View Full Version : NEWS JUST IN: Al Qaeda suicide bombers to go on strike

04-02-2014, 11:09 PM
Al Qaeda suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike next Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda Management have so far failed to produce an agreement.

The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death will be cut from 72 to only 45. The rationale for the cut was the increase in recent years of the number of suicide bombings, and a subsequent shortage of virgins in the afterlife.

The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs (B.O.O.M.) responded with a statement that this was unacceptable to its members, and immediately balloted for strike action. General Secretary, Mr. Mahatma Coat, told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much in return, but to be treated like this is very unfair."

Speaking from his lean-to in the West Midlands town of Tipton , where he currently resides, an Al Qaeda chief executive explained, "We sympathize with our workers' concerns, but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands. They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day Jihad in a competitive marketplace. Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditures or laying people off. I don't like cutting wages, but I'd hate to have to tell 3,000 of my members that they won't be able to blow themselves up."

Spokespersons for the union in Newcastle , Middlesbrough, Essex, Glasgow, Herne Bay, Shell harbour Australia and British Columbia stated that they would not be unaffected, as there are no virgins in these areas anyway.

Apparently, the drop in the number of suicide bombings has been largely put down to the emergence of the Scottish singing star, Susan Boyle. Now that Muslims know what a virgin looks like, they are no longer so keen on going to paradise.

04-03-2014, 12:07 AM

Reps on recharge.

04-03-2014, 12:16 AM
Why become an Islamic fundamentalist and take the risk that there might be virgins in the afterlife, when you can just become a catholic priest and be sure of access to virgins?
(c) Jimmy Carr

04-03-2014, 02:02 AM
And the poor suicide bombers who prefer more experienced women, milfs or even gilfs.... what are they supposed to do?

04-03-2014, 04:30 AM

Reps on recharge.

Got him. Very witty

04-03-2014, 05:41 AM
funny! - still can't rep you, until I rep others..............who wants em?