22 Years of Sedentarism. Help me live.

It's quite difficult to explain my body type. At this point, I'm an amorphous mass of weirdly allocated fat. So, a little bit of context.

I've always been a shame to my Puertorican ancestors. I'm anti-social, unfit, and most sinfully, one "moon-tan" away from being albino. I've achieved this exotic physique by spending, at the very least, a good 3/4'ths of my life behind a screen, playing games. I've always had difficulty eating, and never ate (or eat) on time. My exercise literally consisted only of whatever embarrassment PE class held for me during elementary and high school. I'd occasionally try some practice shots at the nearest basketball court. Maybe there's a couple of other instances of putting some sort of strain on my body.

When I got to college, any little physical activity got thrown out the window in exchange for my Animation Degree. I made some bad friends at my art university, and drove myself to the singular darkest point of my life. I attempted suicide through a very grim and lonely game of Russian Roulette. I'll leave the rest of that chapter undisclosed because this isn't the place for it. This dark point of my life took me an entire year to recover from. But I remember going to my apartment's gym at one point during the first few months after my incident, it was very small and mostly empty. I fiddled around with the machines and really found some relief leaving my house for the gym. 5 days a week. For about two months. I was in a leave of absence from my university, so I had nothing but the gym, and my games. Something about those two months felt magical. I was seeing progress. As ****ty and disjointed and random as my training routine was, I was finally seeing myself grow. I had another relapse of depression (because of unrelated reasons) for a while, and stopped going. Fast forward 10 months and I graduated. I then decided to take a break from developing my talent. I started working some part time jobs and... here I am.

I haven't done a single animation shot in over a year
I haven't had a relationship in years
I don't know how to hang out
I am CONSTANTLY self-doubting every past, present, and future decision I take.

And what do I do every day? Play games, toke, and sleep.

The reason why I'm here is because I remember how it felt to go to the gym. I remember how it felt to look in the mirror for a legitimate reason. I remember how it felt to process things clearly in my mind. I understand how indisputably crucial it is for an active life-style.
But I'm a do or die kind of guy. And I want to have a plan for next time I go to the gym. Eff that, I want a project. I legitimately want to bring myself back to life through strength training. I want to animate with confidence, because I'm no longer afraid. I want to talk to people with a silver tongue. I don't ever want to fall in this hole, pitying my weak ass, as I've been for these past few years.
One problem tho... I don't have the faintest sliver of an idea where to start.
I'm desperate enough to throw money at a program like NerdFitness or Bony to Beastly. But at the same time, I just have this insane gut cramp telling me these are all scams.
Anything you guys can offer to this complete exercise newcomer means everything and more.

*Pics of my amoeba-lookin-ass silhouette down below*

LOTS of free information on this site and this forum. Head over to the workout and nutrition sections and read the stickies. They'll give you all the information you need on how to eat and lift.

Lifting will improve your health, appearance, and mindset; I'm sure of that. But reading your post makes me think you really need to speak to a professional (if you're not already) to work through some of the other issues.

As for speaking to people with a 'silver tongue'...you'll need to put yourself in uncomfortable situations until you get comfortable being uncomfortable. You might want to look into a local Toastmasters ([url]https://www.toastmasters.org/[/url]) group to work on being comfortable with public speaking. And, quite frankly, just to get yourself out of the house.

If you enjoy basketball, go to the local court and get in on a pick up game. This is one of my favorite things to do. No one will really care if you're not great; as long as you understand the rules of the game and are genuinely trying your best. This is also a great way to meet people and get out of the house.

[QUOTE=CRAT0S;1573548841]LOTS of free information on this site and this forum. Head over to the workout and nutrition sections and read the stickies. They'll give you all the information you need on how to eat and lift.

Lifting will improve your health, appearance, and mindset; I'm sure of that. But reading your post makes me think you really need to speak to a professional (if you're not already) to work through some of the other issues.

As for speaking to people with a 'silver tongue'...you'll need to put yourself in uncomfortable situations until you get comfortable being uncomfortable. You might want to look into a local Toastmasters group to work on being comfortable with public speaking. And, quite frankly, just to get yourself out of the house.

If you enjoy basketball, go to the local court and get in on a pick up game. This is one of my favorite things to do. No one will really care if you're not great; as long as you understand the rules of the game and are genuinely trying your best. This is also a great way to meet people and get out of the house.[/QUOTE]

Thanks for the reply. I took about an hour opening tabs from those sections as well as a couple of articles. Namely the basic compound lift and the 80/20 rule which really got me motivated to get started with a workout plan. There's a couple of plans that target people who legitimately don't know how the actual **** a supplement routine works, like me. There's a bunch of interesting articles for free here too.

I've been going to a handful of psychiatrist/ologists, therapists, counselors, and a variety of different helps. I won't deny their legitimacy, or at the very least, their intentions (minus a select few lucrative humidifier-addicts), but I understand that the underlying issue with me is consistency in my lifestyle. I don't have a routine for anything, and I've never had one. I'm a spiral of random and unorganized thought patterns, because I've been living a random and unorganized life. I believe a strict exercise plan can be the first consistent achievement that could potentially domino-effect the other aspects of my life into order. And if it doesn't I have no problem looking for additional help with a newer mentality. In comparison to last year, I really want to get out of this hole, and I know there's a road to it. I'm just trying to find it on the map.

100% agree with you on the "being uncomfortable" tangent you presented. It is the one thing I dread, but realize it's the way of life. And while I'm not reclining on exercise as the one and only savior to all of my problems, everything exercising has to offer really does add up to my confidence.

I really appreciate your time to write all of this, and the suggestions you made like the Toastmasters and getting back to basketball, I'm dying to see what this whole website can offer me. Everyone here seem chill as hell.

[QUOTE=SpinnerStar;1573606561]It is very sad. You had gone through so many bad thing.[/QUOTE]

It's about time I do something about it. >:0

[QUOTE=CompadreGoyo;1573607981]Thanks for the reply. I took about an hour opening tabs from those sections as well as a couple of articles. Namely the basic compound lift and the 80/20 rule which really got me motivated to get started with a workout plan. There's a couple of plans that target people who legitimately don't know how the actual **** a supplement routine works, like me. There's a bunch of interesting articles for free here too.

I've been going to a handful of psychiatrist/ologists, therapists, counselors, and a variety of different helps. I won't deny their legitimacy, or at the very least, their intentions (minus a select few lucrative humidifier-addicts), but I understand that the underlying issue with me is consistency in my lifestyle. I don't have a routine for anything, and I've never had one. I'm a spiral of random and unorganized thought patterns, because I've been living a random and unorganized life. I believe a strict exercise plan can be the first consistent achievement that could potentially domino-effect the other aspects of my life into order. And if it doesn't I have no problem looking for additional help with a newer mentality. In comparison to last year, I really want to get out of this hole, and I know there's a road to it. I'm just trying to find it on the map.

100% agree with you on the "being uncomfortable" tangent you presented. It is the one thing I dread, but realize it's the way of life. And while I'm not reclining on exercise as the one and only savior to all of my problems, everything exercising has to offer really does add up to my confidence.

I really appreciate your time to write all of this, and the suggestions you made like the Toastmasters and getting back to basketball, I'm dying to see what this whole website can offer me. Everyone here seem chill as hell.[/QUOTE]

I can really relate to this. I just listen to motivational music. Like music that reminds me to keep on the right track. I had a look at my life and decided that I wanted it lives a better way. Now I'm making some progress in that people are respecting me more and people are complimenting my character more.

I just figured out what my goals are and what I stand for. I try to let these determine how I live. But changing so drastically is pretty hard, for me it's taken an emotional and mental toll because it contrasts sharply with my previous habits. But it's 100% worth it.

And I am starting to feel more like my true self. That is mentally I feel more like how I felt as a teen (before the problems started), but a wider version. Feels good to know that I'm becoming the type of woman I looked up to as a young girl.

So think deep, write down your goals and write down the the things you stand for which make up the type of person and habits you will adopt. Good luck :) it's worth it

Good for you that you have the courage to share these things with us, and are willing to change, this is already a plus. Start at first with small steps in your journey and celebrate the small victories. There is alot of good information here, on the forum. Good luck man !

[QUOTE=jay283;1573813861]I can really relate to this. I just listen to motivational music. Like music that reminds me to keep on the right track. I had a look at my life and decided that I wanted it lives a better way. Now I'm making some progress in that people are respecting me more and people are complimenting my character more.

I just figured out what my goals are and what I stand for. I try to let these determine how I live. But changing so drastically is pretty hard, for me it's taken an emotional and mental toll because it contrasts sharply with my previous habits. But it's 100% worth it.

And I am starting to feel more like my true self. That is mentally I feel more like how I felt as a teen (before the problems started), but a wider version. Feels good to know that I'm becoming the type of woman I looked up to as a young girl.

So think deep, write down your goals and write down the the things you stand for which make up the type of person and habits you will adopt. Good luck :) it's worth it[/QUOTE]

Thanks for that. It's awesome you found your path, and honestly that definition of your true self really cleared up a lot of my biggest fears. Specifically the part about feeling young again. Like I said, I'm 22, but the decisions I made with the activities I do in my life have led me to physically feel like I'm at very least 35.
But knowing metaphysical age can be manipulated with willpower and discipline lets me ****ing breathe peacefully.

Thanks for also sharing your success with kicking habits. Regardless of what they were, holy **** some habits are hard to kick. Especially if it's not as visibly hazardous as other habits. Because you keep thinking "well, at least I'm not doing that", and it's downhill from there.

My sister also tells me to concretize ideas via writing, and I always neglected everything she says. I generally don't write to myself about me. If I write, it's always about an idea or something external I shouldn't forget. I'll give it a chance.

[QUOTE=georgevictor07;1573928851]Good for you that you have the courage to share these things with us, and are willing to change, this is already a plus. Start at first with small steps in your journey and celebrate the small victories. There is alot of good information here, on the forum. Good luck man ![/QUOTE]

Yesterday I went to the gym and was ****ing psyched to start learning how to use the Smith machine (I know everyone ****s on it, but yes I do need training wheels.), but I absolutely freaked out when I saw two yetis hogging the machine, so I just used some dumbbells and did a bit of cardio.

But you know what, it still felt good, and like you said, I counted being there and actually doing something as progress. I do feel better. Even for something so simple. And with that minuscule confidence boost, I really wanna hit that machine tomorrow and not give a **** what people think.

Start by walking around every day. If you can get motivated enough to stick with the gym that is great. Consistently walking for over 40 minutes a day will help you start to see even small changes.

BTW, reading your intro I was expecting your pic to be a 600 pound man. You’re not who you describe yourself to be. The best motivation is progress, and you’ll get that in the gym. Godspeed to you.

are you employed ? I ask because you mentioned you haven’t done an animation in months, and, given the negative nature of your post, It seems as though you may have depression.

Unemployment will do that

The gym will help tremendously but if you have a negative mindset not even a ripped, in shape physique will fix your problems

Like stated above, I thought that you’d be weighing way more, but those pics prove otherwise. Keep at it in the gym and you’ll see a lot of improvement. Depressions a bch. Take everything one step at a time brother. Good luck with everything!

1.get a haircut, short and fade
2. PPL 6x a week
3. 500cal deficit and lose the weight


step 1 might actually be get a job, go do construction

Wtf @ those pics. From the description I expected you to look like Jabba the Hut. You look like a normal dude, I wouldn’t even call you fat, just soft. You’re gonna make it bro.

If the gym doesn’t sound good u could always sign up for something like boxing or Jiu Jitsu. Brush your teeth, take a shower and put on deodorant before you go and you will be accepted. Will get you in shape and increase your social skills at the same time, plus self defense skills. Good luck man.

Hey, I'm rooting for you bro! Sometimes a little bit of support can make a huge difference.

If you aren’t begging for rest. Then you aren’t training your best.