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Shadowcast
07-01-2009, 05:16 AM
"I miss the old you."

WOW! Sucked hearing that. I met my girlfriend about 2.5 years ago when I was at my heaviest, 265-270. We moved in together and I switched jobs to a much more active job, causing me to shed 30 pounds right off the bat. That in turn motivated me to changing my diet and now I'm down to 177 at around 6'1-6'2.

Now that I'm bursting with confidence and finally able to be the real me... she hates it. We argue much more now and lately I haven't had the motivation to lose those last few pounds and be where I want to be. I've been drinking waaaay more and eating complete garbage. Haven't had to motivation to make my meals, it's been Quiznos and Taco Bell by day and Frozen dinners and drinking till I pass out by night.

This sucks.

I can't go back to being the fat, quiet me... but I can't find the motivation to keep going which is the first time in over 2 years that that has happened...

jeffbear
07-01-2009, 05:48 AM
You've got to talk to her and let her know that going to the gym and eating healthy makes you feel good. tell her how you feel. People change over time, and if this are meant to be, she will be supportive and help you achieve your goals. Don't let it get you down! Stop the Taco Hell, and get the to the gym pronto!! Things will work out!

red_hot_tamale
07-01-2009, 06:34 AM
Wow. I'm sorry to hear that she's not taking things well. Honestly, I bet she's jealous. Has she struggled with her weight? Does she have low self esteem? The last thing someone with those two things needs is a confident and fit person who is bursting with happiness.

Many times, even if she is at a perfectly healthy weight, she's probably looking for someone to validate her unhealthy habits (eating out too much, binges, drinking, etc....) If she can't feel good on her own, I think it's time for a temporary break until she realizes that you aren't going to change back to "the old you" just to satisfy her insecurities.

Keep up your hard work! You have come a long way- don't let someone else dictate your life and try to make you slide backwards.

Omfgorzzz
07-01-2009, 09:33 AM
Wow. I'm sorry to hear that she's not taking things well. Honestly, I bet she's jealous. Has she struggled with her weight? Does she have low self esteem? The last thing someone with those two things needs is a confident and fit person who is bursting with happiness.

Many times, even if she is at a perfectly healthy weight, she's probably looking for someone to validate her unhealthy habits (eating out too much, binges, drinking, etc....) If she can't feel good on her own, I think it's time for a temporary break until she realizes that you aren't going to change back to "the old you" just to satisfy her insecurities.

Keep up your hard work! You have come a long way- don't let someone else dictate your life and try to make you slide backwards.

This dude. You gotta be healthy for you first. It's your body. It sounds like yeah she is either jealous or insecure. You just need to sit her down and explain that this is you now. Don't go back to what you hate.

-Lucifer
07-01-2009, 09:37 AM
Sometimes, when you get confident too quickly, you tend to act like a dick. Are you doing that?

Please don't take this the wrong way btw. I don't mean to insult you or anything. The reason I said the above is because I have a friend who is in a similar situation.

Shadowcast
07-01-2009, 06:26 PM
Thanks guys/gal - every bit of reassurence helps, not that I ever thought I'd need any other than from myself.. but these are dark times indeed!

While I hate to talk bad about her ever, I think part of it might be jealousy, while I lost a bunch of weight, she's gained just about as much... she was very supportive of me losing the weight at first. Anymore it's like we're just on 2 opposite ends of the spectrum. I try to keep a positive outlook on life but it's hard anymore.

Sometimes, like red_hot_tamale said, I feel a break might be in order to reconfigure everything. I'm a very deep and quiet guy with some high blood-pressure and I toil about all day working out things in my head... but in the end it seems to have the snowball effect, making things even more frustrating, leading to more Taco Hell and booze...

I don't think I'm being a dick... I've always been one to put others needs before my own. Just lately by getting in shape I've grown self empowerment and have been able to stick up for myself... maybe that's the problem? Maybe she requires more of a door-mat than an equal?? I've tried to talk things over but in the end, she ends up crying, I end up feeling bad and appologizing (for what I don't know) and taking the blame and things just end up repeating themselves.

Ugh....!! Still frustrating, another day of cheap fast food and booze. I thought things would only go uphill from being fat and lazy to being fit and determined... talk about life throwing you a curve ball...

RLara85
07-01-2009, 08:42 PM
You are in what is called a "toxic relationship".... anyone that actually wants the worst for you just to keep themselves happy is flat out someone with major insecurity/self-esteem issues, whether they admit it or not. I actually did an in depth study on this for a Social Psychology class and it seems that normally a partner that is either constantly bragging about themselves or extremely worried about you growing and bettering yourself as a person is typically a person with low self-esteem, it all comes down to fear on her part. The people with high self-esteem usually pushed their partners to better themselves and you would never hear any bragging from them, they had no reason to since they felt secure about themselves.

If there is still love I'd try to work through therapy if possible, if not, here's what's going to go down:

1. You give in, you give up your dreams, she's happy and you live in resentment because who you are and who you want to be are not congruent.
2. You leave her. Depending on her personality she might through a huge fit and try to give you a major guilt trip, but you deserve to live your life to it's full potential.

Good luck brother.

Dusan_GR
07-02-2009, 01:28 AM
"I miss the old you."

WOW! Sucked hearing that. I met my girlfriend about 2.5 years ago when I was at my heaviest, 265-270. We moved in together and I switched jobs to a much more active job, causing me to shed 30 pounds right off the bat. That in turn motivated me to changing my diet and now I'm down to 177 at around 6'1-6'2.

Now that I'm bursting with confidence and finally able to be the real me... she hates it. We argue much more now and lately I haven't had the motivation to lose those last few pounds and be where I want to be. I've been drinking waaaay more and eating complete garbage. Haven't had to motivation to make my meals, it's been Quiznos and Taco Bell by day and Frozen dinners and drinking till I pass out by night.

This sucks.

I can't go back to being the fat, quiet me... but I can't find the motivation to keep going which is the first time in over 2 years that that has happened...

Man, this is big issue. Try talking to her and explain your situation

if she gets over it then you're fine

else

if she counties to be a bitch
then leave her and start living

I don't see much more to it.



And leave the booze aside. They are just postponing what needs to be done.

good luck

CoachNoodle
07-02-2009, 05:06 AM
Red flags, man! Sounds like a manipulitive ploy. I agree with the others, talk it out first. Explain your side, make your points, and get a feel for what her real concern is. Most likely, there is more to this. Or, maybe there's not. You are on a bad road and, form the way it sounds, you are well aware of that. Get back to the gym and eating well and lay off the booze (unless you are grilling or not drinking alone). Do the things that make you happy. If you don't fill yourself up by doing the good things that make you who you are then you'll have nothing to give anyway. Never ignore the red flags. Good luck.

-Lucifer
07-02-2009, 06:48 AM
I don't think I'm being a dick... I've always been one to put others needs before my own. Just lately by getting in shape I've grown self empowerment and have been able to stick up for myself... maybe that's the problem? Maybe she requires more of a door-mat than an equal?? I've tried to talk things over but in the end, she ends up crying, I end up feeling bad and appologizing (for what I don't know) and taking the blame and things just end up repeating themselves.

Ok, I was wrong about you. Looks like red_hot_tamale nailed it.

Looks like your chick suffers from low self-esteem.

JolietKev
07-02-2009, 10:37 AM
I would say that she probably feels threatened by your new look and confidence. If you want the relationship you have to reassure her that you still love her. You may also want to address her weight and health issue at the sametime. Let her know that you want her to be around for a long time and in order to do that she needs to be as healthy as possible. Good luck to you.

Albi_Strohkeen
07-02-2009, 11:36 PM
just a quote

"Your time is limited, so don?t waste it living someone else?s life. Don?t be trapped by dogma?which is living with the results of other people?s thinking. Don?t let the noise of others? opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."


Been on that type of relationship. Anyone who does not support you trying to better yourself in anyway as a person is not 100% there for you.

Gunjack
07-03-2009, 08:07 PM
"i miss the old you."

wow! Sucked hearing that. I met my girlfriend about 2.5 years ago when i was at my heaviest, 265-270. We moved in together and i switched jobs to a much more active job, causing me to shed 30 pounds right off the bat. That in turn motivated me to changing my diet and now i'm down to 177 at around 6'1-6'2.

Now that i'm bursting with confidence and finally able to be the real me... She hates it. We argue much more now and lately i haven't had the motivation to lose those last few pounds and be where i want to be. I've been drinking waaaay more and eating complete garbage. Haven't had to motivation to make my meals, it's been quiznos and taco bell by day and frozen dinners and drinking till i pass out by night.

This sucks.

I can't go back to being the fat, quiet me... But i can't find the motivation to keep going which is the first time in over 2 years that that has happened...

priority! Which is more important? Ur gf's or ur own "boobs"?
Get ur fukin ass to the gym
obsession is what the lazy call the dedicated! There is no way ur gf hates the way u look! Remember females talk a lotta planned **** (no offense to anyone)

jus gettin u motivated man! keep it up

fry790
07-03-2009, 10:26 PM
Consider yourself lucky. She just gave you a great early warning of the type of person she really is.

The solution is to drop her and find someone that elevates you instead of someone that INTENTIONALLY tries to drag both of you down. Relationships are supposed to be mutually beneficial, and unfortunately what you have is the opposite of that.

Good luck man and congrats on your prior bodybuilding success.

LiftHeavy85
07-03-2009, 10:37 PM
lol any women that told me to stay fat instead of getting ripped I would kick them to the curb...dont need someone like that in your life.


My girlfriend actually inspired me to start dropping weight after she lost 30 pounds but its obvious your girl doesnt get that same inspiration which is sad.

-Lucifer
07-03-2009, 11:36 PM
just a quote

"Your time is limited, so don?t waste it living someone else?s life. Don?t be trapped by dogma?which is living with the results of other people?s thinking. Don?t let the noise of others? opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."


Been on that type of relationship. Anyone who does not support you trying to better yourself in anyway as a person is not 100% there for you.
I like this. Repped.

shivers316
07-04-2009, 08:45 AM
Yeah, man...sounds like she's threatened by the "new you." She either feels like she can't control you anymore or she might be insecure about the fact that you're looking better now. It might just be that she's scared that, by getting in shape and looking better, you might decide that you wanna upgrade her to a better model too. Either way, you guys need to talk it out.

localstommy
07-09-2009, 11:50 PM
Man, your situation is understandable. But remember its not her life, Its yours! You love her "ALOT" and maybe thats why shes affecting you so bad. But she cant do that to you. Shes not helping you improve.

I say talk to her, if she still doesnt get it. Bye bye!. Lose the weight and watch other womens drool over you. The best womens out there are the ones who supports and walks with you in your path of dreams. The one to tell you that you still can do it no matter what. She always has your back.

Other than that man, its your life. Cause all these people in this thread, they gave you their point of view. Its up to you to take our advice.

Steph_Ard
07-10-2009, 11:31 AM
agree with everyone else because my husband is the same way so I kind of know what you are saying!!! But you have to do you if they love you they will jump on the train eventually. YOu have to encourage them to and let them know they are speacial too because they are just insecure

futbolista
07-10-2009, 12:23 PM
I've been in your place. I started losing weight and getting into great shape. I thought my bf of 2 years would be ecstatic that I was getting sexier and more confident. He ended up cheating on me with some girl from his hometown when he was home for the holidays and broke up with me on Christmas day.
I know this makes him sound like a total ass, and what he did was definitely wrong. However, in hindsight I can see that we weren't communicating well and maybe could have saved things if we were. I did change a lot. I was on a strict diet and he'd suggest getting beer or pizza or other things I "couldn't have". So in my mind, he wasn't supporting me. And I would be resentful about it and snap at him when tried to eat those things around me. I think he was also worried that other guys would find me more attractive. But we didn't talk about the way either of us felt about things and the tension just kept growing.
So my advice if you love her is communicating, therapy, and if it doesn't work it may not be meant to be. It's hard to be with someone who doesn't have the same life goals and priorities as you.

Shadowcast
07-12-2009, 06:18 PM
Thanks everyone... things aren't perfect now but they're getting better. I appreciate everyones input and every bit helps. Still haven't been 100% focused but things are becoming less blurry these days.

I've never been one for absolutes, but it may come to a point when I need to make a difficult choice. For now I guess all I can is tell her how I feel. Her priorities are just not what mine are at right now. She wants to buy a house and settle down. Mine are to live life for the moment and live with no regrets- One of the most influential phrases I've heard were, "Fear is momentary. Regret lasts forever"... which brings us back to her wanting the old me who would settle for anything as long as the other party was happy... I cannot do that anymore. Even in typing this I'm self medicating and seeing what needs to happen...

Thanks again all

patkoch
07-12-2009, 08:50 PM
man up, Stop giving yourself excuses to eat and drink like that. often times people know what needs to be done. it requires tremendous courage to make decisions. You probally have no personal identity, so work on it. Go see a therapist, and take a break with a girl.

Naughtie
07-12-2009, 11:03 PM
Before doing anything nasty, give this relationship a well deserved break and tell her to see where it is going. I don't think any one of you would be willing to give away a good 2 year relationship for this. Maybe a break will help see both of you the shortcomings where right now you guys are not able to.

blockmonkey
07-13-2009, 02:23 AM
She sounds insecure my ex was the same I'd get "why do you need to go to the gym you look perfect the way you are, and " I prefer men with love handles" all the time.

Just reassure her that it's still the same you deep down inside

BKilla_13
07-13-2009, 07:47 AM
Also make sure you arent giving the impression that this change is to attract other girls. Just give her a little more attention and try not to seem obsessed over yourself and she will probably calm down. My GF gets like that (a little) when I start getting obsessed over working out and eating right and I think she takes it like I am trying to attract other girls so you just have to focus more on her when she is around and not talk about yourself. You need to talk to her and LISTEN to why she dont like it, maybe you can adjust some things you do or say while she is around. Remember after a couple years she probably loves you and if she feels like you are aiming for something better she is going to say whatever she thinks is going to keep you.

scelia
07-18-2009, 07:47 AM
I had the samething happen to me. Lost weight got into great shape..spent more time at the gym. And ate a lot better. She got tired of it and we broke up..honestly best thing that ever happened. She showed me her true colors by breaking up with me after 4 years because I wanted to better myself.

REPUBLICANHACK
07-18-2009, 12:26 PM
Same here had an ex that way. I talked about eating healthy and exercising she wanted cigaretts and quiznos I wanted to hit the gym and she wanted to watch T.V. and eat icecream. I bought her a bike so she could ride with me and it collected dust. Turned out she prefered pain killers to life. Its going to suck but you know what you need to do more than anyone on here does.

vompy
07-18-2009, 12:50 PM
I'm not sure she means appearance wise. I'm sure she likes the new body now. Maybe she's referring to the time commitment? Maybe she wasn't even serious. Girls say stupid things all the time that they don't mean.