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Pretty...for a fat girl...
"Pretty…for a fat girl" has been a phrase that has followed me my whole life. It's not always directly said, but the sentiment is often there; on dates, in the workplace, at family dinners, the reminder that I am beautiful for my weight class is often brought up. I'm sick and tired of hearing that qualifier. I want to be "pretty" with no qualifier needed. Below is a "cute" pic of me and an attempt at a "cute" full body shot (see pics at the bottom entitled "ew2" and "ew3".
All of the women in my immediate family are morbidly obese: my mom, my sister, and me (all well over 260lbs). We all try to keep up with the latest fashions (for plus sized women) and put effort into our looks, despite our size. We also are all quite confident and comfortable with the people we are. But I can tell you for a fact that deep down inside, we all wish we were strong enough to stick to a diet and improve our lives. Below is a pic of me with my mom and sister at my sister's wedding (I HATE THIS PICTURE OF MYSELF...it's entitled "ew").
I turned 30 last year (my mom turned 54), and at the end of the year, she needed to get knee replacement surgery. At only 54. It was a wakeup call to me that I need to get my life together and lose weight so I don't end up needing to replace body parts at that young of an age. As much as I identify with being fat and am comfortable with it, as much as I don't have high blood pressure or diabetes NOW, it doesn't mean I will always be this lucky. Now is the time to do it.
I went to Bangladesh in April 2019 to visit my boyfriend's family and his mother kept telling me that I am perfect…except for my gut; that I need to lose weight to be healthy, to fit into nice dresses she wants to buy me, and to bear children (when the time comes). She reminded me on the daily in the bluntest of ways that I am too fat - as only non-English speakers can do. I am confident she loves me and wants the best for me.
All of the above led me to deciding to not let my comfort of being fat control me.
Since May 4, I have been doing Strong Lifts 5x5 religiously and calculating my calories through my fitness pal (1650 cal goal). I will be taking my measurements once a month and weighing myself once a week. Some stats below:
May 4 Stats:
Weight: 137.6 kg / 303 lbs
Neck: 41.5 cm
Right Arm: 46.5 cm
Left Arm: 48.5 cm
Bust: 134.5 cm
Waist: 122 cm
Hips: 161.5 cm
Right Thigh: 84.5
Left Thigh: 85 cm
May 10 Weight: 135.6 kg/ 298.9 lbs
May 19 Weight: 134.6/ 296.7 lbs
May 26 Stats:
Weight: 132.6 kg/292.3 lbs
Neck: 40.5 cm
Right Arm: 50 cm (why did it go up?!)
Left Arm: 49.5 cm (why did it go up?!)
Bust: 132 cm
Waist: 119.5 cm
Hips: 154.5 cm
Right Thigh: 81 cm
Left Thigh: 80.5 cm
I injured my foot/ankle area (I suspect a tendon issue with incorrect form from squats with a bar) for a few weeks, but I continued going to the gym and working out what I could, so my squats aren't as heavy a weight as they should be, but I am currently at the below weights with my weight lifting:
Squats: 40 kg
OH Press (with barbell): 32.5 kg
Deadlift: 70 kg
Bench Press: 35 kg
Barbell Row: 35 kg
I am going to keep updating this journal for accountability, as well as to use for anything I need to get off my chest/challenges relating to weight loss/fat loss.
I am curious if the amount of weight lost at this stage is good, or if I should be expecting to lose weight faster/be more stringent with my diet. In previous diets I've done, I've lost weight more quickly, but have never been able to stick to it. Right now, I am really enjoying my food still and it's hardly feeling like a diet (which is probably why I'm wondering if I should be lowering my daily calorie goal, since it doesn't feel difficult). I'll look into this and see what shows up.
Also, as an aside (for myself): I lost about 5 kg/12 lbs from my visit to Bangladesh (I get incredibly ill every time I go there). My weight was 142.8 kg/315 lbs on April 9, 2019.