I feel like a piece of ****

I ****ing hate my body type so much. I'm a tall lanky dude with a short torso and long limbs. I have really small forearms, wrists, and calves and I have gyno and store fat in my ass, thighs, and mid section. When I have a shirt on I look like a twig, but when it's off I look a little chubby. Hardly any clothes look good on me so I rotate the same few shirts and hoodies. I'm 6'1 170 pounds and bulked up from 160 without seeing much strength gains. I've had borderline crippling body dysmorphia for a while and was feeling a little better about myself after recomping with p90x for about a year until about October. I've been sedentary basically my whole life so my physique always had like 0 shape to it until then. My body fat percentage was getting lower and my face leaned out for the first time in a while and started looking pretty good from the neck up. But I still had the body of a 14 year old at 24 so I decided to join a gym back in November to put on muscle. I got really consistent from January to about March training 3x a week full body but have since started slacking a bit.

I just saw myself in a bright LED lit changing room and it's completely ****ed my confidence. I looked like a piece of Jello and had stray hairs, stretch marks, and skin discoloration galore. I don't think I can handle continuing to bulk like this. I NEED to get my body fat percentage down. My face doesn't even look good anymore. But if I do I'll basically just go back to looking like a ****in child. I don't know what to do man I just feel like such trash.

I've been training since January or so and it's just not working for me at the rate it should. I'm eating clean with a lot of protein but I'm making very marginal progress in my upper body. My bench went up like 15 pounds (I can only do 110 for 10 reps) while my squat and deadlift have both gone up around 50. I try to increase my upper body reps every week with the program I'm doing but I just can't seem to make progress. I know that I'm supposed to eat more but I hate feeling like a fat piece of **** all the time. I don't know what to do anymore, I just feel defeated.

I really don't know if it's real or mental anymore. I had two beautiful girls way out of my league approach me for casual sex recently but when I look at myself in the mirror I honestly have no ****in clue why when just about every guy at my university who isn't obese has a better physique than me. Maybe I'm just good at hiding it under my clothes, who knows. I was hanging out with one of them last weekend and didn't end up hooking up with her out of pure insecurity when she clearly expressed she wanted to. It makes me want to stay inside my room all day and not talk to anybody sometimes.

I'm not sure what kind of help/advice you are looking for here, but if it gives you any kind of comfort I've never heard anyone who lifts feel truly confident about where they are at physically... especially in a changing room. It's just something people who battle dysmorphia kind of get used to having to constantly challenge, or work around through identifying, tracking and consciously refocusing on objective measures of success that don't depend on their brain.

It sounds like you're jumbling your physical, mental and sexual game into one giant problem rather than seeking solutions for the individual issues... which is going to make it hard for you to judge progress in any one area.

You aren't going to like this answer, but you would probably benefit from some type of long term therapy to at least get ahead of that negative self-talk long enough to spot signs of success. Cognitive Behavior Therapy or something built on it might be a place to start.

Honestly it sounds like you believe that you have a pretty bad physique/body type. Your description of it makes it sound like you have a widely feminine pear shaped physique, but also quite lanky.

I think the point where you mentioned you saw yourself in a brightly lit room with a large mirror was a real wakeup call for you.

I believe now is the time you can really start working hard to change that physique. It's not something that will happen overnight, but your dedication to change and discipline will ultimately be the gauge on how quickly you start transforming.

We are what we do and what we consume, both in the activities we do on a daily basis and have been doing for years, as well as the form of information and the types of calories we consume.

Just like @PennyWisest mentioned, I think this is going to be a mental challenge for you as well as a physical challenge. I would try to connect with people who have been where you been and have had a transformation. I think that will be pretty motivating for you to see and hear it from someone who has done it before.

Sounds like you're exaggerating to be honest.

You can't be that overweight at 170, especially if you're lanky (which would mean you're taller than average?). If women are approaching you, you're not ugly.

You've only been deliberately lifting for less than half a year. I have a suggestion: deadlift. You might find that your skeletal proportions are conducive to it (as longer-limbed people have a mechanical advantage, and if you're holding mass in your butt and around your waist already, the glutes and low-back are the powerhouse of the exercise, already - you'll get traps, forearms, and calves specifically and overall size, generally).

You've got to be patient. Also, personal opinion with all due respect to the ones who are truly lean... muscle has way more absolute value than fat. I weigh 70 pounds more than you and am happy with my physique. Put muscle on and you won't look bad carrying whatever minor amount of fat you have as a 170 tall guy.

[QUOTE=letskissbro;1636670883]I ****ing hate my body type so much. I'm a tall lanky dude with a short torso and long limbs. I have really small forearms, wrists, and calves and I have gyno and store fat in my ass, thighs, and mid section. When I have a shirt on I look like a twig, but when it's off I look a little chubby. Hardly any clothes look good on me so I rotate the same few shirts and hoodies. I'm 6'1 170 pounds and bulked up from 160 without seeing much strength gains. I've had borderline crippling body dysmorphia for a while and was feeling a little better about myself after recomping with p90x for about a year until about October. I've been sedentary basically my whole life so my physique always had like 0 shape to it until then. My body fat percentage was getting lower and my face leaned out for the first time in a while and started looking pretty good from the neck up. But I still had the body of a 14 year old at 24 so I decided to join a gym back in November to put on muscle. I got really consistent from January to about March training 3x a week full body but have since started slacking a bit.

I just saw myself in a bright LED lit changing room and it's completely ****ed my confidence. I looked like a piece of Jello and had stray hairs, stretch marks, and skin discoloration galore. I don't think I can handle continuing to bulk like this. I NEED to get my body fat percentage down. My face doesn't even look good anymore. But if I do I'll basically just go back to looking like a ****in child. I don't know what to do man I just feel like such trash.

I've been training since January or so and it's just not working for me at the rate it should. I'm eating clean with a lot of protein but I'm making very marginal progress in my upper body. My bench went up like 15 pounds (I can only do 110 for 10 reps) while my squat and deadlift have both gone up around 50. I try to increase my upper body reps every week with the program I'm doing but I just can't seem to make progress. I know that I'm supposed to eat more but I hate feeling like a fat piece of **** all the time. I don't know what to do anymore, I just feel defeated.

I really don't know if it's real or mental anymore. I had two beautiful girls way out of my league approach me for casual sex recently but when I look at myself in the mirror I honestly have no ****in clue why when just about every guy at my university who isn't obese has a better physique than me. Maybe I'm just good at hiding it under my clothes, who knows. I was hanging out with one of them last weekend and didn't end up hooking up with her out of pure insecurity when she clearly expressed she wanted to. It makes me want to stay inside my room all day and not talk to anybody sometimes.[/QUOTE]


As someone with legit severe Body Dysmorphic, I can relate 100%.

Should post a picture, can give honest feedback.

[QUOTE=Pennywisest;1637033573]You aren't going to like this answer, but you would probably benefit from some type of long term therapy to at least get ahead of that negative self-talk long enough to spot signs of success. Cognitive Behavior Therapy or something built on it might be a place to start.[/QUOTE]

That's actually a valid point. I would try to spend more time on different abstract subjects and topics of regular life, just to enclosure a little bit and become more calm and confident. Because confident - is a key. Sometimes, a simple cleaning of my house or room - helps to get an abstraction from all of these bad thoughts. I know that maybe it looks like basic unnecessary information, but authors from articles like these ( link: [url]https://www.homoq.com/mess-ruins-our-lives/[/url] ), whom explaining why a mess can ruin our lives, do have a valid point, don't you think?