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DocHoss
06-16-2012, 08:50 AM
Today is the 10th anniversary of my mom's passing. She was 2 weeks shy of her 63rd birthday - way, way too young. She had battled leukemia and after 5 years of continuous chemo rounds, her body finally could take no more. Even when she died she was beautiful. I spent so many nights in the hospital sleeping on the fold-out chair when she was having bad times. In between rounds, she'd have a week or two of good time, so she managed to go hiking, sailing, and some travel, made it to my step-sister's wedding, etc., so life wasn't all bad.

Life goes on, but I still miss her, especially at holidays. The first ones were the worst, of course. My step-dad sent me a card on my birthday, and I was so impressed that I wanted to call my mom and tell her since she'd be so happy - and then I remembered I can't. I used to have dreams where I'd be talking to her and wondering how is this since she already died. And should I tell her? That's rarer now, but still sometimes.

Sorry for my rambling. I just want to say, cherish your parents! Cherish your mother. Cherish your father - don't forget that Father's Day is tomorrow.

GuyJin
06-16-2012, 09:01 AM
To lose a parent is always a terrible thing but that is part of life. My mother passed away five years ago and my father twenty-seven years ago and not a day goes by when I don't think of them, what they taught me, how they cared for me...all that and more. My father was 71 at the time of his death and he never got the chance to see me get marriend. My mother was fortunate to have made it to 85, see me married, and hold her grandchildren in her arms. Maybe it was enough. I don't know. I think it was.

Sorry for your loss, OP. I hope your grief will be assuaged by the fact she loved you and raised you well.

itsagoodday
06-16-2012, 09:10 AM
I'm sorry, OP. Your mom must have been a truly amazing lady and you obviously love her very much. It's a beautiful thing to have people in our lives that we hold so dearly, though it is all the more painful when they are gone. You are in my thoughts.

2nd_chance
06-16-2012, 09:24 AM
Nice post Doc. My dad died 2 days before Christmas in 2005. We buried him the day after Christmas. I miss him. Happy Father's day dad.

bodyhard
06-16-2012, 09:48 AM
Losing a parent is so hard and we never seem to truly accept their gone. I lost my mom 11 years ago and my father a year ago. I missed them everyday of my life.

RIP Mom and Pops till I meet you again in the afterlife....

latebloomingmom
06-16-2012, 09:51 AM
20th anniversary of my mother's death was will be when I am 44. yep..cancer..chemo. I remember it like it was yesterday. Dad died when I was 31..liver failure.
It changes who you are as a human being and forces you to realize that all things are temporary. I miss them both every moment of my life. I miss them when I look into the faces of my children.

whatevergirl
06-16-2012, 09:59 AM
oh, this thread moves me.

I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my parents as a kid. Days like fathers/mothers day don't affect me all that much, but out of the blue, something will trigger how much I miss them. Guess that's natural.

Thanks for sharing this with us. I echo you...'cherish your parents.' :o

powernpain
06-16-2012, 10:15 AM
My parents are still with us and we a very much grateful to be so lucky. Sorry OP, for your loss. I often question: how their passing will effect my identity. We live far from each other and see each other on the usual occasions. So they do not directly impact my day to day life. But they are definitely the foundation of who I am. With them gone I wonder often what it will be like without that constant base in my life. Much respect to all that have lost their parents, can't say I even understand the process, hope everyone has a good f-day.

latebloomingmom
06-16-2012, 10:17 AM
yep...it usually hits me when a stranger somehow reminds me of one of them...their mannnerisms, their laugh..how they stand, their sense of humor..
There is an immediate response in me.."Hey I like this person..why is that?"
I have to sit for a moment and figure out..oh she reminds me of my mother or what my mom would have been like in her 60's. This used to make me sad now I just smile and nod and move on:)

DocHoss
06-17-2012, 07:40 AM
Thank you all for the kind remarks! I especially feel for those of you who have lost a parent while young.

As LBM mentioned, the hardest part is when I run into someone that reminds me of her. The grief has subsided of course, but there is always some lingering sadness and wistfulness about what it would be like if she were still around.

But enough sentimentality - the sun is up and I gotta go deadlift (something that I think would really surprise her).

latebloomingmom
06-17-2012, 09:35 AM
wistfulness is a good word ya know..it is when you know you can still smile even with a few tears. I think if you can look back and de-emphasize the not so perfect times when they were not so perfect parents but try to appreciate the gifts that they gave you and then try to be the best person that you can be.
go on with your life, be a good person, try to make good choices.
...well is that not what all parents wish for their children?

Oceanside
06-17-2012, 09:44 AM
full military honors for my father just this last Friday (Died may 2nd) ...

lost my mother jan of 2002

http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/nctimes/obituary.aspx?n=joseph-m-brent&pid=157487062

latebloomingmom
06-17-2012, 10:07 AM
full military honors for my father just this last Friday (Died may 2nd) ...

lost my mother jan of 2002

http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/nctimes/obituary.aspx?n=joseph-m-brent&pid=157487062
SOB did not know you just lost your dad. I am sorry to hear this. a LT Col. is very impressive. He was born in Detroit? your dad was a michigander:)

EB68
06-17-2012, 10:12 AM
My dad passed away friday evening. This is officially the worst father's day ever.

latebloomingmom
06-17-2012, 10:17 AM
as in two days ago? I am deeply sorry for you and for your family at the loss of your father EB68..

EB68
06-17-2012, 10:22 AM
Yes, two days ago. Thank you.

dbx
06-17-2012, 10:23 AM
I'm sorry for everyone in here who has lost a parent. I haven't had this experience yet, but I know it won't be too long before I do.

Endurance4lfe
06-17-2012, 10:35 AM
this is all so sad. F'n cancer!!! I empathize with you all. I was having a hard time yesterday dealing with the loss of my mom as well. she died a month ago tomorrow. 57 yrs old, cancer. Lost my dad when I was 12. My condolences to you all. :-(

whatevergirl
06-17-2012, 11:01 AM
My dad passed away friday evening. This is officially the worst father's day ever.

oh, i'm terribly sorry. :( prayers for you and your family.

Lou1se
06-17-2012, 11:08 AM
Both my parents are still alive.

My mum is 66, we are very close. She has a such wicked sense of humour and a heart of gold. We spend a good deal of our time together, laughing! :D

My dad is 76 and is holidaying on the other side of the world, spending FD with family in his home town right now. I know he is having the best time of his life! :)

I know they will not be around forever. And to you who have lost a parent or both parents, I give you my sincerest condolences. May the special moments/memories you shared together comfort you.

Your mum must have been a very special lady OP :)

powernpain
06-17-2012, 11:12 AM
Sincere prayers.... To all.

A little card my five year old son gave me this morning.

Footprints

"walk a little slower daddy " said a child so small.
"I am following in your footsteps and I don't want to fall"

Sometimes your steps are very fast,
Sometimes they are hard to see,
So walk a little slower, daddy
For you are leading me.

Someday when I am all grown up,
You're what I want to be,
Then I will have a little child
Who will want to follow me.

And I would want to lead just right
And know that I was true,
So, and walk a little slower daddy,
For I must follow... YOU.

:) all the best!

kjake55
06-17-2012, 12:31 PM
Today is the 10th anniversary of my mom's passing. She was 2 weeks shy of her 63rd birthday - way, way too young. She had battled leukemia and after 5 years of continuous chemo rounds, her body finally could take no more. Even when she died she was beautiful. I spent so many nights in the hospital sleeping on the fold-out chair when she was having bad times. In between rounds, she'd have a week or two of good time, so she managed to go hiking, sailing, and some travel, made it to my step-sister's wedding, etc., so life wasn't all bad.

Life goes on, but I still miss her, especially at holidays. The first ones were the worst, of course. My step-dad sent me a card on my birthday, and I was so impressed that I wanted to call my mom and tell her since she'd be so happy - and then I remembered I can't. I used to have dreams where I'd be talking to her and wondering how is this since she already died. And should I tell her? That's rarer now, but still sometimes.

Sorry for my rambling. I just want to say, cherish your parents! Cherish your mother. Cherish your father - don't forget that Father's Day is tomorrow.

I know your mother must have been very proud of the son that she raised. Beautiful sentiments OP.

kjake55
06-17-2012, 12:32 PM
My dad passed away friday evening. This is officially the worst father's day ever.

I am very sorry for your loss. Mt deepest sympathies to you and your family.

IronCharles
06-17-2012, 12:43 PM
I've lost both parents as well. There is no "getting over" it, it's just something you learn to accept, and deal with it as best you can. Keeping yourself busy with loving the ones still with you, as you cherish the memories of those who aren't is a good way to cope.

dbx
06-17-2012, 02:52 PM
Sincere prayers.... To all.

A little card my five year old son gave me this morning.

Footprints

"walk a little slower daddy " said a child so small.
"I am following in your footsteps and I don't want to fall"

Sometimes your steps are very fast,
Sometimes they are hard to see,
So walk a little slower, daddy
For you are leading me.

Someday when I am all grown up,
You're what I want to be,
Then I will have a little child
Who will want to follow me.

And I would want to lead just right
And know that I was true,
So, and walk a little slower daddy,
For I must follow... YOU.

:) all the best!

I got this ^ on a handmade card from one of sons when they were very young. Nice sentiments...


I've lost both parents as well. There is no "getting over" it, it's just something you learn to accept, and deal with it as best you can. Keeping yourself busy with loving the ones still with you, as you cherish the memories of those who aren't is a good way to cope.

Well said, and I hope that I will be able to cope with it as well as you have. I truly fear the day(s)....

gray73
06-17-2012, 03:14 PM
I lost my biological father when I was three to a motorcycle accident. My Mom remarried the same year to the guy who raised me.
Mom died in 2005 to cancer and my "Dad" had a massive heart attack and died in January of last year.
As others have said, you never get over it. My condolences to all who have lost their parents.

whufcwesthamuni
06-17-2012, 03:21 PM
This makes me very sad. I can understand how bad you must be feeling. I really feel for your loss.

Bando
06-17-2012, 04:51 PM
This is a very sad thread. I lost my Mom (2005) at 62 also OP, on Friday I brought my family to her grave.

I miss my Mom.

tobymax123
06-17-2012, 08:49 PM
DocHoss, I'm sorry to hear that you had a sad anniversary this weekend. The 10th anniversary of my mother's passing will be in 3 months. She was only 60, and had fought breast cancer for 8 years. Like you I spent many nights in a hospital room near the end, and I was there holding her hand when she took her last breath. I remember that I stood there with her for 3 or 4 minutes before I calmly walked down to the nurses station and told them. I found it odd that they jumped into action and ran down the hall to her room as if it were an emergency. My father died in '89 at age 51 from a heart attack.

Losing the second parent was much much tougher for me, and I went through nearly a year of intense grief after Mom died. I probably should have sought counseling or a support group, but reading eventually helped me sort through it. I found books specifically for adults who have lost both parents. One that I still pull off the shelf occasionally is "Midlife Orphan" by Jane Brooks. It really helped to read about others who experienced the exact same feelings that I had, along with some explanations of why we feel the way we do. Turns out it's very common for the grief to be extreme and prolonged after the second parent's death, for a variety of reasons.

Along with the early deaths of both grandfathers, the desire to not die young is my major motivating factor in exercising and trying to live a healthy lifestyle.

flairon
06-17-2012, 08:54 PM
I know how you feel OP. I lost my pops in 08 and think about him pretty much every day. All this weekend I was reminded of him using his tools doing a little project. I've got tools of dads and grandpas and some of great gramps I'll never get rid of. Little stuff like that keeps memories alive.

DocHoss
06-18-2012, 10:48 PM
Thanks again to everyone for the kind words, and my sympathies to to those who have lost their parents. Some of them went out far, far too early. I'm lucky to have had my mom for as long as I did, and my dad is still alive and kicking. My step-mom does her best to keep him in line.


wistfulness is a good word ya know..it is when you know you can still smile even with a few tears. I think if you can look back and de-emphasize the not so perfect times when they were not so perfect parents but try to appreciate the gifts that they gave you and then try to be the best person that you can be.
go on with your life, be a good person, try to make good choices.
...well is that not what all parents wish for their children?
thank you - well said!


full military honors for my father just this last Friday (Died may 2nd) ...

lost my mother jan of 2002

So sorry to hear that - I assume he was a WWII vet?


My dad passed away friday evening. This is officially the worst father's day ever.
Please accept my condolences - that is a hard one. My mom died on father's day, so that was my worst one.


this is all so sad. F'n cancer!!! I empathize with you all. I was having a hard time yesterday dealing with the loss of my mom as well. she died a month ago tomorrow. 57 yrs old, cancer. Lost my dad when I was 12. My condolences to you all. :-(
I'm very sorry to hear that - they were both much too young.



I know they will not be around forever. And to you who have lost a parent or both parents, I give you my sincerest condolences. May the special moments/memories you shared together comfort you.

Your mum must have been a very special lady OP :)
Thanks - she was. Of course, all our moms are special, right?


Sincere prayers.... To all.

A little card my five year old son gave me this morning.

Footprints

"walk a little slower daddy " said a child so small.
"I am following in your footsteps and I don't want to fall"

Sometimes your steps are very fast,
Sometimes they are hard to see,
So walk a little slower, daddy
For you are leading me.

Someday when I am all grown up,
You're what I want to be,
Then I will have a little child
Who will want to follow me.

And I would want to lead just right
And know that I was true,
So, and walk a little slower daddy,
For I must follow... YOU.

:) all the best!
that was very sweet


I know your mother must have been very proud of the son that she raised. Beautiful sentiments OP.
Thank you - she was very proud of both sons.


I've lost both parents as well. There is no "getting over" it, it's just something you learn to accept, and deal with it as best you can. Keeping yourself busy with loving the ones still with you, as you cherish the memories of those who aren't is a good way to cope.
That's right. You never fully get over it, just get used to it. As time goes on, sometimes it seems like it was all a dream.


DocHoss, I'm sorry to hear that you had a sad anniversary this weekend. The 10th anniversary of my mother's passing will be in 3 months. She was only 60, and had fought breast cancer for 8 years. Like you I spent many nights in a hospital room near the end, and I was there holding her hand when she took her last breath. I remember that I stood there with her for 3 or 4 minutes before I calmly walked down to the nurses station and told them. I found it odd that they jumped into action and ran down the hall to her room as if it were an emergency. My father died in '89 at age 51 from a heart attack.

Losing the second parent was much much tougher for me, and I went through nearly a year of intense grief after Mom died. I probably should have sought counseling or a support group, but reading eventually helped me sort through it. I found books specifically for adults who have lost both parents. One that I still pull off the shelf occasionally is "Midlife Orphan" by Jane Brooks. It really helped to read about others who experienced the exact same feelings that I had, along with some explanations of why we feel the way we do. Turns out it's very common for the grief to be extreme and prolonged after the second parent's death, for a variety of reasons.

Along with the early deaths of both grandfathers, the desire to not die young is my major motivating factor in exercising and trying to live a healthy lifestyle.
I hear you - I want to be around a long time, and in good condition too. Well preserved, if need be. My mom passed at her sister's house with us all around, my brother and I holding her hands. Death is never nice, but we did the best we could for her. At the end there was sad relief, but almost disbelief that it really happened.


I know how you feel OP. I lost my pops in 08 and think about him pretty much every day. All this weekend I was reminded of him using his tools doing a little project. I've got tools of dads and grandpas and some of great gramps I'll never get rid of. Little stuff like that keeps memories alive.
SO true.