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beachguy498
05-29-2014, 04:16 AM
I haven't been around much this month, dealing with my wife and her cancer which has spread despite good treatment. Triage at Sloane Kettering suggested that she go to the local ER on 5/8 as she was in pain. So she was in there for 5 days and they put in a drain to take fluids off her abdominal cavity and put her on some strong pain medication which she didn't do well with. Any opiate pain killer makes her a zombie.

We tried taking care of her at home but it became too much for us to handle since she was in so much pain and weak in general. So back to a better ER on 5/22 via ambulance. This hospital took way better care of her than the previous one. I've gone back and forth with the palliative care coordinator and her oncologist and it seems that she's too weak to continue with any treatments right now.

I got a call late Saturday night from the hospital, they said her breathing had changed and I should come down right away. The nurse was talking about intubating her (which she would not want) and she'd maybe last a few days more. So I got everyone to come down on the spot, family, friends and my son in NJ was there in a few hours. In the next couple of days she has improved quite a bit. She also had a severe calcium imbalance which can be mistaken for chemo side effects. So she is still weak, but knows what's going on and her calcium levels are now normal. The hospital set us up with a good local hospice, which is not necessarily the last stop. Her oncologist is more than willing to continue treatment options if she's strong enough to tolerate them.

Definitely a sad time for family and friends, but she will be in good care and have us around all the time. Support has been great with her family staying with her during the day, I've taken time off from work. Her cronies are around all the time and also people she works with. We've applied for LTD through her job and have to round up a few items for the SSDI application.

Rob

paolo59
05-29-2014, 04:46 AM
You all are in my thoughts and prayers this morning.

jeffaus
05-29-2014, 04:49 AM
Very sorry to hear about this Rob. I can do nothing more than wish you, your wife, family and friends the very best. One of the reasons I went back to Aus a few weeks ago, was to see my 36 y.o niece who has stage 4 cervical cancer. She is hanging in there, she is so tough and I know she is only hanging tough for her 6 kids and the family. Her husband has had to give up work to take care of her and things at home. Its an awful disease. Hang in there Rob.

pvsampson
05-29-2014, 04:56 AM
Thoughts are with you and your family,Rob.

ajdahlheimer
05-29-2014, 05:03 AM
I'm thinking about you/your wife, bro. I still appreciate you sharing details of your story via PM's with me a while back and have not forgotten about it. Prayers for your family.

whatevergirl
05-29-2014, 05:18 AM
I'm so deeply sorry to hear this. I wish I could help in some way. Your wife is in my thoughts, as are you and your family.

JRT6
05-29-2014, 05:31 AM
****ing sucks.

deadwoodgregg
05-29-2014, 05:45 AM
So sad, prayers going up for you and your family.

SugarFree1
05-29-2014, 05:45 AM
Rob so sorry for the troubles you and your family are all having. Be there for the wife as much as you can buddy.

poundXpound
05-29-2014, 05:50 AM
Sending positive thoughts....

Jsf721
05-29-2014, 05:53 AM
Hey Rob, I am very sorry for what you are dealing with and I just went through this with my mother not to long ago. I am not to far from you on LI. I have type O blood, and if you need any blood I would be happy to donate for your wife, or to the hospital for your wife. Married 23+ years and loyal so the blood is good and Clean. Just some Clear Muscle, BCAA, PWO and Dymatize ISO 100 floating around in there.

You guys are in my thoughts and prayers and I wish you the strength to deal with this in the best way possible !

GuyJin
05-29-2014, 05:59 AM
Sorry to hear this. I watched my father go from cancer and it was terrible for me, even worse for my mother. I cannot imagine how you must be feeling, so I will just offer my best wishes to you and to your wife.

theKurp
05-29-2014, 06:12 AM
Words from a complete stranger seem so inadequate at a time like this, but I'll write them anyway. I'm terribly sorry for everything you and the family are going through and may the strength of a thousand men carry you through this to happier times. Take care.

beachguy498
05-29-2014, 06:12 AM
Thanks all. And also for the offer of blood, which I doubt she will be needing.

This is incredibly tough on everyone and we had to make some tough decisions, but all have worked out for the good. The type of cancer she has, there is nothing good about it and the cancer always wins. It doesn't run in her family, she was as healthy as could be for as long as I knew her. We all drink the same water, there is nothing like this going on in the area with others, so it comes as quite a shock.

Yesterday I formally protested her being released from the hospital, which buys her a day or so to get into the hospice that is close to us. The doctor on staff was ready to send her HOME in that condition, just boggles the mind and questions the decency of humanity in general.

Rob

TubbyDad
05-29-2014, 06:13 AM
So sorry to hear this. Your family is in my thoughts.

Brdprey
05-29-2014, 06:20 AM
we will keep you in our thoughts and prayers. stay strong.

latebloomingmom
05-29-2014, 06:46 AM
when my mom was in her last stages of cancer I was 24 with a new baby at home
and trying to do the drive back and forth each day to be there with her
when the hospice nurse came into help I thought "who the hell is this woman coming into my mother's house...just another nurse gonna poke her poor collapsed veins with more needles and move her around when it hurts her"
but I was wrong.
This woman was so gentle and compassionate and watched over my mother like a hawk. She watched over me too..talked to me about what signs to look for and let me know it was time to make the preparations that had to be made.
I hope that your wife gets the same kind of loving care that my mother had in this time of need.

GreenWave1
05-29-2014, 07:03 AM
Prayers for you and yours. Very tough time.

Phattso
05-29-2014, 07:19 AM
Prayers for you and your family, Rob.

frozensparky
05-29-2014, 07:25 AM
Very sorry to hear Rob. Heartfelt prayers for you and your family

beachguy498
05-29-2014, 08:11 AM
when my mom was in her last stages of cancer I was 24 with a new baby at home
and trying to do the drive back and forth each day to be there with her when the hospice nurse came into help I thought "who the hell is this woman coming into my mother's house...just another nurse gonna poke her poor collapsed veins with more needles and move her around when it hurts her" but I was wrong.

This woman was so gentle and compassionate and watched over my mother like a hawk. She watched over me too..talked to me about what signs to look for and let me know it was time to make the preparations that had to be made. I hope that your wife gets the same kind of loving care that my mother had in this time of need.

I'm fortunate that Barbara's one brother is retired and her sister has the summer off from her teaching job. So they've been an enormous help to all of us. Her brother did all the SSDI and LTD paperwork. Her job has been amazingly supportative as well. And her friends are always there. My job is also doing all they can do for me.

Everything I hear first-hand about the facility she's going to has been excellent. I was on the phone earlier with my health insurance to make sure everything was in place for the move.

Rob

Old-Time-Lifter
05-29-2014, 08:15 AM
Very, very sad to read this today. :(

Prayers for comfort for all concerned and prayers for the medical staff as they care for you all.

latebloomingmom
05-29-2014, 10:41 AM
I'm fortunate that Barbara's one brother is retired and her sister has the summer off from her teaching job. So they've been an enormous help to all of us. Her brother did all the SSDI and LTD paperwork. Her job has been amazingly supportative as well. And her friends are always there. My job is also doing all they can do for me.

Everything I hear first-hand about the facility she's going to has been excellent. I was on the phone earlier with my health insurance to make sure everything was in place for the move.

RobI am relieved to hear she has family support and friends that are there for her
so many ( even family) shy away from someone as soon as word CANCER is heard
I know you are doing all you can and working at your job on top of it
so I am going to remind you
that it is OK to take just a moment or two now and then for yourself

you have to take care of the caretaker too
:)

lynore
05-29-2014, 12:36 PM
So very sad to hear about your wife. Good to hear you have family support and an excellent facility to provide care.

I had to put my father in Hospice care and it was a very difficult time for our family.

Praying for you and your family. God bless

beachguy498
05-29-2014, 12:37 PM
I am relieved to hear she has family support and friends that are there for her so many (even family) shy away from someone as soon as word CANCER is heard I know you are doing all you can and working at your job on top of it so I am going to remind you that it is OK to take just a moment or two now and then for yourself

you have to take care of the caretaker too:)

You are so right. I haven't been in the gym for 3 weeks, but may go once she's parked somewhere safe and I know I can rest up. The big thing now is catching up on sleep. I have been up a couple of times in the 32-36 hour range with zero sleep.

Like I said, family and friends are around all the time. They force me to go home and get something to eat and rest. I challenged her release from the hospital the other day, I was hoping to get her into a hospital where her oncologist has an office, but it will still give us time to get her into the preferred hospice. We have people working on it from the inside so she's next up for a bed.

Rob

JRT6
05-29-2014, 12:52 PM
If there's one thing I learned about resilience is you have to take care of yourself first before you can help others. If not you won't be able to give them your all.

thomashenry
05-29-2014, 01:02 PM
I am so sorry to hear your Wife is going through this, if you ever need anything & I can help, please let me know, Prayers for your Family ! Tom

ExtinctionOG
05-29-2014, 01:05 PM
Man I seriously ****ing hate cancer... why does that **** have to exist. Either way, best of luck to all of you brah..

bodyhard
05-29-2014, 01:27 PM
May God bless her and your family..

My prayers are with you and your family.

Big_Sky_Guy
05-29-2014, 01:45 PM
Prayers from our family

Wayne Evans
05-29-2014, 02:00 PM
her cancer which has spread despite good treatment. Definitely a sad time for family and friends, Rob

Terribly sad situation.
I empathize and can relate (wife's cancer long ago) to the grief and uncertainty all are going through.
I can only echo previous posts and wish all strength through this pensive time.

Sincerely.....

IrRon
05-29-2014, 04:29 PM
Words from a complete stranger seem so inadequate at a time like this, but I'll write them anyway. I'm terribly sorry for everything you and the family are going through and may the strength of a thousand men carry you through this to happier times. Take care.

^^^...you and your wife will be in my thoughts.

so-tex
05-29-2014, 04:38 PM
Good lord, I just saw this thread. Prayers ascending for you, your wife and family/friends.

mcbourque
05-29-2014, 04:57 PM
I am so sorry. My thoughts and prayer to you and your family, Rob.

Fishman15
05-29-2014, 06:59 PM
Wow, this is so sad. Continue being strong for her and may God help you all through this difficult time....

MiamiSpartan
05-29-2014, 08:03 PM
Oh my God...I am so sorry to hear this! Thoughts and prayers to her and to you and your family.....
:(

pharmamarketer
05-29-2014, 08:08 PM
Sorry bud. I don't have much else to say. I can't imagine what you are going thru. Stay strong

Bando
05-29-2014, 08:10 PM
the cancer always wins

My prayers were that you and the docs are wrong, stay strong Brother.

latebloomingmom
05-29-2014, 08:15 PM
You are so right. I haven't been in the gym for 3 weeks, but may go once she's parked somewhere safe and I know I can rest up. The big thing now is catching up on sleep. I have been up a couple of times in the 32-36 hour range with zero sleep.

Like I said, family and friends are around all the time. They force me to go home and get something to eat and rest. I challenged her release from the hospital the other day, I was hoping to get her into a hospital where her oncologist has an office, but it will still give us time to get her into the preferred hospice. We have people working on it from the inside so she's next up for a bed.

Robwell I hope a bed opens up very soon for her then
and gym time ...well its good for body and soul
but eating and sleeping are needed too
or a walk in the park
or just looking up at the sky
or seeing kids play
sometimes the very best you can do
is just trying to maintain some semblance of normalcy
and not running stark raving mad down the streets
I know you are her rock
and her strength
and you are tying to keep it all together for her sake
but please remember that you matter too
and be nice to yourself

so-tex
05-29-2014, 08:26 PM
My prayers were that you and the docs are wrongMe too.


well I hope a bed opens up very soon for her then
and gym time ...well its good for body and soul
but eating and sleeping are needed too
or a walk in the park
or just looking up at the sky
or seeing kids play
sometimes the very best you can do
is just trying to maintain some semblance of normalcy
and not running stark raving mad down the streets
I know you are her rock
and her strength
and you are tying to keep it all together for her sake
but please remember that you matter too
and be nice to yourselfBeautiful and uplifting.

Lou1se
05-29-2014, 09:50 PM
My thoughts and prayers are with you. I'm glad to hear of all the wonderful support you both are receiving from family friends and of course the Hospice carers. God bless.

paolo59
05-29-2014, 10:08 PM
I don't know how we get through these things. :( But we do. And the more trying, the more it taxes and hurts, the more we realize that we can get through just about anything! I don't know if it's the love and concern that we feel from those around us, family, friends, loved ones, or just the simple fact that we've got to be pulled through the 'knot-hole' backwards several times in our life. For whatever it's worth, from folks who don't even really know you...may God give you strength, peace, the where-with-all to get through what is yours to get through. He always does! Blessings upon you and yours!

SteveWright1
05-30-2014, 05:11 AM
very sad to have read this Rob

never sure what to say on situations like this, so tend to avoid them for that reason
but saying little is better than saying nothing I suppose

so prayers in the direction of you and your family at this very unhappy time of your lives

beachguy498
05-30-2014, 07:16 AM
Again, thanks to all for the support, it means a lot to me.

I went to work again today to keep things going at work and to take my mind off the situation a bit. Her family is with her every morning and they stay well into the afternoon. I slept in her room last night for a few hours in a chair (not comfy...). She wanted me to stay a while.

Good news, she has a bed in that hospice we all wanted her to go into. I hear nothing but great things about the place from people that have had family in there. I'm waiting on word when she'll be moved, but expect it to be in the early afternoon at earliest. So one hurdle at a time and this move will help everyone a ton.

Firminator4
05-30-2014, 07:32 AM
So sorry to read this. Many of us have been where you are right now. Sounds like you are doing everything possible to help her along the way. Praying for her, you and all who know and love her.

Peace,
Firm

Lou1se
05-30-2014, 08:11 AM
Again, thanks to all for the support, it means a lot to me.

I went to work again today to keep things going at work and to take my mind off the situation a bit. Her family is with her every morning and they stay well into the afternoon. I slept in her room last night for a few hours in a chair (not comfy...). She wanted me to stay a while.

Good news, she has a bed in that hospice we all wanted her to go into. I hear nothing but great things about the place from people that have had family in there. I'm waiting on word when she'll be moved, but expect it to be in the early afternoon at earliest. So one hurdle at a time and this move will help everyone a ton.

You must be exhausted BG.

And that is great news about your wife getting a bed at the hospice.

You are all in my prayers.

Frnkd
05-30-2014, 08:47 AM
Hoping for the best, whatever that may be.
Prayers for your wife and family.

latebloomingmom
05-30-2014, 09:42 AM
You must be exhausted BG.

And that is great news about your wife getting a bed at the hospice.

You are all in my prayers.I agree :)

DocHoss
05-30-2014, 05:13 PM
Prayers for you and your family. I know how rough this is for you all.

rwells81
05-30-2014, 05:24 PM
So very sorry to hear this. Thoughts are with you and may you receive my prayers.

yogachic52
05-30-2014, 05:27 PM
My heart aches for you and yours.....prayers for you all on this journey

DaddyJax
05-30-2014, 05:35 PM
Stay strong and keep her close. I have been down this road far to many times and I can tell you that your strength will be contagious. My thoughts are for you and your wife.

cowboybiker
05-30-2014, 05:46 PM
Sorry to hear this.
I cant imagine what you must be going through.

Thoughts and prayers for you.

Brackneyc
05-30-2014, 08:29 PM
...

UnaChispita
05-30-2014, 09:18 PM
Praying for wife and your family.

God bless.

kimm4
05-31-2014, 08:57 AM
So sorry to read this. Thoughts go out to you and your family.

beachguy498
06-01-2014, 04:19 AM
The hospice move went well for Barbara and it looks like a nice place. All the staff has been incredible. She's doing better, more awake, talking a lot more that she has in the past few weeks. She's eating more things an she knows that will give her strength. Of course people are there all the time, family and friends.

I had an incident with her father, he loves to pry into things that aren't his business like the folder of papers I signed when she was admitted. So I had to take that away from him. He thinks that he's a doctor (he used to own a pharmacy, was never a pharmacist though..) and grills nurses on medications, which they can't answer since I'm the HC proxy. He does these things to make himself look smarter or whatever. He's a very selfish man. I saw the same thing when my MIL was in her final days in late 2011 and it irked me at the time.

Other than that, 1 day at a time. At the hospital, I was told that she may last a matter of weeks, one nurse at hospice told me that it may be less than that. But last Saturday at the hospital, she was given a few days at best and she bounced back from that.

Thanks again for the prayers and well wishes.

Rob

latebloomingmom
06-01-2014, 05:49 AM
two memories stand out in my mind..ok three
the day I walked down the aisle as a young bride and saw that look on my husband's face as he stood waiting for me
the day my sons were born
the time I spent with my mom at the end

yes that time was hard on me to see someone who was the center of my world get weaker each day
I hated the helplessness...did a lot of bargaining with God...shaking my fist at the heavens one minute
hanging my head in shame the next..scared out of my mind ...
not knowing how I would be able to face my life without this woman in it

how would I raise my children if they do not know her?
who would remind me of who I am and tell me silly stories about my childhood?
who would kick me in the butt when I am being bullheaded
or tell me I am doing a good job as a new mother on the days when I feel like I have done nothing right

but those moments at the end...all the stupid arguments we ever had just faded away
it no longer became about me
but only about her
her comfort..when she was awake and wanted to talk I listened
when she didnt want to talk
then I would read to her or tell her silly stories from my childhood
when she slept I watched over her
watched her breathe in and out and in and out
when I could not control my emotion I went into the kitchen and looked out window
so it wasnt in front of her

it is only now looking back on that time
that I can see from a long distance
as if thru a telescopic lense..
that I did what I had to do
because it was asked of me
by this woman who bore me
and there is no shame in me now
because I stood by her side
and did what was right


this is what you are doing
and anyone who has stood by the side of a loved one
knows what you are feeling right now
so just know that some of us...do understand

whatevergirl
06-01-2014, 06:36 AM
The hospice move went well for Barbara and it looks like a nice place. All the staff has been incredible. She's doing better, more awake, talking a lot more that she has in the past few weeks. She's eating more things an she knows that will give her strength. Of course people are there all the time, family and friends.

I had an incident with her father, he loves to pry into things that aren't his business like the folder of papers I signed when she was admitted. So I had to take that away from him. He thinks that he's a doctor (he used to own a pharmacy, was never a pharmacist though..) and grills nurses on medications, which they can't answer since I'm the HC proxy. He does these things to make himself look smarter or whatever. He's a very selfish man. I saw the same thing when my MIL was in her final days in late 2011 and it irked me at the time.

Other than that, 1 day at a time. At the hospital, I was told that she may last a matter of weeks, one nurse at hospice told me that it may be less than that. But last Saturday at the hospital, she was given a few days at best and she bounced back from that.

Thanks again for the prayers and well wishes.

Rob

Thank you for this update...keeping her, you, your families in my thoughts. This has to be hard for her dad. I'm sorry you're all having to go through it. I'm happy to hear that the hospice situation is working out, and that's great about the staff.

ChazWood
06-01-2014, 08:10 AM
Glad to hear that the move went well and she's doing better. I'm sure the constant presence of family & friends is very comforting.

Hang in there Rob.

philipj
06-01-2014, 09:42 AM
Your wife and you were on our prayer list at Sunday Mass this morning.

superman713
06-01-2014, 08:06 PM
So sorry to read this Rob. Prayers going out to you and your wife, family and friends. Wish there were more than words we could offer but I'm sure you know you have the strength of prayer and support from us all... God Bless and may he enter your heart and guide you through.

Lou1se
06-02-2014, 12:52 AM
The hospice move went well for Barbara and it looks like a nice place. All the staff has been incredible. She's doing better, more awake, talking a lot more that she has in the past few weeks. She's eating more things an she knows that will give her strength. Of course people are there all the time, family and friends.

I had an incident with her father, he loves to pry into things that aren't his business like the folder of papers I signed when she was admitted. So I had to take that away from him. He thinks that he's a doctor (he used to own a pharmacy, was never a pharmacist though..) and grills nurses on medications, which they can't answer since I'm the HC proxy. He does these things to make himself look smarter or whatever. He's a very selfish man. I saw the same thing when my MIL was in her final days in late 2011 and it irked me at the time.

Other than that, 1 day at a time. At the hospital, I was told that she may last a matter of weeks, one nurse at hospice told me that it may be less than that. But last Saturday at the hospital, she was given a few days at best and she bounced back from that.

Thanks again for the prayers and well wishes.

Rob

This incident or series of incidents with your FIL strongly resembles what we went through with my SIL. Her behaviour and tendency to create drama was not in the best interest of her brother who was terminally ill at the time. He had at one time expressed angrily to me how disruptive she was and questioned to who's benefit her actions were serving at the time. She showed a total lack of respect to him and his wife's wishes. I felt uncomfortable and shocked she could behave in this manner. She behaved in a similar fashion when my hubby(her brother) was suddenly rushed off to hospital some years ago.

All that matters is to be surrounded by love in a peaceful and respectful atmosphere. You both deserve that much.

beachguy498
06-02-2014, 03:53 AM
Thanks again everyone. My wife is doing a little better each day since she was moved on Friday. She's more awake, alert, talking and laughing. Her godmother came to see her, this lady has a stroke some years back and her daughter brought her over, that was really nice.

The FIL thing is nothing new, I just don't understand why someone needs to be the constant center of attention even in grave situations. Then my sister (aka the grim reaper) has my semi-estranged brother come up from Virginia with his insane wife. They visited for a couple of hours on Saturday, were supposed to come back yesterday but they didn't. Just as well.

My sister got tagged as the grim reaper years back. She rarely calls us, but when she does, she is 99.9% assured to be delivering bad news. I even ask her "so, who died?" when I answer her calls.

Rob

mslman71
06-02-2014, 10:47 AM
Rob, didn't catch this thread until today as I don't come here too often anymore. I'm sorry for the suffering and my thoughts are with you guys.



The FIL thing is nothing new, I just don't understand why someone needs to be the constant center of attention even in grave situations.

It might be his way of trying to maintain some type of control over a situation that can't be controlled.

beachguy498
06-02-2014, 12:01 PM
Rob, didn't catch this thread until today as I don't come here too often anymore. I'm sorry for the suffering and my thoughts are with you guys.

It might be his way of trying to maintain some type of control over a situation that can't be controlled.

Thanks, did I mention that the guy is a control freak as well? He was at my house for the August 2003 blackout and he came as close as coming to a meltdown as I've ever seen, it was due to him not being in control of things.

All of us here are pretty well stressed right about now and I'm low on patience with a few people. My one SIL has been great though by reading the ground rules to the grim reaper and her 1/4-wit of a husband. There are some things that you simply should not say and they come out with it.

Rob

WonderPug
06-03-2014, 12:17 AM
I just read every post in this thread.

Rob, you, your wife and your entire family are in my thoughts (well, at least the ones that aren't making life even more challenging for you).

There are never words that seem appropriate in situations of this sort, but in my heart I sense that your wife is very lucky as she spend many years with you and you're very blessed for the years that you've spent with her. And at this instant, I hope you can enjoy the moment together and, basically, just live in this moment and then the next and the next, not thinking forward and not dwelling on anything in the past but for the best of memories.

Steve...

hmmmm16417
06-03-2014, 01:30 AM
wish all the best to you and your family during this time of pain. Went through a similar situation with my father about 6 years ago.

Old-Time-Lifter
06-03-2014, 06:07 AM
Thanks again everyone. My wife is doing a little better each day since she was moved on Friday. She's more awake, alert, talking and laughing. Her godmother came to see her, this lady has a stroke some years back and her daughter brought her over, that was really nice.


Rob

Glad to hear. Hope this trend continues for you all.

beachguy498
06-03-2014, 07:58 AM
Glad to hear. Hope this trend continues for you all.

Thanks, the whole deal has been up and down since 5/16 or so. Yesterday she was better in the day and slept late in the afternoon on until I left about 9. Since 5/24 we've heard she has anywhere from 2 days to 3 weeks to last. I work close by so I pop in for lunch and go right after work to stay for a while. My son is in town for a few days which is also a big help. He cooks while I stay with her in the evenings.

The amount of local support has been wonderful, family friends and people at work. One of her ex-bosses called me yesterday from California wishing her well. Her job did some creative bookkeeping so she got full paychecks for as long as possible. It looks like her LTD claim is going through finally. Her brother (retired) did most of the work on that.

Rob

VictoryWon4Him
06-03-2014, 08:13 AM
Thank you for sharing this with us all. It's wonderful to hear that you're getting so much support to help you and your fam through this time. What a blessing to hear so many positives despite the many negatives that are always around us. We'll also be sure to lift you and your family up in prayer for continued support.

TacoTommy11
06-03-2014, 10:58 AM
Sorry to hear the news...I hope she is in the least pain possible. Hugz for wife, you, and family...

o0o0
06-03-2014, 11:01 AM
So sorry to hear. Thoughts are with you and your family.

ajdahlheimer
06-03-2014, 11:06 AM
Thank you for sharing this with us all.

This. I hope posting these updates is somewhat therapeutic for you. A lot of us are thinking about her and appreciate them.

beachguy498
06-04-2014, 04:04 AM
This. I hope posting these updates is somewhat therapeutic for you. A lot of us are thinking about her and appreciate them.

I'm slowly coming to terms with everything and I do need an outlet. Plus it may help someone else here. But the strain is obvious and everyone tells me I'm doing surprisingly well considering by making the right decisions all along.

Her family has been a tad difficult and a few of them are coming apart at the seams. MY SIL grabs me at hospice the other day, very upset. It seems that her father (who is rapidly becoming the top seed for the POS of 2014..) has directed the nurse to give her pain medication every 6 hours and my SIL wanted me to change it back to what it was after she left. First off, nobody outside of the doctor can issue such a change and she gets pain medication whenever she needs it. The nurse was just yessing the old guy to keep him quiet. She made me promise not to talk to the old man about it, but I did ask my BIL to talk to him today.

Rob

latebloomingmom
06-04-2014, 04:06 AM
I'm slowly coming to terms with everything and I do need an outlet. Plus it may help someone else here. But the strain is obvious and everyone tells me I'm doing surprisingly well considering by making the right decisions all along.

Her family has been a tad difficult and a few of them are coming apart at the seams. MY SIL grabs me at hospice the other day, very upset. It seems that her father (who is rapidly becoming the top seed for the POS of 2014..) has directed the nurse to give her pain medication every 6 hours and my SIL wanted me to change it back to what it was after she left. First off, nobody outside of the doctor can issue such a change and she gets pain medication whenever she needs it. The nurse was just yessing the old guy to keep him quiet. She made me promise not to talk to the old man about it, but I did ask my BIL to talk to him today.

Robthank god that man has no authority...what kind of jack azz wants to limit someone's pain meds when they are in pain????????
cruel ignorant summa bitch

GoatNapper
06-04-2014, 04:07 AM
sorry to hear this brother, glad she has support and let these last moments with her be the best for both of you! my grandfather died of pancreatic cancer and before he died he said he was the happiest he had ever been and that because of me getting him up and making him do stuff he could say he finally lived.....your im my thoughts and prayers, stay strong!

beachguy498
06-04-2014, 05:12 AM
thank god that man has no authority...what kind of jack azz wants to limit someone's pain meds when they are in pain????????
cruel ignorant summa bitch

The thing is that this guy used to own a pharmacy, but was never a pharmacist himself, and this was 30 years ago. He treated my MIL like a dog, even on her deathbed. I tend to measure a man by how he treats his wife. It was always all about him, anything that comes out of his mouth was for his benefit alone, to make himself look smarter or "look, pay attention to ME.".

When Barbara got out of the hospital last week, all of her medication requirements went over to hospice and nobody but me should be talking to the nurses or anyone else regarding medications. The reality is that she can have pain medication every 3 hours or more often, which my FIL didn't know, but its hard to hear when you flap your gums 23.5 hours a day.

But in the interest of patient comfort I don't think that the staff really wants to cut the guy off at the knees in front of her. When all is said and done, I don't HAVE to deal with this boor any longer.

Rob

beachguy498
06-04-2014, 05:14 AM
sorry to hear this brother, glad she has support and let these last moments with her be the best for both of you! my grandfather died of pancreatic cancer and before he died he said he was the happiest he had ever been and that because of me getting him up and making him do stuff he could say he finally lived.....your im my thoughts and prayers, stay strong!

Thank you. Nobody can really relate unless you've been there yourself and you are to be commended for your efforts with your grandfather, I'm sure he appreciated it.

Rob

latebloomingmom
06-04-2014, 05:16 AM
The thing is that this guy used to own a pharmacy, but was never a pharmacist himself, and this was 30 years ago. He treated my MIL like a dog, even on her deathbed. I tend to measure a man by how he treats his wife. It was always all about him, anything that comes out of his mouth was for his benefit alone, to make himself look smarter or "look, pay attention to ME.".

When Barbara got out of the hospital last week, all of her medication requirements went over to hospice and nobody but me should be talking to the nurses or anyone else regarding medications. The reality is that she can have pain medication every 3 hours or more often, which my FIL didn't know, but its hard to hear when you flap your gums 23.5 hours a day.

But in the interest of patient comfort I don't think that the staff really wants to cut the guy off at the knees in front of her. When all is said and done, I don't HAVE to deal with this boor any longer.

Robwhat an azzhole

beachguy498
06-04-2014, 05:41 AM
what an azzhole

This has been building for years, nothing really new, just too close to home to ignore it right now. I hope my BIL is able to tell him how I feel about the situation. Everyone in my family sees it and they're behind me all the way.

beachguy498
06-05-2014, 09:07 AM
Me and my son were leaving hospice at about 9:30 last night, the nurses were going in to do a couple of things and get my wife ready for sleep. We almost literally ran into a man dressed up in a dark suit who was wheeling in a stretcher in the hallway. I nod and walk past, my son asks me, was that the grim reaper (not my sister in this case...) and I said yes. They're actually known as collectors.

I imagine they get called in to pick up when things quiet down a bit for the day. I told my son there should be a van or hearse parked outside. Not in front of the main building but I did see an SUV parked backed in at a service entrance close by. I've seen a few residents coming, but never any going until then.

Rob

ajdahlheimer
06-05-2014, 10:00 AM
Hang in there, buddy. I can't imagine what you're going through.

beachguy498
06-05-2014, 10:40 AM
Hang in there, buddy. I can't imagine what you're going through.

I'm starting to notice little things that go on there. For every new resident that comes in, one has to be exiting and very few ever leave under their own power. I do talk to the nurses when I go to work and can't be there. As her condition deteriorates, I'll be there more and more. I'm off tomorrow and the weekend is almost upon us.

StressMonkey
06-08-2014, 12:31 PM
I can't imagine this. Sorry you're going through it. I've dealt with hospice for relatives of mine and they were amazing. It gave me a little comfort seeing them in good hands.

JRT6
06-08-2014, 01:32 PM
Not to make this thread about anyone else but when my nephew died a few months ago my MIL and SIL we're AWOL the whole two year period he was dying. They showed up the night before the funeral and my MOL was back on the plane to Fla hours after the funeral. They both pulled the same **** when my wife has cancer and to her, her mother had totally abandoned her. I don't hate them but I have nothing for them in my soul as I see the pain they cause almost every day.

beachguy498
06-09-2014, 03:57 AM
Not to make this thread about anyone else but when my nephew died a few months ago my MIL and SIL we're AWOL the whole two year period he was dying. They showed up the night before the funeral and my MOL was back on the plane to Fla hours after the funeral. They both pulled the same **** when my wife has cancer and to her, her mother had totally abandoned her. I don't hate them but I have nothing for them in my soul as I see the pain they cause almost every day.

People deal with it in different ways, or don't deal with it. I had to rethink my FIL's behavior in the last few days and have to cut him some slack. Worse for him to lose a daughter than it is for me to lose a wife. But the way everyone has pulled together is amazing. Some people are around more than others, but there are always people around her. I get out of hospice very late at night, sometimes I have to force myself to go home and get some rest or do something normal.

Georgeoz
06-09-2014, 10:30 PM
People deal with it in different ways, or don't deal with it. I had to rethink my FIL's behavior in the last few days and have to cut him some slack. Worse for him to lose a daughter than it is for me to lose a wife. But the way everyone has pulled together is amazing. Some people are around more than others, but there are always people around her. I get out of hospice very late at night, sometimes I have to force myself to go home and get some rest or do something normal.


You have to love yourself. Until your wife actually dies, it will not be too bad, and it will not be too bad for a while after that, and lots of business to attend to.
But six months on and you need to be prepared. It was about then that the loss of my two sons and then my wife, that it hit in, each time.

Those of us who workout regularly come to really appreciate what having done so does for us in sad and difficult times. So, as I said, love yourself and stay as fit as you can find the time to do.

UnaChispita
06-10-2014, 02:38 AM
I am so sorry, dear man. Praying for you and your family. God bless.

beachguy498
06-10-2014, 04:00 AM
I am so sorry, dear man. Praying for you and your family. God bless.

Thanks all. We're hanging in there, the kids know what's going on exactly and I had to reaffirm that they know what comes next. Her brother (his wife had her mother in the same facility a few years back) was under some impression that Barbara was coming home at the 2-week mark and was concerned at how we would care for her at home.

I know he has had an onset of some form of dementia for years but has been holding it all together quite well all along, but it took me back a bit. On a good note, word has been spreading through her college friends and people are dropping in from all over.

NYTBlair359
06-10-2014, 11:10 AM
Very Sorry to hear about this. I did hospice with both my parents. It will change you. A positive out of all this is that your loved one isn't dying alone. He / She is surrounded by loved ones. Take care and god bless you during this time.