It's been ages since I've have to inform my iron brethren of news as horrible as what follows. The Legend, Lou Ferrigno, has gone to that great gym in the sky. It is truly with a heavy heart that I have to relate the circumstances of The Hulk's demise.
Yesterday evening, at the Sir Arthur Harris Convention Centre in Doverport, England, Lou Ferrigno was on hand for the English Fitness Expo 2006. Many top British bodybuilders were there, many of them working the booths of such well-known and honest firms such as Muscletech, Biotest, Weider Nutrition, and the like. Lou Ferrigno was at the Weider Nutrition Booth, signing autographs and bestowing his famous kindness on his fans , while trying to convince them of the efficacy of 'MegaMass 4000', a revolutionary mixture of skim milk powder and 'Neslte Quick' chocolate milk mix.
I was on hand, accompanied by the family chauffeur and one-time 'Strongest Man' of the British penal system, a massive, sociopathic outcast named Nobby. We had in tow a developmentally challenged lad from our gym named Marvin. As we moved through the crowed, shoving aside those who dared get in our way, Marvin stopped dead in his tracks. Shaking with excitement, he pointed ahead - "It's...it..it..c-c-can't be..." he uttered, staring ahead of him at the Weider Nutrition booth where stood his hero, Lou Ferrigno. "Yes, Marvin, INDEED it is- and I'll get you an autographed photograph at once!" I cried, only to eager to help. I lumbered over to Lou, my massive thighs rubbing together uncomfortably. "Mr. Ferrigno!" I boomed, extending my hand. He turned and said "Yea..yea pal, be wif you in a minute..", totally ignoring my gentelmanly gesture. I quivered with indignation, but decided to remain calm. Finally, when he felt he could be bothered to, he turned to me. "Autogwafs 30 pounds, buddy" he snapped. I coughed slightly at this outrageous price, but quickly produced mint-condition bills to that sum.
"Could you perhaps sign it 'To Marvin from Lou'? " I asked him. "Hey, wook, i onwy sign 'Woo', okay? you want somefin ewse den it's more pal" he sneered. "Oh, really, eh? Well, in that case, I DECLINE!!" I screamed into his face, showering him in spittle. Terrified, he cowered back, and I, shaking in rage (perhaps it had something to do with having 3g test in my system, but one cannot be sure), walked off. Nobby and Marvin followed me out, and as Nobby and I each drank from our mikeys of Scotch, I recounted the tale of Lou's cruelty. Poor Marvin looked devastated!!
Nobby took out another bottle from under his coat, took a generous swig, and passed the bottle to me. "Well, then, WOT THE FOOK AH YEW GONNA DO ABAHT IT THEN?" he slurred in a heavy Cockney accent. "Yes, yes.." I replied, realizing that Lou must be punished grievously for this outrage. I started screaming, then ran roaring into the convention centre, headed straight for the Weider booth! Nobby followed behind, clotheslining anyone left in my path. As the booth approached, Lou stood gaping in fear, unable to move, as I thundered towards him. Then, using my massive thighs, I propelled myself into the air and went crashing into him!
Everything went black.
I came to some moments later, to people screaming and yelling. The Weider booth was destroyed, and Lou's lifeless body lay some yards from my prostate form. A few 'fitness' models lay scattered, unconscious or, perhaps, dead. It was hard to say. Nobby had followed behind me and crashed into whatever, or whomever, I hadn't! "Oi, let's fookin be off...bloody coppers aint takin me alive!" he snarled, and, helping me get up, stumbled at top speed to the exits. We both made it to the Rolls Royce, as nearing sirens wailed! We collected Marvin and made a hasty exit, roaring out the parking lot, laughing!
Lou Ferrigno passed on later that evening at Knightsbridge hospital in South London.
Say a prayer for his soul, brothers.
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Thread: LOU FERRIGNO is DEAD