Girlfriend suddenly broke up with me today (LONG)

[Bonesbrahh]

4 months down the f*cking drain. We were texting today and she randomly sent me this:

"Hey.

I have been thinking a lot about us lately, and where our relationship is headed. I'm feeling uncertain about our future, and I don’t think that's a good sign. You're really special and you deserve to be with someone who is ready to give you that relationship you’re looking for.

We are a great match in many ways- you're attractive, funny, and we have fun together. But for whatever reason, I'm not feeling strongly enough about this, and I know at this point in my life that it is important to me to have that strong connection with someone. You deserve real feeling and enthusiasm and for whatever reason I just can't deliver that to you right now. I have been waiting for stronger feelings to come because we seemed compatible, but they just haven’t.

I don't want to be in your way and hold you back from you the life you will be living soon with someone who is ready for that, and knowing that's not me I think it is best to free you up. I really really struggled with this decision because I like you and don't want to hurt you. I didn't make it lightly but I feel sure it's the right thing. I’m really sorry about it. You have been very sweet to me over the past few months. You can call me to talk if you want to. I am writing this to you because I am very selfish and don’t want to see you hurt. If you do need more closure though, I can talk on the phone. I wish you all the best."

I called her after I got this and we talked for a few minutes. She essentially said that she liked me, felt we had chemistry, and blah blah blah, but she was waiting for feelings to come and they never did. She also said she feels "heartless" or like she doesn't have emotions right now.

A few other things to note:

-The biggest thing... We started dating pretty much immediately after her last relationship, which was a 2-3 year relationship
-She's on lexapro (don't know for how long, but probably since before we met)
-She had a kidney infection the past week and stopped taking her birth control last Wednesday, then just got back on it yesterday or something

All bad signs, I know. BUT her and I had ridiculous chemistry in EVERY way and she was quickly becoming like a best friend as well as someone I was falling for, so I thought we were feeling the same and it would work. I was wrong. Apparently she never had real feelings for me (even though by her words she wanted them), all the while I'm legitimately falling in love with her. We had both agreed multiple times that we had crazy chemistry, which we also both agreed is extremely hard to find. She would also call me her boyfriend in text messages to friends (I know this because she'd text in front of me).

Per the usual post-breakup I feel absolutely horrendous. This totally took me by surprise. I'm shocked, hurting to a point I can't even describe, and I feel like everything I was looking forward to in the near future has totally crumbled. I'm trying not to think about the good times we had, but I can't help it, and whenever I do it breaks me even further. We were supposed to hangout tomorrow, we were going to take a trip to the beach in two weeks (which I made reservations for), and she told me she would be there for me/with me when I moved (moving to a new place in the same area next month). All gone. All of it plus 4 months of time, memories, and me falling in love with her.

This was one of the 2-3 girls EVER in 10-12 years of dating who I felt honest-to-god STRONG chemistry with. It hits even harder because I feel like I might never find this again. I also hate dating and was really happy to be out of that "game".

I sent her this text after:

"Hey I just wanted to say a few things that are on my mind because you said you feel heartless or like you don't have emotions right now. You told me that you're on anti-depressants. They can be great, but they also numb your emotions and make you think/feel differently than you otherwise would. Also, you said you stopped taking your birth control last week. I'm sure you already know this, but birth control messes with your hormones and starting/stopping can change the way you feel. On top of those factors, you just had a traumatic experience with that stalker guy and having this kidney infection. And lastly, I honestly don't think you gave "us" enough time. 3 months isn't even long enough to get over your ex of 2-3 years, let alone catch feelings for someone else. If you would have given us longer you might have caught feelings like I did. I'm not trying to change your mind and I respect your decision even though it crushes me, but I just wanted to make you aware of these things if you aren't already, because they may be influencing your feelings."

It was from a 98% rational perspective. I really am not sure if it's a good thing she's breaking it off now, or if there was a chance she'd have eventually gotten feelings in the future if we kept seeing each other.

It's all even more confusing, because a few weeks ago I sat down with her and told her if she needed/want space, or to see other people, or just to break it off or whatever--she could, and that she should do it right away. But she didn't want to. Then a few weeks later she does this.

The best way I can sum up how I'm feeling is... Hopeless. Completely hopeless. I don't even know what to do or where to go now.

[Icepops81]

I skimmed through it. It’s pretty obvious to me she met someone else. You can’t blame yourself. It’s not your fault. It could be as little as one of her girlfriends liking this new guys ******** posts so now she want to Fukk him. That’s literally how much it takes. Don’t invest emotionally

[Bonesbrahh]

I skimmed through it. It’s pretty obvious to me she met someone else. You can’t blame yourself. It’s not your fault. It could be as little as one of her girlfriends liking this new guys ******** posts so now she want to Fukk him. That’s literally how much it takes. Don’t invest emotionally

I don't think so man. Anything's possible, but I got a peek into her ********/snapchat/text messages at one point and there was nothing sketchy. She was even referring to me as her boyfriend in the messages when she'd talk about me. Plus she's been very sick the past week and a half. And on top of that I gave her an out a few weeks ago, which she could have easily taken if there was another guy. She also didn't have to agree to exclusivity with me. She hasn't met anyone else.

[Icepops81]

Read up on BPD women and how they suck you in and mirror your personality. You shouldn’t have responded to her, she doesn’t deserve a response she’s trash

[Bonesbrahh]

Read up on BPD women and how they suck you in and mirror your personality. You shouldn’t have responded to her, she doesn’t deserve a response she’s trash

I've heard about BPD. Bad news... You really think she's BPD?

[Mr Beer]

Sudden to YOU not to HER. She's been planning this for a while.

BPD sounds likely BTW. Does she have a good relationship with her father? Does she have any terrible ex's, who for example used to abuse her, or stalk her, or were way too clingy? Did she love bomb you and really enjoy all the stuff you like? Because those are all warning signs from what I hear about BPDs.

[Bonesbrahh]

Sudden to YOU not to HER. She's been planning this for a while.

BPD sounds likely BTW. Does she have a good relationship with her father? Does she have any terrible ex's, who for example used to abuse her, or stalk her, or were way too clingy? Did she love bomb you and really enjoy all the stuff you like? Because those are all warning signs from what I hear about BPDs.

Don't know about her relationship with her dad.

She did say her sister gave her trust issues because her sister was TOTALLY f*cked up in the past and would do messed up sh!t to her. Didn't say much past that.

She was also being stalked by a guy kinda sorta recently, and ended up seeing him in public a couple weeks ago, which REALLY freaked her out. I came right over when she told me and she literally cried on my shoulder.

She also told me she was drugged at a party in college and raped (woke up in the guys bed with no memory of what happened), which messed her up for a year after, so I'm guessing she has some PTSD.

Also, she wanted me to call her a dirty/stupid little sl*t/wh0re/f*cktoy in bed as well as slap her (lightly). She was also into calling me master sometimes. It seemed a bit extreme, but some people are into it so I did it for her pleasure and didn't think much of it.

We liked a lot of the same stuff, but it didn't seem sketchy. She liked lifting, hiking, and doing different stuff that I liked. That's one of the reasons I felt chemistry with her. But it wasn't in a weird way like she loved EVERYTHING I liked or something.

Her ex is also not in the picture. He moved way far away and she had strong reasons for breaking up with him on top of that.

It's funny, because she WANTED me to spend the night two nights in a row last weekend, which we had never done. Things like that made me think we were getting closer. Then she drops this bomb on me.

There's more, but can you see why/how I was falling for this girl?

[Mr Beer]

I mean that sounds a lot of red flags and correlates with BPD - either that or standard woman in 2020 LOL.

[Bonesbrahh]

I mean that sounds a lot of red flags and correlates with BPD - either that or standard woman in 2020 LOL.

I don't know man... I looked up signs of BPD and she doesn't really meet them. Emotional trauma/issues? Definitely. But BPD? I'm not sure.

[bongowongo]

Dont bother OP, 4 months is a short time and I know it sucks but this aint your fault and it's nothing to do with you. The biggest red flag was her getting into a relationship straight after her one ... girls that jump in so quickly from one relationship to the other usually have a ton of issues, mental or commitment.


Do you and i'm sure you'll meet someone who is your on your level and gives you mutual respect/love.

best of luck brudda.

[Bonesbrahh]

Dont bother OP, 4 months is a short time and I know it sucks but this aint your fault and it's nothing to do with you. The biggest red flag was her getting into a relationship straight after her one ... girls that jump in so quickly from one relationship to the other usually have a ton of issues, mental or commitment.


Do you and i'm sure you'll meet someone who is your on your level and gives you mutual respect/love.

best of luck brudda.

You're 100% right, but it feels like longer. For three months straight we were seeing each other multiple times per week, doing lots of things together, cuddling, having great sex, having sleepovers, met each others friends/family, laughing and joking together, building memories, and more, and in an instant it's all gone. Destroyed. There was so much f*cking chemistry between us and everything just felt natural. I'm honestly not sure I'll ever find this again

[Kev1972]

You lost your masculine center when you fell in love with her and became effeminate. She in turn lost all respect for you.

This guy is pure fcuking gold. All his advice is spot on.

[bigcat3655]

You were a rebound.

[TheIronAsylum]

she doesnt wanna be racist like every feminazi social media tells her she is unless she bangs black guys sorry bruh society sez so

[Mr Beer]

I don't know man... I looked up signs of BPD and she doesn't really meet them. Emotional trauma/issues? Definitely. But BPD? I'm not sure.

BPDs mimic a person who is in love but do not genuinely feel what they are pretending to experience. They also have toxic family relationships, tend to be freaks in the sack and have terrible ex-boyfriends. Reason for the last one is that every ex- is a bad person, because they have to be. "Stalking" is extremely common because they keep ex-s around. Being raped is common because BPDs put themselves in the position to be raped and also often claim to be raped, especially by people who have "wronged" them. Not saying she is BPD but she easily could be based on what you said.

Everything about this sucks but you should break off all forms of contact and refuse to talk to her when she attempts to get back into your life.

You won't but you should.

[Kev1972]

You don't have to block her or cut off contact. Play your cards right and you can string her along and have great sex for years.

Just don't fall in love dumb ass. Check your feelings. Practice holding your masculinity tight. Make her an option not the center of your universe. Her attention to you will grow as yours to her wanes.

[DarthCholo]

Last thing you can do is use logic and explain from a rational perspective. Just confirms to her she made the right choice from her perspective She's making decisions 100% based on emotions so appealing to logic does not computer with her decision making.

[DustinTheHuss]

A
B. She's on Meds. This screams crazy. Lexapro is for people with anxiety issues and a whole other bunch of mental problems. Her stopping to take her birth control pills is like this girl I knew who took them in order to balance out her hormones. Without them she went batchit on me. You should have ran for the hills once you learned she was on meds.

You're Canadian but most American women are on antidepressants, so you're cutting out a huge chunk of the population by saying that you shouldn't date them, lol.

The chick in the OP sounds like she is BPD, which can't be treated with meds.

[Bonesbrahh]

Straight up, I don't think there's any chance of her contacting me again except to MAYBE check on me after I move in October or something. And there's no way I could keep my feelings in check

My only advantage in all this is that before we went exclusive and were still seeing other people she said we had chemistry and everything felt natural, where as with the other guys she went out with she didn't feel any connection. And I had the same experience

You guys are saying bpd, but I'm kinda still leaning towards I was the rebound guy and got f*cked over. You all could be right, but I think it's relatively normal to be emotionally unavailable after a LTR breakup, and it seems like that's what she is. If I had met her down the road I feel like things might have been different. Nonetheless I'm not any less miserable knowing this isn't my fault/essentially has nothing to do with me

[Gaedj]

Sounds a lot like my ex.

The worst thing you can do is to respond in a "logical" manner.

It'd been better if you simply ignored or wrote a simple "Cool. Good luck."

[Bonesbrahh]

I couldn't do it. I care way too much to end it like that. And it doesn't matter either way. It would've been over no matter what I did or didn't say. I WANT her to know that I'm in love with her.

I still don't feel like this is real... I'm waiting to wake up and everything to be ok again. It just doesn't make sense. How can someone build all these memories over months then just throw it all away in an instant? I just spent the night at her place all last weekend... All the stuff we had planned... How is this real

[LilRabbitHole]

It's not 'in an instant'. To you it is, to her it isn't.

I agree with the poster saying that you were a rebound.

She could be back, or maybe she won't be.
I think you've done everything you could already, doing more will just push her away.

Work on improving yourself and making yourself into the best catch you could be. This will increase new opportunities as well. That's the only thing you could do at the moment.

[Bonesbrahh]

Want to know how much I was falling for this girl? I went into her medicine cabinet one night a while ago when I was spending the night at her place and found lexapro, lorazepam, marijuana (she smokes often), and valtrex. Yes, valtrex the herpes medication. And you know what? I didn't even care. That's how much I was falling for her

[Gaedj]

Want to know how much I was falling for this girl? I went into her medicine cabinet one night a while ago when I was spending the night at her place and found lexapro, lorazepam, marijuana (she smokes often), and valtrex. Yes, valtrex the herpes medication. And you know what? I didn't even care. That's how much I was falling for her

Come on bro. Any and every girl is replaceable. Once the strong emotion fades away, you will realize it was just you who convinced yourself to believe there was something special between you and the girl.

[Brosnbroccoli]

Want to know how much I was falling for this girl? I went into her medicine cabinet one night a while ago when I was spending the night at her place and found lexapro, lorazepam, marijuana (she smokes often), and valtrex. Yes, valtrex the herpes medication. And you know what? I didn't even care. That's how much I was falling for her

Misc brother the girl is a complete mess and on top of that she wasn’t in love or falling in love with you. Disaster was the only outcome.

You’re in love with her, so of course it hurts, BUT it will get better. Stay strong and stay away from her.

[smashedurgfx10]

1) 4 months is nothing
2) it's never 'suddenly' my man. you didn't see the signs

most of the time girls will only leave if there's another guy. so you can assume there is

her break up 'explanation' sounds bs - and they always are. delete it from your memory
there is another guy. i guarantee it.

what gave her the courage to say it to you was a) a good thing was happening with him and b) you told her that if she wanted to break it off she should

I couldn't do it. I care way too much to end it like that. And it doesn't matter either way. It would've been over no matter what I did or didn't say. I WANT her to know that I'm in love with her.

I still don't feel like this is real... I'm waiting to wake up and everything to be ok again. It just doesn't make sense. How can someone build all these memories over months then just throw it all away in an instant? I just spent the night at her place all last weekend... All the stuff we had planned... How is this real

you are a prime example of why i do everything in my power to try and not get emotionally invested with girls. your op, and this post.

look at what you've let yourself become. sure, it's going to be disappointing when a good thing doesn't work out.
ive been in your shoes before, i was destroyed by a girl (who by the way i was seeing for an even shorter period) when she randomly said to me it wasn't going to work, after we had what i thought was a really good thing going. and from that moment I vowed to never let it happen again

you need to do some soul searching man. your life should be amazing with or without this girl.

i feel for you because ive been there as well. but your text to her after probably didn't help your chances of her coming back. should have just calmly acknowledged it and not said another word, as hard as it would be

It'd been better if you simply ignored or wrote a simple "Cool. Good luck."

^like that guy said

I mean that sounds a lot of red flags and correlates with BPD - either that or standard woman in 2020 LOL.

also this. and if you yourself are acknowledging at the very least she has emotional trauma and issues.. why tf do you want to be with her? srs

what's the end goal of relationships? marriage and kids right? everything else is fluff. i for one wouldn't want a girl with issues to be mothering my children. as hot as it is in the moment, a girl who wants you to call her a slut and a fuktoy in bed again, not really long term material (in my opinion)
you got to bang her for 4 months man. take the loss and move on, but it really doesn't sound like it was much of a loss to begin with

also sounds like she's playing the victim card a lot with you. that stuff in the past MIGHT have happened to her, or it might not have and she may be exaggerating to get you to feel sorry for her.
rape is real and its a terrible thing. but if i had a dollar for every girl who had said they'd gone through something along those lines, including past abusive relationships i'd be a rich man.
girls play the victim to get your investment and attention. be a bit more suspicious about their claims

[Bored23]

Bro, brutally honest truth here with out any doubt.

1. She never really liked you that much she just liked your attention after her long relationship she couldn't handle being single and just liked having you around.

2. She met someone else/better in her opinion or was already talking to this person the whole time trying to win them over whilst keeping you on the hook to make her feel better.

I really am only being brutal here so you can recognise this and just move on.

[Nicklol]

those type of explanations are so fake..
like shes typing an essay to someone she doesnt know.
4 months really is nothing though..
she met someone else or multiple people

[Coolman468]

Honestly it was only 4 months dude, now I know it feels terrible, because you can develop a lot of emotions for someone in a short period of time. So in the grand scheme of things it’s not that big of a deal. I’ll say this, that text message you sent her rationalizing was super unnecessary and only made things worse. Never do that, never try to explain to a girl or anyone for that matter why they might be feeling the way they do. The truth is she just wasn’t feeling you, and she straight up told you. You should respect her for that.

She did nothing wrong here, so many guys on here demonizing her. Let’s stop trying to diagnosis her with BPD when we don’t have the credentials for it.

I was talking to a girl I matched with on hinge during quarantine, we spoke starting from April 17th, until we met and spent 5 days together starting June 18th. I thought our time went well, could’ve been better on my part in some situations, but overall I thought it was a good experience. The day after she returned home she told me she’s just didn’t feel a connection between us. To me I was shocked cause we had a ton of sex and fun.

I just told her okay that’s fine, I understand her feelings; we haven’t spoken since. I felt terrible for like 2 weeks, by the 4th week I could care less. Now I wouldn’t even entertain a sexual relationship with her. Why? it was only like 2 months, not that big of a deal.

You’ll be fine man.

[cannon300]

-The biggest thing... We started dating pretty much immediately after her last relationship, which was a 2-3 year relationship

I’ve been in your shoes and made the same mistake. Just think about it, she just got out of a LTR, why would she want to rush into another one? Her mind is probably all over the place and chances are she’s just looking for a rebound. And I’m going to hazard a guess that the ex is back in the picture. At the very least you should have taken things slow.

It's all even more confusing, because a few weeks ago I sat down with her and told her if she needed/want space, or to see other people, or just to break it off or whatever--she could, and that she should do it right away. But she didn't want to. Then a few weeks later she does this.

Not sure why you planted this seed in her head? That just reeks of insecurity imo.

Anyway, the fact she broke up with you over text just shows how much of a ****ty person she is. Go NC, don’t respond to anything if she initiates and focus on yourself. Eventually you will forget about her and move on. Good luck brah.