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View Full Version : Eating Disorder, want to up calories.



Hawkmoth
05-19-2017, 08:10 AM
Hey, so I am posting for some advice or shared experiences. I know my diet and exercise habits are ****ed up; they're damaging and they won't get me what I want. Every now and again I try to break the cycle and change them. Maybe this time I can free myself.

I'm 23 years old, student but with an active job (all day walking and lifting), 5'8. I don't know how much I weigh, but I wear a size XS-S, decent muscle composition and some fat.

I practice IF (16 hours fasted, 8 hour feed window, + one 24 hour fast a week).
Twice a week I limit my caloric intake to 600 cal. The rest of the time I eat between 1200-1250 cals a day. I weigh everything I eat, and record it in a spreadsheet with a macronutrient breakdown before I let myself eat it. My macros are roughly 45% protein, 30% carbs, 25% fat.
I lift 3-5 times a week, HIIT 2-3 times, ballet sessions 2-3, bike & walk every day.

I have a longstanding eating disorder, part of which involves chewing and spitting out food (large quantities, high carb, high fat, basically trashy **** I'm too scared to eat). I know some of the calories are still ingested despite food being spat out (I have read around 1/3). Additionally, I suspect this habit raises insulin significantly, promoting fat storage etc.

The only way I could be (am) exceeding my calories is through the chew spitting behaviour, which I'm trying to curtail. I'm slim and strong with some definition, except for a maddening if small layer of fat on the lower abs. Because of my eating disorder, I can seem a lot bigger to myself than I really am, and that 'small' layer can become very distressing.

I want to get lean and lose some of this stubborn fat. My body composition does not match the work I put in, purely because I deny it the food that it needs.

If I eat more, I'll almost certainly gain weight. Whether it's water or fat, whether it will pass and get me leaner in the long run - the thought is terrifying to me, like suicidally terrifying. I've been living with this ED most of my life. I want to finally kick its ass.

Has anybody upped calories from this kind of behaviour? Dealt with a chew/spitting disorder or bulimia?
I want to get better, I am just scared.

AdamWW
05-19-2017, 08:19 AM
You need to seek professional counseling for this. It sounds like your disorder has gotten to a very dangerous point. This forum is no substitute for professional intervention.

ErikTheElectric
05-19-2017, 08:20 AM
I want to get better, I am just scared.

Firstly, you should be VERY proud of yourself for this realization. Eating Disorders are EXTREMELY serious and impact so many lives. Secondly, this forum is not going to be conducive for you and your recovery at this point. The BEST thing you can do is reach out to those closest to you for some sort of medical intervention. Here's a very solid resource for you.

https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/help-support/contact-helpline

motivateed
05-19-2017, 08:53 AM
Go to a specialist!!! Remember that we are not professionals, we only can give you our opinion, but it's not a "medical" one...