Matches have pretty much died

[otakutrevan]

They actually have software engineer Meetups?

Yeah. Usually someone will talk about a problem, new tech (language, library, framework, etc), and then people eat, drink, or bs. after. Its real life linkedin basically.

[BlackScorpio91]

Yeah. Usually someone will talk about a problem, new tech (language, library, framework, etc), and then people eat, drink, or bs. after. Its real life linkedin basically.

That's pretty cool. Unfortunately not all Meetups are people gonna want to network with each other. They rather just talk about trivial, boring chit to pass the time and not exchange numbers. It's really weird actually.

[Luc1fer]

Part of this is my own fault. Just looking back on some old matches, I stopped responding to at least two 8’s becuase I frequently just get jaded with the whole thing and abandon the apps for a few days.

If I was 25 again I’d probably do the same thing I did before and just not bother with dating at all.

[otakutrevan]

Part of this is my own fault. Just looking back on some old matches, I stopped responding to at least two 8’s becuase I frequently just get jaded with the whole thing and abandon the apps for a few days.

If I was 25 again I’d probably do the same thing I did before and just not bother with dating at all.

.........................

[otakutrevan]

So that girl I went on the date with. Will goes hours without responding. has yet to initiate a convo. Essentially shows no sighs of attraction I've had in the past with women that were interest. Its a slight blow to the self esteem in a sense because most people would look at us and say that Im overtly dating down.

[Luc1fer]

.........................

Ye I know, but 99% of the time it's them that stop responding to me so in all probability it wouldn't have gone anywhere. I think that's what makes me jaded.

[Luc1fer]

So that girl I went on the date with. Will goes hours without responding. has yet to initiate a convo. Essentially shows no sighs of attraction I've had in the past with women that were interest. Its a slight blow to the self esteem in a sense because most people would look at us and say that Im overtly dating down.

https://media.giphy.com/media/vUrtTwnSn7476/giphy.gif

The last girl I dated was similar, although she would initiate sometimes. Could take a day or more to respond for either of us. At first I thought she must not be interested, but then I learned that she pretty much is terrible at texting everyone.

[HoustonMiscer]

lol at that indian chick on bumble. acting like she's too cool for me bish u ain't ****

[pondus_levo]

A lot of guys are. I just won't drop names. They chat on WhatsApp or Kik. You are clueless. They aren't regulars in this thread, I'll say that, yet indeed Miscers. One has seen a huge change in her since she started seeing this particular therapist who specializes in Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, and she returned to group therapy as well. Her husband filed for divorce in May.

At least give credit where credit is due. MANY on this subforum need therapy, but refuse to get it. At least she's getting therapy and professional help vs. being in denial about it. Therapists don't like the younger guy thing. Most would say the same to SilenceSpeaks about her 22 year old FWB.

Yeah...therapy ain't doing **** for you, toots. Right now you sound like the DLB that shows up just before you implode. I think someone wrote a song about you.

Text game is a thing but there are reasons it isn't preached (and rightfully so in most cases) such as:
1) It means nothing if you can't back it up in person
2) It sets a precedent of consistent communication which one may not want when they're keeping things extremely casual
3) It can come off as being needy if overdone

As for not using the first date to get to know each other, the biggest misconception about this is that you ALSO need to be creating attraction/escalating/and likely kissing at some point in addition to getting to know each other.

If you've communicated and built enough rapport before the first date that you think you're past the point of only "using it to get to know eachother" and it works for you that's great, but I probably wouldn't recommend it to everyone.

At the end of the day, once things have "clicked" for someone, they'll likely have enough opportunities that they can do what feels right to them and when it works, great, and when it doesn't it's not a big deal either because they know there will be other women in the near future.

Well obviously you have to be able to back it up...but if you do it over text, you SHOULD be able to do it in person. It's not that you can't, it's that something else is holding you back from doing it.

It literally makes zero sense that some guys are only good at text and some guys are only good IRL. It's all the same. If you know how to tease, flirt, and have fun conversations, it doesn't matter the media.

[bretmarathon]

I'm just saying that to annoy her.

You are annoying, but not as annoying as Pondus the rustled manlet, and you both are giving me free attention.

I'm Bret Turner and I live on Marathon.

[BlackScorpio91]

You are annoying, but not as annoying as Pondus the rustled manlet, and you both are giving me free attention.

I'm Bret Turner and I live on Marathon.

Only a woman would say that DLB.

P.S. I talked to a mod about you and he said you can post as yourself now with no consequences.

[bretmarathon]

Only a woman would say that DLB.

P.S. I talked to a mod about you and he said you can post as yourself now with no consequences.

LOL at talking to a mod. That's like saying to a dude that you talked to a cop and he said it was OK to rob the convenience store.

Shouldn't you be asleep?

[arkona4trek]

Fear of being used isn't a new thing for women; just saying.

I could see it growing into more of a common thing with families needing two incomes to make it and yet still needing someone to take care of all the household work and child rearing. And, yeah, that would suck for less desirable men as I think two men with one woman would be more rare. I guess it could be three of a kind though too.

Well if that happens, it will give some good work for fellow lawyers haha If the man marry one person, the other girl will have little to no right. If it does not marry, in my country there are specific law for couple who don't marry, that are pretty similar to the law for married people, but how do you apply them for a couple made of three person ?

The main solution will be to draft contract for the main investment made by the three person so basically the dating/relationship life will become a full market and people involved in relationship will be more business partners than anything else (it is a bit the same and honestly the belief in the "market" is far less pronounced in my country than in the USA and at first talking about the "dating market" was kind of shoking for me).

Anyway, if that happens, that will be a scary world to live in. human relation can't be reduce to contract and business transaction.

I do agree to a certain degree that when a guy gets older, he has more options than he did when he was younger granted he works on self improvement and fitness and health. Women still have more options most of the time unless they're older themselves then their SMV drops down.

Well I do not really agree, fitness and health are not really taken into account when it comes to date.

I mean fitness for instance, unless you are naturally fit and then you are certainly attractive cause you have masculine feature, you have to build yourself up. In the latter case, people see you lift even if you are not massive but that does not play much for the ladies at least for me the main people that compliments me or ask for advice from time to time are other men lol. A few women asked me for diet advice and the compliments I get are from some friends cause they are nice to me.

For the self improvement part, will gladly take some advice though cause that is pretty vague.

So that girl I went on the date with. Will goes hours without responding. has yet to initiate a convo. Essentially shows no sighs of attraction I've had in the past with women that were interest. Its a slight blow to the self esteem in a sense because most people would look at us and say that Im overtly dating down.

Well sorry to hear that mate.

Regarding the self esteem, view it the other way even if it is hard, I mean you put yourself outhere, make some efforts to date despite this being harder for you. That requires some courage and resilience so prop to you my brother

lol at that indian chick on bumble. acting like she's too cool for me bish u ain't ****

Hope the next will be better, is she the one you had lunch with (I hope not cause you said you had good connection IIRC) ?

[BlackScorpio91]

LOL at talking to a mod. That's like saying to a dude that you talked to a cop and he said it was OK to rob the convenience store.

Shouldn't you be asleep?

Ok DLB. You're the one that was up pretending to be a 55 year old man, sad.

[DanielleGreen]

Part of this is my own fault. Just looking back on some old matches, I stopped responding to at least two 8’s becuase I frequently just get jaded with the whole thing and abandon the apps for a few days.

If I was 25 again I’d probably do the same thing I did before and just not bother with dating at all.

See stuff like this is why I deleted the apps. I understand you're jaded (I am too), but stuff like this is just contributing to the problem(s) many folks has with dating these days. Just like your "height experiment" why even do that? What's the purpose of lying? Don't get me wrong women lie all the time about age, using old pictures, etc. Have you thought about deleting the apps and trying real life? Yesterday I got a call about joining an indoor soccer league for the Spring season, I had to say no cause I'm swamped with work and applying for jobs. You live in a bigger city than I do so I'm sure there is good stuff out there. I'm not telling you what to do, but it seems like you, me, and some other folks needs a break from this mess they call "dating."

[Luc1fer]

See stuff like this is why I deleted the apps. I understand you're jaded (I am too), but stuff like this is just contributing to the problem(s) many folks has with dating these days. Just like your "height experiment" why even do that? What's the purpose of lying? Don't get me wrong women lie all the time about age, using old pictures, etc. Have you thought about deleting the apps and trying real life? Yesterday I got a call about joining an indoor soccer league for the Spring season, I had to say no cause I'm swamped with work and applying for jobs. You live in a bigger city than I do so I'm sure there is good stuff out there. I'm not telling you what to do, but it seems like you, me, and some other folks needs a break from this mess they call "dating."

The height experiment was worthwhile tbh. Doesn't change any of my situation, but it means my pics are probably fine (although one can always improve), and it helps me better understand the mindset of women on the apps.

[Silencespeaks]

The last girl I dated was similar, although she would initiate sometimes. Could take a day or more to respond for either of us. At first I thought she must not be interested, but then I learned that she pretty much is terrible at texting everyone.

Wow I can’t relate to this at all. I text back in 2 seconds.

[BlackScorpio91]

Wow I can’t relate to this at all. I text back in 2 seconds.

Is that for guy you like or for everybody?

[Silencespeaks]

Is that for guy you like or for everybody?

Well I only talk to guys I like. If I don’t like them I stop talking to them. I don’t keep in touch with people I’m not interested in.

[Luc1fer]

Well I only talk to guys I like. If I don’t like them I stop talking to them. I don’t keep in touch with people I’m not interested in.

lol, he means romantically like vs. people you like as a person (aka friends).

[Silencespeaks]

lol, he means romantically like vs. people you like as a person (aka friends).

Oh well I don’t have any male friends.

[Luc1fer]

Oh well I don’t have any male friends.

Why are you specifying male? JFC, he asked you a REALLY simple question.

[Silencespeaks]

Why are you specifying male? JFC, he asked you a REALLY simple question.

Oh like in general, ok well I only talk to a few family members and 2 close friends. Sometimes I respond right away and sometimes take a few hours or maybe the next day in like in a group chat where there’s just general conversation.

[Luc1fer]

Oh like in general, ok well I only talk to a few family members and 2 close friends. Sometimes I respond right away and sometimes take a few hours or maybe the next day in like in a group chat where there’s just general conversation.

So with general family and friends response times vary, but with guys you like its 2 seconds -- correct?

[Silencespeaks]

So with general family and friends response times vary, but with guys you like its 2 seconds -- correct?

Yes correct.

[Luc1fer]

Off topic, but I'm at the stage in my life (mid 30's) where a lot of my friends are moving up the "career ladder" into senior management and director positions.

I do pretty well for myself, but I've always had the philosophy that work/life balance is more important than killing yourself in work. A good friend of mine was burnt out ~1 year ago and had to see a doctor and stay home for a couple of weeks due to his stress levels and overworking. When I talked to him before that, he was grinding it out because he was up for promotion in a few months and would get a large pay increase. Then I spoke with him after that episode, and he's chasing the next promotion. No doubt he's 'doing very well' in career now and accelerating at a much faster pace than I.

Obviously you don't wanna end up like that, but when I see so many of my friends completely focused on career, I wonder if I'm wrong. I never wanted to manage people, it just seems like a stressful nightmare.And you really have to be the type of person that enjoys dealing with people, their emotions etc. in that position.

I think it's almost natural for a driven guy to want to compete in the workplace and climb the ladder for status. In some ways, you could say I've resisted it to maintain the bigger picture on health, fitness and what the real value in life is. You get that extra pay, but you will also get extra responsibility. Companies don't generally bump you for nothing.

All that said, I know I'm not pushing to my max potential in work - intentionally. I wonder why I start to feel a tinge of jealousy though, and if I should listen to that or not. I think if I have children, I can attach more meaning to that rather than work and my own health.

There has to be better pursuits to focus on than what they are doing in corporate.

[Silencespeaks]

^^

Yeah it’s a very personal decision. You have to stay focused on yourself and what YOU want out of life. If you go by what your peers at work are doing you’ll get automatically sucked into that same career track because everyone thinks that is normal and they have tunnel vision.

It’s important to look at what other people outside your career are doing. Some people do very well because they started businesses, made good investments, got into real estate etc.

Plenty of people are well off financially outside the career rat race. Sometimes even better off financially than if they’d stayed in, or sometimes less financially but much more freedom and leisure time and control over their schedule etc.

[BlackScorpio91]

Why are you specifying male? JFC, he asked you a REALLY simple question.

LOL exactly. It's not even a hard question to answer.

SlienceSpeaks are you a blonde?

[fishnbrah]

switched out my conservative pics for bathroom mirror shirtless selfies and i got some matches and a chick who was dtf

[otakutrevan]

My goal...if mid 30s and single and struggling. I want to be a remote Senior Developer, and live like..in Panama, Thailand, Philliopines, or something

brb 100k+ plus
brb cost of living low as fawk
brb living like a king on a beach