PDA

View Full Version : What's the hardest Bible story to believe?



...Rousseau...
06-02-2011, 05:36 PM
Mostly asking Atheists but anyone can chill in this thread.

Ironscholar
06-02-2011, 05:38 PM
The one that says god exists.

Bkcmart
06-02-2011, 05:47 PM
Most of them. But the one about Jonah and the whale was extra lulzy. Even my 8 year old self had a hard time buying that one.

mistaballoonhan
06-02-2011, 05:49 PM
If Joseph had just posted on the Misc. we could've avoided this whole situation.

Brb "virgin" wife is pregnant. And what was her excuse? "Uh, God impregnated me! I didn't cheat!"

The Misc would've set his beta ass straight.

ZachSmash
06-02-2011, 05:51 PM
job.


it defies any rational logic that a loving god would punish someone to prove a point to the devil.


and when did god grant the devil the power to tempt man anyways!!?!? and why does god allow him to tempt man?

Cheezerman
06-02-2011, 05:52 PM
moses

Mr Beer
06-02-2011, 05:53 PM
I find the Ark fable particularly hilarious when it's claimed as factual rather metaphorical.

ZachSmash
06-02-2011, 05:58 PM
I find the Ark fable particularly hilarious when it's claimed as factual rather metaphorical.

what did the tigers eat for 40 days?

...Rousseau...
06-02-2011, 06:04 PM
I thought about making this thread when I read the story of the talking donkey.

TysonLabowski
06-02-2011, 06:21 PM
There was that story that started in Genesis and ended in Revelations that seems pretty unbelievable...

Harbinger
06-02-2011, 06:21 PM
Mostly asking Atheists but anyone can chill in this thread.

I find the whole jesus thing rather amusing.

Mr Beer
06-02-2011, 06:28 PM
what did the tigers eat for 40 days?

God's Love, which is in infinite abundance, brother.

"And the Lord make you to increase and abound in love one toward another, and toward all men, even as we do toward you:" -- Thessalonians 3:12

byrontel
06-02-2011, 07:37 PM
Despite knowing all this, people believing that the book is the word of God!

tk217
06-02-2011, 07:42 PM
Burning Bush or pillar of salt... both freaking retarded.

whizbang
06-02-2011, 07:45 PM
I find the Ark fable particularly hilarious when it's claimed as factual rather metaphorical.

the ark fable is based around actual events, it correlates with other flood stories such as the sumerian flood myth in which virtually similar events take place with utnipishtim being the human selected by the god rather than noah, tbh enki and enlil were our alien overlords, one was a douche and one was cool and decided to prepare humans in various civilizations for the flood. enki (also known as ea) correlates to the christian devil as he gave humans knowledge and prepared them for the flood (the devil is the good guy) and the god of the sky aka dicksnorter enlil is the god that christians worship, hes the one that flooded the earth because he grew sick of humanity. yes im srs

bigkarl
06-02-2011, 07:48 PM
I find the Ark fable particularly hilarious when it's claimed as factual rather metaphorical.

this.

No evidence of "The Flood"

No evidence of a boat that can hold billions of animals.


how any adult can believe this is just mystifies me

Mr Beer
06-02-2011, 07:50 PM
the ark fable is based around actual events, *insert events that did not occur*

...ok

Mr Beer
06-02-2011, 07:52 PM
this.

No evidence of "The Flood"

No evidence of a boat that can hold billions of animals.

how any adult can believe this is just mystifies me

Cognitive dissonance. Any discussion of the event needs God to pop down and do various magic tricks to make it work. At the end of the day you wonder why He went to such ridiculously elaborate efforts...or rather you don't because your disbelief couldn't be suspended through such a ****storm of contrivence.

whizbang
06-02-2011, 07:55 PM
...ok

it's from the epic of gilgamesh, im drawing parallels between the 2 gods and their christian deity counterparts to illustrate that aliens our are true masters.

there are tons of flood myths from different cultures that are parallel in nature, lol@ you for casting it aside so easily.

byrontel
06-02-2011, 08:06 PM
it's from the epic of gilgamesh, im drawing parallels between the 2 gods and their christian deity counterparts to illustrate that aliens our are true masters.

there are tons of flood myths from different cultures that are parallel in nature, lol@ you for casting it aside so easily.

No flood myths in Indian/Hindu cultures!

3lixer
06-02-2011, 08:08 PM
http://i420.photobucket.com/albums/pp285/Blue5wirl/GodVsDevil.jpg

Mr Beer
06-02-2011, 08:12 PM
there are tons of flood myths from different cultures that are parallel in nature, lol@ you for casting it aside so easily.

Severe floods happened (and continue to happen) and therefore form part of folklore for just about any culture you care to name; magical worldwide floods caused by Gods and evil alien masters did not. LOL@ you for conflating obvious facts with ridiculous fairy tales.

Ephedra
06-02-2011, 08:24 PM
If Joseph had just posted on the Misc. we could've avoided this whole situation.

Brb "virgin" wife is pregnant. And what was her excuse? "Uh, God impregnated me! I didn't cheat!"

The Misc would've set his beta ass straight.

Lmao I can only imagine how lulzy it would be to see Joseph in the RH section trying to defend his cheating wife.

penn28
06-02-2011, 08:46 PM
No flood myths in Indian/Hindu cultures!

There is a story of a giant flood in Hinduism.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Matsya


Matsya (Sanskrit: मत्स्य) (Fish in Sanskrit) was the first Avatar of Vishnu in Hinduism. The great flood finds mention in Hindu mythology texts like the Satapatha Brahmana, wherein the Matsya Avatar takes place to save the pious and the first man, Manu and advices him to build a giant boat.

According to the Matsya Purana, the king of pre-ancient Dravida and a devotee of Vishnu, Satyavrata who later was known as Manu was washing his hands in a river when a little fish swam into his hands and pleaded with him to save its life. He put it in a jar, which it soon outgrew. He then moved it to a tank, a river and then finally the ocean but to no avail. The fish then revealed himself to be Vishnu and told him that a deluge would occur within seven days that would destroy all life. Therefore, Satyavrata was instructed to take "all medicinal herbs, all the varieties of seeds, and accompanied by the seven saints” along with the serpent Vasuki and other animals.

BobisMighty
06-02-2011, 08:52 PM
bel and the dragon
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bel_and_the_Dragon

anotheruser
06-02-2011, 08:56 PM
Anyone who interprets the Bible factually is an idiot. St. Augustine said that the Bible was a theological work, not a scientific one.

anotheruser
06-02-2011, 09:00 PM
There is a story of a giant flood in Hinduism.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Matsya

and in Gilgamesh there's a Moses figure. Even has an ark.

There actually probably was a flood that ravaged the ancient world. At least there's a good amount of evidence for it and it would explain the prevelence of flood myths across cultures.

...Rousseau...
06-02-2011, 09:02 PM
No flood myths in Indian/Hindu cultures!

don't ever speak again.

Sublime82
06-02-2011, 09:09 PM
the ark fable is based around actual events, it correlates with other flood stories such as the sumerian flood myth in which virtually similar events take place with utnipishtim being the human selected by the god rather than noah, tbh enki and enlil were our alien overlords, one was a douche and one was cool and decided to prepare humans in various civilizations for the flood. enki (also known as ea) correlates to the christian devil as he gave humans knowledge and prepared them for the flood (the devil is the good guy) and the god of the sky aka dicksnorter enlil is the god that christians worship, hes the one that flooded the earth because he grew sick of humanity. yes im srs

Interestingly, certain native american cultures have flood myths as well.

Heracles25
06-02-2011, 09:13 PM
I like the story where we became what we are by random chance and where we came from monkeys. Or the one where came to be as smart creatures from single cell bacteria. Also I like the story where the bible is counted as scientific fact when it barely touches the realm. I like how man comes up with random theories of multivereses and they are more trustworhty than the supernatural.

KTownGT
06-02-2011, 09:16 PM
Job, Numbers, Moses parting the red sea and living to be like 900, Adam and Eve, the Ark, Jesus rising from the grave, most things in the Old Testament, the antichrist, new-world theory.

Defies logic and observable phenomena.

Agnostic agnostic(or w/e) here, btw.

Tech_N9ne
06-02-2011, 09:40 PM
Sodom you say?
Everything below is quoted from a cracked article, link on bottom. It perfectly explains how bible stories began: Things happen people can't explain, must be God.

http://i-beta.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/article/2/0/9/60209.jpg?v=1

The Real Sodom and Gomorrah

You know the legend of Sodom and Gomorrah, right? It's a tale told in the Old Testament, for one thing. And really, no other city in history or myth went down as the one place where residents tried to rape angels in the butt.

http://i-beta.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/article/3/0/4/60304.jpg?v=1
Other interpretations say the sin was inhospitality,
which is just how they said angel rape back then.

The story of the decadent city and its supposed destruction is used by country folk to condemn city life to this day. For an evangelical Christian, it's an example of what happens when we cross God. Specifically, Genesis 19:24-25 happens:


Then the LORD rained down burning sulfur on Sodom and Gomorrah -- from the LORD out of the heavens. Thus he overthrew those cities and the entire plain, destroying all those living in the cities -- and also the vegetation in the land.

http://i-beta.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/article/3/0/7/60307.jpg?v=1
Also cows. **** cows. Verily.

And later:


(Abraham) looked down toward Sodom and Gomorrah, toward all the land of the plain, and he saw dense smoke rising from the land, like smoke from a furnace.

But we have no evidence outside of the Bible that the story is true, right? All we can agree on is that thousands of years ago something triggered this account (or myth or legend -- whatever you prefer) of a town so bad that God himself threw down fireballs and sulfur to destroy it.

The Horror:

Scientists now think that "something" might have been a half-mile wide asteroid. Before it could land, it apparently morphed into a three-mile-wide fire ball before clipping a mountain range and exploding in a rain of fiery debris. But don't beat yourself up for not getting that from the Biblical account.

http://i-beta.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/article/3/2/3/60323.jpg?v=1
"And lo, Lot's wife was turned into a pillar of atomized particles from the intense
heat and maybe looked like salt to the uneducated observer."

About 150 years ago, two seemingly unrelated discoveries were made in different parts of the world. First, a Cuneiform tablet known as "The Planisphere," which was a copy of a sky chart from June 29, 3123 BC. Among the stars it seems to depict a moving object, one so large that it could be seen from the ground.

http://i-beta.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/article/3/0/2/60302.jpg?v=1

Meanwhile, over in Austria, geologists discovered evidence of what they think was an asteroid impact site. They found signs of explosions and rock-melting, typically caused when an asteroid breaks apart before impact, raining hell down on everything below.

You can see where this is going. But the impact was in Austria, right? What does this have to do with Sodom and Gomorrah?

Well, According to the scientists, the mushroom cloud of the explosion would have reentered the Earth's atmosphere over the Mediterranean Sea, and would have flashed across the Middle East, leaving a trail of debris and superheated air in its wake. To quote the article, the heat "would be enough to ignite any flammable material -- including human hair and clothes. It is probable more people died under the plume than in the Alps due to the impact blast."

http://i-beta.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/article/6/2/5/60625.jpg?v=1

So imagine you're a guy living in a city in the Middle East, thousands of years ago. Maybe you herd sheep. You know absolutely nothing of asteroids or meteors or comets. Suddenly, in the middle of the night, the air fills with smoke, ash and debris. And then the air gets hot -- not hot like a summer day, but hot like the oven you use to fire clay pots.

Then, all around you, screams. Everything that is flammable spontaneously combusts. You are now on fire.

http://i-beta.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/article/3/2/0/60320.jpg?v=1
"ARRGH I'M ON FIRE IN THE LITERAL SENSE RATHER THAN IN THE SENSE THAT I AM A SUCCESSFUL PERSON."

It would be to your eyes nothing less than the fiery, vengeful judgment of God. Believers will say that's just what it was. Nonbelievers will say the tale of Sodom and Gomorrah is just the handed-down account of whatever refugees were lucky enough to escape the now-forgotten burning city -- and from witnesses who stood, horrified, and watched it happen from afar (and "saw dense smoke rising from the land, like smoke from a furnace").

You can be damned well sure that no ancient Middle Eastern nomad would forget the time they saw an entire city on the horizon spontaneously burst into flame. That's the kind of story that gets told and retold for a few thousand years.

http://www.cracked.com/article_19226_the-5-most-extravagant-ways-cities-have-been-wiped-out.html

weakguy
06-02-2011, 09:46 PM
I like the story where we became what we are by random chance and where we came from monkeys. Or the one where came to be as smart creatures from single cell bacteria. Also I like the story where the bible is counted as scientific fact when it barely touches the realm. I like how man comes up with random theories of multivereses and they are more trustworhty than the supernatural. If you're trying to sound smart you failed miserably. We can from monkeys? Are you kidding me? If you really don't think evolution has occurred you are either in denial or very delusional.

Mr Beer
06-02-2011, 09:59 PM
I like the story where we became what we are by random chance and where we came from monkeys.

You should probably stop listening to creationists and start listening to scientists, that way you won't hear these stories.

penn28
06-02-2011, 11:23 PM
and in Gilgamesh there's a Moses figure. Even has an ark.

There actually probably was a flood that ravaged the ancient world. At least there's a good amount of evidence for it and it would explain the prevelence of flood myths across cultures.


Manu was a supposedly very righteous person just like Noah is considered in the bible. Because Manu was a righteous man, God helped him and he built a huge boat which housed his family and animals to repopulate the earth, after the deluge would end and the oceans and seas would recede.

Manu is also considered the progenitor of mankind, like Adam in the bible.

Another similarity is Lord Brahm'a in Hinduism and Abraham in the bible. Brahm'a is the God who created the Universe. See even the letters are almost same - Brahm'a vis a vis Abraham.

Hindus have a Trinity as well - Brahm'a the Creator, Vishnu the Preserver and Shiva the Destroyer.

And what Hindus call gods are called Messengers / Prophets in Abrahamic religions.

penn28
06-03-2011, 12:19 AM
and in Gilgamesh there's a Moses figure. Even has an ark.

There actually probably was a flood that ravaged the ancient world. At least there's a good amount of evidence for it and it would explain the prevelence of flood myths across cultures.

This story is like Adam & Eve!
In the Hindu story "Mahabharata, Chronicles of Vaivasvata":


The progeny of Adamis and Hevas soon became so wicked that they were no longer able to coexist peacefully. Brahm'a therefore decided to punish his creatures.


And here is Jonah and the Whale story:
Shrimad Bhagavatam, Canto 10, Part 3, Chapter 55, Pradyumna.

Pradyumna, the son of Vishnu, was swallowed by a fish and a few days later restored to life.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pradyumna


Pradyumna is also a character in the Srimad Bhagavatam. He is a son of Krishna by Rukmini.
When a child only six days old, he was stolen by the demon Sambara and thrown into the ocean. There he was swallowed by a fish, which was afterwards caught and carried to the house of Sambara. When the fish was opened, a beautiful child was discovered, and Mayadevi or Mayavati, the mistress of Sambara's household, took him under her care. The sage Narada informed her who the child was, and she reared him carefully.



Hinduism, while it is recognized as the source for Buddhist Thought, also seems to be the primordial source for the Three Abrahamic Religions of Judaism, Christianity, Islam as well.

whizbang
06-03-2011, 01:11 AM
Interestingly, certain native american cultures have flood myths as well.

yeah the hopi indians. south america has one as well with viracocha being the rebuilder of civilization afterwards (white bearded old man) and quetzacoatl helped rebuild the aztecs. both left and said they would be back, viracocha left on a "raft of snakes" into the sea, in sumerian culture enki was the god of the sea.

penn28
06-03-2011, 02:12 AM
The End of the Age when Jesus is supposed to descend on this earth is a take on the Lord Kalki belief in Hinduism.

http://www.yoga-philosophy.com/eng/kalki/kalki.htm


The Apocalyptic Horse Rider - Appearance of Kalki Avatar

"Whenever and wherever there is a decline in religious practice, O descendant of Bharata, and a predominant rise of irreligion--at that time I descend Myself."

"In order to deliver the pious and to annihilate the miscreants, as well as to re-establish the principles of religion, I advent Myself millennium after millennium."

The Srimad-Bhagavatam (12.2.19-20) describes Lord Kalki as follows: "Lord Kalki, the Lord of the universe, will mount His swift white horse Devadatta and, sword in hand, travel over the earth displaying His unequaled effulgence and riding with great speed, He will kill by the millions those thieves who have dared dress as kings."

Kalki
http://www.yoga-philosophy.com/eng/kalki/Kalki-apocalypse_b.jpg

Maiar
06-03-2011, 03:32 AM
I like the story where we became what we are by random chance and where we came from monkeys. Or the one where came to be as smart creatures from single cell bacteria. Also I like the story where the bible is counted as scientific fact when it barely touches the realm. I like how man comes up with random theories of multivereses and they are more trustworhty than the supernatural.

the science behind evolution is sound, it's a real phenomena. Random theories of the multiverse are far more reliable than the fables presented in the bible.

Scoundrel
06-03-2011, 05:03 AM
Job, Numbers, Moses parting the red sea and living to be like 900, Adam and Eve, the Ark, Jesus rising from the grave, most things in the Old Testament, the antichrist, new-world theory.

Defies logic and observable phenomena.

Agnostic agnostic(or w/e) here, btw.

the anti christ...is not any one individual...but anything opposite of Christ. Hardly a stretch to believe. And best believe we will get to a point with NWO/one world order. We are actually not to far off, controlling the world with sanctions maybe? our resources are dwindling, and we will eventually have to ration em.




Sodom you say?


Everything below is quoted from a cracked article, link on bottom. It perfectly explains how bible stories began: Things happen people can't explain, must be God.

http://i-beta.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/article/2/0/9/60209.jpg?v=1

The Real Sodom and Gomorrah

You know the legend of Sodom and Gomorrah, right? It's a tale told in the Old Testament, for one thing. And really, no other city in history or myth went down as the one place where residents tried to rape angels in the butt.

The story of the decadent city and its supposed destruction is used by country folk to condemn city life to this day. For an evangelical Christian, it's an example of what happens when we cross God. Specifically, Genesis 19:24-25 happens:


But we have no evidence outside of the Bible that the story is true, right? All we can agree on is that thousands of years ago something triggered this account (or myth or legend -- whatever you prefer) of a town so bad that God himself threw down fireballs and sulfur to destroy it.
About 150 years ago, two seemingly unrelated discoveries were made in different parts of the world. First, a Cuneiform tablet known as "The Planisphere," which was a copy of a sky chart from June 29, 3123 BC. Among the stars it seems to depict a moving object, one so large that it could be seen from the ground.

http://i-beta.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/article/3/0/2/60302.jpg?v=1

Meanwhile, over in Austria, geologists discovered evidence of what they think was an asteroid impact site. They found signs of explosions and rock-melting, typically caused when an asteroid breaks apart before impact, raining hell down on everything below.

You can see where this is going. But the impact was in Austria, right? What does this have to do with Sodom and Gomorrah?

Well, According to the scientists, the mushroom cloud of the explosion would have reentered the Earth's atmosphere over the Mediterranean Sea, and would have flashed across the Middle East, leaving a trail of debris and superheated air in its wake. To quote the article, the heat "would be enough to ignite any flammable material -- including human hair and clothes. It is probable more people died under the plume than in the Alps due to the impact blast."

http://i-beta.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/article/6/2/5/60625.jpg?v=1

So imagine you're a guy living in a city in the Middle East, thousands of years ago. Maybe you herd sheep. You know absolutely nothing of asteroids or meteors or comets. Suddenly, in the middle of the night, the air fills with smoke, ash and debris. And then the air gets hot -- not hot like a summer day, but hot like the oven you use to fire clay pots.

Then, all around you, screams. Everything that is flammable spontaneously combusts. You are now on fire.

http://i-beta.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/article/3/2/0/60320.jpg?v=1
"ARRGH I'M ON FIRE IN THE LITERAL SENSE RATHER THAN IN THE SENSE THAT I AM A SUCCESSFUL PERSON."

It would be to your eyes nothing less than the fiery, vengeful judgment of God. Believers will say that's just what it was. Nonbelievers will say the tale of Sodom and Gomorrah is just the handed-down account of whatever refugees were lucky enough to escape the now-forgotten burning city -- and from witnesses who stood, horrified, and watched it happen from afar (and "saw dense smoke rising from the land, like smoke from a furnace").

You can be damned well sure that no ancient Middle Eastern nomad would forget the time they saw an entire city on the horizon spontaneously burst into flame. That's the kind of story that gets told and retold for a few thousand years.

http://www.cracked.com/article_19226_the-5-most-extravagant-ways-cities-have-been-wiped-out.html

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bab_edh-Dhra

'Other possibilities also include Numeira, es-Safi, Feifeh and Khanazir, which were also visited by Schaub and Rast. All sites were located near the Dead Sea, with evidence of burning and traces of sulfur.[35][36] Archaeological remains excavated from Bab edh-Dhra are currently displayed in Karak Archaeological Museum (Karak Castle) and Amman Citadel Museum.'

cross-trainer
06-03-2011, 05:48 AM
I just cant believe that people dont believe the WORD OF GOD!
There is nothing in the bible that is unbelievable!