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So, just to keep it brief. Met for dinner. All went well. Setup our second meet before the night was over. Reached out to confirm and got the response I wasn't expecting. "I see you as a friend only not romantically. So, where did I mess up? I don't care to be honest but for future reference. Like I said all was well and I even setup the second meet. Thanks
You probably did nothing wrong. Most people aren’t going to be physically, emotionally, intellectually, spiritually, and friendship attracted to somebody to even want a 2nd date, much less a relationship. That’s life.
Tell her no thanks to friendship, no hard feelings, and that you wish her nothing but the best and you hope she finds what she’s looking for btw.
Who knows what draws us to those special someones, or what makes them draw to us other than each of us just being the best version of ourselves, owning it and being happy? Apparently you didn’t make her lover cut. Who cares as to why? A woman truly interested and attracted at all levels won’t leave you wondering what you did wrong when it was probably nothing.
Also, never make the next date while you’re still on one.
Only a certain percentage of girls will be attracted to you physically. Even if you're above average looking, that percentage is still kind of small (it's only a large percentage if you're like a >8). And you can't compensate for it like the misc makes you believe.
I'm guessing you were compatible in other ways, so she gave it more of a chance. But ultimately, she was not physically feeling it. This is the most common reason why things fall apart after the 1st date but still kind of early on.
[QUOTE=Hardlifter9;1608036701]Only a certain percentage of girls will be attracted to you physically. Even if you're above average looking, that percentage is still kind of small (it's only a large percentage if you're like a >8). And you can't compensate for it like the misc makes you believe.
I'm guessing you were compatible in other ways, so she gave it more of a chance. But ultimately, she was not physically feeling it. This is the most common reason why things fall apart after the 1st date but still kind of early on.[/QUOTE]
I slightly disagree with your 2nd paragraph. She was most likely physically attracted enough with him to go on a date. From there it was his job to be normal, be himself, be charming, funny without trying, and spark some sexual chemistry if it’s there. After interacting with him for a few hours she probably didn’t feel all the other stuff that is needed to pursue it past a date vs her other options of men OP equal looks wise and trying them out.
Keep being yourself OP if you’re a normal every day good guy and a good person to date. Eventually somebody will want date 2,3,4 and then a relationship.
[QUOTE=Imnew1;1608038141]I slightly disagree with your 2nd paragraph. She was most likely physically attracted enough with him to go on a date. From there it was his job to be normal, be himself, be charming, funny without trying, and spark some sexual chemistry if it’s there. After interacting with him for a few hours she probably didn’t feel all the other stuff that is needed to pursue it past a date vs her other options of men OP equal looks wise and trying them out.
Keep being yourself OP if you’re a normal every day good guy and a good person to date. Eventually somebody will want date 2,3,4 and then a relationship.[/QUOTE]
You can have the emotional and intellectual chemistry but not have the sexual/physical chemistry. To feel a spark, you need to have physical attraction. And I think a lot of people go on dates with people they aren't overly attracted to. You can be bored while also finding someone interesting or funny or cool to hang out with etc.
[QUOTE=Hardlifter9;1608038631]You can have the emotional and intellectual chemistry but not have the sexual/physical chemistry. To feel a spark, you need to have physical attraction. And I think a lot of people go on dates with people they aren't overly attracted to. You can be bored while also finding someone interesting or funny or cool to hang out with etc.[/QUOTE]
I agree. That’s why I always have the mentality that exes and women in general are delusional when it comes breaking up with good men or rejecting perfectly good men after 1 date over God knows what on the attraction spectrum while thinking that the grass is greener on the other side and that there’s way better out there for them. Most of the time it’s not greener for either side. Yeah some people use others for a free date, or for attention. Who knows? In the end if somebody wants to pursue something with you then they will. This girl seemed like the former vs the latter.
Enjoy being alone with whatever friends and family you have for the time being is my advice. The right girl who is interested like a truly attracted woman is will do just about all the work and make it easy vs tossing out some “friends” bs.
[QUOTE=Imnew1;1608039661]I agree. That’s why I always have the mentality that exes and women in general are delusional when it comes breaking up with good men or rejecting perfectly good men after 1 date over God knows what on the attraction spectrum while thinking that the grass is greener on the other side and that there’s way better out there for them. Most of the time it’s not greener for either side. Yeah some people use others for a free date, or for attention. Who knows? In the end if somebody wants to pursue something with you then they will. This girl seemed like the former vs the latter.
Enjoy being alone with whatever friends and family you have for the time being is my advice. The right girl who is interested like a truly attracted woman is will do just about all the work and make it easy vs tossing out some “friends” bs.[/QUOTE]
Yup. If they're into it, they make it easy.
But I think if they're into it initially and then "lost interest" - what really happened is that there wasn't much interest to begin with (at least physically). People can go on dates, hit it off in many ways, then back off cause the physical aspect isn't there.
Truth. If you know you didn't do anything abysmal on a date then it's just a physical aspect.
As for that one, it can be anything. Mb she didn't like your eye color. When you have as much options as girls on a dating apps you can afford to disqualify guys for whatever reason.
Not like they are winners anyways. They all want to lock down Chad but never will be able cos he has as much abundance as a girls in comparsion with regular guys.
So everyone is frustrated except Chad and Stacey.
I can often see young couples where guy is few points lower than girl in looks, even shorter. Can you imagine that he got her from a dating app, no way in hell.
Having experienced this just recently.. DON'T do what I did, it was my first friendzone experience I didn't know what to do srs. So I stayed and thought she will change her mind after a while.. nope 2 months later she found a Bf and told me to fk off and blocked me.
Keep your dignity and wish her the best and move on, cuz boyo you don't escape the friendzone.
This is always because you were too nice on the first date and for her, romance/sex is more of a dom/sub relationship. Women see romance so differently depending on their relationship with their father. You don't need to have read much Freud to understand the logic of this.
If her father was a controlling ******* that is what she expects from the main guy in her life. If you don't match that on the first date she will see you as a friend but not a lover.
[QUOTE=MaxMaximorum;1608059771]This is always because you were too nice on the first date and for her, romance/sex is more of a dom/sub relationship. Women see romance so differently depending on their relationship with their father. You don't need to have read much Freud to understand the logic of this.
If her father was a controlling ******* that is what she expects from the main guy in her life. If you don't match that on the first date she will see you as a friend but not a lover.[/QUOTE]
That’s why you always go for the kiss on date 1. You’ll know just how attracted they really are or if you’re dealing with somebody just with too many rules or is too structured. I had a girl I worked with tell me she hated when a guy even tried to touch her on the first date. I told her she sounded completely awful and that if I was on a date with her and she acted like that then she would never get date #2. She rolled her eyes and acted like she knew what she was doing and men need to learn to chill and just talk. Yeah nobody is on a date with the intention of just talking like we’re buddies hanging out.
[QUOTE=Imnew1;1608060241]That’s why you always go for the kiss on date 1.[/QUOTE]
Agreed.
Maybe you could've been a bit flirtier but you're not gonna connect with every single girl you go on a date with.
Don't sweat it. Onto the next.
Show intent, she saw you as a friend because that's the way you portrayed yourself and your actions followed.
I would only take a girl out to dinner after I’ve had sex with them.
[QUOTE=MaxMaximorum;1608059771]This is always because you were too nice on the first date and for her, romance/sex is more of a dom/sub relationship. Women see romance so differently depending on their relationship with their father. You don't need to have read much Freud to understand the logic of this.
If her father was a controlling ******* that is what she expects from the main guy in her life. If you don't match that on the first date she will see you as a friend but not a lover.[/QUOTE]
This is not true at all. I have been very attracted to guys that were nice to me on our dates. I have also not been attracted to guys that were nice. Someone being a controlling dik isn't going to attract me or most normal women.
As for OP, I hope you didn't pay for her dinner if this was a first meet from online dating. I'd give more leeway if it was someone from real life and you asked her out regarding paying, but never ever take an online first meet out to dinner. Do drinks or coffee or something low key. Too many of these girls use guys for free dinners.
Hardlifter is also correct. You can enjoy having a conversation with someone yet not be attracted to them physically.
[QUOTE=Legz422;1608126531]This is not true at all. I have been very attracted to guys that were nice to me on our dates. I have also not been attracted to guys that were nice. Someone being a controlling dik isn't going to attract me or most normal women.
As for OP, I hope you didn't pay for her dinner if this was a first meet from online dating. I'd give more leeway if it was someone from real life and you asked her out regarding paying, but never ever take an online first meet out to dinner. Do drinks or coffee or something low key. Too many of these girls use guys for free dinners.
Hardlifter is also correct. You can enjoy having a conversation with someone yet not be attracted to them physically.[/QUOTE]
If I guy took you out and offered to pay but he asked you if you would be willing to use your AARP discount for the meal, would you consider it tacky or still nice since he was paying?
[QUOTE=Legz422;1608126531]This is not true at all. I have been very attracted to guys that were nice to me on our dates. I have also not been attracted to guys that were nice. Someone being a controlling dik isn't going to attract me or most normal women.
As for OP, I hope you didn't pay for her dinner if this was a first meet from online dating. I'd give more leeway if it was someone from real life and you asked her out regarding paying, but never ever take an online first meet out to dinner. Do drinks or coffee or something low key. Too many of these girls use guys for free dinners.
[b]Hardlifter is also correct. You can enjoy having a conversation with someone yet not be attracted to them physically.[/b][/QUOTE]
Pretty much this. And no amount of "confidence" or personality changes that.
It's simple. You didn't appeal to her sexually. You could still be "handsome/good looking" in her eyes, but your alpha/beta ratio got weighted heavier on the beta side in her mind. It's like you have to show enough alpha qualities: confidence, leadership, assertiveness, etc...but just enough beta qualities: empathy, politeness, etc...so you don't come across like a douchebag.
And you usually have to break the friend/flirty touch barrier, by escelating the touch throughout the entire date.
1. Friendly touch (like a little hug upon greeting)
2. Accidental touch (like you're sitting next to her and move your arm and accidentally graze your fingers on her arm)
3. Flirty touch (now you're talking to her, looking in her eyes, smiling telling some story and you put your hand on her leg to emphasize a part of the story. Not creepy. But just a little more than a friend would do)
4. Sexual touch (she's comfortable with you touching her so you can grab her hips pull her to you and kiss her)
It's basically moving in between the friend / flirty touch barrier that takes you out of being friend zoned. Beyond that depends on the girl/circumstance if she'll be comfortable moving to the sexual touch phase on a first date. Some women don't like PDA.
Also have to make sure you pass chit tests. But I think a large majority of not being friend zoned depends more on how you act than what you say, although I can imagine guys saying stupid chit that would turn women off too.
text back "Friends with benefits?"
srs. it will either fix the lack of sexual tension that needed to be present during your date to entice her to move forward and she will want to date you. Or, she will turn out to be a sloot and youll have some fun for a few weeks and dodge a bullet not dating a sloot. or she will say no and you'll have lost nothing. do it.
[QUOTE=MFarrar74;1608171411]text back "Friends with benefits?"
srs. it will either fix the lack of sexual tension that needed to be present during your date to entice her to move forward and she will want to date you. Or, she will turn out to be a sloot and youll have some fun for a few weeks and dodge a bullet not dating a sloot. or she will say no and you'll have lost nothing. do it.[/QUOTE]
this is a good idea op. nothing left to lose
edit: without the question mark. kinda beta asking permission
[QUOTE=elterrible987;1608134751]If I guy took you out and offered to pay but he asked you if you would be willing to use your AARP discount for the meal, would you consider it tacky or still nice since he was paying?[/QUOTE]
Dang! I wish I got an AARP discount already!
[QUOTE=Hardlifter9;1608134911]Pretty much this. And no amount of "confidence" or personality changes that.[/QUOTE]
Yep. If you don't feel that chemistry/physical attraction it doesn't matter how much you enjoy talking to someone. You're just not going to want to be more than friends. Of course, if you need to be around that person often, like a co-worker or they're in a friends group then attraction can evolve, but it's not going to within a date or two. I won't go out with someone more than once or twice if I'm not feeling it right away because I don't want to feel like I'm leading someone on or using them.
Others have stated what you need to hear
If there is no attraction between you and her then there is no power on Earth to force her to like you romantically. Your call on what to do from here but get it out of your head of trying to get this girl to like you 'more then a friend'
You are not wrong about anything. he just doesn't like you. point
[QUOTE=MaxMaximorum;1608059771]This is always because you were too nice on the first date and for her, romance/sex is more of a dom/sub relationship. Women see romance so differently depending on their relationship with their father. You don't need to have read much Freud to understand the logic of this.
If her father was a controlling ******* that is what she expects from the main guy in her life. If you don't match that on the first date she will see you as a friend but not a lover.[/QUOTE]
This is terrible advice.
If a girl is physically attracted you don't need to do any of these bull**** "dominant" moves, she'll still be attracted
But if shes not attracted, pulling out such moves will get you labelled a rapist or predator.
[QUOTE=Legz422;1608175021]Dang! I wish I got an AARP discount already!
[/QUOTE]
[url]https://www.help.aarp/s/article/How-old-do-I-need-to-be-to-join-AARP[/url]
"All people age 50 and older are eligible for full membership with AARP."
Youre eligible to join. Youve been eligible to join since last decade.
[QUOTE=neuron;1608088891]I would only take a girl out to dinner after I’ve had sex with them.[/QUOTE]
this is the right answer ^^. Make women earn your time and respect
[QUOTE=elterrible987;1608238221][url]https://www.help.aarp/s/article/How-old-do-I-need-to-be-to-join-AARP[/url]
"All people age 50 and older are eligible for full membership with AARP."
Youre eligible to join. Youve been eligible to join since last decade.[/QUOTE]
[img]https://ih1.redbubble.net/image.494065453.8201/flat,750x1000,075,f.jpg[/img]
[QUOTE=elterrible987;1608238221][url]https://www.help.aarp/s/article/How-old-do-I-need-to-be-to-join-AARP[/url]
"All people age 50 and older are eligible for full membership with AARP."
Youre eligible to join. [B]Youve been eligible to join since last decade.[/B][/QUOTE]
You obvi can't maths. I'm only 51.
[QUOTE=YouGotMale31;1608032481]So, just to keep it brief. Met for dinner. All went well. Setup our second meet before the night was over. Reached out to confirm and got the response I wasn't expecting. "I see you as a friend only not romantically. So, where did I mess up? I don't care to be honest but for future reference. Like I said all was well and I even setup the second meet. Thanks[/QUOTE]
Question... Did you make a move on her at any point? Like kiss
who cares. There's now way in hell girl that likes a guy gonna drop him after 1 date cos he didn't make a move. She rather will wait for a 3-4 dates then make a move herself.
[QUOTE=Legz422;1608773451]You obvi can't maths. I'm only 51.[/QUOTE]
The joke was maximizing your oldness by using the term decade which has just started this year. He didn’t mean 10 years prior.
[QUOTE=BourgeoisBrah;1608962451]The joke was maximizing your oldness by using the term decade which has just started this year. He didn’t mean 10 years prior.[/QUOTE]
Big oof, we need to protect our elderly...
[QUOTE=randomuser12345;1608962081]who cares. There's now way in hell girl that likes a guy gonna drop him after 1 date cos he didn't make a move. She rather will wait for a 3-4 dates then make a move herself.[/QUOTE]
Every girl I’ve ****ed as made the first move jumping my bones begging for it basically
Weird. Saying me making them wait by not making the move got them hornier. Maybe it was the type of girl, maybe I’m ok looking idk every chick is diff you’ll never truly understand them lol
Was the first date a dinner date? Did you meet the girl on a dating app? Did you pay for dinner?
If answered yes to all the above, then you were used for free food. She was never into you from start.
Stop buying dinner on day 1.
You did not escalate in the first date. What were the conversations like?
Could be any number of reasons OP, fact is you obviously have low self esteem and don't really know who you are or you wouldn't be left second guessing yourself when a girl rejects you. Perhaps focus on that rather than what you cannot control.
You didn't provide much detail but I can already tell where you 100% went wrong. You gave off the Friendship Needy Nice guy vibe. Trying to set up a second date before the first one is even over communicates that you are already very attracted in her (kills the mystery) and that you are scared she won't want another one, typical needy behaviour. I am guessing that you didn't even kiss her on the first date either which communicates that you are not confident because she already knows you like her (you're on the date) but you were too scared of being rejected to make a move. When you communicate to a woman that you are not confident in yourself then she loses attraction for you. When you try to lock her down to a second date before the first date is over you communicate that you are needy and insecure. Woman are scared of needy insecure guys because they become stalkers. You probably texted her non-stop as well which communicates you don't have much going on and are interested in being friends. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but from my experience it is the truth and you asked for it. Hopefully this helps
Exactly. You can tell who the amateurs are in this thread based on the responses.
She probably ****s guys she likes on the first date and this guy didn't even go for a kiss but is trying to setup date #2. Fail. Friend bin you go.
[QUOTE=DharmaYoung19;1609680261]You didn't provide much detail but I can already tell where you 100% went wrong. You gave off the Friendship Needy Nice guy vibe. Trying to set up a second date before the first one is even over communicates that you are already very attracted in her (kills the mystery) and that you are scared she won't want another one, typical needy behaviour. I am guessing that you didn't even kiss her on the first date either which communicates that you are not confident because she already knows you like her (you're on the date) but you were too scared of being rejected to make a move. When you communicate to a woman that you are not confident in yourself then she loses attraction for you. When you try to lock her down to a second date before the first date is over you communicate that you are needy and insecure. Woman are scared of needy insecure guys because they become stalkers. You probably texted her non-stop as well which communicates you don't have much going on and are interested in being friends. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but from my experience it is the truth and you asked for it. Hopefully this helps[/QUOTE]