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View Full Version : O/T Replacing my sons headstone???



grace_ou
08-25-2008, 05:02 AM
Someone vandelized the cemetery where my son is buried and I need to replace the headstone apparently it was broken. I was suppose to have gone down and replaced this month but I ended up having to travel somewhere else so I didn't make the trip. (cemetries in Ga I live OK) I kinda want to go do this myself but that means waiting another 4 months (till I get a break in school) Would be disrespectful to do that?? That would mean he would left without a marker for like 6 months. It seams kinda wrong. I do have a friend who go out and do it for me, but aside from the funeral I've been able to go back there. I didn't choose the first one and I never even saw it. So I kinda want to go do things myself but I'm worried it'll seam disrespectful to leave the site unmarked for such a long time....

fitnessman
08-25-2008, 05:31 AM
It's not disrepectful. He's gone from this plane and understands from where he is.

Chipman
08-25-2008, 05:41 AM
Fitnessman is right, but if it really bothers you then get in touch with one of the Monument makers in the area and do it all over the phone/ internet. They will be able to engrave it and set it for you.
Personally, I think you need to do it all in person because that is a big part of the respect and grieving process.

bodyrokk
08-25-2008, 05:48 AM
not disrespectful at all...im sure he would understand...being a single father of 3 teens ..i got choked up just reading this...kudos to you for being able to even talk about it..im sure you will do whats right for you...

Revmachine21
08-25-2008, 06:04 AM
Your child, as an adult, would understand anything you choose to do right now.

Do what feels right, when you can, there is no right or wrong in this case. If you need to take time, then take it. If you want to go now, then go. Don't worry about morality or courtesy, because those things don't apply in your situation.

GnomusMaximus
08-25-2008, 06:12 AM
I had no idea you had lost a son, I'm so sorry.

Keltron
08-25-2008, 06:15 AM
I'm surprised that the cemetery isn't paying paying for it. It seems like securing their establishment is their responsibility. They should at least have something there, like a placard until you can get a chance to replace it.

But to answer your question, I don't think it's wrong or disrespectful at all.

grace_ou
08-25-2008, 06:20 AM
I had no idea you had lost a son, I'm so sorry.

It's a few years now, which is why I want to go and do it in person. I had such hard time at the funeral and I was very sick at the time...... I don't know I just have never gotten up the strength to go the site. Which I feel bad about. So I kinda thought it would be good for me to go out in person and take care of everything.

grace_ou
08-25-2008, 06:32 AM
I'm surprised that the cemetery isn't paying paying for it. It seems like securing their establishment is their responsibility. They should at least have something there, like a placard until you can get a chance to replace it.

But to answer your question, I don't think it's wrong or disrespectful at all.

They didn't pay for anything... and these things are very exspensive!! I have friends still in the area they and some others actually raised the money to replace everything that was damaged. That was really cool. I haven't seen pics but I heard theres was alot of damage done. Some people had statues that were turned over and broken, some of them were spray painted crap like that. Why anyone would vandalize a cemetery is beyond me. I felt worse the new parents though.. atleast I've had time to deal with my sons death. To have to deal with that after recently having lost a child most just be horriable.

maryinmesquite
08-25-2008, 06:41 AM
im so sorry , my nephew was buried here in texas and at the time my sister was out of state and i took care of this for her , and dont worry about what is right or wrong ,, you have to do what you can do ,,

chodan9
08-25-2008, 06:42 AM
Not disrespectful in my opinion.
You can only do what you can do, when you can do it, don't beat yourself up about it. Do what you think is best for you.
my prayers go with you!

grace_ou
08-25-2008, 07:38 AM
Thanks peeps!! I just wasn't sure about what to do. I don't think there's an edicit book on how to deal with situations like this.

IronCamp
08-25-2008, 07:41 AM
I agree...I don't think it's disrespectful! So sorry to hear about your loss.

zuebee
08-25-2008, 12:30 PM
My son, who was 5 yrs old when he died, is buried in Ardmore, OK with my husband's family. We live in Iowa and had him cremated so we could take him down ourselves for burial a few months after his death. The monument company was great! We had to get a flat bronze plaque to meet the cemetery's requirements so we were able to get a paper proof of the headstone to check everything before it was cast. They shipped the stone to OK & it was there when we came for the graveside service. I only wish he was buried closer to us so I could put flowers on his grave!

Grieving for your child is a long process and you should follow your heart. Do the best that you can do; if that means you need to wait a few months to replace the headstone, it will be allright. I personally think you would get a lot out of being able to pick out the design for yourself.

Blessings to you!

grace_ou
08-25-2008, 02:58 PM
I agree...I don't think it's disrespectful! So sorry to hear about your loss.


My son, who was 5 yrs old when he died, is buried in Ardmore, OK with my husband's family. We live in Iowa and had him cremated so we could take him down ourselves for burial a few months after his death. The monument company was great! We had to get a flat bronze plaque to meet the cemetery's requirements so we were able to get a paper proof of the headstone to check everything before it was cast. They shipped the stone to OK & it was there when we came for the graveside service. I only wish he was buried closer to us so I could put flowers on his grave!

Grieving for your child is a long process and you should follow your heart. Do the best that you can do; if that means you need to wait a few months to replace the headstone, it will be allright. I personally think you would get a lot out of being able to pick out the design for yourself.

Blessings to you!

Thanks :( I'm always sorry to hear anyone lost a child. I am thinking of getting the flat bronze plates. I hate to consider this but they are so exspensive you have to.... I think it would less likely to be damaged agin not much you can do to the bronze plates.... The cemetry has had problems with this before. Teenagers break in spray paint things knock them over break stuff.

rpaul11
08-25-2008, 03:10 PM
not disrespectful at all IMHO

farsscf
08-25-2008, 03:43 PM
and here is to hoping one of those headstones will fall on those people vandalizing them

grace_ou
08-25-2008, 03:48 PM
and here is to hoping one of those headstones will fall on those people vandalizing them

You know they caught a group of teenagers once that managed a huge amount of damage! Like they actually brought hammers and **** to bust up the stautes and stuff like that, but all they got was a slap on the wrist.. To me they should have been held responsiable for paying the money back to the people who had to replace everything that was broken.

rpaul11
08-25-2008, 03:50 PM
You know they caught a group of teenagers once that managed a huge amount of damage! Like they actually brought hammers and **** to bust up the stautes and stuff like that, but all they got was a slap on the wrist.. To me they should have been held responsiable for paying the money back to the people who had to replace everything that was broken.

well, I agree with you. BUT....the slap on the wrist was for the crime. ANy retributions would usually come through a civil suit. All affected persons should have jointly hired a lawyer and sued their asses as well as their parets.

grace_ou
08-25-2008, 03:56 PM
well, I agree with you. BUT....the slap on the wrist was for the crime. ANy retributions would usually come through a civil suit. All affected persons should have jointly hired a lawyer and sued their asses as well as their parets.

I agree and I wonder why they didn't?? Cause I'm telling you if they find out who did this to my child headstone I want them to pay for it!! If I had to guess I would venture to say that there was probally no hope of recovering the money from the teenagers or their parents in that case. They even ran a story in the papers about it, but nothing really came of it.

rpaul11
08-25-2008, 04:04 PM
regardless...it makes me Ill thinking about anybody doing such a thing

V-240
08-25-2008, 04:24 PM
I agree and I wonder why they didn't?? Cause I'm telling you if they find out who did this to my child headstone I want them to pay for it!! If I had to guess I would venture to say that there was probally no hope of recovering the money from the teenagers or their parents in that case. They even ran a story in the papers about it, but nothing really came of it.

May the blue bird of happiness sh!t all over their heads! :mad:

RaeMe
08-25-2008, 04:26 PM
If it means a lot to you to be there and pick this one out then I don't think it's disrespectful to leave it unmarked for a while. I'd hate for you to have someone else take of it, then have regrets.
Have you called your insurance company to see if this would be covered?

http://www.cemeterydepot.com/Home-Owners-Insurance-and-Grave-Markers-information.php

grace_ou
08-25-2008, 05:28 PM
May the blue bird of happiness sh!t all over their heads! :mad:

LOL That's the least we can hope for!!

grace_ou
08-25-2008, 05:33 PM
If it means a lot to you to be there and pick this one out then I don't think it's disrespectful to leave it unmarked for a while. I'd hate for you to have someone else take of it, then have regrets.
Have you called your insurance company to see if this would be covered?

http://www.cemeterydepot.com/Home-Owners-Insurance-and-Grave-Markers-information.php



Student I live in an apt. :rolleyes: But I have heard of others doing this.

TDetroit
08-25-2008, 06:26 PM
don't have it done. wait until you can make the trip.

God Bless.

batteryrequired
08-25-2008, 06:37 PM
I am so sorry to hear this. Its not disrespectful at all for it to go like that for a length of time. Like fitty said...he is not really there anyways. My dad died when i was 15 and i can count the number of times on maybe both hands how many times I have been there...half the time its been because of a funeral there. I just know he isn't there...just like your son. But then we all deal with things differently. YOu do what you need to do. Sad to hear that they will never be held accountable for the repair of the damage. Society has really taken a beating lately on accountability.

grace_ou
08-27-2008, 03:59 PM
don't have it done. wait until you can make the trip.

God Bless.


I am so sorry to hear this. Its not disrespectful at all for it to go like that for a length of time. Like fitty said...he is not really there anyways. My dad died when i was 15 and i can count the number of times on maybe both hands how many times I have been there...half the time its been because of a funeral there. I just know he isn't there...just like your son. But then we all deal with things differently. YOu do what you need to do. Sad to hear that they will never be held accountable for the repair of the damage. Society has really taken a beating lately on accountability.

Thanks guys! :)

HeloRugger
08-28-2008, 04:00 AM
It's a few years now, which is why I want to go and do it in person. I had such hard time at the funeral and I was very sick at the time...... I don't know I just have never gotten up the strength to go the site. Which I feel bad about. So I kinda thought it would be good for me to go out in person and take care of everything.

First let me say I am very sorry. I have buried more friends than I care to count but thank God I have not had to bury a child of mine.
One thing to consider is that since you have had a hard time returning to the site, this has provided you that opportunity. Six months will not matter to your son, but you being able to actively participate in replacing his memorial will last you a lifetime.

RaeMe
08-28-2008, 05:25 AM
Student I live in an apt. :rolleyes: But I have heard of others doing this.

Hopefully you have renters insurance on the apartment. If so, it wouldn't hurt to call. It's still your property.

grace_ou
08-28-2008, 06:23 PM
First let me say I am very sorry. I have buried more friends than I care to count but thank God I have not had to bury a child of mine.
One thing to consider is that since you have had a hard time returning to the site, this has provided you that opportunity. Six months will not matter to your son, but you being able to actively participate in replacing his memorial will last you a lifetime.

This is what I think to... especially since I had nothing to do with any of the planning. I was to sick at the time and I think it would be helpful to be able to do something the first I go. I don't know why, but I think it'll somehow ease the visit if I can feel like I did something??? Even if it's just somewhat of a distraction ya know.

tomdana
08-29-2008, 08:35 PM
Someone vandelized the cemetery where my son is buried and I need to replace the headstone apparently it was broken. I was suppose to have gone down and replaced this month but I ended up having to travel somewhere else so I didn't make the trip. (cemetries in Ga I live OK) I kinda want to go do this myself but that means waiting another 4 months (till I get a break in school) Would be disrespectful to do that?? That would mean he would left without a marker for like 6 months. It seams kinda wrong. I do have a friend who go out and do it for me, but aside from the funeral I've been able to go back there. I didn't choose the first one and I never even saw it. So I kinda want to go do things myself but I'm worried it'll seam disrespectful to leave the site unmarked for such a long time....

You will make the right decision. I respect you for wanting to do it yourself and I am certain the little one knows how you feel. The place your child is buried is not the place your kiddo remains. Your son lives on in your heart and memories. Don't be hard on yourself, be patient and continue to show your love. Prayers that you may have peace until you can go and that the burden of replacing his headstone will actually bring you peace through action. Take care and prayers are with you.