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View Full Version : Were you ever told "your picking bodybuilding and fitness over your relationship?"



stayfit2008
04-07-2014, 02:11 PM
I have and dealing w it now. I have always been into bodybuilding and some type of fitness. Since 2008 I became competitive. 2009 I won my masters pro card and close to winning my open pro. The past two relationships have ended. I was told because of my bodybuilding. I stopped for the first relationship but eventually became resentful. 2010 I injured my back and couldn't walk for months. After surgery I began to recover. I started back in the gym. This most recent relationship she knew everything about me and my desire to compete again some day. This was welcomed. This year, 2014 I trained for my comeback show where I won first in open and now competing as a masters pro. My network of supporters and friends are here, at the gym and on Facebook. Figure/bikini competitors and bodybuilders mostly. Men and women. Never have I crossed the line in posts or sharing my progress and presentation. Often posting bodybuilding pics recording my progress. Unfortunately this appears to be too much for her and makes her insecure. I am a very generous man and strictly professional. I am also very attentive to her needs. But I'm being told I'm doing this for attention and solicited comments. Mind you there are no inappropriate comments from my FB friends. If one should pop up I would delete it and that person. Today she told me she had enough and decided to seek attention from other men because I'm not giving her what she needs. Am I missing something?

Thanks

Wayne Evans
04-07-2014, 02:24 PM
Am I missing something?[/B] Thanks

I'll stumble in here....

I have no experience regarding your dilemma nor am I a counselor by any stretch.
But...is it possible you may be "missing something" if she has not expressed to you the specifics of those "needs"?
Would that not be the question(s) to ask her to qualify?

Sorry I'm no help but that's my current take on it.
I hope you reconcile with her IF that is your true desire.

Good luck.....carry on.

UnaChispita
04-07-2014, 02:32 PM
Today she told me she had enough and decided to seek attention from other men because I'm not giving her what she needs. Am I missing something?

Thanks

A couple of thoughts:

1. Did you ask her what those "needs" are? What did she say?

2. The "deciding to seek attention from other men" is a red flag, I think. Immature and disrespectful to say that.

stayfit2008
04-07-2014, 02:42 PM
Thanks for chiming in. Trying to be 100% objective here. Her needs are what I'm providing all along. More so she asked for me to back down a little. I'm more affectionate than her. I enjoy cooking nice meals, take her out, say nice things and compliment her. I really feel it's her insecurity with the whole fitness spectrum. There are many women and men in my support group who compete that makes her feel insecure. But I never overstep boundaries. Very professional. She says she feels left out. And she is non supportive and very critical. Yes...the fact she said she's going to seek other men's attention pretty much sealed our fate in my mind.

MecGen
04-07-2014, 02:50 PM
Without knowing the details...
As a long time poster here once told me, "BB in its nature is a -look-at-me sport-" seems like you are not finding the right person(s). Especially if you are at the pro level where hard work at the gym could be construed as narcissism.

Best advice I can give...when you win first place at the next competition, go over to the women's pro winner and ask her out :)

Good luck

Not making fun of your situation, sucks to be in relationship limbo

Old-Time-Lifter
04-07-2014, 03:07 PM
You may need to find out what damage she still carries with her from past relationships. Often (most of the time) we just carry the same problems forward with us into the next relationship and they never get resolved.

She may just be trying to get your attention with that 'other guys' comment. I thought you guys had already broken up though??

UnaChispita
04-07-2014, 03:07 PM
Thanks for chiming in. Trying to be 100% objective here. Her needs are what I'm providing all along. More so she asked for me to back down a little. I'm more affectionate than her. I enjoy cooking nice meals, take her out, say nice things and compliment her. I really feel it's her insecurity with the whole fitness spectrum. There are many women and men in my support group who compete that makes her feel insecure. But I never overstep boundaries. Very professional. She says she feels left out. And she is non supportive and very critical. Yes...the fact she said she's going to seek other men's attention pretty much sealed our fate in my mind.

It sounds like her "need" is that you not get attention from other women...which, since you are being professional, the issue is really hers.

As for the "attention from other men"--she probably did it just to see how you would respond. Some women like to play little games like that. She was probably wanting you to get jealous. At any rate, I think if you've had heart-to-hearts about this and she is playing those little mind games, you probably should decide if you want to engage in that.

Whatever the case. This really sucks.

stayfit2008
04-07-2014, 03:58 PM
I'm sure that's what is was meant for. But I don't want to deal w games like that. I don't want to feel bad for the sport I am good at. This is my future. Fitness. I'll be retiring soon and will be opening up a gym. I'll be developing teams consisting of bikini figure and bodybuilders male and female. Those of you who know me understand I enjoy "paying it forward !"

Good point about her needs may be not wanting to see these type of girls on my Facebook congratulating me or saying good job! Like I said before, I won't allow comments that overstep boundaries

Karl_Hungus
04-07-2014, 04:07 PM
I can understand why she might not be too keen on you regularly exchanging physique comments/pictures with bikini competitors. Can't you pursue your bodybuilding goals without dicking around with Facebook? Real life relationships > Facebook.

ACSZZ1988
04-07-2014, 04:14 PM
If she can't understand that you love what you do you need to leave her srs. If everything is strictly professional like you say she should be able to look past it and understand. It will not be easy but if you two want to make it work there will have compromise on both sides. I'm assuming you're not married? And also how old are you op?

stayfit2008
04-07-2014, 04:22 PM
I can understand why she might not be too keen on you regularly exchanging physique comments/pictures with bikini competitors. Can't you pursue your bodybuilding goals without dicking around with Facebook? Real life relationships > Facebook.

Well my friend. First off I only post progress and competition pics. Secondly I would like to open a gym. And thirdly I would like to train clients competitively and non competitively. Both male and female. I use FB as a network and launch pad. It has helped by making a name for myself like bb.com has in the past before I got injured. Having a recognized name I feel will add to the gyms credentials.
Now I could take the safest route that only trains men and only network w men on social media and only open up a gym specifically for men,...but how practical would that be? And wouldn't that be just running away from the problem rather than learning how to deal w it?

Brackneyc
04-07-2014, 04:28 PM
Well my friend. First off I only post progress and competition pics. Secondly I would like to open a gym. And thirdly I would like to train clients competitively and non competitively. Both male and female. I use FB as a network and launch pad. It has helped by making a name for myself like bb.com has in the past before I got injured. Having a recognized name I feel will add to the gyms credentials.
Now I could take the safest route that only trains men and only network w men on social media and only open up a gym specifically for men,...but how practical would that be? And wouldn't that be just running away from the problem rather than learning how to deal w it?

You outlined your priorities pretty clearly here. Now she has to decide if she can live with not being your top priority. No crime in not placing her above your chosen path. Just know that the message is pretty clear, to me anyway.

stayfit2008
04-07-2014, 04:36 PM
You outlined your priorities pretty clearly here. Now she has to decide if she can live with not being your top priority. No crime in not placing her above your chosen path. Just know that the message is pretty clear, to me anyway.

Hold on Brack... She's at the same point I am at. She is finishing her geology degree as an adult student and will be starting a career the same time I will be retiring and starting my new career. This puts us both in the same position. Now I am aware you were not privid to this. But here is that info. And thank you for your response.

stayfit2008
04-07-2014, 04:39 PM
If she can't understand that you love what you do you need to leave her srs. If everything is strictly professional like you say she should be able to look past it and understand. It will not be easy but if you two want to make it work there will have compromise on both sides. I'm assuming you're not married? And also how old are you op?
Hi ACSZZ. I'm single. I have made compromises where I will only keep modeling pics for her to see. Mine will be strictly competition and progress. I made this promise to her a while ago.

I'm 48. She is 39

Brackneyc
04-07-2014, 04:41 PM
Hold on Brack... She's at the same point I am at. She is finishing her geology degree as an adult student and will be starting a career the same time I will be retiring and starting my new career. This puts us both in the same position. Now I am aware you were not privid to this. But here is that info. And thank you for your response.

As far as starting new careers, I would agree (same basic place). Based on what you have posted about her feelings concerning your career, it does not seem like she is going to be on board with it as you have laid it out.

mcbourque
04-07-2014, 04:45 PM
It sounds like her "need" is that you not get attention from other women...which, since you are being professional, the issue is really hers.

As for the "attention from other men"--she probably did it just to see how you would respond. Some women like to play little games like that. She was probably wanting you to get jealous. At any rate, I think if you've had heart-to-hearts about this and she is playing those little mind games, you probably should decide if you want to engage in that.

Whatever the case. This really sucks.

I'm totally with Una on this. This doesn't bode well.

Assuming that you are professional about it, the issue is hers to come to term with. First thing in a relationship is trust. If she doesn't trust you, you don't have anything to build on.

If she cares about you, she should accept what you do and what goes with it.

Some women seem to see it as a victory when their man drop all they like for them.

Not very healthy at all IMO

stayfit2008
04-07-2014, 04:47 PM
As far as starting new careers, I would agree (same basic place). Based on what you have posted about her feelings concerning your career, it does not seem like she is going to be on board with it as you have laid it out.

Yea. It's looking that way. But if you truly love someone. And what they are doing is something they were aware of in the beginning and it's not corrupt, should be accepted and supported. But I may need to see it from her view not really ever being exposed to this atmosphere. But this is very difficult when I've been around this all my life.

stayfit2008
04-07-2014, 04:52 PM
I'm totally with Una on this. This doesn't bode well.

Assuming that you are professional about it, the issue is hers to come to term with. First thing in a relationship is trust. If she doesn't trust you, you don't have anything to build on.

If she cares about you, she should accept what you do and what goes with it.

Some women seem to see it as a victory when their man drop all they like for them.

Not very healthy at all IMO

You nailed it mcbourque! She has been burned many times in the past by cheating bf's. She'll bring that up often. I'm am 100% faithful and supportive of her goal. And I treat her well. And I know she trusts me. She's just so insecure about the girls and feel she doesn't measure up. No matter what I say??!

I could get rid of all the women on my social media and avoid any type of female conversation whatsoever in life and fitness related. But I don't think that is healthy.

Brackneyc
04-07-2014, 04:57 PM
Yea. It's looking that way. But if you truly love someone. And what they are doing is something they were aware of in the beginning and it's not corrupt, should be accepted and supported. But I may need to see it from her view not really ever being exposed to this atmosphere. But this is very difficult when I've been around this all my life.

I don't disagree. In time she may come around.

Wyomann
04-07-2014, 05:59 PM
Just wasn't meant to be. Gotta find someone who can accept the lifestyle. Having said that, there is a difference between the lifestyle and attention whoring all the time to get comments from the opposite sex, so you have to be honest with yourself and determine if it would in fact cause a problem for most women you'd date.

stayfit2008
04-07-2014, 06:07 PM
Just wasn't meant to be. Gotta find someone who can accept the lifestyle. Having said that, there is a difference between the lifestyle and attention whoring all the time to get comments from the opposite sex, so you have to be honest with yourself and determine if it would in fact cause a problem for most women you'd date.

So true and great point. I'm looking to make a career out of fitness. I have some pretty progressive ideas for a gym and want to be as professional as possible. I do like the motivation from others. Men and women. It's absorbing myself w like minded people forming a brother/ sisterhood. I like sharing my accomplishments and reading about others and sending then praise in the form of tasteful motivational feedback. I.e. Great job! Congrats! And maybe constructive criticism.

acrawlingchaos
04-07-2014, 06:28 PM
There is a recurring theme here where women find you to be attention seeking and self absorbed. I am confident that would not be the case had your enthusiasm been tempered with humility. As far as your partner telling you she will be seeking attention from other men; she is sending you very clear message. She is "threatening" to do the very thing she feels you are doing... seeking attention from the opposite sex. Apparently you have a habit of making women think your being sexually assertive. I highly doubt this is a case of women not being supportive of your interests.

Take a step back and try and evaluate your own behavior with an impartial eye.

bodyhard
04-07-2014, 06:28 PM
My wife has stood by me 100% so I have no idea what you are going through. But I feel for you man. would hate for someone to get in my way of my training.

stayfit2008
04-07-2014, 06:44 PM
There is a recurring theme here where women find you to be attention seeking and self absorbed. I am confident that would not be the case had your enthusiasm been tempered with humility. As far as your partner telling you she will be seeking attention from other men; she is sending you very clear message. She is "threatening" to do the very thing she feels you are doing... seeking attention from the opposite sex. Apparently you have a habit of making women think your being sexually assertive. I highly doubt this is a case of women not being supportive of your interests.

Take a step back and try and evaluate your own behavior with an impartial eye.

More good thoughts. The gf before I stopped bodybuilding all together. As explained in my initial post. But became resentful cause I was coming off a winning streak and making something out of it. But she in turn modeled and entered bar and night life fed contests. What was good for her wasn't ok for me. Which caused even more resentment.

My ex wife before was 100% supportive and never had these issues. We broke up for unrelated issues.

And yes. For a time when I was single I did share attractive modeling pics which I would not do now. I don't think mandatory bodybuilding poses and progress pics are shared as being sexually assertive.

latebloomingmom
04-07-2014, 06:49 PM
I'm totally with Una on this. This doesn't bode well.

Assuming that you are professional about it, the issue is hers to come to term with. First thing in a relationship is trust. If she doesn't trust you, you don't have anything to build on.

If she cares about you, she should accept what you do and what goes with it.

Some women seem to see it as a victory when their man drop all they like for them.

Not very healthy at all IMOby all means...I just love it when a woman gets into a serious relationship..listens to a man, nods her head and sympathises and yes oh yes honey I think that would be a great idea and I am on board with your dreams, goals and your hobbies

and then as soon as she knows she has him...starts knocking em off one by one

"no I really think you are spending too many of your saturdays out golfing with the guys and no you certainly do not need a new putter"
" I think you should put a pool in back yard instead...yes I do understand it will mean putting in more hours at work"
"no one likes that kind of music but you anyhow so I sold your albums at the yard sale"
"Ugh...that shirt is awful so I went out and bought you an entirely new wardrobe"
"no I dont think you should go back and finish your degree...that time has come and gone"
"why would you even think of going for that promotion when it would mean less time with me"



after all isnt that what we all really want out of a long term relationship...someone to stomp out our dreams and ambitions
and make us feel guilty for having them in the first place

stayfit2008
04-07-2014, 06:54 PM
by all means...I just love it when a woman gets into a serious relationship..listens to a man, nods her head and sympathises and yes oh yes honey I think that would be a great idea and I am on board with your dreams, goals and your hobbies

and then as soon as she knows she has him...starts knocking em off one by one

"no I really think you are spending too many of your saturdays out golfing with the guys and no you certainly do not need a new putter"
" I think you should put a pool in back yard instead...yes I do understand it will mean putting in more hours at work"
"no one likes that kind of music but you anyhow so I sold your albums at the yard sale"
"Ugh...that shirt is awful so I went out and bought you an entirely new wardrobe"
"no I dont think you should go back and finish your degree...that time has come and gone"
"why would you even think of going for that promotion when it would mean less time with me"



after all isnt that what we all really want out of a long term relationship...someone to stomp out our dreams and ambitions
and make us feel guilty for having them in the first place

Somehow this sounds eerily familiar...:/

acrawlingchaos
04-07-2014, 06:55 PM
by all means...I just love it when a woman gets into a serious relationship..listens to a man, nods her head and sympathises and yes oh yes honey I think that would be a great idea and I am on board with your dreams, goals and your hobbies

and then as soon as she knows she has him...starts knocking em off one by one

"no I really think you are spending too many of your saturdays out golfing with the guys and no you certainly do not need a new putter"
" I think you should put a pool in back yard instead...yes I do understand it will mean putting in more hours at work"
"no one likes that kind of music but you anyhow so I sold your albums at the yard sale"
"Ugh...that shirt is awful so I went out and bought you an entirely new wardrobe"
"no I dont think you should go back and finish your degree...that time has come and gone"
"why would you even think of going for that promotion when it would mean less time with me"When relationships fail, it's usually a collaborative effort and the blame is shared. It's all too easy to blow someone off as a crazy b*tch instead of realizing they probably have a point (even if they are a crazy b*tch).

Regardless, it's impossible to attribute anything to the party not available, as we are seeing only one perspective... his.

stayfit2008
04-07-2014, 07:00 PM
When relationships fail, it's usually a collaborative effort and the blame is shared. It's all too easy to blow someone off as a crazy b*tch instead of realizing they probably have a point (even if they are a crazy b*tch).

Regardless, it's impossible to attribute anything to the party not available, as we are seeing only one perspective... his.

I am doing my best to be objective as stated previously. How else could I get valuable input and advice if I wasn't. But agree. I could always take a step back "again" and re re evaluate the situation.

latebloomingmom
04-07-2014, 07:01 PM
When relationships fail, it's usually a collaborative effort and the blame is shared. It's all too easy to blow someone off as a crazy b*tch instead of realizing they probably have a point (even if they are a crazy b*tch).

Regardless, it's impossible to attribute anything to the party not available, as we are seeing only one perspective... his.obviously I am not saying the blame is all hers and that relationships do not take some kind of compromise and that we are only seeing one perspective here. I think we are all aware though that many relationships can turn toxic.

UnaChispita
04-07-2014, 08:05 PM
I'm totally with Una on this.

Thanks, girl. :)




Some women seem to see it as a victory when their man drop all they like for them.



^^^ This is sooo true.


by all means...I just love it when a woman gets into a serious relationship..listens to a man, nods her head and sympathises and yes oh yes honey I think that would be a great idea and I am on board with your dreams, goals and your hobbies

and then as soon as she knows she has him...starts knocking em off one by one

Yep. I am certainly no expert on men. However, women who go into a relationship thinking they can "change" someone is silly. I think that's what OP's gf probably thought.


When relationships fail, it's usually a collaborative effort and the blame is shared. It's all too easy to blow someone off as a crazy b*tch instead of realizing they probably have a point (even if they are a crazy b*tch).

True. However, I think you've got a beautiful, smart, non-drama woman (based on your posts. This is all my opinion. :) )

Lots of men go for "crazy" because its fun.

So...next question OP----

DO YOU ATTRACT THE CRAZIES?

stayfit2008
04-07-2014, 08:19 PM
Thanks, girl. :)





^^^ This is sooo true.



Yep. I am certainly no expert on men. However, women who go into a relationship thinking they can "change" someone is silly. I think that's what OP's gf probably thought.



True. However, I think you've got a beautiful, smart, non-drama woman (based on your posts. This is all my opinion. :) )

Lots of men go for "crazy" because its fun.

So...next question OP----

DO YOU ATTRACT THE CRAZIES?

No. I don't think so? She blames me for her insecurities. She was fine w me and my interests. She even shared her discontent toward my past gf and said she'd never be like that. I don't flirt and I'm respectful and aware of her concerns.

UnaChispita
04-07-2014, 08:29 PM
No. I don't think so? She blames me for her insecurities. She was fine w me and my interests. She even shared her discontent toward my past gf and said she'd never be like that. I don't flirt and I'm respectful and aware of her concerns.

So...you don't attract crazies, but do you attract women who are insecure?

It seems to be a pattern.

Just a thought. Not necessarily true.

And...if they are insecure...what makes them insecure?

Is there something going on we don't know about?

jeffaus
04-07-2014, 08:49 PM
by all means...I just love it when a woman gets into a serious relationship..listens to a man, nods her head and sympathises and yes oh yes honey I think that would be a great idea and I am on board with your dreams, goals and your hobbies

and then as soon as she knows she has him...starts knocking em off one by one

"no I really think you are spending too many of your saturdays out golfing with the guys and no you certainly do not need a new putter"
" I think you should put a pool in back yard instead...yes I do understand it will mean putting in more hours at work"
"no one likes that kind of music but you anyhow so I sold your albums at the yard sale"
"Ugh...that shirt is awful so I went out and bought you an entirely new wardrobe"
"no I dont think you should go back and finish your degree...that time has come and gone"
"why would you even think of going for that promotion when it would mean less time with me"



after all isnt that what we all really want out of a long term relationship...someone to stomp out our dreams and ambitions
and make us feel guilty for having them in the first placeI see you know my first wife LBM :)

ajdahlheimer
04-08-2014, 05:04 AM
Unless your hours spent training means she doesn't get to see you as much as she'd like--I think she needs to check herself.

People need alone time/hobbies that don't involve their significant other. My wife likes to run/shop. I don't meddle with that. I like to bend the bar--she leaves me be.

I would say to unfriend bikini models etc on FB--just out of respect for your GF. I mean, c'mon brah. Hot chicks on FB is a no-no. One of the reasons I don't do FB. Don't even want to open up that can of worms, past relationships, etc.

latebloomingmom
04-08-2014, 05:17 AM
I see you know my first wife LBM :)your first wife and my sister in law got a lot in common ;)



I will agree with what someone else said about this being a look at me sport
how can it not be when you are on stage in a competition
it is unavoidable.

your friends may be other people that go to the gym or are in competitions
or living this lifestyle

many of the people who choose this lifestyle have pictures of themselves
showing off those hard earned gains

these pics may be in bathing suits
if these women are talking to you all time

saying things like "ooooooo nice pecs"
then it is understandable perhaps
that the woman in your life may not like it

I suspect similar arguements have happened between couples
on this site

x-trainer ben
04-08-2014, 07:33 AM
"giving her what she needs"

this isn't about you it is about her needs( whatever those may be) and attention levels. Some women need tons while others are happy with less; it really comes down to what you are willing to sacrifice and only you have that answer. best of luck!

acrawlingchaos
04-08-2014, 09:58 AM
Unless your hours spent training means she doesn't get to see you as much as she'd like--I think she needs to check herself.

People need alone time/hobbies that don't involve their significant other. My wife likes to run/shop. I don't meddle with that. I like to bend the bar--she leaves me be.

I would say to unfriend bikini models etc on FB--just out of respect for your GF. I mean, c'mon brah. Hot chicks on FB is a no-no. One of the reasons I don't do FB. Don't even want to open up that can of worms, past relationships, etc.I agree that we need personal time, but if we have an interest/occupation/hobby that become a time consuming endeavor, that isn't "personal time". There also needs to be a complete transparency, especially in regards to social networking. It's very easy to become loose in regards to how we address others, especially when we have an expectation of privacy. Sometimes what we consider innocent, isn't an innocuous as it may seem on the surface.

Personally, I am very careful how I address members of the opposite sex, be it in the open forum or in private messages. My GF has complete access to all social networking, and I am perfectly fine with that. I'm not ignorant to social networking culture, and could understand why anyone would be wary of a significant others that maintained a private internet life.

ajdahlheimer
04-08-2014, 10:04 AM
Agreed, ACC.

My wife does FB and she doesn't care if I see it since most of the stuff she posts is pics of the our kids she wants to show me anyway.

sy2502
04-08-2014, 10:07 AM
"giving her what she needs"

this isn't about you it is about her needs( whatever those may be) and attention levels. Some women need tons while others are happy with less; it really comes down to what you are willing to sacrifice and only you have that answer. best of luck!

I agree with the first part of this post, not entirely with the second. I agree that we each have our idea of relationship, and some people need more attention and reassurance while others need less. I disagree that the solution is for one partner to give up a big part of their lives to satisfy the other's idea of relationship. I think people who need a lot of attention should seek partners that are into giving a lot of attention, and people who want personal space should seek partners that give personal space. When one person has to do all the work, when one has to turn their own idea of relationship on its head just to please the other, it doesn't bode well. I believe OP and his partner are badly matched, and rather than bending over backwards, they should look for a more suitable partner.

ajdahlheimer
04-08-2014, 10:09 AM
I believe OP and his partner are badly matched, and rather than bending over backwards, they should look for a more suitable partner.

Dang sy, you're a straight shooter.

stealpulse
04-08-2014, 10:16 AM
Jealousy.


She's feeling jealous and is trying to get you to feel what she is feeling.


It's a lose-lose situation.

If you quit, you will resent her for it.

If you keep going, she will resent you for it.

Time to cut ties?

sy2502
04-08-2014, 10:32 AM
Dang sy, you're a straight shooter.

Sorry, I have a tendency to be direct. It's not meant to be insulting (although some people take it that way).
English not being my first language doesn't help either. :(

ajdahlheimer
04-08-2014, 10:41 AM
Sorry, I have a tendency to be direct. It's not meant to be insulting (although some people take it that way).
English not being my first language doesn't help either. :(

Meh, people in general should be more direct like you are.

Capt_Lou
04-08-2014, 11:08 AM
I apologize now for making lewd comments to you on your facebook.

Frnkd
04-08-2014, 12:03 PM
Hi ACSZZ. I'm single. I have made compromises where I will only keep modeling pics for her to see. Mine will be strictly competition and progress. I made this promise to her a while ago.

I'm 48. She is 39

hmmmm, ever wonder if she is concerned of getting "older" and your fans are much younger or more fit etc? Uncovering the real stressors in a relationship can be a source of a stronger one. As I see it the age difference of your typical BB fan and you vs her own self image and self worth- she is still in school, will have to find a job, and than the fear of loosing you to someone younger or more fit etc. Yes, you may say and show that you are in love committed to your relationship but just wonder about this angle since it was not mentioned.

hope things work out.

stayfit2008
04-08-2014, 12:16 PM
I would say to unfriend bikini models etc on FB--just out of respect for your GF. I mean, c'mon brah. Hot chicks on FB is a no-no. One of the reasons I don't do FB. Don't even want to open up that can of worms, past relationships, etc.

Great info from everyone. This actually makes sense. After deep hearted discussion we narrowed it down. Many girls on my FB are just that. Not close friends or relatives. There really isn't any benefit having young little fit girls involved in my bodybuilding and training. Maybe some day when I open up my own gym this may change. But she would be much more accepting and supportive if she didn't have to see half naked girls all over my page. Tho things are kept in order and respectful and tasteful. I can understand this insecurity in her and see cleaning out my friend list to this degree not taking anything away from my goal. I'll actually be gaining her support and motivation more! Which is what I'd rather have than a thousand young little models !

I hope tips doesn't sound like a sell out.

ajdahlheimer
04-08-2014, 12:20 PM
Just be sure and send me all the chicks FB info before you unfriend, so I can creep/fap, brah.

J/K :-)

weiss1967
04-08-2014, 01:22 PM
I think everybody who replied miss out on one other big thing. I may be wrong, but facts are solid. My two past relationships ended at around the same time as I was going hard at my training and especially during cutting phase. I though hard about it, tried to reconstruct who said what and what the arguments were. And how I dealt with the clutter of daily family businesses. One thing is certain, during those times both of my ex's were treated differently, I was focused on my training and was continually bringing my training home. I ate different foods from the rest of the family, I was all absorbed in cooking and training. Romance part wasn't there for my better halves. I thought it was, but it wasn't.

so-tex
04-08-2014, 02:22 PM
There is a recurring theme here where women find you to be attention seeking and self absorbed. I am confident that would not be the case had your enthusiasm been tempered with humility. As far as your partner telling you she will be seeking attention from other men; she is sending you very clear message. She is "threatening" to do the very thing she feels you are doing... seeking attention from the opposite sex. Apparently you have a habit of making women think your being sexually assertive. I highly doubt this is a case of women not being supportive of your interests.

Take a step back and try and evaluate your own behavior with an impartial eye.


When relationships fail, it's usually a collaborative effort and the blame is shared. It's all too easy to blow someone off as a crazy b*tch instead of realizing they probably have a point (even if they are a crazy b*tch).

Regardless, it's impossible to attribute anything to the party not available, as we are seeing only one perspective... his.


I agree that we need personal time, but if we have an interest/occupation/hobby that become a time consuming endeavor, that isn't "personal time". There also needs to be a complete transparency, especially in regards to social networking. It's very easy to become loose in regards to how we address others, especially when we have an expectation of privacy. Sometimes what we consider innocent, isn't an innocuous as it may seem on the surface.

Personally, I am very careful how I address members of the opposite sex, be it in the open forum or in private messages. My GF has complete access to all social networking, and I am perfectly fine with that. I'm not ignorant to social networking culture, and could understand why anyone would be wary of a significant others that maintained a private internet life.Reading trough the threads and responses, I think acc pretty much nailed it here OP. At least from my perspective.

nexgensupps
04-08-2014, 02:54 PM
Been going through it...so can relate. Started dating a woman in 2012...and we are still together. Told her that I wanted to compete get on stage ,etc....she was supportive but said one very specific thing...if you spend more time at the gym with my I am going to be a jealous bitch about it. Long story short I started spending less time at the gym and more more time on the couch. Started to resent that. Then summer of 2013 hit...and she was at the lake every weekend with her parents. Never once was I invited. So we discussed what she once told me about the gym and how she spends every weekend at the lake...needless to say we came to an agreement.

Now I am training for the NOC which is a local NPC show, in September. She knows when I am at the gym and that I will always make time for her. I never force what I eat on her and when we go out to eat I never pick about what she is eating. In the end it came down to a lot of conversations and some comprimise on both ends. Yes she hates that I talk to women that are fit and working out but she knows I will always be hers and she is the one that I want (have to tell her this just about daily). The good thing about it all though is that we talk about it .. the good and the bad. She knows I have my gym time and she has her shopping time. If I need to work my work out schedule around to be with her I do it as best possible.

I have talked to a few guys at the gym and they have done through the same thing with girl friends and competing.

All I can say is keep your head up. Lots of open conversations with her. And if you part ways at least know you talked about it and you were open with her.

And you have to be honest with yourself and with her.

crupiea
04-08-2014, 03:32 PM
Great thread. It doesnt matter what you are into. could be bodybuilding, fishing, woodworking. The result will always be the same.

This is not a slam on you, I think you are great poster and from what I can tell a great guy who goes above and beyond so please dont take this wrong.

Its not that she doesnt appreciate the effort you put in or anything like that. It really has nothing to do with your bodybuilding at all. it boils down to a very simple thing and that somehow, she does not see you as an alpha male and she is trying to tell you in her own way just that.

The tell tell signs are there. Caring for all her needs, being attentive. You would think these are nice things to do and they are but you also have to draw the line and set the record straight. She told you straiught up that she wants to see other men so she basically is telling you that she no longer sees you as the alpha and her biological needs are drawing her to another who she does see that way. Same reason the bad boys get the women.

Imagine for a second that you found a dog that was out of control. You could be nice to it all day long but it will still push you around until you look it in the eye and tel it no. Same goes with kids, They can run around all day but when you say no at the end of the fun, that should be it, no. They dont get to keep acting up as you try to be nice about it.

the alpha ape does all of this without saying a word. They fully control a complex social structure of their group and everyone knows they are the boss by the way they carry themselves.

I dont know you but this might be where you are lacking. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in our day to day lives that we lose focus of simply being the man in the relationship. We feel guilty for being away at the gym or working in nutrition or recover and we forget to tend to the garden that is right in front of us at home.

Drive you car and never do maint and it will eventually cause a problem. Same with relationahips and by that I dont mean you have to lavish her with flowers or phoney apologies or anything like that. i am saying you need to address yourself and how she sees you.

It might not be too late though as there is a very simple fix to this.

Lets look at the silverback. he carries himself as the alpha. By thet he always makes eye contact and doesnt avert his gave first. When approached by betas or lower ranking apes, they will 100% of the time look down. same with us. Start looking people in the eye and watch as they instinctively look down first. This means they are deferring to you as the alpha. Good, capitalize on that.

Women are particularly keen for eye contact as the majority of their day is centered around it whether they realize it or not. If you are not making eye contact, you will never be the alpha, you will be the guy keeping her confy until the alpha comes along.

The silverback basically does not feel bad for what he does or where he goes because he is the general and his job is to protect the tribe so the others dont question him if he need to take more space. he must need it to protect the group. A way to experiment with this is to simply walk into someones space, they should instinctively get out of your way and give you room. Dont worry if you hurt their feelings, the alpha need to do what the alpha needs to do.

Next is taking up more space and being louder. The silver back needs more space because he is the boss, he takes as much as he needs. They are clearly the biggest one around just like you alreday are so you have that down.

The way to experiment with this it to notice when you are talking with someone, always have your arm against the wall or somehow be stretching out your arms tio make yourself even bigger than you are. Theis shows them you are physically bigger. Thsi worls even if you are not bigger buy the way. look at little dogs that seems to be in charge of bigger dogs.

Same goes with making more noise, the leader by nature has to make more noise to fend off predators.

The main thing sounds odd but will attract more women than anything including your gf and that is touching other females. Not groping them or being a creep but say you are at a party with friends, make sure to touch other females arms or put a fatherly hand on their shoulder, anything like this. The females will see this as the others are allowing you to actually touch them so you are clearly the alpha/ most desirable one. If they are repulsed by your touch then you got problems and have not done any of the other things discussed above.


So you see, this is the type of relationship maint that needs to be done. Do this and she will be all over you and if not her, you will have no trouble pulling any others you want.

Again, please dont take this as I am dogging you out personally, its not like that, i am just trying to help.

If you arent doing these things then there will always be another guy who is doing them, always.

Brackneyc
04-08-2014, 03:41 PM
My wife and I never have to make time for each other. It just seems to work out that we are together most of the time. Odd how that works out when you are with the right one.

I make time for the other sht.

WillBrink
04-08-2014, 03:48 PM
To
Too
Two

There
They're
Their

Lose
Loose

Your
You're

As in

"you're picking bodybuilding and fitness over your relationship?"

Vs.

"your picking bodybuilding and fitness over your relationship?"

Just sayin' brah :)

To answer your Q, no, you're not missing a thing. Get a new GF who supports your efforts.

Good luck!

PS, I'm a terrible speller so no 'net spelling police intended.

GuyJin
04-08-2014, 10:02 PM
FWIW, OP, I think you've acted like a decent guy. In my case, while my training is important, it ain't the be-all and end-all of my existence. If I were a competitive lifter, then maybe, but it isn't. Okay, that's just me. I have my writing, and that is a one-person job. No other collaborators, no others to call on for support, so I tend to focus on that a lot. My wife understands, but at the same time, I know that she and our children have to come first, so I tear my butt away from the keyboard when it is time in order to make time for her and our children. That's what's important to me.

If your lady friend cannot understand that you need to do what you need to do, and if she is so insecure about it--and it sounds like she's terribly needy--then you're better off going somewhere else. JMO...and I wish you well with it all.

Cass40
04-08-2014, 10:24 PM
Everything has pretty much been said already, so I'll just share my situation.
My husband has a profession that puts him in front of people all the time, and he has women hitting on him constantly (even though he's old lol). Some days he spends all day in the studio with a 27-year old female singer, for instance.
None of this has EVER mattered to me one bit, because I KNOW him. I have access to all his accounts, e-mails etc. But I never check anything, because there is no reason to.
I am so happy that he gets to do what he loves in life. It actually gives me pleasure, even though he's away from me sometimes for months.
I love him, and I want him to be able to do what he wants. Not many people get to do what they want in life. I work in a stupid office, and would not work at all if I didn't have to.
So the situation that the OP is describing is very strange to me. I kind of agree with others that say that something is missing. You either have a pattern to choose certain type of women, or you give them a reason to be jealous. ..Or I'm just different.

Demonchylde
04-09-2014, 04:20 PM
I ended my relationship because of my goals.

I was tired about hearing how I never have time to spend, and going to the gym was killing quality time.

If quality time is watching you eat Dorito's on the couch, wining how out of shape you are then there is an issue.

I don't go to the gym to pick up! I go to the gym to pick myself up!

While it may sound selfish when it came down to it, I did choose the gym.

weiss1967
04-10-2014, 09:02 AM
Crupiea, interesting post. I however canot see how is that possible for all males to be genuine alfa. Hand pick a bunch of "alfest" alfa's and put them together on one big fishboat ( I've done that eh) and some of them will become less "alfa", and they will invriably fight over little shiт all the time. Also, when somebody allow such familiarity to my GF at the party, like the things you were describing, gets my attention and it usually stops. The other thing is eye contact, I personally get tired of this sheat, when somebody is maintaining the look I let them go about doing it while I roll to other more interesting things, I mean, I know who is the boss here (ME!) so why bother with these little girly tricks like eye contact.

Brackneyc
04-10-2014, 03:37 PM
Great thread. It doesnt matter what you are into. could be bodybuilding, fishing, woodworking. The result will always be the same.

This is not a slam on you, I think you are great poster and from what I can tell a great guy who goes above and beyond so please dont take this wrong.

Its not that she doesnt appreciate the effort you put in or anything like that. It really has nothing to do with your bodybuilding at all. it boils down to a very simple thing and that somehow, she does not see you as an alpha male and she is trying to tell you in her own way just that.

The tell tell signs are there. Caring for all her needs, being attentive. You would think these are nice things to do and they are but you also have to draw the line and set the record straight. She told you straiught up that she wants to see other men so she basically is telling you that she no longer sees you as the alpha and her biological needs are drawing her to another who she does see that way. Same reason the bad boys get the women.

Imagine for a second that you found a dog that was out of control. You could be nice to it all day long but it will still push you around until you look it in the eye and tel it no. Same goes with kids, They can run around all day but when you say no at the end of the fun, that should be it, no. They dont get to keep acting up as you try to be nice about it.

the alpha ape does all of this without saying a word. They fully control a complex social structure of their group and everyone knows they are the boss by the way they carry themselves.

I dont know you but this might be where you are lacking. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in our day to day lives that we lose focus of simply being the man in the relationship. We feel guilty for being away at the gym or working in nutrition or recover and we forget to tend to the garden that is right in front of us at home.

Drive you car and never do maint and it will eventually cause a problem. Same with relationahips and by that I dont mean you have to lavish her with flowers or phoney apologies or anything like that. i am saying you need to address yourself and how she sees you.

It might not be too late though as there is a very simple fix to this.

Lets look at the silverback. he carries himself as the alpha. By thet he always makes eye contact and doesnt avert his gave first. When approached by betas or lower ranking apes, they will 100% of the time look down. same with us. Start looking people in the eye and watch as they instinctively look down first. This means they are deferring to you as the alpha. Good, capitalize on that.

Women are particularly keen for eye contact as the majority of their day is centered around it whether they realize it or not. If you are not making eye contact, you will never be the alpha, you will be the guy keeping her confy until the alpha comes along.

The silverback basically does not feel bad for what he does or where he goes because he is the general and his job is to protect the tribe so the others dont question him if he need to take more space. he must need it to protect the group. A way to experiment with this is to simply walk into someones space, they should instinctively get out of your way and give you room. Dont worry if you hurt their feelings, the alpha need to do what the alpha needs to do.

Next is taking up more space and being louder. The silver back needs more space because he is the boss, he takes as much as he needs. They are clearly the biggest one around just like you alreday are so you have that down.

The way to experiment with this it to notice when you are talking with someone, always have your arm against the wall or somehow be stretching out your arms tio make yourself even bigger than you are. Theis shows them you are physically bigger. Thsi worls even if you are not bigger buy the way. look at little dogs that seems to be in charge of bigger dogs.

Same goes with making more noise, the leader by nature has to make more noise to fend off predators.

The main thing sounds odd but will attract more women than anything including your gf and that is touching other females. Not groping them or being a creep but say you are at a party with friends, make sure to touch other females arms or put a fatherly hand on their shoulder, anything like this. The females will see this as the others are allowing you to actually touch them so you are clearly the alpha/ most desirable one. If they are repulsed by your touch then you got problems and have not done any of the other things discussed above.


So you see, this is the type of relationship maint that needs to be done. Do this and she will be all over you and if not her, you will have no trouble pulling any others you want.

Again, please dont take this as I am dogging you out personally, its not like that, i am just trying to help.

If you arent doing these things then there will always be another guy who is doing them, always.


There is no alpha anymore, period.

sy2502
04-10-2014, 03:58 PM
There is no alpha anymore, period.

And what the fukk is an "alpha" anyway?

Brackneyc
04-10-2014, 04:01 PM
And what the fukk is an "alpha" anyway?


It's what guys think they are until someone hurts their feelings.

mcbourque
04-10-2014, 04:03 PM
And what the fukk is an "alpha" anyway?

Thank goodness I prefer gamma, or delta or epsilon... Or any other letter of the alphabet actually ;)

GuyJin
04-10-2014, 04:05 PM
Thank goodness I prefer gamma, or delta or epsilon... Or any other letter of the alphabet actually ;)

---

It's all Greek to me.

Oh come on, you knew someone would write that!

:D

(Great avi, by the way!)

mcbourque
04-10-2014, 04:14 PM
---

It's all Greek to me.

Oh come on, you knew someone would write that!

:D

(Great avi, by the way!)

Of course I knew lol
and thanks :)

Wyomann
04-10-2014, 04:21 PM
Thank goodness I prefer gamma, or delta or epsilon... Or any other letter of the alphabet actually ;)

Because you have low self value, of course you'd pick a gamma.

sy2502
04-10-2014, 04:55 PM
It's what guys think they are until someone hurts their feelings.

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Brackneyc again.

Phattso
04-10-2014, 04:55 PM
I have never been in this position. But, if I were and if I cared a lot about her, then I would do everything possible to definitively conclude that she cannot handle it before ending anything. I would give her so much attention and let her undoubtably know how important she is.

She told you she was upset because she likes you a lot. If she didn't, she would have been gone already.

stayfit2008
04-11-2014, 07:05 AM
Small update. We sat down and discussed a few things. I'll admit I can be clueless at times. When I announced my comeback to the stage I began getting plenty of FB friend requests. Many were from young bikini competitors. But even score across the board w others fitness peeps as well. It is dufficult for her to look at my FB seeing these girls like my pics and comment. Tho the comments are encouraging and motivational. Again not crossing the line. I thought if that is all that is really bothering her then I can do w out that type of friend base. There will come a time when I open a gym I'll have to work w clients like that. She understands that. But just it have them there on my wall for no other reason, I am able to make changes. In return she'll feel much more appreciated and comfortable supporting and following me.

polishedball
04-11-2014, 07:23 AM
Small update. We sat down and discussed a few things. I'll admit I can be clueless at times. When I announced my comeback to the stage I began getting plenty of FB friend requests. Many were from young bikini competitors. But even score across the board w others fitness peeps as well. It is dufficult for her to look at my FB seeing these girls like my pics and comment. Tho the comments are encouraging and motivational. Again not crossing the line. I thought if that is all that is really bothering her then I can do w out that type of friend base. There will come a time when I open a gym I'll have to work w clients like that. She understands that. But just it have them there on my wall for no other reason, I am able to make changes. In return she'll feel much more appreciated and comfortable supporting and following me.

Glad you found a way to work it out and move forward. Long term I hope all works out.

Personally I still like the attitude my wife and I hold towards others that find us attractive or try to flirt. It means we did good with each other since if no one else ever found us attractive it would mean we were ugly.

NorwichGrad
04-11-2014, 08:08 AM
Small update. We sat down and discussed a few things. I'll admit I can be clueless at times. When I announced my comeback to the stage I began getting plenty of FB friend requests. Many were from young bikini competitors. But even score across the board w others fitness peeps as well. It is dufficult for her to look at my FB seeing these girls like my pics and comment. Tho the comments are encouraging and motivational. Again not crossing the line. I thought if that is all that is really bothering her then I can do w out that type of friend base. There will come a time when I open a gym I'll have to work w clients like that. She understands that. But just it have them there on my wall for no other reason, I am able to make changes. In return she'll feel much more appreciated and comfortable supporting and following me.

You're a good man, man, for taking the initiative to make her feel loved. That's what real men do. We make our women feel safe and secure..

My wife never told me I spend too much time on weightlifting. But she once told me I spent too much time on the internet. So I no longer surf at home, only at work.