Cant Have Sex With My Wife!!!

[QUOTE=alero;281703021]Jesus man, I can see how much you love your wife and how "in tune" you 2 are.
But physical needs being at the bottom of the list of important things? Rediculous. At the bottom? Certainly not, but to make it sound so unimportant in a relationship in absurd. [/quote]

Notice I said the bottom of the list of [u]important things[/u], not unimportant.

[quote]You can have all the glorious things that you and you wife possess, but if the physical isn't there it isn't gonna work. [/quote]

Ahhh, but if you have all the glorious things then the physical will naturally follow. Which is why the OP should stop focusing on his sexual needs and get back inline with his wife. Sex only masks the issues temporarily which is why it is at the bottom of the the list.

[quote]A license to cheat? Of course not. But when you and your old lady are on the couch sharing "love tears" about your feelings, and exchanging "healing hugs" to make everything zen, me and my girl will have discussed the issues, moved forward in a positive direction and gotten busy gettin busy. We have mutual respect, and it doesn't involve pretending to have all the answers.[/QUOTE]

I don't really get what you are saying. I never said everything had to be perfect for things to move forward. Most issues are not so important that it involves putting sex on hold. So like you, we discuss what needs to be discuss and move on.

Truthfully, my wife have not a single serious issue in about two years, but the last major one we had was very similar to the OPs in that I wanted her to enjoy the sex as much as I did. She gave it up when ever I wanted, but she didn't care about herself getting off and that wasn't good enough for me. She thought that it should of been because my needs were being met, but in reality they were not because I knew she wasn't into it and there were underlying reasons for it in which I wasn't aware of. **** hit the fan real fast because there were a ton off issues going on with her and us beneath the surface that we had to deal with. Some of them revolved around me, and some did not. But we worked it out together. It took a while and we had more hate sex than love sex during that time.

In the OP's case the issues run deeper than he may suspect, and he will never know what is truly going on unless he and his wife can communicate rather than pointing fingers.

[QUOTE=pondus_levo;281715111]Notice I said the bottom of the list of [u]important things[/u], not unimportant.



Ahhh, but if you have all the glorious things then the physical will naturally follow. Which is why the OP should stop focusing on his sexual needs and get back inline with his wife. Sex only masks the issues temporarily which is why it is at the bottom of the the list.



I don't really get what you are saying. I never said everything had to be perfect for things to move forward. Most issues are not so important that it involves putting sex on hold. So like you, we discuss what needs to be discuss and move on.

Truthfully, my wife have not a single serious issue in about two years, but the last major one we had was very similar to the OPs in that I wanted her to enjoy the sex as much as I did. She gave it up when ever I wanted, but she didn't care about herself getting off and that wasn't good enough for me. She thought that it should of been because my needs were being met, but in reality they were not because I knew she wasn't into it. **** hit the fan real fast because there were a ton off issues going on with her and us beneath the surface that we had to deal with. Some of them revolved around me, and some did not. But we worked it out together. It took a while and we had more hate sex than love sex during that time.

In the OP's case the issues run deeper than he may suspect, and he will never know what is truly going on unless he and his wife can communicate rather than pointing fingers.[/QUOTE]

That's the stuff he NEEDS to hear. This man feels hopeless right now and is resorting to desperate measures.
All he's hearing is what a piece of trash he is and how everything is his fault. How it's all so easy if he just follows the plan all these sensitive lovers lay out for him. If its his fault so be it.
If its not, he is gonna be worse off after this thread.

Wait till some of these white night nimrods get cheated on or end up in a relationship like this. Their attitudes will change.

Back when I was a young prick, I preyed on women that were with guys like these. Easy targets. A lot of men cuddled with girls I just hit.
I'm ashamed now and would change it all, but it happened nonetheless. NEVER say never gentlemen. No matter how caring you think you are or how secure you think your relationship is.

[QUOTE=Below 30;281707031]Do you think your situation is anywhere near the man's wife? You were putting out alot more effort than his wife, to make things work.
[color=blue]-30-[/color][/QUOTE]

You don't understand. The point I was trying to get across is that a person also needs to worry about the needs of the SO. If you don't take care of them, they'll stop taking care of you.

OP needs to figure out why she's not into it. Look at both sides.

[QUOTE=alero;281721831]That's the stuff he NEEDS to hear. This man feels hopeless right now and is resorting to desperate measures.
All he's hearing is what a piece of trash he is and how everything is his fault. How it's all so easy if he just follows the plan all these sensitive lovers lay out for him. If its his fault so be it.
If its not, he is gonna be worse off after this thread.

[b]Wait till some of these white night nimrods get cheated on[/b] or end up in a relationship like this. Their attitudes will change.

Back when I was a young prick, I preyed on women that were with guys like these. Easy targets. A lot of men cuddled with girls I just hit.
I'm ashamed now and would change it all, but it happened nonetheless. [b]NEVER say never gentlemen.[/b] No matter how caring you think you are or how secure you think your relationship is.[/QUOTE]

Those are the worst failures, when the fairytale Nice Guy get cheated on or divorced. They never learn.
[color=blue]-30-[/color]

[QUOTE=LovesMuscles;281725251]You don't understand. The point I was trying to get across is that a person also needs to worry about the needs of the SO. If you don't take care of them, they'll stop taking care of you.

OP needs to figure out why she's not into it. Look at both sides.[/QUOTE]

I did understand and you were making a much bigger effort to communicate the issues. The OP's wife should be like you were and get vocal and stop sitting there like she's see through. I mean, she doesn't kiss him and won't admit there is a problem. She won't go to a doctor for vaginal pains.......Come on[color=blue]![/color]

[QUOTE=Below 30;281726661]I did understand and you were making a much bigger effort to communicate the issues. The OP's wife should be like you were and get vocal and stop sitting there like she's see through. I mean, she doesn't kiss him and won't admit there is a problem. She won't go to a doctor for vaginal pains.......Come on[color=blue]![/color][/QUOTE]

OOOO. Yeah. I just read the original post again. Got distracted by other posts. Got it.

[QUOTE=LovesMuscles;281728791]OOOO. Yeah. I just read the original post again. Got distracted by other posts. Got it.[/QUOTE]
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*Translation*

LovesMuscles: "I just clicked onto the last page and hoped for the best"
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This is Strike 1 [color=blue]....................[/color]

[QUOTE=alero;281706231]How selfish is VERY selfish? Obviously it took some serious effort to become the saint that you are.
To admit this statement is noble, to keep kicking this guy in his nuts when he is asking for help and he knows he did something wrong is just being a sh$tty person.
To go through what you went through and not be able to step back in a non-criticizing fashion with someone else is pretty hypocritical.[/QUOTE]

If you have read all the posts I have put up today, I am not criticizing him for needing to have sex with his wife. I'm criticizing the way he handled it.

2. I''m not a saint and don't claim to be. I am just very proud of the work my partner and I have done to grow into a healthy relationship. It would be like seeing a guy at the gym doing his workout totally wrong and you know how he could change it to make it even better but he blows you off and says that yo don't know what the hell you're talking about.

It just aggrivates me when people (men or women) say they want the relationship to work out etc; but they keep doing things that are going to have the opposite effect.

[QUOTE=pondus_levo;281587351]No. Most MEN would have tried to figure out what those issues were and fix it before it ever got that bad. Only pussies run away from their problems and cheat.[/QUOTE]

This

[QUOTE=metaldrummer;281736771]This[/QUOTE]

WHITE KNIGHTIN' 4 lyfe brah.......

[QUOTE=beermanj;281287421]I've been through that with my wife, it's usually something bothering her or women just get that way. I'm not one to step out on my wife, so I asked her what the problem was. She gave me a answer so I corrected some of my stupid behaviour. I told her some stuff that she did to piss me off also. Most of the issues are worked out.

Our sex life is better than it was then when we were dating 9 yrs ago. Just work through the problems and be patient. Women are alot different then men. Good luck.

The more I read this it sounds like a troll post, it can't be real.[/QUOTE]

he is telling you a peice of good advice

also you marriage therapy

stuff like this makes me sad to hear and worried about ever getting married

[QUOTE=psamty;281737201]WHITE KNIGHTIN' 4 lyfe brah.......[/QUOTE]

That was clever how long did it take you to think of that?

[QUOTE=metaldrummer;281743571]That was clever how long did it take you to think of that?[/QUOTE]

They see me kneppin'... They hatin
Bishes just wants men to be talkin' dirty
Trying to get me talkin dirty
Trying to get me talkin dirty
Trying to get me talkin dirty

My love be so true... They trippin'
Bishes be seeing me as a friend perenially
Trying to get me talkin dirty
Trying to get me talkin dirty
Trying to get me talkin dirty

When I was a youngun, was always clean
Always good to a bish, never mean
When they saw me ride, I weren't even seen
Below_30 told me, "Son you gotta be mean"
Charles Knepp was my freaking idol
Couldn't get a number on my cycle
Bein too nice had me freakin
Heart hurt so bad felt like it was leakin

They see me kneppin'... They hatin
Bishes just wants men to be talkin' dirty
Trying to get me talkin dirty
Trying to get me talkin dirty
Trying to get me talkin dirty

My love be so true... They trippin'
Bishes be seeing me as a friend perenially
Trying to get me talkin dirty
Trying to get me talkin dirty
Trying to get me talkin dirty

[QUOTE=psamty;281737201]WHITE KNIGHTIN' 4 lyfe brah.......[/QUOTE]

You'll always notice that the girls respond less to the Knights and more to the guys who have a real opinion.
Hahahahahahahahahahaha[color=blue]![/color]

This may or may not apply to your situation but sometimes my wife just want's to be taken forcefully... like she'll say "no" but really means "try harder"... she only sorta fights off my advances... that kind of thing... food for thought anyway.

[QUOTE=Below 30;281747601]You'll always notice that the girls respond less to the Knights and more to the guys who have a real opinion.
Hahahahahahahahahahaha[color=blue]![/color][/QUOTE]

No need to respond to the "knights" when they are correct,sir.

[QUOTE=sirengrl1106;281749671]No need to respond to the "knights" when they are correct,sir.[/QUOTE]

You believe they are correct because they are sacrificing their manhood for your vagina and making you seem worth a lot more than you are.

[QUOTE=Below 30;281747601]You'll always notice that the girls respond less to the Knights and more to the guys who have a real opinion.
Hahahahahahahahahahaha[color=blue]![/color][/QUOTE]

Whoever coined these stupid internet terms needs to be strangled... But anyway, since someone disagrees with you they don't have a "real" opinion? You're such an assclown it's ridiculous. I've called you on your bull**** plenty of times and you made no "real" argument to back anything up. If you get so many chicks why aren't you out bangin them mang?

[QUOTE=sirengrl1106;281735381]If you have read all the posts I have put up today, I am not criticizing him for needing to have sex with his wife. I'm criticizing the way he handled it.

2. I''m not a saint and don't claim to be. I am just very proud of the work my partner and I have done to grow into a healthy relationship. It would be like seeing a guy at the gym doing his workout totally wrong and you know how he could change it to make it even better but he blows you off and says that yo don't know what the hell you're talking about.

It just aggrivates me when people (men or women) say they want the relationship to work out etc; but they keep doing things that are going to have the opposite effect.[/QUOTE]

I guess I missed the part where he blew your help off. That must have quite a few posts in, cause you certainly didn't offer help in the beginning.
Listen, I understand how hard it is to objective as opposed to subjective. Roughly 2 people in this thread put personal feelings and experiences aside to offer their perspective.

By the way, I usually avoid conflict with redheads cause you all are wild souls! God bless ya

[QUOTE=Quinn77;281707691]6'2 285....she probably isn't attracted to you anymore. Maybe you should spend more time in other sections of bb's forums. The occasional affair, you're a piece of ****, how can you complain about this?[/QUOTE]

Hey brah I am 6'2 285 well built, yeah I have a little layer of fat around the midsection, but its not like you can look at me and say hey there goes a big sloppy piece of ****. Like I mentioned before I put some weight on after boxing, but I also cut down the cardio quite alot and lifted heavier and more then I did in boxing. I've changed up my workouts, my diet and have upped my cardio.

Trust my wife does like her men big and built not some 6'6 string bean walking around talking bout how people should look into changing their appearance.

If you previously read any posts you would have noticed that her denial and lack of enthusiam has occured after I cut down in weight.


Now please stop making yourself throw up after your meals Ashley Olsen.

[QUOTE=Grease Monkey;281752401]You believe they are correct because they are sacrificing their manhood for your vagina and making you seem worth a lot more than you are.[/QUOTE]

How would they be sacrificing their manhood for her vagina when they are commenting on the OP's relationship? Wouldn't they really be sacrificing their manhood for the OP's wife vagina? Someone they don't even know and will never know. I'm sure that's a great reason for someone to give up their manhood. To **** the ops wife like that's really realistic.

[QUOTE=sirengrl1106;281749671]No need to respond to the "knights" when they are correct,sir.[/QUOTE]

[QUOTE=metaldrummer;281752831]Whoever coined these stupid internet terms needs to be strangled... But anyway, since someone disagrees with you they don't have a "real" opinion? You're such an assclown it's ridiculous. I've called you on your bull**** plenty of times and you made no "real" argument to back anything up. If you get so many chicks why aren't you out bangin them mang?[/QUOTE]

Hahahahahahaha! Again she responded to me and not the knights. How ironic that a knight puts so much effort into pleasing the woman and he doesn't get any direct acknowledgment.
Hahahahahaha[color=blue]![/color]

[QUOTE=alero;281753691]I guess I missed the part where he blew your help off. That must have quite a few posts in, cause you certainly didn't offer help in the beginning.
Listen, I understand how hard it is to objective as opposed to subjective. Roughly 2 people in this thread put personal feelings and experiences aside to offer their perspective.

By the way, I usually avoid conflict with redheads cause you all are wild souls! God bless ya[/QUOTE]

Well, being 1: a woman and 2: a red head, it's difficult for me not to get fired up about ridiculousness. But, I did offer my opinion objectively...I told him to ask her to go see a doctor about the lack of drive to have sex.

[QUOTE=Below 30;281763911]Hahahahahahaha! Again she responded to me and not the knights. How ironic that a knight puts so much effort into pleasing the woman and he doesn't get any direct acknowledgment.
Hahahahahaha[color=blue]![/color][/QUOTE]

Unlike you, t he knights don't need to be given a hug and told "good job" for being a good person. You're just looking for me to say, "30! You are SUCH a friggin awesome man, I WISH I could find someone like you" (smothered in disgust and sarcasm).

But, you're a good opponent, thats why i like arguing with you. :P

[QUOTE=Below 30;281763911]Hahahahahahaha! Again she responded to me and not the knights. How ironic that a knight puts so much effort into pleasing the woman and he doesn't get any direct acknowledgment.
Hahahahahaha[color=blue]![/color][/QUOTE]

Are you seriously bragging about having a woman address you on a forum? Are you a white knight in disguise?

When a group of people are having an argument the ones that agree don't need to address each other. If that happened then there wouldn't be an argument.

[QUOTE=chrallmor;281765811]Are you seriously bragging about having a woman address you on a forum? Are you a white knight in disguise?

When a group of people are having an argument the ones that agree don't need to address each other. If that happened then there wouldn't be an argument.[/QUOTE]

Ha! That is EXACTLY what I was gonna say. *there 30 I addressed the knight, ya happy??*

[QUOTE=sirengrl1106;281766851]Ha! That is EXACTLY what I was gonna say. *there 30 I addressed the knight, ya happy??*[/QUOTE]

omg you addressed me. I finally got your attention being a white knight *cums*. My life is complete.

Why is it that so many married couples have this problem? Generally, it is a problem on the woman's side. You cannot tell me all those women are having psychological problems, or problems with menopause or health problems. I really think a lot of women out there just think they have their man now and dont have to work for it anymore. I do not criticize the OP for having an affair. Why is one person in the relationship allowed to be selfish and decide what is going to go on, or not go on, in the bedroom while giving the other person no say?

[QUOTE=chrallmor;281769231]omg you addressed me. I finally got your attention being a white knight *cums*. My life is complete.[/QUOTE]

hahahaha. You made my night. Now I can refuse to have sex with my boyfriend as a tool to feel more empowered and he'll just go cheat on me and we can start this whole debate again tomorrow :D

serious, stop having sex with ANYONE except your wife if your married, ESPECIALLY if you have a child. it would "tear her up" if you two divorced? what do you think it would do to her if she knew you guys divorced mommy got sole custody and poisoned her with thoughts of what a dick you are for cheating, ever think of that?

take my advice man, stop cheating YESTERDAY