What's the best/worst/funniest life advice you have ever received?

[Lou1se]

Whether we wanted to hear them or not, advice was given freely to our young ears.

Bring back as many old sayings as you can, put them all here as we need a good laugh.


When peeling potatoes Mum said to leave the eyes in and they'll see you through the week !

And always buy good shoes and a good bed because if you're not in one, you'll be in
the other.

My nan gave me two good pieces of advice when I got my first home. Always have
matching net curtains and always have fresh cut flowers in the home. I always have.


What pearls of wisdom have been handed down to all you lovely people out there

[j1nevertogthr]

Meh - don't put your hands in your pants or pockets, or talk with your hands

Pretty good - don't buy a lb if your clients can't afford ounces

[mtpockets]

No such thing as strangers, just friends you haven't met yet


Pay yourself first




Date girls with tiny hands

[NorwichGrad]

"If a chic has an apple, she also has a banana."

(Referring to a dude dressed as a chic but has a visible adam's apple.)

[Old-Time-Lifter]

Buy low, sell high.

[OldFartTom]

...Referring to a dude dressed as a...

Never explain jokes, just move on

[eomrat]

Never explain jokes, just move on

NG is a Filipino, so you know, not necessarily a joke.

[OldFartTom]

NG is a Filipino, so you know, not necessarily a joke.

Ah, I see.. it was the voice of bitter experience

[Mark1T]

Look at Looeezee, sneaking in here with a drive-by thread and thinking we didn't notice. There are a few sneaky chicks in here and I might have to report something

But, that's another story that's sure to be a remembered as part of O35 history.

When I was a senior in high school - no racist for those who didn't even go to high school, I had a job. Yes, I was a 17 year old businessman working at Sears Automotive. It was better than Sears retail selling clothes, because we were men back then. Of course the Sears Automotive guys who stood behind the counter selling oil and oil filters, was the sexy job. The employees who worked the counter were cut-ups. We would do some crazy stuff.

So, that's the back story. During my time at Sears Automotive, my sister was driving. I mean a blind Asian woman drove better than my sister, if you know what I'm saying. This is no dig at Asians, either. Anyway, one time my sister said she was pulled over because her "blinkers weren't working." I told her that I would help her. You have to also understand that I was evil back then and playing pranks on people and family members were a great source of entertainment.

I told my sister that she was out of blinker fluid. She said, "Oh, you can get me some?" I said no and that each car manufacturer had its own proprietary blend. I suggested that I would drive her to Sears Automotive to get some blinker fluid and that I could get her an employee discount. She said, "Oh, thank you."

I was off the next day and after school I drove my sister to Sears Automotive where I worked. I told her to ask for some blinker fluid to the counter guy. She went over there and asked, "Hi, I'm Mark's sister and my blinkers aren't working. He said that I could get some blinker fluid here. Do ya have some?"

Well, there was a moment of silence. Then, an eruption of laughter. My sister hated me that night, but I laughed so hard I thought I was gong to die.

[Desparado]

An old friend at work once told me "If you want to look busy at the office always walk fast with a pen in your hand." He was our George Costanza before Seinfeld was even on the air.

[Lou1se]

Ha some good ones in here and I can feel the frustration amongst some here who want to contribute but
are needing a bit more thinking time. Never fear, NG is here


So you are an annoying brother, Mark! Great memories for some lol


OTL, the trouble I find with this one is I'll buy low and they go lower, haha sell high and they head to the skies



More gems..


*Stock is as good as money!


*Always make sure u have your rent, bills paid, food, gas, electricity on and anything else is a luxury.


*My Great Aunt told me - Don't hang your undies outside as it is a sign you're open for business. Also don't leave a
brick at your door standing up as it means you're open for business also and having it laying down means you're busy lol


*Never run out of salt.

[MajorTendonitis]

In b4 sloots gonna sloot

[dazlittle]

Never put off for tomorrow, what can be done today.
This too shall pass
Dress for the job you want, not the job you have.

All from my granddad.

[AestheticNoz]

Don't take it too seriously, nobody gets out alive anyway.

[mtpockets]

If you're not 15 minutes early, you're late.

[GrouchyUSMC]

If you want the best food in the city, go to the mom and pop diners. Mostly true.

The three things a man should use every day is his hands, his back, and his Bible. Took me a lot of years to finally see the sense in that.

If you can’t beat them in a fair fight, pick up something and hit them with it. It does work but it gets you in more trouble. I ended up giving stitches two days in a row to the local bully when I was a kid with my dad having to pay each time before he had to say maybe not follow that advice all the time. That dude never messed with me again though.

[x-trainer ben]

Grandfather was a Philadelphia detective and gave us driving advice....he said never drive in a pack of cars. Always leave yourself an escape rout and a way out of trouble. I still do it till this day.

[user7VVALFNO23J]

They can kill ya, but they can't eat ya.

[NorwichGrad]

NG is a Filipino, so you know, not necessarily a joke.

HAHAHA. LMAO.

Just remember if you can eat balut you can do anything in life.

[Mercworx]

Good advice- No one ever made a good decision with a hard on.


Drill Sergeant during basic found a recruit crying and asked him what happened. The recruit responded that his gf left him. The DS told him he'd be fine. Recruit responded "but DS I love her" and the DS said the following

DS: "Son love is a feeling that starts and the base of your head, travels down your spine and out the tip of your dick. Its about 6 inches deep give or take. There is nothing as overrated as a piece of ass and nothing as a underrated as a good chit"


Never forgot that. Heard it second hand though while in basic.

[OldFartTom]

Worst advice received: you can't drink drive a motorbike because the first thing that goes is your balance, so if you're too drunk you just can't ride it.

I believed that and even lent the guy who gave the advice a bike so he could go out drinking and he dropped the bike on a straight road so it seemed to prove the theory (he paid all repairs). But soon after I hurt my shoulder (maybe tore rhomboid, never got diagnosed but still get occasional pain all these years later) and I was in so much pain I couldn't ride home so I decided to speed chug cans of super strength beer to relax muscles for the ride and it was only a 250 after all... On way home I felt sober (probably due to pain) but I was all over the road and skidded in front of big truck and could have been killed.
The motorbike drinking/balance theory is wrong! I've never drunk driven anything ever again, and advise others not to.

[Mercworx]

An old friend at work once told me "If you want to look busy at the office always walk fast with a pen in your hand." He was our George Costanza before Seinfeld was even on the air.

Lol reminds me of what I learned while in the Army. If you want people to leave you alone just walk around with a clipboard.

[mtpockets]

Lol reminds me of what I learned while in the Army. If you want people to leave you alone just walk around with a clipboard.

I knew a guy who kept a second hat in his drawer, on Fridays when he wanted to leave early for the weekend he would leave that hat on his desk and go home. People would think he was around somewhere because his hat was there.

[ajdahlheimer]

[supramax]

Good advice- No one ever made a good decision with a hard on.

That's because... "a stiff cock has no conscience."

[lsiberian]

good advice- look both ways when crossing the street. Saved me from the occasional wrong way drunk.

bad advice - treat wife as she who must be obeyed. Guy gave it actually got murdered by his wife. Seriously marriage is a partnership.

good advice- buy Apple stock in 2002, wish I'd taken that advice.

[OldFartTom]

I knew a guy who kept a second hat in his drawer, on Fridays when he wanted to leave early for the weekend he would leave that hat on his desk and go home. People would think he was around somewhere because his hat was there.

I worked with a guy who had 2 identical jackets. Always one on the back of his chair.
He also never carried a bag of any sort of possible and wore a jacket to go outside to smoke. See him walk to the door wearing his jacket holding a pack of cigarettes often he was going AWOL. But jacket still on chair. He produced good work and at the right times just often enough to keep job, but even his boss was never 100% sure where he was or what he was doing. He was the master of his game.

[Corbi]

Most people are honest and want to put in a good days work. Sorry but i'm finding most people are dishonest and will do whatever they can to avoid any actual work.

[bodyhard]

Don't only jerk off with your dominant hand.

[sumolgi]

Don't drink water. Fish f**k in it.