brahs who never talk to others and feel lonely, talk to people SRS

[brieliever]

i've been a quiet person since middle school. i would look at home videos of myself being so unreserved as a kid, frolicking around in the hawaiian islands without a care in the world. comparing that to me as a young adult, it feels like a different person. i've been more quiet than most people would admit to:

went on a field trip to a ferris wheel with my uni. was with a group of 7-8 classmates in the little room carriage. just walked around while all of them mingled, slowly revolving around for half an hour. it was torture brah.

went on a field trip to a beach town with 7-8 of these same people who were kind enough to invite me out to hang. same thing, didn't say anything the entire afternoon, just walked with them and sat down at their table to eat. omfg. only thing i said was when there was this chubby girl alone with me at the dinner table, and everyone else left. i smiled and finally said something and her face lit up. i shut up when the others returned.

you get the idea, this sort of thing. just not talking to anyone in class, at the gym, at work, outside of 'can i use this weight?', or other short, strictly business talk.

what really bothered me was the fact that i had sad vibes for some reason, even if i was deliberately smiling and laughing. now, i'm not a bad looking brah, nor the biggest pussy. i would occasionally talk to a rather cute girl or just some random guy. i wanted to have the conversation go well, but i felt like i was giving off a sad, depressed vibe that dampened things when sparks should be flying. i was so frustrated, thinking i need somebody to be with me first so then i could be happy, and then have better interactions. but getting somebody when you have this sad energy was an obstacle, so i thought. it didn't help that i felt even worse when people didn't respond as well as i hoped when we had these interactions. perhaps they could sense what i felt behind the cheery outside.

spent years dabbling with 5htp, tyrosine pills, b-vitamins, spirulina, diet changes, vitamin d supplements, bright light therapy (outdoors), exercise, ********, mdma, weed, nicotine (of ALL forms), therapeutic massages, all to not feel this quiet sadness throughout the day.

one weekend i went with my sister to a music festival for several days in another state. we rented a car and hung out the entire weekend. this was the most socializing clustered into one weekend i've had in a while besides my parents/ my semester abroad. we opted to not be on our phones and just get to chatting with one another. my sister and i don't get along the best, but we tried to enjoy the weekend. we are both kind of quiet people, but we both put in effort talking to each other. we would walk from the campground to the shows and around the festival grounds. i'm sure we both felt out of place, dressing differently from all the trendy looking people out jabbering to each other happily while we were much quieter. it was really sunny out too, like baking. it wasn't perfect and we ended up fighting at one point. still we came together again. throughout that weekend i saw some beautiful **** brahs, driving through pacific northwest forested mountains and remote, clean towns, walked through rain forests, drove through deserts, and saw some of my favorite musicians live. that fight got to me for a long time but looking back it was one of the best travels for all those experiences that i've shared with someone.

when i got back to uni, i felt better throughout the day. i would be just smiling to myself and things looked up in general throughout the day. even going to the dining hall by myself was better: i remember being able to smile as i left the hall! the first cigarette i had back at uni, i felt the most pleasurable, intoxicating buzz. i hadn't felt remotely like that smoking since probably my first cig, and that wasn't at this level. i reviewed what had changed that made me feel this way, and i thought it was either being unplugged from cell phones (i'm an internet addict) or the sheer amount of sunlight that made me feel so good. i tried to replicate these things. as the weeks past i felt a similar quiet sadness return.

i joined a musical theater troupe for the experience of performing and made some connections there, strong enough that we would hang out. good people there, to invite a still quiet person like me to these gatherings. i ended up doing an open mic night at the end of it, an original song on the guitar. a cute girl came up to me asking where she could listen to it online and we exchanged contact info! i was buzzing from that haha. i was still quiet though in general, like the ferris wheel day. i still felt that quiet sadness...

fast forward months, and a i signed myself up for a bunch of responsibilities on campus. i had less free time and more time where i around people. add that to the connections from musical theater, and all of a sudden i find myself now being able to run into a familiar face on campus when before i wouldn't run into anybody i knew in a 20,000 student campus. i tried talking to the familiar faces around me and some random ones too. after a couple days of this new setup, i realized that i felt happier at the end of each day.

i don't know why it took me so long, but it struck me one day that this quiet sadness was because i was lonely, that i didn't talk to anyone. and what clicked also was that talking to people, like i did with my sister that weekend trip, would still make me feel happy even though it didn't go perfectly or even close to that. putting two and two together, i realized i could just talk to people without always things going great and feel better, helping taking care of that infuriating sad vibe. then i would have decent positive vibes to build those connections that i longed for.

i'm not talking about talking to everyone you see, though that might not be a bad course of action either. i'm getting at talking to people in your schedule or in random situations where it feels right to talk to people. i can tell when i should talk to someone new or familiar without feeling like i'm forcing it. on top of that i have goals in life. that always helps in making you feel purposeful.

and that's what i learned. talk to people brahs.

cliffs
-talk to people
-gain in life

[Kylevolution]

Fine, i'll read it.

[Tiffinbrah]

Solid stuff, bumping so more can see

[Nicklol]

no thank you

[Jeremiahd06]

Can relate to giving off that sad vibe, and letting it keep me from being social.. biggest thing I've found that helped is also extremely obvious, not being sad. For me at least I can get over it without being super social I just have ebbs and flows of happiness that will last a couple months each and when I come out of the darker ones I always forget what was making me anti social only to remember how bad it is when things get worse, right now I'm in a bad one but towards the end of it I think and I'm gonna be working soon so that'll help a lot, I'm glad you figured that out about yourself bro, I hope you can keep your sociability, I really think its like a muscle, something you have to train and if you dont use it you lose it

[Voluspa]

Fuk brah few cold ones under my belt and Ill talk to anyone, even kunts that arent worth talking too...

Similar thing for the loners - Thing is you just have to invite yourself to ****, waiting for other people to invite you wont happen. See your m8s having a get together on FB? Message them, rock up, no one will give a fuk and it wont take long before they actually start inviting you first

See someone you know on FB went fishing? Hit em up and ask em to go etc

Took me too long to realise this

That said tho outside of school/uni its hard af to make decent friendships with everyone being too busy with their own stuff. Like anything in life YOU have to put the effort in

[alltrapbrah]

I've noticed this at work...

On days I feel down, I generally don't want to talk to anyone and make an effort not to, but occasionally i'd be forced to have a conversation with someone for whatever reason, and I noticed my mood would often be a lot better after the chat.

The times it doesn't work is when the conversation is chit, so there is something to be said for the quality of a conversation.

[eod8989]

I've tried I just get shut down or quick responses. Tried talking to 2 people yesterday and they just acted like they weren't interested in talking to me at all

Not going to keep trying to make efforts when its obvious people dont want to hang around me

[brieliever]

Bump

[RonaldMcflurry]

I've tried I just get shut down or quick responses. Tried talking to 2 people yesterday and they just acted like they weren't interested in talking to me at all

Not going to keep trying to make efforts when its obvious people dont want to hang around me

Y y y you t t tooo.

[KingNothing95]

[_chef_]

[img]https://i.imgur.com/MfUvTDm.gif[/ig]

where is this rotter getting his income from to support his rotting lifestyle?

[latverian41]

I've always felt depressed and alone but I've always loved to socialize and engage in good conversation/debates.

Is probably the thing that appealed to me most about going to a pub in the middle of the afternoon having some drinks

Thankfully I no longer feel alone and I have something in my life that has taken the place or booze and substances.

I couldn't agree more though tk those if you who are lonely and depressed. Go out and strike up a conversation with someone. Of course the time and place is important..

A pub or bar is a good setting for that if not the work place. I recommend a pub as at the work place you never know if you are saying the wrong thing to the wrong person. Too many people involve themselves in office politics.which csn be a dirty game

[iwant2beswole]

where is this rotter getting his income from to support his rotting lifestyle?

Lives with mom

[brieliever]

I've tried I just get shut down or quick responses. Tried talking to 2 people yesterday and they just acted like they weren't interested in talking to me at all

Not going to keep trying to make efforts when its obvious people dont want to hang around me

your 2/7billion people capacity is poverty brah. get it brah.

[AWillis]

we are social creatures brah

[Mike1991]

Know these feels. Been a serious Introvert all my life. I bought a 900 acre farm and work for myself now.. Honestly might only talk to 1-2 people a week outside of my family now. And just very briefly. (Saying hi to a neighbour or something)

Never really had friends after elementary school either. Finished highschool when I was 14 and started working full time with guys in their 50s. Never had a 'bro' or anyone to hangout with.

I have 2 kids now, so that's who I hangout with most of the time. But sometimes I feel lonely, wish I had a few buddies I could shoot the **** with in real life. It's hard to get out and socialize when you live in the middle of nowhere and you have young kids to watch.

Oddly enough im actually very charismatic/outgoing once you get to know me. Making friends isn't easy as an adult

[brieliever]

phaurk! if you are phaurking up, remember that it isn't how you're supposed to be. unless you're just a chitball even without any self consciousness.

[brieliever]

bump

[IlChosenOne]

Repped for good story and good advice

Especially when talking to girls you’re attracted to, you will be doing yourself a huge favor if you can let go of any expectations and desired outcomes. Just learn to read body language and let things go wherever they are going to go

[squareznboxez]

Appreciate the share bro, so similar to my circumstances, once school and college/uni pass and you are in the 9-5 grind with the same 10-20 people every day, it's important to actively put yourself in a position where you are interacting with the outside world to save yourself from a self-inflicted oblivion.

[Tyrannosauruss]

i dont do public polls

[Jimmehhh]

The brain has survival mechanisms in it that censor you. What I mean is when you're not in your "comfort zone" your brain censors your personality to fit in and remain safe.

Do you ever notice that around friends and family you are funny and charismatic, and then you're around people you don't know so well and you're quiet and not charismatic at all. You're the exact same person, but your brain doesn't give you access to the charismatic part of your personality when you're not in that "comfort zone" to protect you.

The theory is that back in caveman times, if you behaved too charismatic around the wrong women (alpha cave man's sloots), he would get jealous and you'd get a caveman's club up side the head and your genes would be wiped out of the gene pool. This happened so many times that, as an evolutionary advantage, the "brain censoring" survival mechanism was hard coded into our genes.

So to make use of this - expand your "comfort zone" as much as possible. You can be just as charismatic around friends and family as you are around people you don't know so well, you just have to let your brain know that it's "safe" to do so. I think it has a lot to do with neurotransmitters and you're position in the social hierarchy (the higher the position to perceive yourself to be - the higher levels of certain neurotransmitters you have)

[jimberee]

Know these feels. Been a serious Introvert all my life. I bought a 900 acre farm and work for myself now.. Honestly might only talk to 1-2 people a week outside of my family now. And just very briefly. (Saying hi to a neighbour or something)

Never really had friends after elementary school either. Finished highschool when I was 14 and started working full time with guys in their 50s. Never had a 'bro' or anyone to hangout with.

I have 2 kids now, so that's who I hangout with most of the time. But sometimes I feel lonely, wish I had a few buddies I could shoot the **** with in real life. It's hard to get out and socialize when you live in the middle of nowhere and you have young kids to watch.

Oddly enough im actually very charismatic/outgoing once you get to know me. Making friends isn't easy as an adult

900 acre farm jesus christ

[JamesA1990]

The brain has survival mechanisms in it that censor you. What I mean is when you're not in your "comfort zone" your brain censors your personality to fit in and remain safe.

Do you ever notice that around friends and family you are funny and charismatic, and then you're around people you don't know so well and you're quiet and not charismatic at all. You're the exact same person, but your brain doesn't give you access to the charismatic part of your personality when you're not in that "comfort zone" to protect you.

The theory is that back in caveman times, if you behaved too charismatic around the wrong women (alpha cave man's sloots), he would get jealous and you'd get a caveman's club up side the head and your genes would be wiped out of the gene pool. This happened so many times that, as an evolutionary advantage, the "brain censoring" survival mechanism was hard coded into our genes.

So to make use of this - expand your "comfort zone" as much as possible. You can be just as charismatic around friends and family as you are around people you don't know so well, you just have to let your brain know that it's "safe" to do so. I think it has a lot to do with neurotransmitters and you're position in the social hierarchy (the higher the position to perceive yourself to be - the higher levels of certain neurotransmitters you have)

keep going.......... im listening kunt (srs)

[ch1hsh]

over exaregating to make urself feel better about the perfekt talk

[Tyrannosauruss]

didnt read, but i cant talk to people since they laugh at me

[Jimmehhh]

Dafuq did my post go? I had a massive follow up post.

I'll fukn rewrite the fuker

keep going.......... im listening kunt (srs)

Cliffs:

>Your mind is always pinging off the environment to find out how you're supposed to act. In different situations you act differently, depending on where your mind thinks your position is on the social hierarchy.

>These different ways of acting are called "imprints". You use different imprints in different social situations. So depending on how people are reacting to you when you ping, you choose a different imprint.

>Your mind lets you choose a different "imprint" based on what it thinks people will like/accept. It does this because in caveman times if you p1ssed someone off, they very well may take a rock and bash your head in with it or maybe you'd get ostracized from the tribe. Either way it meant certain death.

>The mind has developed this survival mechanism that doesn't let you act above your self perceived position on the social hierarchy because it wants to keep you alive. It gives you encouragement to access the confident part of your personality, the "confident imprint" whenever you think you have value in relation to others (a high position on the social hierarchy) and gives you discouragement from accessing it when you do not. You still have this system even though most of the threats it was designed to help you avoid no longer exist.

>There's nothing physically stopping you from being who you want in social situations. We all have an idea of what a cool guy looks like, but we don't give ourselves permission to be that guy. The only thing that's really stopping you from being that guy is your sense of "identity". If you don't think you're the cool guy high up on the social totem pole, then anytime you try to be cool, it'll come off as incongruent, it'll feel weird and you won't want to do it again.

>Ultimately, your potential for social success is unlimited, but It's your "identity" that's going to push you forward or pull you back.

[brieliever]

Dafuq did my post go? I had a massive follow up post.

I'll fukn rewrite the fuker



Cliffs:

>Your mind is always pinging off the environment to find out how you're supposed to act. In different situations you act differently, depending on where your mind thinks your position is on the social hierarchy.

>These different ways of acting are called "imprints". You use different imprints in different social situations. So depending on how people are reacting to you when you ping, you choose a different imprint.

>Your mind lets you choose a different "imprint" based on what it thinks people will like/accept. It does this because in caveman times if you p1ssed someone off, they very well may take a rock and bash your head in with it or maybe you'd get ostracized from the tribe. Either way it meant certain death.

>The mind has developed this survival mechanism that doesn't let you act above your self perceived position on the social hierarchy because it wants to keep you alive. It gives you encouragement to access the confident part of your personality, the "confident imprint" whenever you think you have value in relation to others (a high position on the social hierarchy) and gives you discouragement from accessing it when you do not. You still have this system even though most of the threats it was designed to help you avoid no longer exist.

>There's nothing physically stopping you from being who you want in social situations. We all have an idea of what a cool guy looks like, but we don't give ourselves permission to be that guy. The only thing that's really stopping you from being that guy is your sense of "identity". If you don't think you're the cool guy high up on the social totem pole, then anytime you try to be cool, it'll come off as incongruent, it'll feel weird and you won't want to do it again.

>Ultimately, your potential for social success is unlimited, but It's your "identity" that's going to push you forward or pull you back.

id be interested in seeing some studies/ data that link this caveman hypothesis to introversion

[Supaduck0]

A good lifehack for social vibes is to put on really bright and colorful clothes so you don't basically always walk around in doomer outfit. Works like a charm.