Are you berated for your lifestyle?

[RebeccaWoolward]

Hi everyone, I've just returned from a weekend visiting a friend, she lives ages away so I stayed a few days.

I've started the whole clean diet thing, and sorting out how many grams of protein, fat, calories carbs etc i need based on my activity for the day blah blah blah you all know the drill.. Anyway, my question is - how do you handle social situations where people don't understand the importance you attach to it?

That is to say, I spent most of the weekend defending my choice to not drink or why I haven't touched the bread basket, why I measure out my porridge oats in the morning or why I ask for sauces to be served on the side etc

I felt I was being lectured on how I wasn't living or enjoying myself, cause 'you have to live a little' , eat this and drink that, you worry too much etc....

I understand that to some people the choices we make and the sacrifices we in this forum make to achieve our goals might seem to others to be 'too far fetched', and I don't for one minute want to lecture anyone on doing things my way, but I just wondered if any of you have had similar situations and how you deal with them?

They even said 'oh come on - you're not some kind of sports woman you know!'

[Miranda]

you have to realise that you have changed and your friend hasn't. it's not that weird to assume she'd wonder why you suddenly don't do things that you used to, especially if you can't offer a logical reasoning for your actions across the board.

i mean, wanting to measure your oats is one thing (so you know how many calories etc. is in a serving), not eating bread (because it's not 'clean' or something to that effect) quite another.

having said that, a lot of people tend to completely overshoot any new 'lifestyle' when they first start out. they irk the heck out of others by insisting on 'sacrifices' that do not make an iota of difference in the long run. there's something of a learning curve to it.

[kimm4]

If I'm going somewhere for a few days, vacation, staying with a friend, etc...I normally don't bring a food scale with me.

I'm quiet about my lifestyle so no, it's never been an issue ever.

[rockangel]

At first i got a lot of comments from family the whole, you are all ready skinny, you dont need to lose weight! stuff. eventually it died down and they just chalk it up to me being "in love with fitness".

As for the no drinking thing, i always say im the designated driver (which i usually am) because i dont enjoy drinking all that much. I may have a glass of wine or occasionally drink, but for the most part, im not a big drinker. or you can say, i dont like to drink and drive, if you are driving and are solo. You can always order a "roy rogers" at the bar which is nothing more than a coke with grenandine in it, but no one will know. Ive never really had anyone give me crap cause im not drinking (and i hang around with a lot of sailors, lol)

Bread is ok to eat ya know.

If they take it too far, i always say, ya know, i have not made one comment on the way you eat/drink.....why do you feel its ok for you to comment on mine??
Usually shuts em up and they move on to another topic, unless they want me calling them out more than that!

[rollerpigeons]

To this I say, "If it was easy, then it wouldn't be worth fighting for". I thrive on keto and that gets berated quite a bit in various manifestations. Everything needs an opinion and there's nothing wrong with having a healthy level of skepticism. If you're still bothered by it, just try to respect her opinion- see things from her point of view. She loves treats and doesn't see why she should sacrifice that for 5 lbs. I would say (doing the Ron Swanson approach of directness), "I both hear and understand what you are saying. I respect your opinion." Maybe then she won't be to verbose about it?

[sonti]

No. My digital scale doesn't leave my kitchen and if I'm at a restaurant (which is rare for me because of the kids) then I will enjoy the bread. Let's be realistic, measuring your oats and asking for sauce on the side is WEIRD (I do it too) but it's weird, right???? So, it's naturally people will react this way. So I just wouldn't do those things when out with people who don't understand or think it's odd.

My doula was a competitor, so she thought nothing of following her contest prep when at my house for a few days, but she didn't act like that with other clients. There's a time and place, iykwim???

[NikkiAncher]

Yes, but I stopped caring about others' opinion.
I am not embarrased or ashamed to weigh my oats/chicken/blueberries/rice.
However, some people seem to have a big problem with it. I live in a dorm and my fellow roommates don't understand **** of what I'm doing all the time. Heck, some one even asked 'Are you like trying to be anorectic or something?'. I know weighing everything and eating clean may look obsessive to others. I know I am not obsessed, I just try to eat as much correct as I can. At social events (birthdays, etc) if I have a choice I will not have cake, candy, wine or beer. However, If I am invited to stay for dinner, I will just eat whatever they put in front of me because I am polite and I don't want to be difficult. I am serious about my diet, but I will never be a-social because of it.

Don't alienate yourself from social events just because it can be awkward sometimes. There's more to life than clean eating

[Jacklyn007]

Hi everyone, I've just returned from a weekend visiting a friend, she lives ages away so I stayed a few days.

I've started the whole clean diet thing, and sorting out how many grams of protein, fat, calories carbs etc i need based on my activity for the day blah blah blah you all know the drill.. Anyway, my question is - how do you handle social situations where people don't understand the importance you attach to it?

That is to say, I spent most of the weekend defending my choice to not drink or why I haven't touched the bread basket, why I measure out my porridge oats in the morning or why I ask for sauces to be served on the side etc

I felt I was being lectured on how I wasn't living or enjoying myself, cause 'you have to live a little' , eat this and drink that, you worry too much etc....

I understand that to some people the choices we make and the sacrifices we in this forum make to achieve our goals might seem to others to be 'too far fetched', and I don't for one minute want to lecture anyone on doing things my way, but I just wondered if any of you have had similar situations and how you deal with them?

They even said 'oh come on - you're not some kind of sports woman you know!'

I know this post is a few days old, but I just found it. I am glad I am not the only one who feels this way. I need to know everything that goes into my body because I am trying to lose weight so I track everything. It is just part of the way I have to be right now. My sister was recently in town to visit and we went to one of our friends sons birthday party where they had cake and pizza, all of which I chose not to eat because I just did not want it. Yes, I am strict but if I really want something I eat it and that's part of the reason I have been successful in losing weight. Anyway she went home and told my mom I starve myself and she doesn't even know who I am anymore. Basically, I do not feel well if I eat junk. I used to be able to eat it all day long, but now if I eat it I feel like crap for at least 24 hours. I measure everything because it gives me peace of mind. It is a little obsessive and weird as some others have said but I do not intend on being this way forever. When I get to a maintenence weight I am going to stop tracking. Apart from eating, another part of my life people cannot relate to is exercise. I love going to the gym because they are the only people I can relate to right now. I honestly look forward to my workouts. When I first started on my journey I always ended up on this website and I got a lot of great ideas and that's why I signed up for this account is because there is just not anyone I can talk to about healthy anything and I can just come to this website and have a blast reading. There are a lot of fun people here. Before the end of February when I signed up for this account I had never posted in a forum, in my life. Anyway, to answer your question just ignore them and do not lose sight of your goals just because it's not "normal." It's your normal and people will look up to you for your dedication.

[Tinyblu]

It's soooo interesting that you brought this up. This morning my co-workers had an "intervention" for me because they thought I was bulimic!!!!! Here's the conversation:

"We've noticed that every time we seem to pass your office, you are eating and you seem to be making more trips to the bathroom, and we think you are taking diet pills... We care about you..."

I was flabbergasted!!! HELLO! I have to take in 2,500 calories a day, usually in three hour intervals so that's why I'm eating so much... Try drinking a GALLON of water a day and see how many bathroom breaks you need, and they are SUPPLEMENTS... not diet pills. UNBELIEVEABLE!!

Although I wouldn't call myself "strict" (I don't walk around with a scale, and I will have some bread and one glass of wine), I've been where you are OP. Being a "southern" girl of African American / Creole descent makes it hard to explain why I don't want the collards that have been bathed in Crisco and garnished with a ham hock or why I will have baked chicken as opposed to the fried. My family actually makes jokes out of it. I've learned to NOT defend it. People will always have their opinions ("You could get hit by a bus tommorrow..." yes, but I would look DAMN good in the casket!!!). We all have different versions of "living". We choose clean eating and working out as ours.

Best advice... just say "No Thank You" to the foods you don't want and eat happily. If someone has something to say about your food choices, thank them for their unsolicited opinion and keep things moving. It takes a lot less energy to agree than defend. Vent here and don't worry about it.

As they say in my neck of the woods "Bless their hearts..."

[mediumraw]

I'm lucky, my boyfriend trains, so if I feel the need to wax intellectual about whey and squats, he's down for it. My parents don't quite get it but are just "glad you're not like one of those anorexic girls on tv", and my coworkers are always on some crazy diet so I'm not the only one turning down birthday cake.

[RebeccaWoolward]

Thanks guys, nice to know I'm not alone! I've since relaxed a little bit, and I'm now on a new diet, it's called 'listen to your body and eat what you want'

Not cakes, biscuits and chocolate... I mean clean and healthy (luckily very easy as I was not raised on fizzy drinks and cheerios) but just means I don't weigh cherry tomato portions, and I eat carbs when I feel like it, don't worry about amounts of olive oil in other peoples' cooking etc... this also allows me to enjoy social occasions and not ostracise myself.

The macro-analysis of calories in vs. calories spent was doing my head in. I could only stand it for a couple of weeks before I got annoyed and ended up on a food bender...

My new mantra is 'lift heavy, lift often and just eat!'

xxx

[morgantracy]

I wouldn't say I am berated by others. Most people are really understanding. Others are intrigued. And then there are people who couldn't believe I could give up McDonald's and cakes, but I have Celiac's also so it makes it easier for people to understand.

I try not worry about what other people think. I feel good about myself when I am hitting my calories, eating fresh foods and lean meats, and working out on my scheduled days. The soreness in my muscles reminds me that I need to keep working. I am new to all this but I am waking up in the morning feeling better about myself and accomplished. So others peoples opinions don't really bother me.

You want to eat a donut? Thats cool. I like my morning protein shakes mixed with some fresh fruit, it tastes like cake anyway.

And when I am at a social gathering, I just don't over eat or go for the ice cream.

[MommysFitLife]

I feel really bad for all of you that have to deal with such judgment. It makes me feel really blessed that I don't have to deal with that. All my friends and family and super supportive of whatever I do. When I went vegan, for example, no one gave me a hard time and everone went out of their way to make sure that I could eat when we were all together. Same applies now. I find that rather than judging me for how I eat, my friends are more likely to make healthier choices when they're with me.

[catpea33]

Yes, I've experienced the same thing. I think a lot of people just don't understand why I'm doing it, even though I've explained it. To them, I'm not a professional athlete so why would my food intake matter so much? I'm not entirely sure they understand that if I'm going to put in all that work then I don't want to undo it by having a lazy diet. I actually find the most annoying thing is when I have a treat meal and a friend, who's critical of me when I eat clean, then says, 'I thought you ate healthily?'

[JennieTL]

I completely get you but after a while they will subside and look up to you for not conforming! You just have to try and brush it over however, what others think of you is none of your business haha! Society is very influential and ruled by a majority. You just value something that your friend doesn't so naturally she'll find that difficult to understand. There is probably something about what you are doing that makes a lot of people feel a bit intimidated too so they will criticize in order to try and get you to eat what they are having.

You should just say that you are living - living to be the best that you can be! Since when is 'living a little' doing what someone else wants you to do?

That said I do agree that weighing oats might be a little extreme, maybe try and eyeball the portion or whatever. Your new attitude sounds awesome though .

[dalkristel]

Yes, I've experienced the same thing. I think a lot of people just don't understand why I'm doing it, even though I've explained it. To them, I'm not a professional athlete so why would my food intake matter so much? I'm not entirely sure they understand that if I'm going to put in all that work then I don't want to undo it by having a lazy diet. I actually find the most annoying thing is when I have a treat meal and a friend, who's critical of me when I eat clean, then says, 'I thought you ate healthily?'

Oh my god I've had that too but the most annoying thing for me is when they say to me "are you allowed that on your diet?" - I then have to explain I'm not on a diet I just eat healthily and yes as long as it fits into my macros I can jolly well eat what I like - friends are so annoying also when they are dieting and put me in the same bracket! Why can't they get it into their heads this is not dieting it's our lifestyle! So annoying but great topic and thanks for my rant!!

[sy2502]

I don't get berated by anyone, but I also try to strike a balance. I don't eat out very often so my diet is generally very good. So that one time I do go out or meet people, I try to relax a bit. It doesn't mean I go way overboard, but I try not to stick out like a sore thumb. If alcohol is the issue, just say you have to drive. If it's a buffet type of situation, put something on our plate and walk around with it. People don't need to know how many times you have refilled it (or not) and you'll at least look like you are eating. At restaurants I won't order the calorie nuclear bombs, but I won't be the pain in the ass that gives the poor waiter 50 special instructions either (mostly because I don't want the cook to spit in my plate for being too difficult). I don't know of anyone who'd give people trouble for not eating the bread, that's pretty weird actually.

In general I find people are more tolerant if you keep a low profile. Nobody likes to go out with the intention of having a good time, and have somebody constantly telling them, or reminding them, how many calories things have. If you are going to go out to ruin everybody else's fun, stay home. There are ways to get out of stuff without being a pain in the ass. It's better to say "oh no thanks, I don't like (...) much" or "no thanks I have been having heartburn these days, that looks like it may keep me up all night", rather than "oh no, do you know how many calories that has? It's going to blow my macros for the day". People's reaction will be directly related to yours, so if you make yourself unpleasant about your diet, don't be surprised if others are unpleasant to you about it.

[nradam123]

I remember the look on my friends face when they knocked on the door for the usual smoke after dinner (they live around the corner) and i am like "naa brah, i quit !". I had quit smoking numerous times in life before, but it always came back. But now its been a good 7 months

I was able to do it this time due to a new mindset. In the end, i am responsible for my life. My true value comes from within myself. If someone embarrass me in front of public and the whole public mocks me for what i am doing, still if i believe that my true value comes from within myself i wont feel embarrassed.

You are doing this for your own good. No matter what they say, stick with it.

In the end when everything pays off and you look like a supermodel (or whatever your goal is), they are gonna ask you for tips lol.

[Middlewt]

The thing that bothers me right now is that I make specific, healthy food choices and sometimes I feel like people think that those choices should be reserved for people with WAY better bodies/figures than me. And then when I DO have a glass of wine (VERY RARE!), they kinda look down their noses at me, as if I must be PERFECT, and clearly I'm not serious about getting fit. But what they DON'T know is that yeah, I've dropped like 10 pounds within a few months because of these choices. I just saw this recently (wish I could remember where so as to give credit): The opinions of others are their problems, not mine. =)

[sy2502]

The thing that bothers me right now is that I make specific, healthy food choices and sometimes I feel like people think that those choices should be reserved for people with WAY better bodies/figures than me. And then when I DO have a glass of wine (VERY RARE!), they kinda look down their noses at me, as if I must be PERFECT, and clearly I'm not serious about getting fit. But what they DON'T know is that yeah, I've dropped like 10 pounds within a few months because of these choices. I just saw this recently (wish I could remember where so as to give credit): The opinions of others are their problems, not mine. =)

Please don't take this the wrong way, but your entire post seems based on what you think others think. Are you sure your guesses are anywhere near the mark?

[jmccarthey]

Not berated at all. My friends get my lifestyle and understand it. I don't make a big deal about it either, and they often look to me for advice or help with better options. My friends also appreciate that I don't judge them for eating and/or drinking what they want. The biggest thing is to just do your thing and not overtly draw attention to it. That seems to work the best.

I also don't get all anal-retentive when we're out at restaurants (ie requesting things to be cooked a certain way or leaving sauces on the side). I find a healthy-ish item on the menu (often times looking at a menu ahead of time online and making a decision earlier in the day), work it in to my daily meal plan and enjoy the time out and company.

[discdoggie]

During week 9 of my transformation challenge, we took a family vacay to Disney then see my inland who live on the gulf, i brought both my bathroom scale and my kitchen digital scale with me. . Anyone who said anything I would just tell them "first prize is fifty Thousand bucks!" They cheered me on after That.



I did have one episode about 4 weeks in.

I have cream in morning coffee but the rest of the day would drink it black, except once or twice a week I'd scale down my nighttime meal to have an afternoon coffee with cream. I like it fairly light, and use a re-cycled whey scoop to measure out 5 T. So it's 3
Pm ("caffeine o'clock!") so the mall Starbucks is PACKED. How they have it set up is retarded. There's really no place to fix up your coffee without being in someone else's way. . So here I am, pulling my scoop outta my bag and carefully measuring out to the 5 T line that I carved in myself, all the while trying to keep an eye on my 6 year old from wandering into CLaire's next door (little girls just LOVE that store!) and this woman behind me rolls her eyes and actually says aloud "really?????"


I felt kinda bad and told her, "I'm in this transformation challenge and first prize is 50k bucks!"


See, if anyone said that to me is wish them luck. She just rolled her eyes again.

I hope she blistered the roof of her mouth with her double Mocha frappacino.

[penny0527]

During week 9 of my transformation challenge, we took a family vacay to Disney then see my inland who live on the gulf, i brought both my bathroom scale and my kitchen digital scale with me. . Anyone who said anything I would just tell them "first prize is fifty Thousand bucks!" They cheered me on after That.



I did have one episode about 4 weeks in.

I have cream in morning coffee but the rest of the day would drink it black, except once or twice a week I'd scale down my nighttime meal to have an afternoon coffee with cream. I like it fairly light, and use a re-cycled whey scoop to measure out 5 T. So it's 3
Pm ("caffeine o'clock!") so the mall Starbucks is PACKED. How they have it set up is retarded. There's really no place to fix up your coffee without being in someone else's way. . So here I am, pulling my scoop outta my bag and carefully measuring out to the 5 T line that I carved in myself, all the while trying to keep an eye on my 6 year old from wandering into CLaire's next door (little girls just LOVE that store!) and this woman behind me rolls her eyes and actually says aloud "really?????"


I felt kinda bad and told her, "I'm in this transformation challenge and first prize is 50k bucks!"


See, if anyone said that to me is wish them luck. She just rolled her eyes again.

I hope she blistered the roof of her mouth with her double Mocha frappacino.

This sounds like the perfect explanation. People will get the money thing.

I tell everyone I'm allergic to dairy (which I am) and that tends to satisfy them.

[Kelaina]

During week 9 of my transformation challenge, we took a family vacay to Disney then see my inland who live on the gulf, i brought both my bathroom scale and my kitchen digital scale with me. . Anyone who said anything I would just tell them "first prize is fifty Thousand bucks!" They cheered me on after That.



I did have one episode about 4 weeks in.

I have cream in morning coffee but the rest of the day would drink it black, except once or twice a week I'd scale down my nighttime meal to have an afternoon coffee with cream. I like it fairly light, and use a re-cycled whey scoop to measure out 5 T. So it's 3
Pm ("caffeine o'clock!") so the mall Starbucks is PACKED. How they have it set up is retarded. There's really no place to fix up your coffee without being in someone else's way. . So here I am, pulling my scoop outta my bag and carefully measuring out to the 5 T line that I carved in myself, all the while trying to keep an eye on my 6 year old from wandering into CLaire's next door (little girls just LOVE that store!) and this woman behind me rolls her eyes and actually says aloud "really?????"


I felt kinda bad and told her, "I'm in this transformation challenge and first prize is 50k bucks!"


See, if anyone said that to me is wish them luck. She just rolled her eyes again.

I hope she blistered the roof of her mouth with her double Mocha frappacino.

Uh, a frappucino is cold. She wouldn't blister anything.

[oregonchick76]

Uh, a frappucino is cold. She wouldn't blister anything.

and your valid point is?