Men, Mental Health, And Friendship

[katya422]

Posted this up as a reply to a previous thread before I watched it.

Really worth watching...two guys chatting; not wonky.




Cliffs:

- male friendships have dropped off a cliff since the 1970's

- after the early 20's/college years men lose friendships more rapidly than women

- many men let their connections go and rely on their partner's connections for a social life

- treatments for depression seem to be better suited to women- direct one on one communication, need to be heard and understood/comforted

- men do better with group therapy, like a "men's circle" which is less confrontational/less vulnerable feeling

- depressed/anxious men benefit more from accomplishing things/building a sense of efficacy and self-worth

- men benefit greatly from "third spaces", aka: shared places that are not work or home


If you want to step up and improve the mental health of men in your community, or improve your own social connections, then be the guy who does the "emotional work" of making contact and making plans. Men are more likely to meet up to do a specific activity together [watching sports, playing poker/pool, etc.].

A specific "third space" they talk about is a shed...a community workshop, or maker's space where men can show up on a Saturday or Sunday and do projects together/help each other make and fix things.

Looking back my grandparents made their home a "third space" for their sons and their sons' friends. I know my grandma fed everybody and would "boss" or mother any kid, hers or not. Grandpa almost always had some sort of project going on, usually fixing up some old car, and had a garage loaded with tools. People who knew us didn't even bother with the front door. If they were home the garage door was up and that's how you went into the house.

If you don't have a good group of brothers or if you want to see that your son has a solid posse it might not be all that hard to make it happen.

[Polaris]

There's a reason men used to have their spaces like the barber shop and cigar lounge. Of course women had to invade those too (God forbid they get left out of anything).

[yakuza233]

have no friend

[negfgtsonsight]

This is a problem that affects low t and/or western men. High T and/or immigrant men, know the value of brotherhood and work hard to maintain that daily. You did this to yourselves.

[HayZues Christi]

I call bs.

Most women have no friends..

No real friends b4 they get matrried and no friends to go along with no hobbies after they get married.

[milfmanmilk]

Posted this up as a reply to a previous thread before I watched it.

- many men let their connections go and rely on their partner's connections for a social life




Looking back my grandparents made their home a "third space" for their sons and their sons' friends. I know my grandma fed everybody and would "boss" or mother any kid, hers or not. Grandpa almost always had some sort of project going on, usually fixing up some old car, and had a garage loaded with tools. People who knew us didn't even bother with the front door. If they were home the garage door was up and that's how you went into the house.

The bolded is an excellent point and also factors in massively into the trauma of long term break up or divorce. Many men do this and lose not only their woman and homes but also their entire social sphere.

The second point about your grandparents shows how important extended family relationships are, it truly does take a village to raise a child. Nowadays many children don't even have regular contact with their grandparents.

I think a lot of this is downstream from the decades long war on men, "toxic masculinity" etc. There are less and less male only or male dominated spaces for men.

[Dontoewsmebro]

Katya is going to cook for me one day, and we will talk politics, and whatever she wants.


I'm holding out....

[Kabamaro]

Good points, might check it out later

[jreacher]

Might watch this later, but your cliffs hit close enough to home for me.

My main friend is the same best friend I've had since kindergarten. Unfortunately we live in different states.

I lost connections to most of my highschool friends while I was in college. And then my college friends shortly after I got married.

I never liked hanging in big groups of guys though -- most of my male friendships were one-on-one (no homo).

[eod8989]

Men's clubs don't exist anymore lol

[negfgtsonsight]

Men's clubs don't exist anymore lol

They do, you just don’t qualify as a man, fgt.

[HayZues Christi]

God.damn miscers truly are some pathetic social rejects.


I don't relate to any of this in the slightest.

[TXBuddy]

Agree with the Third place. This year was hardest on me. I started going to the VFW down the road. Insta-family. Most have gone through what I have and am.

[miscallday12]

This is a problem that affects low t and/or western men. High T and/or immigrant men, know the value of brotherhood and work hard to maintain that daily. You did this to yourselves.

This right here. Americucks are narcissistic as fuq

[Gainzzz]

God.damn miscers truly are some pathetic social rejects.


I don't relate to any of this in the slightest.

Log out forever then you insufferable kunt

[DrAlchemist]

Log out forever then you insufferable kunt

I like him, we need guys attacking the incels and social losers that don't want to better themselves

[DesiredUserphag]

It's very important for men to have close homies. Otherwise, you're literally sharing all of your ideas/thoughts/concerns/beliefs/etc with a female which causes lots of mental problems IMO. We aren't the same and that's never going to change

[Redfish225]

There's a reason men used to have their spaces like the barber shop and cigar lounge. Of course women had to invade those too (God forbid they get left out of anything).

My barbershop is the chit, I love it. Always good chit talkin inside and no wimminz.

[OliverHeldens]

I have a group of college friends, and one of them was desperate to get married and ended up marrying this miserable feminist liberal girl who has no friends(who he is now in the process of divorcing after like 4 years of marriage).

He would always come back home for the holidays and bring her along to times when our group would meet up(she would be the only female there, as the other guys just left their significant others at home with their parents), and she would try to act as like the "referee" for our conversations and shut down anything that was even remotely disparaging to women or other nonsense. It totally killed the group dynamic, and eventually we just stopped doing these meetups.

I'm pretty sure this is exactly what the feminists want, to kill men's mental health by killing male camrarderie.

[desslok]

Is that why Starbucks now calls itself a “Thrid Space”? So we can all meet up for a triple venti lavender honey soy latte with whipped cream

[katya422]

It's very important for men to have close homies. Otherwise, you're literally sharing all of your ideas/thoughts/concerns/beliefs/etc with a female which causes lots of mental problems IMO. We aren't the same and that's never going to change

Viva la difference.



I generally like men. I don't want to be one though.

[BigBallsMcgee]

Angry lonely young men with nothing to lose. Not good

[katya422]

Is that why Starbucks now calls itself a “Thrid Space”? So we can all meet up for a triple venti lavender honey soy latte with whipped cream

Technically it does qualify.

- cafe/coffee shop
- pub
- barbershop
- gym
- garage

Anyplace you can hang out around other people and create a community.

[MinisterOfLust]

I lost contact with all of my friends. It seems like everybody is busy with their lives and they don't want to be bothered. Friendship is a two way street. I don't have the time to kiss other people's ass.

[RIKTER]

My barbershop is the chit, I love it. Always good chit talkin inside and no wimminz.

^^This.

Except for me its the local bathhouse. Only been there a few times, but the guys there seem very friendly and fashionable.

Im not sure how I feel about no trunk Thursdays though?

[volleys]

outside of the guys I work with, the only people I still keep in contact with are my WoW guild from over a decade ago lols.

[messomi]

outside of the guys I work with, the only people I still keep in contact with are my WoW guild from over a decade ago lols.

lmao

[HayZues Christi]

My mind is blown by this thread.

I'll be 36 in a couple of weeks. I have close friends ranging from 23 to 65 srs.


A group of friends I play bball with 2-3x a week.

I have my group of friends I play golf with 1-2x a week

Have my softball buddies that I shut down the bar with on Thursday nights after our games.

Have the couples friends that I do stuff as a couple with my wife.

Then I still have my osest friend growing up and my closest friend from college. While we live hours apart and don't see each other often, we get together at least 5x a year for some homie time.

[ymer]

There's a reason men used to have their spaces like the barber shop and cigar lounge. Of course women had to invade those too (God forbid they get left out of anything).

Like the misc? I remember when we didn't have attention whoring sloots roaming around the misc.

Oh chit.

[seanb1979]

My barbershop is the chit, I love it. Always good chit talkin inside and no wimminz.

My barbershop I go to actually hired a woman once and she immediately started complaining that she didn't like what the men were talking about.