We're both 32. I'm just getting back into dating after a breakup a few months ago, so I'm rusty at this.
Had what I considered an awesome first date Friday night. We met for drinks, then went for a little walk around the area, sat down, kept talking, I kissed her two different times during this sit-down, then walked her back to her car where we kissed again, I said "tonight was fun," she said the same, I told her goodnight and to drive safe, and that was the date. There's been no contact since then.
I'd really like to see her again, but I also don't want to come off as OVERLY interested or needy. I was thinking of texting her tomorrow and saying "Friday was a lot of fun. I'd love to take you out again this week" and seeing how she responds.
Thoughts? Advice? Like I said, I'm rusty at doing the dating thing and I'm also in my own head about this a lot more than I should be.
|
-
10-24-2020, 10:01 PM #1
How long should I wait after a (seemingly) great first date before setting a second?
-
10-24-2020, 10:31 PM #2
you just play it by ear, the more you two are vibing, the sooner you can ask. you only have to be cautious if you aren't sure. If it goes well, I always hint at a second date when I leave her the first time. If it doesn't go so well, I'll either do nothing or text back when I'm bored.
Goals:
-stop being fat
01/01/2022
209 - 206 - 199
in gradschool
single and hating it
-
10-24-2020, 11:03 PM #3
-
10-25-2020, 12:40 AM #4
- Join Date: Jun 2013
- Location: Big Arm, Montana, United States
- Posts: 37,140
- Rep Power: 287538
The woman I'm seeing now contacted me and drove 2 hours the day after our first date to make love to me.
You're doing it wrong.
Don't stress yourself out wondering if people want to be in your life. If they like you they will make an effort. If they don't they won't.
Only let people into your life that have genuine interest and affection for you. Don't stress out or waste time on low quality low interest people.
Let them walk away and don't give them a second thought. You will be much happier in life and in love.Last edited by Kev1972; 10-25-2020 at 03:16 AM.
Motorcycle crew
Army veteran crew
One Meal a day crew
-
-
10-25-2020, 03:49 AM #5
-
10-25-2020, 04:04 AM #6
I'd set it up straight away because if I was excited about a girl and thought it went well, that's what's on my mind. I guess I could dick around and play games though because everything is fukked up in 2020, so who know what the best approach is.
"A stupid man's report of what a clever man says can never be accurate, because he unconsciously translates what he hears into something he can understand."
-
10-25-2020, 04:07 AM #7
-
10-25-2020, 09:42 AM #8
Whelp. Bad news so far because there isn't any news. Texted her ~2 hours ago saying: "Hey. Friday was a lot of fun. I'd love to take you out again this week", and haven't heard back...
All I can say is that we're friends on instagram and she had posted a story at some point before I sent the text about being at brunch with a friend, so it's possible she's busy. But damn... Now I have a ton of anxiety waiting for her text back and am just thinking the worst case scenario. F*ck
-
-
10-25-2020, 09:47 AM #9
how old are you? I remember I used to think that way, but I grew out of it. It's just young and desperate, and normal. You'll grow out of it too. It doesn't mean you failed either. It just means you should quell your excitement and have an attitude where if it doesn't work out - it's ok. It doesn't mean you are aloof and act uninterested, that's douchebag stuff. If she shows interest, then unlock the gates in your mind and be excited! You have to be ready to accept interest as well as accept disinterest. It takes time.
Goals:
-stop being fat
01/01/2022
209 - 206 - 199
in gradschool
single and hating it
-
10-25-2020, 10:19 AM #10
-
10-25-2020, 11:15 AM #11
I want to believe ha. Except she just posted another instagram story about missing being in california or something. So she can post that story, but can't respond to my text about taking her out again. Ugh. The date legitimately seemed amazing. The conversation was great, no awkward moments, great eye contact (her pupils were dilated the entire night), I expected us to go right back to our cars after leaving the bar, but she wanted to go for a walk, then wanted to sit down (which I took as an invitation to kiss her), kissed her twice while sitting down and talking, then again at her car before leaving. Nothing felt forced and there was chemistry there. This is really insulting if she's actually ghosting me. I didn't take her as the ghosting type. And she's 32. That, plus I feel horrible considering I was dumped in my last relationship, and now feel rejected by the first person I've felt chemistry with since that breakup. Once again... Ugh
-
10-25-2020, 11:16 AM #12
-
-
10-25-2020, 11:49 AM #13
Well yeah, her posting on instagram and not getting back to you yet is not good. That's always been a big pet peeve of mine, when someone can be on SM and not respond. It sucks, but look at it this way. Better to find out she's a time waster fast rather than down the road when you like her more.
~ In a world where you can be anything, be kind ~
-
10-25-2020, 12:05 PM #14
-
10-25-2020, 12:08 PM #15
-
10-25-2020, 12:19 PM #16
That's what I'm saying. It just doesn't make any sense. And not even just one kiss "to be nice", but 3.
If I hear nothing at all it'll be obvious she's not interested, but I'll probably still send her another text tomorrow saying:
"Hey [name], what do you think about sushi at [place] in [area] Saturday night?"
"Also, if you're just not interested you can be up front with me. No hard feelings."
I know it's dumb, but I have nothing to lose so I'm just going to throw it out there.
-
-
10-25-2020, 01:19 PM #17
-
10-25-2020, 01:50 PM #18
-
10-25-2020, 03:31 PM #19
-
10-25-2020, 07:51 PM #20
She ended up texting me back after 5 hours saying "Hey, sorry it's been a really busy day. I had a nice time too. I'm free Thursday, does that work for you?" I just said all good and that Thursday works for me, then suggested a place and time. She said "I'm good for it" and I told her it's a date. Then she said "a date indeed" lol.
So I guess I was over-worrying this time, but hopefully she doesn't cancel... Jesus I need to stop being so high strung.
-
-
10-25-2020, 08:51 PM #21
- Join Date: May 2007
- Location: Ohio, United States
- Age: 32
- Posts: 6,256
- Rep Power: 6849
-
10-25-2020, 09:55 PM #22
-
10-25-2020, 10:20 PM #23
-
10-26-2020, 06:37 AM #24
-
-
10-26-2020, 07:17 AM #25
-
10-28-2020, 02:57 PM #26
Well I hit her up today saying she could meet me at my place tomorrow and I could drive us to the place.
Her: I've actually been back and forth on this all day, I might have to reschedule. I have a lot going on tomorrow and I didn't realize it would make me unable to do any kind of artwork (which I also won't be able to do Friday or Saturday), and with how much I've been stressing about getting it all done I don't know if it's ideal to also add dinner in. My lack of sleep lately probably isn't helping with the anxiousness. Would I be able to let you know tomorrow afternoon how I'm feeling?
Me: I understand. Not getting enough sleep, especially if you're stressed about other things, sucks to say the least. But yeah, you can let me know how you're feeling tomorrow afternoon and we can go from there."
Her: I appreciate that! Thank you for understanding.
Me: Of course! Hope you can get some sleep tonight and feel better tomorrow
Her: I've been hoping it for almost a week now, fingers crossed tonight's the night
Essentially tried to play it cool and act like I didn't care much that she might cancel.
Not expecting any good news tomorrow though, but I guess it's a somewhat good sign that she didn't just outright flake and is willing to "see how she feels tomorrow". She is a legitimately very busy person, so I don't necessarily think she's BSing me and do believe what she's saying, especially considering that when I said we should go out again she immediately told me which days she was free without me even having to ask. But it is obvious that I'm not her priority (understandable). Hopefully even if she does cancel (which I'm sure she will), she reciprocates another day. We'll see.
I'm talking to and have dates/hangouts set up with other women, but I have to admit I really liked this girl on our date. Very physically attracted to her and I thought we had chemistry as well. So this is a bit disappointing because I was looking forward to seeing her again.Last edited by TJW2020; 10-28-2020 at 03:50 PM.
-
10-28-2020, 04:53 PM #27
Read through the whole thread, you’ve got a lot to learn, but don’t we all haha. You’re placing way too much value on one girl one date. I’ve been there plenty of times, especially after a breakup where you’re anxious and really trying to fill that void. During that time a rejection from a girl you feel like you have “chemistry” with really punches you in the gut.
I’m not going to go into breaking down everything I think you did wrong. I’d say give less of a fck with these girls, show them you’re interested and you care, but in your own mind just don’t place too much value in it unless you see it progressing over a span of weeks and months. If I’m being honest, it’s not going to go anywhere with this girl. I can already tell from her wording and actions. Her message exchange is setting things up for a “I’m too busy right now with everything” essentially the first message was her way of breaking things off. You can go on a great date and have a change of heart later. I do it all the time. I meet a girl, go on a date, the ensuing days after the date I pick out all her flaws and decide I don’t like her. It’s a terrible habit I’m trying to stop.
-
10-28-2020, 06:25 PM #28
-
-
10-28-2020, 08:54 PM #29
-
10-28-2020, 08:59 PM #30
Just let it go now, I told you that she was likely to flake. Been there myself, you could tell from her messages. Just let it go, and if she’s interested, she’ll hit you up, at which time you reframe and show appropriate amount of interest. You appear a little overzealous here. I would say you’re most likely done here, but you may be surprised and she might hit you up. Do not initiate at all.
Bookmarks