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View Full Version : They're coming out of the woodwork...



beachguy498
06-27-2014, 07:09 AM
As many of you know, my wife Barbara passed away 2 weeks ago after losing her courageous battle with cancer. Just about everyone has been totally supportive, my SIL Donna who lives close has been amazing. Friends from around town drop by and or drop off food (had to tell them to stop) for me and my son. The idiots in the family have been instructed to stay away from me by a few people, without me asking them to do so. The amount of sympathy cards for Barbara are starting to taper off.

On Monday I get a phone call from my FIL, who I really do not like or have any respect for. There has been an undercurrent between us over the years and I had issues with his conduct in the past month or so. Others agree with me so I'm not imagining it. He wants a death certificate so he can take Barbara off his bank account, which I did not know they had a joint account. His gears are a bit stripped and he needs help with some things. He wants me to scan it and email it to him.

First off, the bank will want the OG one and they make a copy and stamp it for their records. On the advice of a banker whose opinion I trust, I was told not to email him a PDF copy of the death certificate. She also said that the bank should be dealing with me directly on this matter.

I really do not want a death certificate in the hands of my FIL, he really has no need to have it personally and its none of his business. I don't want the document floating around in case something happens to him, which is fairly likey at age 86. Also, technically the bank account may now belong to ME and my FIL.

So we're getting together on Sunday for my son's birthday and it should be interesting. He definitely will not be leaving with a death certificate, unless he wants one of his own.

On a more positive note, I've applied for a couple of life insurance claims and she Barbara may have had another policy at work. I'm going to meet with her financial advisor early next week to go over all her holdings. One of her coworkers is boxing up her personal things from her office, which I'll just put away for now, I can't even look at it. I have to look at our car insurance policy (all cars with loans are in her name) to see if there is a loan pay-out provision in case of her death. The same goes with our home owners policy, worth a look for sure. I got the cell phone account moved over to my name with some effort. I've canceled a number of her store credit card accounts. Her job back-dated her LTD claim a few months and I got the check already. These people have been a great help to me.

Next up is thank-you cards which I'll tackle with Donna tomorrow morning. I have to get the house back in order as well. I'm not ready to get Barbara's belongings together yet, but Donna and some friends offered their help, which I will take. I sleep in the bedroom sometimes, other times on the couch in the den. Yesterday would have been our 31st wedding anniversary.

latebloomingmom
06-27-2014, 07:16 AM
As many of you know, my wife Barbara passed away 2 weeks ago after losing her courageous battle with cancer. Just about everyone has been totally supportive, my SIL Donna who lives close has been amazing. Friends from around town drop by and or drop off food (had to tell them to stop) for me and my son. The idiots in the family have been instructed to stay away from me by a few people, without me asking them to do so. The amount of sympathy cards for Barbara are starting to taper off.

On Monday I get a phone call from my FIL, who I really do not like or have any respect for. There has been an undercurrent between us over the years and I had issues with his conduct in the past month or so. Others agree with me so I'm not imagining it. He wants a death certificate so he can take Barbara off his bank account, which I did not know they had a joint account. His gears are a bit stripped and he needs help with some things. He wants me to scan it and email it to him.

First off, the bank will want the OG one and they make a copy and stamp it for their records. On the advice of a banker whose opinion I trust, I was told not to email him a PDF copy of the death certificate. She also said that the bank should be dealing with me directly on this matter.

I really do not want a death certificate in the hands of my FIL, he really has no need to have it personally and its none of his business. I don't want the document floating around in case something happens to him, which is fairly likey at age 86. Also, technically the bank account may now belong to ME and my FIL.

So we're getting together on Sunday for my son's birthday and it should be interesting. He definitely will not be leaving with a death certificate, unless he wants one of his own.

On a more positive note, I've applied for a couple of life insurance claims and she Barbara may have had another policy at work. I'm going to meet with her financial advisor early next week to go over all her holdings. One of her coworkers is boxing up her personal things from her office, which I'll just put away for now, I can't even look at it. I have to look at our car insurance policy (all cars with loans are in her name) to see if there is a loan pay-out provision in case of her death. The same goes with our home owners policy, worth a look for sure. I got the cell phone account moved over to my name with some effort. I've canceled a number of her store credit card accounts. Her job back-dated her LTD claim a few months and I got the check already. These people have been a great help to me.

Next up is thank-you cards which I'll tackle with Donna tomorrow morning. I have to get the house back in order as well. I'm not ready to get Barbara's belongings together yet, but Donna and some friends offered their help, which I will take. I sleep in the bedroom sometimes, other times on the couch in the den. Yesterday would have been our 31st wedding anniversary.

it takes awhile to do all the paperwork but it sounds like its coming along so far :)

ya know I was thinking about this..and my father in law had a lady come to his house and clean it once a week
for oh six or seven months

until he was up to doing it himself again

beachguy498
06-27-2014, 08:19 AM
it takes awhile to do all the paperwork but it sounds like its coming along so far :)

ya know I was thinking about this..and my father in law had a lady come to his house and clean it once a week
for oh six or seven months until he was up to doing it himself again

Yeah, an ungodly amount of paperwork. I can leave the cars in her name until the registrations are up (I forged her sig on her Highlander renewal). I may be able to leave some of her investments in her name as well, but the advisor can help me with that. I have to apply for her SS burial $$ which is no more than beer money. I'll tackle the rest one thing at a time.

I really need a bigger gun safe before I can have anyone around in the house to help. I had to get a bigger safety deposit box to hold her jewelry.

I'm sure I can find someone local to come in every week or two. We had talked about doing the upstairs bathroom over for a while, I may go ahead with that. Towards the fall, I'm going to paint the bedroom, get new carpet and maybe new furniture, have to make it mine.

whatevergirl
06-27-2014, 08:44 AM
Hai Rob :)

Glad to see you have a good support group to help you sort out some of the legal things etc. Don't forget to relax, though. You've been going at full speed for a while now. Just be good to yourself. :o

Have a nice weekend.

bodyhard
06-27-2014, 08:58 AM
You are a better man than me that is for sure. I would be lost if my wife passed. I would not survive without her. Just the thought hurts my heart. God bless you man, wish the best for you.

danap3681
06-27-2014, 09:53 AM
I can imagine all of the paperwork and filing claims and dealing with the banks. I know my mom had a ton of stuff to do after my Daddy passed away.

I hope you are able to enjoy the party this weekend and I hope everyone behaves!

And good for you making plans to make changes around the house. You have to feel comfortable there and maybe it will help with your healing.

beachguy498
06-27-2014, 10:04 AM
Hai Rob :)

Glad to see you have a good support group to help you sort out some of the legal things etc. Don't forget to relax, though. You've been going at full speed for a while now. Just be good to yourself. :o

Have a nice weekend.

Having trouble with mult-quote.... Everyone has been good to me, our house was always the go-to house for everything. I'm back in the gym going slow for now. Trying to keep myself busy and dwell on good thoughts.

beachguy498
06-27-2014, 10:09 AM
You are a better man than me that is for sure. I would be lost if my wife passed. I would not survive without her. Just the thought hurts my heart. God bless you man, wish the best for you.

BH, if I could do it, you could do it. The toughest test of my life that's for sure. For the past 2 months I was her caregiver, I was the one who had to keep his s%it together for everyone. So I had some warning on what was going to ultimately happen. You are a great famly man blessed with a wonderful wife and you would have tons of support too. I just hope you have better luck than we did.

beachguy498
06-27-2014, 10:19 AM
I can imagine all of the paperwork and filing claims and dealing with the banks. I know my mom had a ton of stuff to do after my Daddy passed away.

I hope you are able to enjoy the party this weekend and I hope everyone behaves!

And good for you making plans to make changes around the house. You have to feel comfortable there and maybe it will help with your healing.

I have to have Donna go with me to the bank, but am waiting for some insurance checks. I'm able to write checks and some things come out automatically, so I'm getting by.

The party will be a first and will be emotional as hell. But I was the cook in the house and the kitchen was always mine. I'm comfortable in that setting. My FIL is the wild card... a real boor, horse's ass and did I mention he has no class? I'll put the old f&ck in his place if I have to, but so far I've been able to keep quiet about everything. I talked with one lady at work, I know her for a long time and she lost her husband a while back. She mentioned that the bank may freeze the account once they know about Barbara's death and he may have to settle up with me to a point. But that would be blood money although I have no issue with throwing some fear into the a$$hole for a bit.

We had talked about doing the upstairs bathroom over in the spring but everything blew up in my face. The other 2 in the house are in good shape and we can use those for a while. I really feel I need to change things up a bit to help me get past what I'm feeling now. Plus busy is good. I do something each and every day, small or big, it helps.

paolo59
06-27-2014, 11:00 AM
I've been out of pocket brother. Sorry for your loss. There is indeed a lot of paperwork and documentation that goes on.

beachguy498
06-27-2014, 12:11 PM
I've been out of pocket brother. Sorry for your loss. There is indeed a lot of paperwork and documentation that goes on.

Yeah, I just do what comes up and move onto the next thing as it arises. I'm making up a checklist of what I think has to be done, really the only way to do it.

Bando
06-27-2014, 03:38 PM
Do you know if she was a member of a credit union? They often have a small LI policy (like $1,000) that they give to all members. Sounds like you're being strong for the surviving family.

thomashenry
06-27-2014, 03:58 PM
Hi Rob, I am glad your doing as well as you can, there is no book or anything in this kind of stuff, do what YOU need to do, your not on anyone's schedule, take it as it comes man !----------In regards to the Auto Payment, if there is Life insurance it will be on the contract & she would have been paying for it in the payment already, or contact the dealer or whoever the loan is thru if you cannot find the contract ! anyways take it easy Brother