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View Full Version : My friend killed himself...in his car...infront of a church



Dencio
05-02-2014, 02:20 PM
Im still trying to figure this out...
We hung out with some other friend past Saturday and he was laughing his head off...enjoying.Singing songs...drinking tequila...
Talking about the basketball game enthusiastically.(Wizards)
He left behind 2 sons...graduating this year.
A wife and home...plus he has another property fully paid...
I always admired how simple his ways and outlook was on life in general and other small things...
I looked up to him...thought this was a guy who got it all figured out.
I guess I was wrong. He left his cellphone in the office and just left...

He also died in the car that he used to pick me and my friend up...

I guess I will find out tomorrow "WHY" when I go to his wake....

so-tex
05-02-2014, 02:32 PM
Oh man! Sorry to hear this. :( Prayers for you and the family.

MiklaDfar
05-02-2014, 02:40 PM
Oh wow! Not sure what to say, that is some tough news dude. My thoughts to his family and friends like you.

UnaChispita
05-02-2014, 03:00 PM
I'm so sorry!

bodyhard
05-02-2014, 03:13 PM
I had a close friend (Lou) who took his life last year and I will never know why, he had everything...

Don't try and figure this out it is going to kill you inside.

paolo59
05-02-2014, 03:32 PM
I'm so sorry to hear. Your heart breaks for his family, those boys. Suicide is something you'll never understand! :(

djflex
05-02-2014, 04:45 PM
Very sorry to hear this

latebloomingmom
05-02-2014, 04:54 PM
some people are very good at pretending on the outside and hiding the anguish they may be feeling on the inside.
suicide is very hard on the loved ones left behind because you did not see it coming and did not get to try to do anything about it or say good bye.

it is not your job to figure it out..he is the only one who knows why

I am very sorry for the loss of your friend

louieyarbro
05-02-2014, 04:59 PM
Very sorry. That is heartbreaking.

baker
05-02-2014, 05:11 PM
RIP. Sorry to hear about your friend.

mcbourque
05-02-2014, 05:43 PM
I am so sorry for your loss. That is very sad.

CaptChip40
05-02-2014, 06:13 PM
sorry for your loss.

frozensparky
05-02-2014, 08:04 PM
Went thru something similar last year. Sorry for your loss. The only advice I can give (not knowing the whole story) is to try not getting caught up looking for a reason or for someone to blame. All too often people want someone to point the finger at because they don't understand why. Remember your friend for all the good and help others grieve.

EDIT: accidentally added the happy face.

cowboybiker
05-02-2014, 08:09 PM
Sorry for your loss.

paolo59
05-02-2014, 11:41 PM
How well did you know your friend? How well did you know those boys? They're going to need something...I don't know what! :( But they're going to need something! That's a 'pivotal' age. I'm not being ugly...for whatever reason Dad 'checked out.' I don't minimize it in the least. It's no one's fault. A decision made in absolute, blind, lost, and hopeless confusion! :( No one in their 'right mind' takes their own life! No one!!! :( If you can, step up brother. There are a couple of kids who don't know 'sick 'em from come here' at the moment.

StressMonkey
05-03-2014, 07:16 AM
How horrible. Sorry for your loss.

WonderPug
05-03-2014, 07:19 AM
How terrible sad. I'm sorry for your lose and, especially, for his wife and kids. I can't imagine how devastated they must be.

Phattso
05-03-2014, 07:36 AM
Very sorry to hear.

thomashenry
05-03-2014, 07:47 AM
I am sorry to hear this, My Advice, DO NOT try & figure this out, it will eat at you in ways you never imagined, the only 2 People who know why are God and him ! IMO

ISAID69
05-03-2014, 08:00 AM
Devastating story, I guess we'll never know the anguish others feel inside. We are all masters at disguising our innermost feelings when we're unhappy in life because surely everyone else is happy, why aren't we?

Stay strong brother and like one of the previous poster's mentioned, try pop in at their home on the odd occasion, especially for the kids. God speed in coming to terms with such a big loss in life

bsc77
05-03-2014, 08:59 AM
Sorry for your loss.

PrivateFreedom
05-03-2014, 11:01 AM
My condolences to you and his loved ones. RIP

Dave1958
05-03-2014, 11:35 AM
I have had people near me that have committed suicide. Biggest thing we all want to know why, and there is generally no satififactory answer. You must remember this person wasn't thinking clearly and made a irrational act and we try to understand with a rational mind. That means you may never understand.

I will say this to anyone that might read this and have a friend that talks about suicide. Ask them if they have a plan. If they do you need to get them help and don't leave them alone til help is there

whatevergirl
05-03-2014, 11:40 AM
Not sure you'll ever really have all the answers. Or any. It is such a painful thing to process, I know. :( My thoughts are with you, and his family. So sorry to hear this.

Dencio
05-05-2014, 06:40 AM
How well did you know your friend? How well did you know those boys? They're going to need something...I don't know what! :( But they're going to need something! That's a 'pivotal' age. I'm not being ugly...for whatever reason Dad 'checked out.' I don't minimize it in the least. It's no one's fault. A decision made in absolute, blind, lost, and hopeless confusion! :( No one in their 'right mind' takes their own life! No one!!! :( If you can, step up brother. There are a couple of kids who don't know 'sick 'em from come here' at the moment.

I went to the wake this past weekend.
Believe me when I say that ALOT of people were left puzzled. In our hearts we cannot let go of the fact that that person made a BIG choice.(Im trying so hard to be neutral but cant...suicide seems too convenient)
Me and my other skeptical friend hung out after thinking of a back story to it all. From AIDS to having an outside relationship...everything else I guess just not being in a state of SAD

He did it when it rained so hard and just used a magnum ....left out his wallet...had a cross in the other hand...and shot himself hoping for an open casket viewing...

For me to be even concerned why speaks volumes of the character of this guy had even though I didnt hang out with him on a frequent basis. He was the guy least expected to exit early...--I am still so saddened by it...

His kids were able to host the wake...they had a hard time especially when the mother had to speak infront of everyone as she expressed every bit of emotion she had and hoped that her husband finds peace in the afterlife -she was also speaking loud hoping that he would answer why he left and that he should have spoke to her about ALL of it.

The kids (twins) are graduating college (CS majors) and I have no doubt that they will be outstanding gentlemen...

Thanks TO ALL for the kind wishes ...I hope to pass it on to his family as he will be missed...

NorwichGrad
05-05-2014, 12:07 PM
This is very sad. So sorry to hear about your friend..

beachguy498
05-06-2014, 10:41 AM
I've known a few people that checked out via suicide... no words to describe what everyone else goes through. I was told that suicide is a very selfish act and this is all that these people can think of.

Rob

Bando
05-06-2014, 10:45 AM
what a shame, my condolences

scullin
05-06-2014, 10:47 AM
I have had people near me that have committed suicide. Biggest thing we all want to know why, and there is generally no satififactory answer. You must remember this person wasn't thinking clearly and made a irrational act and we try to understand with a rational mind. That means you may never understand.

I will say this to anyone that might read this and have a friend that talks about suicide. Ask them if they have a plan. If they do you need to get them help and don't leave them alone til help is there Yup, I've known a few people that did this. Sometimes you never find out why, other time it's something obvious. Sounds like in OP's friend's case it's not too obvious.

Oceanside
05-06-2014, 05:28 PM
Im still trying to figure this out...
We hung out with some other friend past Saturday and he was laughing his head off...enjoying.Singing songs...drinking tequila...


I'm pretty sure nobody just wakes up, has a sh*tty day and then decides to kill themselves....

I know from personal experience that depression and or anxiety is absolute hell on earth, and after a prolonged length of time the idea of suicide becomes a little more understandable for those having to deal with it day after day and year after year...

my guess is your buddy was bi-polar and he just got mentally trashed and exhausted at the thought of going on that ride for the rest of his life.

sorry for your loss though.

Clintw1976
05-06-2014, 05:35 PM
I've known a few people to do this including my own sister. Hers was due to drugs and others through other methods. I feel it's just taking the easy way out and not facing up to your problems or demons. Not that I blame my sister for it but I just wish people would talk about it sometimes instead of just going ahead with something like this. There's no second chances with death......that is the end.

Sorry for your loss man!

seanb1979
05-06-2014, 06:25 PM
OP are you sure there wasn't foul play? Usually there are always some signs, emails, texts, something to indicate slowly slipping into a downward spiral.. hopefully its being investigated well and not taken at face value

MiamiSpartan
05-06-2014, 07:11 PM
So sorry...went thru this a few years back with my cousin's kid....very difficult....

Bando
05-06-2014, 08:01 PM
I'm pretty sure nobody just wakes up, has a sh*tty day and then decides to kill themselves....

She LBM said it pretty well below, some people put on a cloak of normalcy but the inside is a mess. I'm pretty good at this.

Oceanside
05-06-2014, 08:12 PM
I feel it's just taking the easy way out and not facing up to your problems or demons. Not that I blame my sister



you just did you f*cking imbecile !

latebloomingmom
05-06-2014, 08:26 PM
suicide is very hard to understand...
I got grounded once as a teenager for staying out past curfiew
I missed a party my best friend was having that weekend at her house
bonfire and some beers on a summer night
well one of the kids went into her garage and hung himself that night

my junior high principal went into his garage and started up his car and shut the garage door

my son's principal did the same thing years later

a friend of his wrapped his bike around a tree driving like a madman..

my father drank until his liver gave out

Oceanside
05-06-2014, 08:35 PM
suicide is very hard to understand...


not for anyone who's dealt with a prolonged onset of high level depression it's not....

in fact it's incredibly easy to understand why someone would just say they've had enough if you've ever had a taste of it..

and to hear someone spew some crap about them copping out or "taking the easy way out" really is comical..

just more internet ignorance I guess !

latebloomingmom
05-06-2014, 08:56 PM
not for anyone who's dealt with a prolonged onset of high level depression it's not....

in fact it's incredibly easy to understand why someone would just say they've had enough if you've ever had a taste of it..

and to hear someone spew some crap about them copping out or "taking the easy way out" really is comical..

just more internet ignorance I guess !
I mean for the family members left behind or for friends and coworkers
I do not place the finger of blame
each of us is given a life to live as we see fit
I do not presume to be able to walk a single step in another person's shoes
I have not met the demons that haunt their dreams
only the ones that occassionally show up in mine

depression, anxiety, bi-polar, or whatever other name society wants to slap on it..
used to be called meloncholy or eccentric or weird or whatever :rolleyes:
we are not all wired the same
and so be it

latebloomingmom
05-06-2014, 09:05 PM
sometimes the american dream is not all its cracked up to be
my father was first person in his family to go to college
and got his bachelor's and his master's and did very well in his career
wore a suit and carried a brief case
looked very professional out there in the world
cried almost every night

I have a cousin who retired in his forties
vice president of a mortgage software company
owned two homes, four cars
had a salt water pool and a studio in his basement
ran into him at a family reunion few years back
asked him how he liked retirement
he said " I am miserable and my wife thinks I need therapy"

my step dad is a pharmacist and he got married again after divorcing my ma
been with this woman for oh years and years now
they have three grown kids and two grandbabies
he has a vacation home in northern michigan
I asked him once how he liked his new vacation home
he said " like I ever get to fukin see it..the wife and kids say its great. I am gonna work til I die to pay for it"


all of them saying the same thing
"for all intents and purposes...I should be deliriously happy"

Dencio
05-07-2014, 09:23 AM
OP are you sure there wasn't foul play? Usually there are always some signs, emails, texts, something to indicate slowly slipping into a downward spiral.. hopefully its being investigated well and not taken at face value


there was a CCTV security camera that caught him parking infront of the church for a few minutes then headed to the corner of the parking lot...

...the APB confirmed no foul play---but he does live near CIA territory

His confidant/bro inlaw - didnt get a hint either...at least thats what he sais...


++I wanna correct myself...he wasnt drinking any alcohol that Saturday night before he died...he was just drinking coke (facepalm myself) - it was a couple of weeks before that he went all out on drinking and "other" stuff (where I was absent)

Old-Time-Lifter
05-07-2014, 09:27 AM
So sorry to hear about your friend. The only thing one can do in these situations is care for the living.

God's strength to all his loved ones.

JRT6
05-07-2014, 01:34 PM
you just did you f*cking imbecile !

He's just trying to rationalize the senseless death of his sister. You question his motive, call him names and yet he's the one you say is being intolerant?

Marius_Ursus
05-07-2014, 01:38 PM
Im still trying to figure this out...
We hung out with some other friend past Saturday and he was laughing his head off...enjoying.Singing songs...drinking tequila...
Talking about the basketball game enthusiastically.(Wizards)
He left behind 2 sons...graduating this year.
A wife and home...plus he has another property fully paid...
I always admired how simple his ways and outlook was on life in general and other small things...
I looked up to him...thought this was a guy who got it all figured out.
I guess I was wrong. He left his cellphone in the office and just left...

He also died in the car that he used to pick me and my friend up...

I guess I will find out tomorrow "WHY" when I go to his wake....

From the outside, you can almost never tell when someone suffers from depression and is suicidal.

Marius_Ursus
05-07-2014, 01:39 PM
I had a close friend (Lou) who took his life last year and I will never know why, he had everything...

Don't try and figure this out it is going to kill you inside.

There's this overwhelming feeling...like the world would be a better place without you in it. There's no real logical reason behind it. If there were it wouldn't be mental illness. Sometimes you can grit your teeth and fake it until the feeling subsides.

JRT6
05-07-2014, 01:40 PM
I disagree Marius, most majorly depressed people show all kinds of symptoms and changes in behavior. People just aren't paying attention.

Old-Time-Lifter
05-07-2014, 01:57 PM
I disagree Marius, most majorly depressed people show all kinds of symptoms and changes in behavior. People just aren't paying attention.

I think where we run into trouble is trying to standardize human behavior in such matters.

There are warning signs that very often show up but then there are also those cases where it comes from out of the blue.

bigfriday
05-07-2014, 02:30 PM
I'm sorry to hear about your friend...it is sad when you lose someone you looked up to...

there is no point in trying to figure it out...

this is a topic near and dear to me as I have personally struggled with depression for many years and have been down that road once unsuccessfully...thank to god

there really is no pretending about one life and living another...it's just one life...everyone gets to see only a small part of it...until we share our inner struggles...

and that is never easy to do...with all the stigma of mental illness

JRT6
05-07-2014, 03:00 PM
I think where we run into trouble is trying to standardize human behavior in such matters.

There are warning signs that very often show up but then there are also those cases where it comes from out of the blue.

There are but the majority of the time people are simply in denial. Every time I speak to people close to someone who has committed suicide a few simple questions makes the clues obvious to everyone.

latebloomingmom
05-07-2014, 03:02 PM
sometimes depression can occur from a major life event
such as losing a job when your whole identity is tied into it
or losing someone you love or your marriage hits the rocks
and you down slide into the abyss
sometimes you have been in it so long you cannot remember ever not being in it
and counting your blessings
or having loved ones tell you to shake it off or cheer up
well....doesnt really help

Old-Time-Lifter
05-07-2014, 04:20 PM
There are but the majority of the time people are simply in denial. Every time I speak to people close to someone who has committed suicide a few simple questions makes the clues obvious to everyone.

Oh I agree. I've actually taken a couple of seminars on suicide prevention but I'm certainly no expert.

Mulrak
05-07-2014, 09:24 PM
Truly sorry for your loss and that of his families.

Never posted on here before till now. I know this subject, I lived it and still do. Alot of good insights here as to why this may happen and the road that is taken and so forth, but to each is there own battle. I have battled depression for years now. I have family, kids a wonderful wife and you know what, at times it did not matter. All the joy that they have brought to my life, couldnt light the darkness inside.

I always wondered why I felt the way I did and fought and fought. One night I gave up. Though nothing happened, it was like the good Lord said, 'NOPE, not yet'. Woke me up, Im not 'cured' by any sorts or means, I still struggle at times. This past week has been HELL, but with help and my new found love for powerlifting, the last six months have been so much better.

There are signs that are given, some are subtle, some are screaming 'HELP ME'. Its all in how we view this person. Never think they can never be that way, it can happen to anyone. One thing can change the course of someones rational side. Be courteous, you never know what someone else is going through.

Never look down on someone, unless you are helping them up!

Mulrak

marinevet63031
05-09-2014, 03:45 AM
Im still trying to figure this out...
We hung out with some other friend past Saturday and he was laughing his head off...enjoying.Singing songs...drinking tequila...
Talking about the basketball game enthusiastically.(Wizards)
He left behind 2 sons...graduating this year.
A wife and home...plus he has another property fully paid...
I always admired how simple his ways and outlook was on life in general and other small things...
I looked up to him...thought this was a guy who got it all figured out.
I guess I was wrong. He left his cellphone in the office and just left...

He also died in the car that he used to pick me and my friend up...

I guess I will find out tomorrow "WHY" when I go to his wake....

This is terrible. I am sorry for your loss.

Neceseco
05-09-2014, 03:49 AM
how did he kill himself?

rip

Oceanside
05-09-2014, 09:10 AM
how did he kill himself?

you're an Idiot !