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WoofieNugget
06-11-2012, 12:08 PM
Thought I'd look for some mature insight here. My brother in law has a girlfriend of six years, and their relationship has been nothing but terrible for a couple of years. Constantly fighting about some very fundamental things, they have done counselling and the whole bit but his girlfriend (in my opinion) is not a good match for him and treats him like crap. They are in the process of possibly finally breaking up, which my wife and I have been hoping for. He's very much infatuated with her though (doesn't think he can do any better which he can) and is willing to be a doormat if she would just stay around. It actually makes me cringe sometimes when I see them interact if we are over there and I have to witness him letting her walk all over him. He's a successful guy with a good job. I also have suspicions that she's starting to break away because she's cheating on him (again, just based on some of the circumstances and strange things that he has told us about).

Him and I don't have a really close relationship but we get along just fine playing chess and video games together once in a while and watching the occasional football/basketball game, we're just not good friends. He doesn't have a lot of close male friends here because just like my wife and I, he moved here a couple of years ago. All his good friends are married with kids and live several hours away (he's my age).

I guess my question is - would you reach out to him even though you don't have that kind of relationship? It's a strange question I know, but while he's very close with his sister he's also very quick to get defensive about his relationship because he thinks she walks on water. I feel like he might need a guy friend to talk to about it, but we aren't really like that.

tmonkey
06-11-2012, 12:32 PM
wait for him to come to you and be careful with what you say even then

IronCharles
06-11-2012, 12:43 PM
Personally, I wouldn't interfere in anybody's relationship. It's not my business. How would you feel if your relatives start telling you your wife is no good for you and you should leave her?

flairon
06-11-2012, 01:02 PM
I don't know, this is kind of touchy. I would think at best the most you could do would be give a respectful heartfelt opinion on the matter...once....and then let it run its course.

eomrat
06-11-2012, 01:13 PM
I would not touch that.

BillReilly
06-11-2012, 01:19 PM
I'll say just about anything to anyone, with no regard for their feelings. Even I would never tell another man how to handle his woman. Just be glad she is not your problem.

latebloomingmom
06-11-2012, 01:27 PM
dont touch that one with a ten foot pole:(

thepowerwithin
06-11-2012, 01:27 PM
I, too, say leave it alone. If it's not meant to be, then it won't, without interference.

I totally understand you wanting to say something. It's disturbing to watch! I have a similar situation and frequently just have to remove myself from the situation before I start spouting out my true, probably non-productive thoughts and feelings.

mtpockets
06-11-2012, 01:28 PM
Stay out of it, it's not your business, if he asks your opinion, thats different.

There is always 2 sides to every story and the truth is somewhere in the middle, you may not be seeing it objectively or know everything.

Let it run its course, if its not meant to be, it will end, You don't want to be the blame for ending it nor do you want to feel like you did.

WoofieNugget
06-11-2012, 01:35 PM
Thanks for the replies so far. Obviously I wouldn't sit down with him and say "hey, what are you thinking? She's a cee you next tuesday and you need to get away from her." because while I feel it is the truth it is none of my business. I think the best course of action is to leave it alone and if he reaches out to me then just be careful about what I say.

kingkartol
06-11-2012, 01:41 PM
im my opinion you should talk to him because if it goes unsaid it could potentially ruin the rest of his life. this is what happened to my uncle, nobody talked to him about his relationship with his wife who is a complete bitch. she threatens to divorce him everyday even though they have 6 kids!!!!!!!
he litereally lives a horrible live and cant really do anything about it. im think you should talk to him because my uncle was in the same position and he did not have anyone to talk to him.

larrysmojo
06-11-2012, 01:47 PM
My wife did this exact same thing with her brother. He loved this girl to death, she treated him like dirt and cheated. Everyone knew it but wouldn't say anything. Finally my wife had all she could stand and spoke up. It got real heated, he said some hurtful things back to my wife and she ended up slapping him in the face. That is way out of character for my wife. Even though my wife was completely right (not the slap part) about how he was being used, played etc... He was blinded by love. You can tell a person anything when they are ruled by their emotions. It took almost a year for them to speak again. He is no longer with the girl and now appreciates what his sister was trying to accomplish.

So from personal experience I say let him come to you or let him know that you will be there for him. He may just want an ear and not an answer to his problem.

Simpy
06-11-2012, 01:54 PM
In situations like this, a person must learn for themselves.

Nikonguy
06-11-2012, 02:51 PM
Some people are willing to take a lot of pain for a little pleasure. Let your brother know you are there to talk if HE wants too but don't press him on the issue.

x-trainer ben
06-11-2012, 04:02 PM
Thought I'd look for some mature insight here. My brother in law has a girlfriend of six years, and their relationship has been nothing but terrible for a couple of years. Constantly fighting about some very fundamental things, they have done counselling and the whole bit but his girlfriend (in my opinion) is not a good match for him and treats him like crap. They are in the process of possibly finally breaking up, which my wife and I have been hoping for. He's very much infatuated with her though (doesn't think he can do any better which he can) and is willing to be a doormat if she would just stay around. It actually makes me cringe sometimes when I see them interact if we are over there and I have to witness him letting her walk all over him. He's a successful guy with a good job. I also have suspicions that she's starting to break away because she's cheating on him (again, just based on some of the circumstances and strange things that he has told us about).

Him and I don't have a really close relationship but we get along just fine playing chess and video games together once in a while and watching the occasional football/basketball game, we're just not good friends. He doesn't have a lot of close male friends here because just like my wife and I, he moved here a couple of years ago. All his good friends are married with kids and live several hours away (he's my age).

I guess my question is - would you reach out to him even though you don't have that kind of relationship? It's a strange question I know, but while he's very close with his sister he's also very quick to get defensive about his relationship because he thinks she walks on water. I feel like he might need a guy friend to talk to about it, but we aren't really like that.

If your one of these "tuff love types" then you speak to him and say i am just telling you this because........
If you like to avoid drama and value him as a chess player/video gamer then watch him crash and regret it later.

GuyJin
06-11-2012, 05:56 PM
Have to agree with the "don't touch this situation with a ten-foot pole" crowd. It isn't your business unless he comes to you with his problem and even THEN I'd be wary. JMO...

V-240
06-11-2012, 06:56 PM
End well, this will not.

:(

gray73
06-12-2012, 12:54 PM
My brother has been with a worthless piece of trash for the past 13 years. The first few years I tried to talk to him about how I seen things, but after a few arguments, I washed my hands of the situation.
He comes to me from time to time bitching about her. I politely listen to him but offer no advise or say anything about how I feel about her.
Let it be. He won't listen and you'll be wasting your breath.

Wayne Evans
06-12-2012, 03:07 PM
I would not touch that.

Correct....IMO....I would never entangle myself in anyone's personal emotional interplay/drama regardless of the disdain for your perception of this situation.
As stated....'none of anyone else's business' and I would distance myself from all of it.

That's my take on it.....carry on.

Frnkd
06-12-2012, 04:26 PM
If any thing IMO, your wife should say something, not you. When you witness something that bothers you, bring it up on the drive home from their place or as you and wife clean up after theyve been over. The thing is your relationship with him is more cordial.

I look at it this way too with my wife's family that's how we deal things, she brings things up related to them...and I bring things up related to my own. Keeps the peace, and the defenses down, let met tell you.

....it's better that you dont say anything.....My advice.