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View Full Version : I feel like a loser: Inspiration Fading Away....



saint sinner x
07-14-2009, 02:42 AM
You do your best in this lifetime and give it your all just to realize it wasn't your all, more challenges emerges, more obstacles in the path arises. As a warrior, as a man and natural problem solver I seek for the answers that I've never known, but even the most profound competence will grow tiresome as the journey begins to deprive me and overshadow my efforts. 2 years ago I went on a balls to the walls training regimen, with a bad ass calorie deficit which rattled my cage very dearly and deprived the living **** out of me. At that time I was emotionally content and the pleasure of seeing weekly progress made me blind to the pain which I've endured. I lost 89lbs in six months, no cheat meals, no partying, no nothing, just eating super clean and beating my ass to the ground. I spent one year and a half eating clean, after the massive weight loss, I felt in love and got into a relationship, I ended up with my heart broken, spent 4 months after the breakup in a depression phase bodybuilders style, all I wanted to do was work out and eat super clean, I didn't gave a damn. Due to my eating super cleanness and emotional ****, I develop an eating disorder, geez I thought the 89lbs was a big enough challenge, now I would have to face myself the strongest of the enemies. The disorder developed back in late 2007: and I'm still dealing with this ****ing disorder, now I dont want to work out, I dont want to do ****, I am seen as a role model, people dont give a damn what you accomplish in the past, they only give a damn what you accomplish in the in now moment, I'm not emotionally stable nor mentally healthy. All I do is eat junk and workout in excess to punish myself, my life and career goals revolves around having a body in peak physical condition. This isn't about the whores walking down the streets, or the respect you get when your highly fit, this is about overcoming and overpowering lifes battle, to me it holds dearly, sadly I am afraid of failure, I am afraid of the emotions I must confront, I am afraid of myself.....

johnderriLLL
07-14-2009, 03:05 AM
well start with telling your self that you are a winner.