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09-12-2020, 09:46 AM #91
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09-12-2020, 10:09 AM #92
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09-12-2020, 10:19 AM #93
You were useful to her at the time. Maybe as a rebound, maybe as a backup for another option, we will never know.
We can only speculate, and that's the closest you'll get to closure with all but the most self aware and empathetic women in your life, of which this doesn't seem like one of themMotorcycle Crew
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09-12-2020, 11:09 AM #94
I just can't deal with this. We did so much together that everything makes me think of her and the times we shares. I'm at my dad's house now and I was thinking about working out in his garage gym and going in his pool, but since her and I would workout together here and go in the pool it reminds me of her. I keep thinking about the time we worked out together, then jumped in the pool and she just sat on my lap and hugged/cuddled me. I want that back. Same with the gym. We worked out at the gym together too and I don't want to be thinking about her and tearing up at the gym. I opened my shirt drawer and saw the shirt she got me when she was on vacation. I can't f*cking escape. I also sent a message to my doctor about this--just saying I'm having an extremely difficult time emotionally, can barely eat or sleep, and am having depressive/panic attacks and asked if he would recommend anything. I would do almost anything right now to escape this pain. F*ck, if he recommended me the same anti-depressant she's on I'd probably try it. I need something. I'm beyond ashamed to admit this, but I drove by her apartment building last night just to look for her car and see if her lights were on. I'm going crazy
Last edited by Bonesbrahh; 09-12-2020 at 11:18 AM.
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09-12-2020, 11:28 AM #95
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09-12-2020, 11:38 AM #96
i know exactly how you're feeling and i know its very painful.
im not qualified to tell you exactly what you should be doing, apart from the obvious which is trying to maximise good life choices which are under your control, in order to negate the stress and negative emotions which arent.
stuff like:
-eat healthily
-see friends and family (and share with them)
-work out
-invest time in hobbies
the quicker your remove her from your mind the better. otherwise what happens is you create a feedback loop, and you'll never stop thinking of her.
the really good thing here is she left zero grey area. she straight up told you she doesn't want to be with you. that doesn't happen often. rejoice at least in the fact you know that for definite and leave it in the past nowMotorcycle Crew
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09-12-2020, 11:39 AM #97
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09-12-2020, 12:55 PM #98
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09-12-2020, 04:02 PM #99
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09-12-2020, 04:34 PM #100
You should connect with family and close friends right now if possible. Breakups leave a void, and your emotions need to re-adjust and grieve the loss.
4 months shouldn't take more than a few weeks though. Not a long time, but you clearly allowed yourself to bond far too quickly.๐ฎ๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ถ, ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐
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09-13-2020, 01:20 AM #101
I find it depends on the person it goes one of two ways.
You end up speaking to women on there and all you do is think about your ex and compare everything to your ex when you meet up with these women and label them as inferior in every way.
You meet up with women and it actually helps you get over your ex by connecting with someone new.
Theyโre the only two ways I feel it can go. Jumping on tinder/hinge etc straight after a breakup is the best thing for me and I feel it benefits me. But you might be different. Driving past her house and not doing things that you did together with her though has to stop.
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09-13-2020, 04:31 AM #102
I went through something similar recently with someone I became very fond of. It caught me off guard with how well we connected.
She ghosted me out of the blue. I still have not idea why and admittedly I felt fuking used.
It still fuks with my head at times and there is no easy way about it.
You need to cut contact with her for your own sanity. If you keep talking or texting her as she is still responding, you will stretch out this process.
Block her status updates, get off ********, ignore IG, stop checking her profile pics.
Don't drive past her house at night.
Keep busy and focus on yourself. If you have hobbies invest more time in that.
Try spending some time with good friends or decent family members. Even if they live a 1000 miles away give them a call to just talk chit.
If there is something in your career that you want to focus on, use this time to focus on that.
If you want, download tinder. You will still be comparing others to her, but at least you are talking to other people to keep your mind occupied or just have a conversation. Even if it is superficial.
It takes time to move on after something like this.
Honestly OP, this said above here helps a lot to move on. You managed to get some sort of reason or closure. Most people do not get it.
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09-13-2020, 05:45 AM #103
The advice on this thread is horrible.
Give her a couple weeks dude. Maybe she reaches out again. Maybe she didnโt feel what she needed to feel in your relationship. Not everyone is meant to be together. It hurts but her message was nice given the situation. They try and make it about โyouโ but it is actually about her... she tried and it didnโt work.Woke
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09-13-2020, 06:06 AM #104
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09-13-2020, 06:16 AM #105
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09-13-2020, 11:25 AM #106
The more I think about it, which I shouldn't even be doing (but can't help), the more I realize there were bad signs...
The posting of salacious pictures/videos publicly on social media (snapchat). I even remember back when she was still with her ex before we net she would randomly post pictures showing her ass in yoga pants. I think this shows that she may have some self-esteem issues and requires attention/validation from others to make herself feel attractive.
She told me she was drugged and raped in college, which prompted her to take a year off school. I have extreme empathy for her, but I'm sure this caused a lot of emotional trauma and baggage.
She told me her older sister has borderline personality disorder and might even be a sociopath, and said she has trauma and trust issues because her sister would do REALLY messed up things to her when they were younger.
The antidepressants and lorazepam. I have NO problem with these medications, but it does signify she has depression/anxiety issues she couldn't deal with without them, so her anxiety/depression must have been bad.
She admitted to still talking to her ex "as friends".
One night she was wearing a shirt that her ex gave her. And it wasn't just a normal shirt. It was a navy shirt with his last name on the back (he's in the navy). She also gave me a shirt to wear one night that he had made for her. It had a graphic of a spider she kept as a pet or something and she told me it was an inside joke between them.
And of course that time 3 weeks ago when she canceled our friday date night because she said she had to babysit, then I saw snaps of her having a party at her place, which she didn't tell me about or invite me to. Her excuse being she DID babysit, and afterward a girlfriend wanted to hangout so they did, then other people got invited and it turned into a party, and she didn't invite me because "I don't really drink so she didn't think I would have fun". I found the excuse ridiculous, but had fallen for her at that point and was willing to move past it.
I guess I'm not entirely surprised this happened, but I'm shocked at the timing. She had a kidney infection most of last week and this week, and I went to her place sunday & monday to be there for her, helped take care of her dogs, and spent the night both nights because she wanted me to stay. We also had a beach trip coming up in two weeks that I had made reservations for and even bought us water shoes for. And on top of that, on wednesday (the day before she dumped me), she let me buy this Halloween costume for her dog. I sent her the link and she told me which size to buy. There was no indication that the next day she would be dumping me. I just feel like something had to have prompted this... Maybe her being really sick and feeling bad made her depressed, which led to this? She went to her mom's to stay the night tuesday. Maybe they talked about me and her mom told her it would be best to let me go if she wasn't over her last relationship? I'll never understand this timing...
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09-13-2020, 11:57 AM #107
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09-13-2020, 12:28 PM #108
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09-13-2020, 12:34 PM #109
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09-13-2020, 12:43 PM #110
didnt' read thread
don't even know why I'm reading the rel section.
Just wanted to note that you got more answers than most and should just move on
edit: just got to the part about the herpes meds
She broke up with you because she's having an outbreak aye lmao
run *******
If she's not telling you about it it's because she never intended on staying with you
Edit 2:
Goddamn she has a shelf full of heavy mental medications and posts lewds on snap chat and you're simping like a *******
negged
thomas had never seen such bullchit beforeLast edited by rectifryer; 09-13-2020 at 12:50 PM.
Boycott foodservice industry crew
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09-13-2020, 01:08 PM #111
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09-13-2020, 03:57 PM #112
OP I hate to tell you this, but girls don't do what she told you she did/was doing. Girls don't "wait for feelings to come". Especially not for months. If they aren't feeling it they dip out muuuuuuuuch sooner--like almost immediately. Remember how she told you that she went on other dates early on and that she didn't "feel" any of those dudes, but with you it was different, which is why she "chose" you? That was true. You two did have chemistry, but this was also a half truth. It's true you all were compatible, but her "waiting for feelings to come" was BS. She knew the entire time what she was doing. You were the best candidate to give her attention, affection, and to use as a rebound/placeholder boyfriend because of the chemistry. She dumped you because she finally couldn't handle the guilt of leading you on anymore.
This is what happens in rebound relationships. The rebounder finds a suitable reboundee to fill the ex-bf/gf void, then after some time they realize the void isn't truly being filled and they aren't healing or feeling better because the reboundee isn't their ex. Truthfully, this would have happened to any guy who tried to date her seriously. You're just the unlucky bastard that got sucked in. Sorry OP.
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09-13-2020, 08:15 PM #113
Give yourself a pat on the back for this and stop thinking about anything else.
IMO the things you've mentioned about her made it clear she was not ready for the relationship you were and if you dove into it things would've ended badly.
Who cares if she "matures" into someone who'd make a relatively good partner or not as she's years away from that.
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09-13-2020, 10:09 PM #114
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09-14-2020, 12:22 AM #115
I think you are spending way too much energy analyzing this. You aren't feeling better after thinking of all these scenarios and going into loops, are you? Based on what you wrote, she is clearly not the person for you. Stop wasting energy on her and focus on yourself. I noticed another problem you have is the lack of an abundance mentality. You currently have a scarcity mindset and you seriously think this broad is the only one out there because of some meaningless connection you thought you had. Brah, plenty of women out there that are probably better. You have yet to meet them. I feel like every time I date someone or get into a relationship, I learn what I like and dislike. It is all a learning experience until you meet the right one...and you know what if your ex wanted to be with you, she would. The fact she is choosing everyday not to be with you is all you need to know. I honestly don't care what my exes think of me either way. Focus on yourself, bro.
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09-14-2020, 12:37 AM #116
no. Not at all you would have been like wtf from like month 1 and way more out there. Sounds insecure or unsure youโre srs about her. Just let her go and if she wants you sheโll reach out in a couple days/weeks. But just a warning insecurity like this shell keep going back and forth of her worth and until she is more secure, thinking someone can care about her cause she cares /loves herself. Right now she doesnโt seem to love herself
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09-14-2020, 12:57 AM #117
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09-14-2020, 03:09 AM #118
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09-14-2020, 07:21 AM #119
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09-14-2020, 08:43 AM #120
She obviously didn't read or didn't understand everything ITT.
The reason the girl in the OP broke it off is BECAUSE she knew he was serious. She knew he wanted more with her, but she didn't want more with him. Whether she was truthful about not being over her ex (and thus not being able to "love" anyone else) or not, THAT is why she broke it off.
I 100% believe this girl knew what she was doing the entire time and used him in an attempt to "cure" her own lonliness and pain from her previous relationship. Then when things started getting super-duper-serious, she started feeling guilty.
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