Best Quotes from Best Comedies

[UmmYourFace]

Im a comedy movie addict. I want to hear everyone's favorite comedy movie quotes....!

Billy Madison: Shampoo is better...I go on first and clean the hair! Conditioner is better! I make the hair silky and smooth! STOP LOOKING AT ME..SWANNNN!

[JoeDirtBody]

u wanna fight? how but u stick ur head up my butt and fight for air.

there is like a million funny movie quotes. my life revolves around dropping in the perfect movie quotes at the perfect times to match the situation.

[sBEASTc]

I can't believe she broke up with me. Something about me never listening to her, I dont know I wasnt really paying attention...


-Those your skis?
-Yeah.
-Both of em?

[soleus]

We got no food, we got no jobs...our pets heads are falling off!!!!!!!

[EKrim]

dirty work:
"bet you didn't count on my loyal army of prostitutes"

[Colonel_Clobber]

Originally Posted by sBEASTc

-Those your skis?
-Yeah.
-Both of em?

haha, Dumb and Dumber.

"Ahhhh, Samsonite. I was way off!"

[tbs_rocks]

That Verionica Vaughn, is one PIECE of ACE. I know..... from experience.

(No you dont?)

O'kay, well not me personally, but a guy I know. Him and her GOT IT ON, WHOOOOOOOO-EEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!

(No they didnt.)


Nope, no they didn't. But you could imagine what it's be like if they did, right? right?
---------------------------------------------------------------

[Nutella!]

wow, i luv billy madison. just reading the title of this thread i was going to post a billy madison quote - looks like people already have

[after putting dog poop in a paper bag and lighting it on fire on Old Man Clemens' porch]
Billy Madison: Oh my God, Old Man Clemens hates ****.
Frank: Shh, here he comes.
Old Man Clemens: Who the hell is it? What do you want? Judas Priest, Barbara, it's one of those flaming bags again.
Barbara: Don't put it out with your boots, Ted.
Old Man Clemens: Don't tell me my business, Devil Woman. Call the fire department, this one's outta control.
[Old Man Clemens steps on the bag, then lifts up his boot and smells]
Old Man Clemens: Eck, poop again.
Billy Madison: He called the **** "poop".
[Billy, Jack, and Frank laugh hysterically]
Frank: This is the best night of my life.
[They continue laughing]
Old Man Clemens: I'll get you damn kids for this. You're all gonna die.

[sBEASTc]

-True love is hard to find, sometimes you think you have true love and then you catch the early flight home from San Diego and a couple of nude people jump out of your bathroom blindfolded like a goddamn magic show ready to double team your girlfriend...

[sBEASTc]

- Max, can you earmuff for me? We are going to get so much ass here, it's going to be sick. I'm talking crazy like boy band ass.

[UmmYourFace]

speaking on SAN DIEEAAGO...Disocvered by the Germans in 1904, they named it San Diego...which of course in German means a whale's vagina.

I had to look this one up from one of my fav. scenes..
Ron Burgundy: Oh, Miss Corningstone. I wasn't expecting company. Just doing my workout. Tuesday's arms and back.
Veronica Corningstone: Well, you asked me to come by, sir.
Ron Burgundy: Oh, did I?
Veronica Corningstone: Yes.
Ron Burgundy: Ohh, it's the deep burn. Oh, it's so deep. Oh, I can barely lift my right arm 'cause I did so many. I don't know if you heard me counting. I did over a thousand.

[tbs_rocks]

Damn. I guess I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue. - Airplane!

[UmmYourFace]

Originally Posted by sBEASTc

- Max, can you earmuff for me? We are going to get so much ass here, it's going to be sick. I'm talking crazy like boy band ass.

"Im here for the gang bang?"

[Nutella!]

Lloyd: The first time I set eyes on Mary Swanson, I just got that old fashioned romantic feeling where I'd do anything to bone her.
Harry: That's a special feeling, Lloyd.


Harry: I can't believe we drove around all day, and there's not a single job in this town. There is nothing, nada, zip!
Lloyd: Yeah! Unless you wanna work forty hours a week.

Harry: Yeah I called her up, she gave me a bunch of crap about me not listening to her, or something, I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.

Lloyd: Hey, guys. Big gulps, huh? Cool. All right! Well, see ya later.

[sBEASTc]

-I mean, take yesterday for example. We were out at the Olive Garden for dinner, which was lovely. And uh, I happen to look over at a certain point during the meal and see a waitress taking an order, and I found myself wondering what color her underpants might be. Her panties. Uh, odds are they are probably basic white, cotton, underpants. But I sort of think well maybe they're silk panties, maybe it's a thong. Maybe it's something really cool that I don't even know about. You know, and uh, and I started feeling... what? what I thought we were in the trust tree in the nest, were we not?

[tbs_rocks]

"You can trouble me for a warm glass of SHUT THE HELL UP. Now you will go to sleep, or I will put-you-to-sleep. Check out the name tag, your in my world now grandma".

Ben Stiller in Happy Gilmore.

[JHepp0612]

Littering annnndddd... littering annnnnddd... littering annnnd smokin' the reefer.

[tbs_rocks]

(cajun guy) "Home eh' whea you ma it".

(joe dirt): "You like to see homo's naked? Thats cool man, whatever..."

(cajun guy): "No no no boy, Ome eh' whea you ma it! OME eh' whea you ma it!"

(joe dirt): "Ohhhhh....?" The guy likes to see homo's naked?

[UmmYourFace]

Originally Posted by JHepp0612

Littering annnndddd... littering annnnnddd... littering annnnd smokin' the reefer.

hahaahhah the best is when the guy says meow after everything! Im laughing my ass off right now.

[sBEASTc]

-Maude: What do you do for recreation?

-The Dude: Oh, the usual. I bowl. Drive around. The occasional acid flashback.


-Walter: I told those f*cks down at the league office a thousand times that I don't roll on Shabbos!
-Donny: What's Shabbos?
-Walter: Saturday, Donny, is Shabbos, the Jewish day of rest. That means that I don't work, I don't get in a car, I don't f*cking ride in a car, I don't pick up the phone, I don't turn on the oven, and I sure as ****
DON'T F*CKING ROLL! SHOMER SHABBOS!
-The Dude: Walter...
-Walter: Shomer f*cking shabbos.
-The Dude: Oh f*ck it.

[soleus]

Lloyd: So, where you headed?
Mary: Aspen.
Lloyd: Mmm, California... beautiful.

Lloyd: Hey, I guess they're right. Senior citizens, although slow, and dangerous behind the wheel can still serve a purpose. Now don't you go dying on me

Harry: I expected the Rocky Mountains to be a little rockier than this.
Lloyd: Yeah, I was thinking the same thing. That John Denver is full of **** man.

Harry: One time we successfully mated a Bulldog with a ****zu.
Mary: Really? That's weird.
Harry: Yeah, we called it a Bull****.

[tbs_rocks]

Harry: Look at the buns on that one!
Lloyd: Yea, he must work out.

[SpeedoGuido]

"I'm Rick James Bitch"

not from a movie.....but I like it!!!

[sBEASTc]

- "According to the map, we've only gone about 4 inches."

[V]

Pretty much the whole "Airplane!" movie.

Steve McCroskey: This fog is getting thicker.
Johnny: And Leon is getting laaaaarrrrrger.

Reporter: What kind of plane is it?
Johnny: Oh, it's a big pretty white plane with red stripes, curtains in the windows and wheels and it just looks like a big Tylenol.

Rex Kramer: Striker, listen, and you listen close: flying a plane is no different than riding a bicycle, just a lot harder to put baseball cards in the spokes.

[as the plane prepares to take off]
Hanging Lady: Nervous?
Ted Striker: Yes.
Hanging Lady: First time?
Ted Striker: No, I've been nervous lots of times.

Elaine Dickinson: You got a letter from headquarters this morning.
Ted Striker: What is it?
Elaine Dickinson: It's a big building where generals meet, but that's not important.

[Habs11]

can't believe this wasnt said yet:

T-t-t-t-today junior!

[eiker_ir]

I Love Lamp

[vegHead]

how about I punchersize your face for free - super troopers

"NO I will not make out with you. you got cholorophyl gu talking about God knows what and all you want to do is make out with me. Im here to learn not to make out with you. Go on with the chlorophyl" - Bill madison


"We need you. Hell, I need you. I'm a mess without you. I miss you so damn much. I miss being with you, I miss being near you. I miss your laugh. I miss your scent; I miss your musk. When this all gets sorted out, I think you and me should get an apartment together. " - anchorman

[Bruzey]

I was...uh, On Friday, when I got home, I reeeeeeally wanted an egg salad sandwich. And I was just obsessing about it. And I was like, "I'm gonna make one of those." So...so Saturday, I went out, and I got, like, a dozen eggs. And I boiled them all. And then I just...I spent...I don't know, probably, 3 hours......like 3 and half hours making, you know, the mayonnaise, and the onions, and paprika, you know, all the...a cout tremont...and then by the time I was done, I just really didn't feel like eating it.

[JRRBadBoy4Life]

Michael Richards version of White Christmas.....

















j/k