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I am fat because I am stupid. I have screwed up bad.
I resurrected my account from 8 years ago. I can't help but feel I must hold myself accountable so please if you wish to ignore this post do so but I had to do it.
I started in 2010 I was at about 320lbs I am only 5'10 married full time job 3 kids and a flight of stairs might as well be a death sentence. I knew enough was enough. I joined here started to learn what I needed to do to lose the fat and build muscle. I tracked my eating, kept a strong deficit started to eat clean good food. Against all the nay sayers at work and my own wife I ended the same year at 210lbs still fat but not even close to what I looked like before.I was down 12 pant sizes stronger then ever before and a flight of stairs was not even going to wind me to run up.
Then after all my hard work fighting and scrapping to be the best I could my wife introduced me to World of Warcraft. As STUPID as it sounds I got hooked and fast. Before I knew it every free moment at home was not spent walking/jogging for a few miles at night.I was eating Chinese food and pizza every night leveling my character. My lunch breaks stopped being a hard push at the gym to the hardest I could push in a 60 minute time frame. I was instead saving the virtual world of Azeroth.
Here I am 8 years later a new job, 2 more sons and finally the recent power outage caused my pc to fry. Having moved from the city back to a more country area I did what I had to do. Go through the woods to find where the problem was to help the power company get it fixed sooner then later. While I was walking, panting, heart pumping it really hit me. I was wearing one of my old fat shirts and it was tight. I avoid the stairs at work, I keep buying bigger and bigger shirts, my steering wheel is uncomfortably close to my bulging gut. I feel avoid cameras at all social functions I refuse to look in the mirror other then to shave and comb my hair. That night when the lights came back I did what I needed to do for a long freaking time. I looked in the mirror hard look in the mirror.
My computer still sits there dead. I refuse to fix it I refuse to look at it. I have started back on my journey. This time I do not have to learn as much as I learned such a great deal 8 years ago thanks to this great forum. I have been in a calorie deficit every day. A coworker gave me his fitbit blaze when he got a new Samsung watch. (it helps remind me when I am sitting at the desk for too long/monitors heart rate and give me a calorie burned for the day I use it as a rough estimate) First 2 weeks were tough, lots of temptation, not lots of decent food in the house. That mirror though its there and when ever I got close to going for a pop, beer, comfort garbage food I looked in it. It was a fight of wills me vs myself but I would win because I physically forced myself to look in that damn mirror.
I am at about 4 weeks now and have gone from 298 to 277 large loss of water to be expected for the first few weeks. I really feel back in my grove temptations are pretty much null and void to me. My brain really feels like I am back in the right mindset for the first time in so so long. My support is low but my now 14 year old sees what I am doing and I know on some level he has my back. Like before my wife is skeptical saying I am in my 30s now its impossible blah blah blah.
People at this new job only have known Fat Me. It isn't till I recently showed them pictures of me at my lowest, my happiest that they realize that I am not just one of the fat fade dieters in the building. I got my best motivation today from one of the women that work there that is a fitness trainer at her local YMCA and by far the fittest person in the building. She asked me in the lunch room what I was eating (8oz chicken and steambag broc****) she gave me "THAT LOOK" the look a person gives a fat person that is yet again on "diet" that will never work out and a "yeah good luck with that". That doubt, as stupid as it sounds will help fuel me further and further.
If you made it this far let me just say THANK YOU! I know its probably a boring read but I just had to do this I HAD to get this out to people that would possibly understand. I will attach some pics one from this day 8 years ago and once of myself before starting back on my journey to the best me I can be.