I’m getting a cold so I’m resting most of the day to fight it off.

[Athena]

how's the cold doing?

[DustinTheHuss]

how's the cold doing?

Ugh I’m coughing today with sneezing and a low grade fever. Hopefully it’s just a cold. Thanks for asking!

[DustinTheHuss]

I posted this in another thread:

California but my ED nutritionist wants me to add in eggs and Greek yogurt so it’s a tough adjustment. I eat mostly oat fruit bowls for breakfast with protein fortified soy milk, smoothies with fruit, veggies and soy milk, almond butter, brown rice, and now eggs and Greek yogurt with fruit preserves mixed in, Vegan protein powder with the soy milk and almond butter, keto cereal with the soy milk.

I had a vegan burger for lunch and it was delicious today. You can’t tell the difference

[Athena]

I posted this in another thread:

California but my ED nutritionist wants me to add in eggs and Greek yogurt so it’s a tough adjustment. I eat mostly oat fruit bowls for breakfast with protein fortified soy milk, smoothies with fruit, veggies and soy milk, almond butter, brown rice, and now eggs and Greek yogurt with fruit preserves mixed in, Vegan protein powder with the soy milk and almond butter, keto cereal with the soy milk.

I had a vegan burger for lunch and it was delicious today. You can’t tell the difference

wow, that's a lot of soy. i don't do well with the stuff. tofu from time to time is good -- at least the way the chinese restaurants around here make it -- but plain soy doesn't like me.


edit: reminds me of monty python..."spam eggs spam and spam, spam bacon eggs spam and spam, spam spam spam spam and spam..."

[DustinTheHuss]

wow, that's a lot of soy. i don't do well with the stuff. tofu from time to time is good -- at least the way the chinese restaurants around here make it -- but plain soy doesn't like me.


edit: reminds me of monty python..."spam eggs spam and spam, spam bacon eggs spam and spam, spam spam spam spam and spam..."

Yeah I was just looking up the effects of soy last night. Since I'm in menopause now I was having bad hot flashes, but now come to think of it they have disappeared and I changed my milk from the protein-fortified almond milk to protein-fortified soy milk as it has 20 g protein per serving.

Apparently soy can have an effect on women of childbearing age but I guess in menopause the extra estrogen is good, although it could lead to a higher breast cancer risk. Asians eat a ton of soy.

Anyhow I'm transitioning more over to eggs and dairy so we'll see how that goes. I finished my first crate of eggs in maybe 3 years? I used to eat eggs and Greek yogurt daily when I was bodybuilding.

I miss going to the gym

LOL about Monty Python

[snailsrus]

Please follow intuitive eating, restricting sweets will lead to binges. It’s more important to find balance than super clean eating. You’re battling the most deadly mental health disorder. Playing with good and bad foods, or restricting /never eating a cookie, is like telling an alcoholic to just drink 1 drink and use controlled drinking. Which always fails.

I would listen to your doctors not people on a forum about your meal plan

This book helped my step mom out a ton
https://www.amazon.com/When-Food-Lov...184/ref=nodl_#



Also both my mom and step mom had to take soy supplements during menopause and it helped a lot. When you have less estrogen, you are more prone to bone loss, leading to osteopenia/osteoporosis. Soy can help with this.

[Cass40]

I posted this in another thread:

California but my ED nutritionist wants me to add in eggs and Greek yogurt so it’s a tough adjustment. I eat mostly oat fruit bowls for breakfast with protein fortified soy milk, smoothies with fruit, veggies and soy milk, almond butter, brown rice, and now eggs and Greek yogurt with fruit preserves mixed in, Vegan protein powder with the soy milk and almond butter, keto cereal with the soy milk.

I had a vegan burger for lunch and it was delicious today. You can’t tell the difference

So you are not vegetarian anymore? I think it might be easier for you not to be unless it's purely ethical in which case it's a toughie.
I just feel it's so much easier to be relaxed with your diet when you don't have restrictions like that.

KETO cereal? Really? I think all that "hey let's make KETO foods that mimic carbs but actually are not", is just ridonkulous.