Life-Long motivation issues

Gonna summarize a lot of things and water down a lot probably, since I don't believe any of you are interested in a life story.

I've struggled with motivation and low self-esteem for most of my life, most memorable being the entirety of my teen years until now. I say memorable because these years are the streak of years where I've sat infront of a computer playing games and it's really the only memories that my mind hasn't blocked out yet, and such. I've recently began cutting videogames and going as far as to uninstall the ones I had 500-7,000hrs into. Slowly my diet has improved slightly, but I wish to get into better nutrition plans and actually learn to cook.

The main issue I've ran into with starting again now is that I work 4 12 hour shifts and have 4 days off. On my 4 days off it's been a slow workout to get the motivation to start a routine. I lack motivation to stick to a diet as well, the longest streak without soda being a month. Things have improved considerably, especially considering I didn't even have the motivation to work and live towards a future until recently. Maybe this is the wrong section or I'm accidentally touching on more things than what's allowed on this board. I'm pretty new here and figured "hell, why not". Decided that maybe this board and website could actually lend some insight.

I've also just accepted that maybe most of this is mental and that to help deal with the underlying issues I should seek professional help to attempt to get my head on straight. But being in a bible belt town, I'm afraid to open up to even a professional due to the classic "Men shouldn't feel this way, it's all fake." stuff.

Sounds like you've only recently gotten more in you than just taking a shower and going to your job. Been there.

You're also probably at least vaguely in the right place because there's more than a small link between mind and body. A committed workout routine can provide something to work towards that almost nothing can get in the way of and a day, week, month farther you make it the more you have to look back on and feel achievement. It gives you something constructive to do when you can't bring yourself to [write that novel | learn italian | improve your piano playing | etc]. It doesn't require anything other than showing up. Then, a year later, suddenly you've got more physical energy and it translates into mental energy and you start thinking "What's my five year plan? What kind of **** do I want to do before I die?".

Regarding therapy, I found making my depression public very helpful. Like you embrace that it's a part of you and start to appreciate the fact that maybe, changed by the experiences of what you've gone through, you've become greater. I just recently read this quote from a larger, similar article and love it "Healing is our responsibility because if it isn’t, an unfair circumstance becomes an unlived life." Live your life and get what you want.

As for the health stuff if you have a clear picture in your head of what you want I have a feeling you already know what you need to do to achieve it. Regarding the 4 12 hour shifts I think the best attitude is "Make it work". There's so many different ways to get around that and handle it. You could do all your working out on your off days and make it work, you could do an hour before you go in or after you're done and make it work, you could choose one or two days work days where you work out and then do the rest on off days. The phrase "No excuses" can feel a little irritating when you get smacked in the face with it at the wrong time, but if you make something a priority there's almost always a way to do it and almost nothing that can stop you, but you.

The food/nutrition is the same. Make it work. Choose just a single chicken recipe and prepare 5 times as much as you need and put it in little containers. If you aren't inspired to cook then keep your repertoire small and just do what's necessary to get a little bit of a variety.

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You're also probably at least vaguely in the right place because there's more than a small link between mind and body.

Regarding therapy, I found making my depression public very helpful. Like you embrace that it's a part of you and start to appreciate the fact that maybe, changed by the experiences of what you've gone through, you've become greater. I just recently read this quote from a larger, similar article and love it "Healing is our responsibility because if it isn’t, an unfair circumstance becomes an unlived life." Live your life and get what you want.

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Thanks for replying. I've embraced most of it as part of me an it kind of helps and gives me something to work on. I'm basically past the point of figuring out what's making me feel the way I do and I've since made some changes such as programs I learned from engineering class, etc.

In the past year alone being out of highschool has done wonders not gonna lie. I'd say I've made tremendous progress regardless, the main comparison not being mentioned here due to forum rules. I guess it's the shame at this point holding me down.

Regardless thanks for the input, its helped me a little but and has given me some sense of direction in a few departments. Might keep updating on my profile, I think this site and board might be one of the few things I might just need for help.

I think a lot of us have been through something similar. Sounds like you are focused in the right direction, but more than anything you're fighting the inertia of previously ingrained patterns. Letting those go and replacing them with something more positive can be difficult, but it can be done. Be patient with yourself, and it may just be a matter of acquiring new habits, one step at a time.

Four 12 hour days with 4 days off can be draining, but there are certainly ways to work around it and make yourself fitter, stronger, and more vital. Stick around, keep reading, and don't be afraid to ask for feedback. You can do it.