Emotional Motivation

Im a ****ing loser - Im just gonna quickly acknowledge that and get it out of the way here and hope I wont be met with too much abuse or criticism (although I welcome any cold hard hitting truths).

Exactly a year ago my 6 month long relationship went up in flames when the morning after our 1st argument I received a text saying 'we should stop seeing each other'. Initially I took it well adopting the no contact rule and all that jazz (even though I was really cut up about it privately), when a month later we resumed our relationship for another 4 months when she called it quits again (again with a text message saying 'lets just be friends'). We hang out a couple more times when I find out after picking up a phonecall to her phone that she was in a relationship with another guy longer than I had even known her. Meaning she was going back and forth between me and him for almost 10 months.
Knowing this the last 6 months have been hell to say the least - spiraled into depression, lost my job and turned into this needy, pathetic & weak zombie who cant go a day without hearing her voice even if it means blowing up her line constantly to hear her having a fake forced conversation with me. If I cant get through I try again then again then again til she gets fed up and finally picks up to not really say much. My requests to hang out constantly get rejected but yet for some ****ing reason I keep asking. Ive become a bottom feeder, a low-life, a pathetic excuse for a man objectively speaking *but* I have this burning desire in me to change and be better, its like some kind of internal rage to keep lifting weights til I cant anymore. Since the turn of the year I have been constantly going to gym (no matter the hour) since its the only time of the day I have no thoughts about my situation etc.

Im not sure what Im looking to hear but I need some advice on how I can be stronger emotionally when I get those breaks in a day and get this overwhelming sense of sadness that I lost the best thing to ever happen in my sad little life. Hopefully something a little more sophisticated than 'man up ******* or whatever else'.

Life is full of ups and downs. Anyone on here will tell you that there are good days and bad days. As you get older it seems to get a bit easier because you learn not sweat the small stuff, you learn how resilient you are, you learn how to handle situations better. I wont criticize you, because at the end of the day nothing productive comes out of being negative. You never resolve any sort of problem in life by criticizing anyone, including yourself. We are our own worst enemy. Things that help the most is changing your influences, the music, the people, the literature you put in front of you. I find the easiest thing is just turning on some positive speeches on youtube and drowning out the noise of my own thoughts of negativity and anxiety

Hey man, firstly well done on being honest with yourself and opening up exactly how you feel. It makes it easier to give an honest reply.
Now, you're not a loser and you shouldn't think of yourself as one. Basically the way i'd see it is.... Why would you waste your time and effort with someone who has it in them to play two different people at once? You're only going to have problems. If she's ok with hurting you that easily, why let her? The more you crawl back to her, the more she'll push you away because she knows she can always come back if she wants to.

Take a couple steps back and avoid contact with her and focus on yourself. You enjoy lifting? focus on becoming a beast yourself. Look for another job, try meet new people, share some progress shots of your efforts in the gym on here. The more you get out, the less your mind thinks. Time eventually heals all, you're not "less" than her. We're all equal here. Next thing you know, you've improved yourself got your life on track and then suddenly you meet a girl that can offer you 10x more than what she could without the playing.

Keep your head bro.