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mikieson
06-30-2014, 07:38 AM
I walked from the living room to the bed room for a nap..I'll share my work out secrets if you want.

Nikonguy
06-30-2014, 07:49 AM
How long would that take if you were using a treadmill?

steffo99
06-30-2014, 07:53 AM
I walked from the living room to the bed room for a nap..I'll share my work out secrets if you want.
Well, they say it's during rest that you build muscle so you might be on to something.

mikieson
06-30-2014, 08:43 AM
How long would that take if you were using a treadmill?

Bout treefiddy

mikieson
06-30-2014, 08:44 AM
Well, they say it's during rest that you build muscle so you might be on to something.

Its what I'm banking on.

frozensparky
06-30-2014, 08:48 AM
Pathetic

Karl_Hungus
06-30-2014, 09:08 AM
Pathetic

^^ This. Mikie starts a sympathy thread, then basically sh!ts on all the people who (stupidly) gave him constructive advice by starting a thread like this....bragging that he doesn't work out.

mikieson
06-30-2014, 09:20 AM
Pathetic

I know right..what a lil bi@!h mikie is..I wish he would die!..he is a homo too!.. Amidoingitright??

jeffaus
06-30-2014, 09:28 AM
I know right..what a lil bi@!h mikie is..I wish he would die!..he is a homo too!.. Amidoingitright??You are a funny bastard Mikie. Rustling Jimmies has become your new sport. LMAO.

How was the walk from living room to bedroom? Be careful of those DOMS.

frozensparky
06-30-2014, 09:33 AM
I know right..what a lil bi@!h mikie is..I wish he would die!..he is a homo too!.. Amidoingitright??

Actualy I don't think you should die and I support gay rights so I don't just go around calling people homo either.

What's pathetic is you come on here looking for sympathy and then make a post like this.

What's pathetic is you have a wife and kids and refuse to take control of your health

What's pathetic is life beat you down and you refuse to fight back.

I was never around when you put up impressive lifting vids I've only been around to see the sad shadow of your former self that you are now.

Looks like you went from respected lifter to worthless troll

mikieson
06-30-2014, 09:37 AM
Actualy I don't think you should die and I support gay rights so I don't just go around calling people homo either.

What's pathetic is you come on here looking for sympathy and then make a post like this.

What's pathetic is you have a wife and kids and refuse to take control of your health

What's pathetic is life beat you down and you refuse to fight back.

I was never around when you put up impressive lifting vids I've only been around to see the sad shadow of your former self that you are now.

Looks like you went from respected lifter to worthless troll

Dude..don't hold back..tell us how you really feel..better yet maybe tell us how perfect you are and how you've never fell down in life..I'm open to learning perfection.

frozensparky
06-30-2014, 09:45 AM
Dude..don't hold back..tell us how you really feel..better yet maybe tell us how perfect you are and how you've never fell down in life..I'm open to learning perfection.

Actually I went from 280lbs of pure fat and got my life under control because I had a son and realized I wouldn't be around for long if I didn't take control. I could have wallowed in self pity and refused to do anything but instead I picked myself up.

There are also countless others on here that have had adversity like Thomas who lost a daughter and found faith. Stress monkey who had major health issues and is looking better than ever. Beachguy is someone facing adversity right now with the loss of his wife. None of us are perfect and I never claimed to be but I don't sit on this forum crying for sympathy and then brag about how I don't do anything about it.

mikieson
06-30-2014, 09:59 AM
Actually I went from 280lbs of pure fat and got my life under control because I had a son and realized I wouldn't be around for long if I didn't take control. I could have wallowed in self pity and refused to do anything but instead I picked myself up.

There are also countless others on here that have had adversity like Thomas who lost a daughter and found faith. Stress monkey who had major health issues and is looking better than ever. Beachguy is someone facing adversity right now with the loss of his wife. None of us are perfect and I never claimed to be but I don't sit on this forum crying for sympathy and then brag about how I don't do anything about it.
That's great..and yes sometimes my threads are for shatsandgiggles..but I'll say this..never judge another till you've walked in their shoes. You along with the others on here know zero about me and what I've dealt with in life and how it affects me..we all deal with things in our own way..

frozensparky
06-30-2014, 10:19 AM
That's great..and yes sometimes my threads are for shatsandgiggles..but I'll say this..never judge another till you've walked in their shoes. You along with the others on here know zero about me and what I've dealt with in life and how it affects me..we all deal with things in our own way..

Your right that we don't know everything about you but We know what you put up in your threads. You put up a thread about letting yourself go. Which a lot of people gave you a lot of support. You then make this thread saying your not doing anything about it.

Your right about not judging others until you walk a mile in their shoes but you should also realize that if others walked in your shoes the footprints would probably be in a different direction. That's why their trying to give you good advice.

paolo59
06-30-2014, 10:41 AM
I nap on the couch. I don't even have to walk to the bedroom! :) No napping in the gym. Naps are strictly pre-workout.

bodyhard
06-30-2014, 11:11 AM
F'ck Mikie that is a slap in the face to everyone who ave you some advice, on the real man.


That some f'cked up sh!t man, f'cked up,,,,,-Real talk.

Dave76
06-30-2014, 11:45 AM
Start a journal so we can follow along.

Brackneyc
06-30-2014, 11:50 AM
I just hope his kids have some role models outside of the home.

Phattso
06-30-2014, 01:15 PM
Start a journal so we can follow along.

Great suggestion. Start a journal, where others can follow and make suggestions. Make yourself accountable.

Do not expect instant results. Do expect a change in your mindset.

mikieson
06-30-2014, 01:39 PM
I just hope his kids have some role models outside of the home.

All of this is funny fine and dandy and I can take some mouthing and ass chewing..but you bring my kids into this and you can f@$% yourself..my kids have been raised..both graduated high school WITH HONORS and both starting college.. I might not workout and might have enemies here..but I f#$&n raised my kids well and was a h3ll of dad..play around with me..fine..but don't talk of my parenting or kids..

quicksand jesus
06-30-2014, 01:40 PM
I don't think he wants anybodys help... F'ck him!

poundXpound
06-30-2014, 01:45 PM
F'ck Mikie that is a slap in the face to everyone who ave you some advice, on the real man.


That some f'cked up sh!t man, f'cked up,,,,,-Real talk.


I don't think he wants anybodys help... F'ck him!


/thread

latebloomingmom
06-30-2014, 01:45 PM
I don't think he wants anybodys help... F'ck him!
tsk tsk now is that really WWJD?


:D
sorry made me giggle

kimm4
06-30-2014, 01:45 PM
Don't give a fuk about your parenting or your kids. You've always been a douchebag...nothing more to see here.

quicksand jesus
06-30-2014, 01:51 PM
tsk tsk now is that really WWJD?


:D
sorry made me giggle

Jesus would say the same thing!

Brackneyc
06-30-2014, 01:54 PM
All of this is funny fine and dandy and I can take some mouthing and ass chewing..but you bring my kids into this and you can f@$% yourself..my kids have been raised..both graduated high school WITH HONORS and both starting college.. I might not workout and might have enemies here..but I f#$&n raised my kids well and was a h3ll of dad..play around with me..fine..but don't talk of my parenting or kids..


You have brought your wife and kids to this forum so many times that your "outrage" is fcking laughable. You should be as mad at yourself as you seem to be at me, or at life in general.

There are people who fight for the life they want, and people who cry about sht. You decide which one you are.

latebloomingmom
06-30-2014, 02:00 PM
Jesus would say the same thing!God helps those who help themself :)

acrawlingchaos
06-30-2014, 02:09 PM
That's great..and yes sometimes my threads are for shatsandgiggles..but I'll say this..never judge another till you've walked in their shoes. You along with the others on here know zero about me and what I've dealt with in life and how it affects me..we all deal with things in our own way..Do you seriously think your problems are that unique? We all have challenges, and more oft than not are nothing more than first world issues.

How is it you come in here acting like a complete a**clown, and then cry when someone judges you? If you act like a ass, you really shouldn't be surprised by the responses you receive.

Old-Time-Lifter
06-30-2014, 02:13 PM
Do you seriously think your problems are that unique? We all have challenges, and more oft than not are nothing more than first world issues.

How is it you come in here acting like a complete a**clown, and then cry when someone judges you? If you act like a ass, you really shouldn't be surprised by the responses you receive.

He doesn't think he is nor is he unique.

He is just another troll, he once was a half decent member but then for what ever reason he went down the troll path.... kind of like that plumber guy who had all the guys from here show up at his house to help him along.... that at least was a good story.

GuyJin
06-30-2014, 02:25 PM
What Roy and Q Jesus said, among other things.

Mikie, you've gotten a lot of support over the past few days with regards to your move back from Vegas to wherever you live now. You've gotten training support, diet support, and then you come up with troll threads that completely destroy any shred of cred you might--MIGHT--have built up.

Honestly, man, screw you. Screw your whiny defeatist attitude, screw your gameplay, and screw your dumba** mind games which are simply infantile attempts at garnering attention. There are many others on this forum who've gone through far worse sh!t than you have. I'm also working through some health issues at the moment. I don't bitch and moan about it. I just do it. So do the vast majority of the people here.

Lift weights or don't, I don't care. Get a job or don't, I don't care. You're a grown man acting like a child and expecting to be coddled. You want to russle jimmies? GJDM, you rustled a few and in your own perverted mind you can take a measure of comfort by having so many people respond to you. Good luck in your goals for whatever you want to do...obviously training isn't one of them.

so-tex
06-30-2014, 03:04 PM
All of this is funny fine and dandy and I can take some mouthing and ass chewing..but you bring my kids into this and you can f@$% yourself..my kids have been raised..both graduated high school WITH HONORS and both starting college.. I might not workout and might have enemies here..but I f#$&n raised my kids well and was a h3ll of dad..play around with me..fine..but don't talk of my parenting or kids..

You opened yourself up here with your constant trolling. If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen. You're pathetic.

mikieson
06-30-2014, 03:45 PM
You opened yourself up here with your constant trolling. If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen. You're pathetic.

F@#! You dude..talking about kids isn't "standing the heat".. Attack me fine..talk of my family and my raising kids and workout all you want..it won't help

SP1966
06-30-2014, 04:09 PM
http://www.quickmeme.com/img/0b/0b65adfd71a0246f25262f01b16931f69fc71d3ab41c37354d 866ec3cf3296e0.jpg

cowboybiker
06-30-2014, 04:16 PM
Typical douche. Didn't expect anything less.


So who's ready for football season?
I heard Georgia may have a chance to win a game this year.

eomrat
06-30-2014, 04:37 PM
Typical douche. Didn't expect anything less.


So who's ready for football season?
I heard Georgia may have a chance to win a game this year.

You got jokes? That's good, I like jokes.

cowboybiker
06-30-2014, 04:40 PM
You got jokes? That's good, I like jokes.

For some strange reason, I knew you would respond.

so-tex
06-30-2014, 05:02 PM
For some strange reason, I knew you would respond.

I knew Doug wouldn't let that one slide. No worries here though because we all know that the Aggies are going to own the SEC. Sumlin has too many 'gadgets' to work with. :)

Karl_Hungus
06-30-2014, 05:07 PM
How about a nice greasy pork sandwich served in a dirty ashtray?

bodyhard
06-30-2014, 05:12 PM
I always try to give Mikie advice, he just seems to get the sh!t end of the stick, but this time around? Man he just flat out went ratchet with this thread a serious slap in the face to folks like me who give him advice even when others f'ck with him.

cowboybiker
06-30-2014, 05:21 PM
I always try to give Mikie advice, he just seems to get the sh!t end of the stick, but this time around? Man he just flat out went ratchet with this thread a serious slap in the face to folks like me who give him advice even when others f'ck with him.

He better not make your list. I just got on it and there's not enough room for him and me at the same time.

Corbi
06-30-2014, 05:22 PM
I don't think he wants anybodys help... F'ck him!

Hello, you must be new here?

And as others have mentioned everything single one of us here has faced some form of adversity but we don't sit around moaning how unfair life is. Pull that stick outta your ass and pull up your panties and get to work improving yourself. Nobody here can do it for you and quite honestly I doubt a single person actually gives a fuk if you do or don't.

acrawlingchaos
06-30-2014, 06:08 PM
F@#! You dude..talking about kids isn't "standing the heat".. Attack me fine..talk of my family and my raising kids and workout all you want..it won't helpHe was attacking you... not your kids. He said you were a ****ty role model.

Trolls need to learn to be less sensitive.

eomrat
06-30-2014, 07:23 PM
I knew Doug wouldn't let that one slide. No worries here though because we all know that the Aggies are going to own the SEC. Sumlin has too many 'gadgets' to work with. :)

Until he benches half his team for minor acts of misconduct that any other coach in the NCAA would let slide.


You know it's true. The man is too damned strict.

This thread has been saved. It is now about College Football.

Fishman15
06-30-2014, 07:58 PM
So, i am a little confused here Mikei. What is it exactly are you looking for here on the forum? Maybe a stupid question for many here but I would like to hear it from Mikei...

Oceanside
06-30-2014, 08:02 PM
Looks like you went from respected lifter to worthless troll

no..

but he could have gotten to the point where he was close..

he kind of made his bed before he posted any vids

nobody really cared about a guy benching a little weight (not really impressive for his size) after he had just got through telling everyone here how fat his wife was and how unhappy he was being married to her...

someone also said he gloated about shooting dogs with a bb gun but I never personally saw that post or thread....

but hey..

this board did a great job of giving him props for being married for 20 years :)

Geoff Richards
06-30-2014, 08:12 PM
I walked from the living room to the bed room for a nap..I'll share my work out secrets if you want.


How long would that take if you were using a treadmill?

LMAO ! ^^^^ funniest thing yet

bodyhard
06-30-2014, 08:28 PM
He better not make your list. I just got on it and there's not enough room for him and me at the same time.

LOL Mikie is on a different playing field man, a totally different playing field....

ChazWood
06-30-2014, 08:32 PM
LOL Mikie is on a different playing field man, a totally different playing field....
Is it one like this, BH?

http://i.imgur.com/Rn5JaLS.gif

Geoff Richards
06-30-2014, 08:34 PM
LMAO ! ^^^^ funniest thing yet


Is it one like this, BH?

http://i.imgur.com/Rn5JaLS.gif

you are going to make me change my mind Chaz

bodyhard
06-30-2014, 08:40 PM
Is it one like this, BH?

http://i.imgur.com/Rn5JaLS.gif

I don't think Mikie can compete with those guys either :eek: :D

ChazWood
06-30-2014, 08:53 PM
I don't think Mikie can compete with those guys either :eek: :D
damn...

Karl_Hungus
06-30-2014, 09:31 PM
Chet's an *******. Anybody with a haircut like that got to be an *******.

Boy, I wouldn't give a squirt of piss for your @ss right now....

mikieson
06-30-2014, 09:52 PM
After this thread I'm so happy to have real friends and family in my life. I see once again how crude judgmental and horrible cyber people can be.."outside of a couple"..this thread started out as just goofing. But it let me see again that people here live in the past. Aren't you the same people that preach about not dwelling on the past? You complain about me why not look at yourselves..I'm going to assume you all are perfect and have never f#$ked up..

Oceanside
06-30-2014, 10:01 PM
After this thread I'm so happy to have real friends and family in my life. I see once again how crude judgmental and horrible cyber people can be.."outside of a couple"..this thread started out as just goofing. But it let me see again that people here live in the past. Aren't you the same people that preach about not dwelling on the past? You complain about me why not look at yourselves..I'm going to assume you all are perfect and have never f#$ked up..

it's whiney little posts like this that give all bicycle seat sniffing mongoloids a bad name.

cowboybiker
06-30-2014, 10:01 PM
I hope you're all happy with yourselves.

You hurt mikies feelers.

Old-Time-Lifter
06-30-2014, 10:04 PM
http://i.imgur.com/n286MM9.gif

That is the creepiest thing I have seen in ages.... thanks for the nightmare.

http://media1.giphy.com/media/ABJKEXSFneFHi/giphy.gif

mikieson
06-30-2014, 10:13 PM
it's whiney little posts like this that give all bicycle seat sniffing mongoloids a bad name.

Nothing whiney about the truth. And I guess that's all you can come up with..get bent cyber jerk

Oceanside
06-30-2014, 10:21 PM
Nothing whiney about the truth. And I guess that's all you can come up with..get bent cyber jerk

you got a find a way to blend...

with your background here, this constant need to call attention to yourself probably isn't gonna work for too long ...

at least not as long as there's assh*les like me around :)

so-tex
06-30-2014, 10:33 PM
no..

but he could have gotten to the point where he was close..

he kind of made his bed before he posted any vids

nobody really cared about a guy benching a little weight (not really impressive for his size) after he had just got through telling everyone here how fat his wife was and how unhappy he was being married to her...

someone also said he gloated about shooting dogs with a bb gun but I never personally saw that post or thread....

but hey..

this board did a great job of giving him props for being married for 20 years :)

You have a pretty good memory. When Mikie 1st came in here, he was a troll. He suddenly started posting some lifting vids and he became a celebrity of sorts.
Too bad he went Michael Jackson on us. :)

IronCharles
07-01-2014, 12:15 AM
Too bad he went Michael Jackson on us. :)

Just dawned on me...... "mikieson" is a contraction for Michael Jackson.








http://gifrific.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/mind-blown-classic.gif





















http://cdn.idesigntimes.com/data/images/full/2013/10/30/22564.jpg

GuyJin
07-01-2014, 12:30 AM
Nothing whiney about the truth. And I guess that's all you can come up with..get bent cyber jerk
---

Truth? Truth?

You can't handle the truth, you l'il beyotch.

Truth: You said you would shoot dogs. What kind of a sicko does that? Shooting defenseless animals. Sick.

Truth: You said you'd rather your sons go into the Army so you wouldn't have to pay for them. If that IS true, you shouldn't have had children in the first place.

Truth: You told us all about your marriage, the bad and the ugly. Maybe you were lying, maybe you were trolling for sympathy, or maybe you were just having fun with everyone here. Honestly, I don't know and I don't care. Using your family as leverage for pity greens and then coming back to say "Don't talk about my family" is hypocrisy personified. You put 'em out there, people are gonna comment.

Truth: Your man-crush on Michael Jackson was and is embarrassing. I recognize the guy was some kind of musical genius. I also recognize--to all intents and purposes--he had a real problem around young kids. That much is clear. If you can forgive that, fine. I can't.

Final truth: You want control of your life? Then take control. No one's gonna do it for you. You come in here saying you don't want to train, can't be bothered, offer up BS troll threads and then proceed to crap on others? Beyooooooootch! You got some real problems, homefry. I usually don't neg people, but you'll deserve every red I can dig up when the system allows me to.

Fishman15
07-01-2014, 05:16 AM
That is the creepiest thing I have seen in ages.... thanks for the nightmare.

http://media1.giphy.com/media/ABJKEXSFneFHi/giphy.gif


This^^^Chaz, that was uncalled for...:eek:

Fishman15
07-01-2014, 05:19 AM
Just dawned on me...... "mikieson" is a contraction for Michael Jackson.









http://gifrific.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/mind-blown-classic.gif





















http://cdn.idesigntimes.com/data/images/full/2013/10/30/22564.jpg


I think you are on to something. The MJ crush may be deeper than we ever imagined. Mikie prolly has special candles burning 24-7...

Nikonguy
07-01-2014, 07:12 AM
http://media1.giphy.com/media/ABJKEXSFneFHi/giphy.gif

Dafuk?

I can't stop laughing at this.



Not having children was the right call.

paolo59
07-01-2014, 07:32 AM
Dafuk?

I can't stop laughing at this.



Not having children was the right call.

LOL Poor little guy. I couldn't stop laughing either!

mikieson
07-01-2014, 10:30 AM
Nutin but..HO..to the..MOs in here.. Don't hate the player boys..

cowboybiker
07-01-2014, 02:16 PM
Don't hate the player boys..
Thought you were more of a spectator.

acrawlingchaos
07-01-2014, 02:26 PM
Nothing whiney about the truth. And I guess that's all you can come up with..get bent cyber jerkIf you're going to be an attention whore, why b*tch about the attention you get?

Isn't that what this is about... poking people around and rastling jim jams? Why so sensitive?

GuyJin
07-01-2014, 02:57 PM
[QUOTE=mikieson;1263897831I'm nutin but a beyotch...hate the player boys..[/QUOTE]
---

Fixed it for ya, you whiny little titty-man.
Go away. Seriously, just--go--away.

SP1966
07-01-2014, 03:11 PM
Nutin but..HO..to the..MOs in here.. Don't hate the player boys..

Damn, I'll bet nobody saw this coming. Oh, wait...

Oceanside
07-01-2014, 03:40 PM
Damn, I'll bet nobody saw this coming. Oh, wait...

no doubt...

it's like deja vu all over again..

he may be a self loathing retard but at least he's consistent :)

bodyhard
07-01-2014, 03:43 PM
no doubt...

it's like deja vu all over again..

he may be a self loathing retard but at least he's consistent :)

Consistency is key to all retards they have no choice in the matter...

Oceanside
07-01-2014, 03:51 PM
I swear to god every time I see mikie post I think of cameron diaz's little brother in the movie "there's something about mary" !

BankWalker
07-01-2014, 03:56 PM
I recall a Mikie thread from 2010. It was " My last post" thread. He lied. But it did spawn an epic chat thread called " NEXT". :D Keep being awesome Mikieson.

2nd_chance
07-01-2014, 04:11 PM
I walked from the living room to the bed room for a nap..I'll share my work out secrets if you want.Your thread is nothing but disrespect to those who actually lift.

Karl_Hungus
07-01-2014, 04:22 PM
I recall a Mikie thread from 2010. It was " My last post" thread. He lied. But it did spawn an epic chat thread called " NEXT". :D Keep being awesome Mikieson.

The NEXT thread was FAR stupider than anything Mikie could ever conjure.

cowboybiker
07-01-2014, 04:30 PM
The NEXT thread was FAR stupider than anything Mikie could ever conjure.
Sup Nexters?!?!?

pharmamarketer
07-01-2014, 04:30 PM
You are a funny bastard Mikie. Rustling Jimmies has become your new sport. LMAO.

How was the walk from living room to bedroom? Be careful of those DOMS.

That's what losers with no job and life do. They have nothing. To me they are what take up air and space.

mikieson
07-01-2014, 04:48 PM
You kids..so easy.. Jimmiesfiredup...lol..you all so captivated by my awesomeness you can't pull away..I love it.

so-tex
07-01-2014, 04:53 PM
You kids..so easy.. Jimmiesfiredup...lol..you all so captivated by my awesomeness you can't pull away..I love it.

Jimmies rustled? Nope, just talking about what a pathetic loser
you are. :)

cowboybiker
07-01-2014, 04:59 PM
You kids..so easy.. Jimmiesfiredup...lol..you all so captivated by my awesomeness you can't pull away..I love it.http://honda-tech.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=287083&d=1346972550

frozensparky
07-01-2014, 05:04 PM
You kids..so easy.. Jimmiesfiredup...lol..you all so captivated by my awesomeness you can't pull away..I love it.

Yup your the man mikie oh wait you forgot all about these ones where your jimmies were rustled.


Nothing whiney about the truth. And I guess that's all you can come up with..get bent cyber jerk


After this thread I'm so happy to have real friends and family in my life. I see once again how crude judgmental and horrible cyber people can be.."outside of a couple"..this thread started out as just goofing. But it let me see again that people here live in the past. Aren't you the same people that preach about not dwelling on the past? You complain about me why not look at yourselves..I'm going to assume you all are perfect and have never f#$ked up..


F@#! You dude..talking about kids isn't "standing the heat".. Attack me fine..talk of my family and my raising kids and workout all you want..it won't help


All of this is funny fine and dandy and I can take some mouthing and ass chewing..but you bring my kids into this and you can f@$% yourself..my kids have been raised..both graduated high school WITH HONORS and both starting college.. I might not workout and might have enemies here..but I f#$&n raised my kids well and was a h3ll of dad..play around with me..fine..but don't talk of my parenting or kids..

Geoff Richards
07-01-2014, 05:10 PM
so...................can we get mikieson and the asian binocular wearing soccer players all
on the treadmill at the same time ?

cowboybiker
07-01-2014, 05:14 PM
http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/375/421/fa3.gif

GuyJin
07-01-2014, 08:49 PM
OP's gone to pathetic land.

Seriously, Sonic-man, you ought to step away from the keyboard and reevaluate your pitiful excuse of a life. You've gone from semi-decent lifter--yeah, I saw your vids--to being an obnoxious little troll. I won't bring up the subject of your family or your wife--and I wonder if they know how you're behaving--because that isn't right. I will, however, sympathize with them having a sorry-ass excuse for a human being (and I'm being generous) like you in the same house.

I suggest you get help. Professional help. A lot of it.