Motivation

tdog69 · 09-21-2006, 07:08 AM

Ok I am new to the bb forums and have been lurking around and posting a few questions here and there, but the other day I decided to checkout the lady’s section and I most say hats off to all of you and I am sure you all look awesome.

What motivates you and how do you get a woman to start exercising and stick with it. I have been attempting to get my wife into fitness for the last 4 or 5 years and I can’t seem to get her interested in any exercise or a healthy diet.

I took her to the gym with me for 3 weeks and once the soreness went away she began to look at the scales and noticed a weight increase and instantly quit lifting and exercising, this was a couple of years ago. I attempted to explain to her that it was just water retention and probably a little mass increase, but again the scales over ruled what I was saying.

Recently I have been trying to get my wife into some type of exercise and diet program again, but no luck. I buy her any type of exercise equipment she wants regardless of the price and it is used for 1 or 2 weeks and it becomes a dust collector, I usually end up selling the equipment to have space. I even go as far as cooking all of her meals and ensuring that she has plenty of free time to excercise. Side note: I am a very good cook and most of my meals are gourmet type meals and full of taste despite the healthy selection of cooking items.

Any ideas on how to get her motivated and interested would be greatly appreciated, the only thing I have not tried yet is hiring a Personal Training, “which I do not agree with most of their routines, but if this works I am all for it”.

arose70 · 09-21-2006, 07:17 AM

You can't get her motivated. She has to want it. If you make her, she will just resent you.

tdog69 · 09-21-2006, 07:59 AM

This is exactly why I am hoping to find a way of getting her motivated without it coming from me and allowing her to motivate herself. I know it may sound a little selfish, but I am hoping to get her back into exercise to increase her energy levels and health. I have tried all of the ideas and things that motivate me, but everyone has there own reason that motivates them. So I am hoping to find some ideas to slip to her to get her motivated on her own.
Little bit about her, she is 35 Endomorph, German citizen legal US resident, 5’5”, size 6 or 7, 136lb with low energy levels and high blood pressure.

arose70 · 09-21-2006, 08:06 AM

unless she's ready to do it, there's no way. exercising and eating right are big deals to people who don't have the drive that this bb.com community has.

honestly, if my hubs were telling me he was unhappy with his body and energy levels, and I had gone to the gym with him, cooked for him, etc and he STILL went back to his old ways---I'd tell him to shut it or do something about it. I don't want to hear it if you are just complaining.

tdog69 · 09-21-2006, 08:18 AM

Thank you for your honest advice and opinions, I am very impressed with everyone on BB forums.

I am just trying to get her to enjoy the benefits that I have experienced from weight training and a healthy diet over the last couple of years. Hell I feel and look as though I am 10 years younger, "well minus the reseeding hair line lol".

Still would like to know what motivates females to get into exercise

arose70 · 09-21-2006, 08:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tdog69

Still would like to know what motivates females to get into exercise

For me it was to stop the yo-yo, having no energy, and to finally stop the head games-that in itself is exhausting.

I still yo-yo...about twice a year I'll gain some weight and then lose it again--but that's far better than the 10 times a year I was at before, complete with starvation and binging.

My main motivation now is to make my clothes look great on me. Once my clothes get a bit tight, i get more strict...they get looser and I allow a cheat or two.

ChrystalR · 09-21-2006, 08:37 AM

Motivation is a very individual thing. I agree with Arose in that if you "force" her she will learn to A) resent you and B) hate exercise. It sounds like she had a hard time with the slight weight increase after the last time you went and worked out together, BUT it sounds like she wants to do SOMETHING because you're buying exercise equipment left and right only to turn around and have to sell it again.

What I would suggest is starting out slowly. Try asking her to go on walks with you in the evening after dinner or in the morning before work. Get her into MOVING - doing SOMETHING. If there's hiking trails around you ask her to go out for a longer walk with you. Make it a picnic. Take her to the zoo and walk around. The important thing is to get her moving and doing something vs sitting at home and doing nothing. Slowly (and I mean slowly) she'll start to feel better about herself and about getting up and moving. Then perhaps you can see if she wants to go to the gym once in a while. After a few visits see if you can get a female trainer to just come up and talk to her (not while you're there - needs to seem sporatic), say hi and how are you. Create a relationship with her.

Sometimes as gym goers we forget how hard and intimidating those numbers and the gym can be. We've all been there (heck I still visit quite often) and sometimes we're so excited to help people get past that hurdle that we rush the process. Take it slow - make it meaningful.

Hope that helps
~C

Outdoor Girl · 09-21-2006, 08:40 AM

I was a very active child, teenager, and young adult. Then career and relationships kind of took over and fitness was not a priority. During that time I had one relationship where I was coerced by a signifcant other to work out. If I canceled my gym membership, our relationship would be over. He used a lot of bad tactics to get me to work out. They had the opposite effect.

Anyway, a year and a half ago I made fitness my priority when I was just plain sick of not feeling well and getting tired doing the smallest things. I was ready to do it for myself. No one could get me there but me. Now I'm setting personal records for myself all the time and I love it!

I can only echo the sentiments of the other posters here - I don't think you can compell someone to work out. They have to want it for themselves.

What motivated me a year and a half ago to get started was seeing someone essentially my own age that was in fantastic shape. I was also tired of feeling tired and out of shape. When I thought I could be fitter at 40 than at any other time of my life, it motivated me to get started.

What continues to motivate me is feeling better, seeing others who are fit, enjoying the activities I do (I do running for cardio and now like to run with friends and enter races - first half marathon coming up soon!), inline skating, lifting, etc. I also like to challenge myself and enjoy new personal records.

Hope this helps.

tdog69 · 09-21-2006, 09:09 AM

Great info so far,

I did forget to mention she does jump on the opertunity to join an erobics class anytime one of her friend wants to do it.

bluescorpion · 09-21-2006, 10:43 AM

Maybe start with some non-gym physical activity. Like going for longer walks with her or hiking. Something that doesn't seem like a formal workout. It's possible that she will like the results, including increased energy, to be more active. I have a similar problem with my younger sister, so I can empathize. With my husband, it's much easier... I just say things like "I feel so strong!" and he rushes to the gym

tdog69 · 09-21-2006, 11:13 AM

We do the walking thing and hiking thing now with the our son, which we both enjoy that. I did recently purchase mt bikes, but it looks like the cold weather has put a damper on those plans.

Ruth · 09-21-2006, 11:21 AM

Her weight sounds ok to me, maybe she simply doesn't feel she needs extra exercise, lots of people don't and it's their own business in the end.

I've always hated sport and was once persuaded to join my husband jogging. Naturally, I was hopeless, and I was absolutely livid at the way he took the piss because I got puffed out so quickly. I never jogged again. Lol! It's like trying to teach your partner to drive: don't do it.

Motivation is a very personal thing and pleasing other people isn't a very good form of motivation.

tdog69 · 09-21-2006, 02:27 PM

The more I think about it she may just be waiting for a one of her girl friends to join the gym with her.

empresscat · 09-21-2006, 05:26 PM

My motivation started when I began to feel sexier - and then wanted to look sexier. Found a group of people who were into big girls, and loved the attention... so I realized that if I could be sexy at that size, I could be even more so if I got in shape...

But that wasn't sufficient to remain motivated through some very hard times, and I fell into old habits - and regained a lot of the weight.

This time, my motivation comes from the fact that last year both parents fell ill. My father from diabetes-related complications. He was on life support, and given a 20% chance of survival... but he had been in excellent condition before that, despite the diabetes, so he was able to beat the odds and eventually come home.

Then my mother fell ill, with metastatic breast cancer. She was overweight and out of shape. I did a lot of research and found out that I am at very high risk for breast cancer at an early age for multiple factors - the only one of which I can control is my weight. My mother wasn't strong enough to tolerate the chemo, and she died a couple of months later.

That's big motivation... the kind that lasts for a lifetime. But it's not the kind you can give to anyone else.

=M= · 09-23-2006, 07:51 PM

Personally, I got motivated out of embarassment. From a total stranger.
Long story short, I was followed to the post office by someone who saw me in a pair of shorts (kind of creepy), and was told that he "wanted to hook up because I had a nice big ass" !

I told my hubby that day-"Buy a Bowflex, NOW". And I've never looked back.

She has to want it for herself-that's the only way it will ever work.

ohtm27 · 09-24-2006, 08:41 AM

There's more reasons I do it for. Not only to look better but also in the long run it lowers my HR, building bone mass for later. It helps with osteoporosis, the bone mass. Lastly, to be just healthy feel better as I age. I don't want to be wearing depends if I can help it later on.LOL

tdog69 · 09-25-2006, 10:20 AM

thanks for all of the information. I mentioned this board and all the great information on here and she has been looking through some of the past and present post. I think this will be enough motivation to get her started into exercise and eating healthy again. Hey it even scored me some browny points when she read this post

Amris · 09-25-2006, 10:33 AM

I was so sick and tired of being sick and tired.

I also realized one day that if I didn't pull my head out of my ass and start caring for myself, one day I would be so broken down i couldn't care for myself. At the time, there was no one who would take care of me, either.

I got healthy. I got into a relationship. And I realized.. I don't want to place the burden of taking care of me onto this wonderful man when we're old. He doesn't deserve to be chained to my bedside because I'm too lazy to exercise and eat right.

And I don't deserve to be chained to a bed, either.... unless I continue to be too lazy to care for myself. Then being a broken down, sick old woman who can't function is exactly what I'll deserve.

I prefer not to deserve that. Nor to experience it. Nor to put my loved ones through watching my steady decline. I don't hate anyone that much- much less do I hate the ones I love that much!!

BlondeAmazon · 09-25-2006, 12:22 PM

What really screws it up for the major population is shows like Oprah (whom I love on most days) and Dr Phil and many others who PROMOTE low calories and cardio and the damn SCALE. They tell you not to eat 3 hours before you go to bed- keep the calories down and cardio to a max. 3 meals and 3 SNACKS- These shows and this type of thinking is not for the promenint weight lifting lifestyle. I WISH someone would go onto Oprah as a spokeswoman for the bodybuilding industry and explain the PROBLEMS these national shows create for the general public with the stereo typing. My BIGGEST hurdle as a trainer and a promoter for bbing is women saying- I dont wanna get big- and IM GAINING WEIGHT!! NO ONE determines the difference between fat loss and weight loss- it sucks and people like your wife suffer the issues with it/.

tdog69 · 09-28-2006, 06:37 AM

Where I work I see a lot of women and men following prey to this philosophy or fad diets. Heaven forbid you try to explain to them that you need to gain muscle to help maintain a high metabolism and maintain your weight. People just don’t get it with all of the fancy commercials and talk shows preaching low cal diet, cardio, low carbs and scales. This is the first thing I did when I started to get into training seriously was through out the standard scales and now have one that measure BMI, Hydration and body fat…I think weight is on there somewhere :-)

I’m done ranting now

LiftingIsLife · 09-28-2006, 07:02 AM

no need to rant dog.... society is ALWAYS looking for the 'quick fix', but in the long run, its the 'long run' that makes the difference....
a great suggestion that someone made earlier was to take her out and have her try different things that 'contain exercise' but dont appear to be just 'for the sake of exercising', like hiking or something similar.
it could be that she has to experience the high of doing something physically challenging to get her believing that 'working out at the gym' can produce a similar feeling.

in any case,dont push her. she'll come around, it just wont be a 'quick fix'

best,
~lifer

tdog69 · 09-28-2006, 07:12 AM

Ya society drives me grazy sometimes, that is probably why I do not watch the news and only read what I want online about news.

She is actually thinking hard about it now and I have this Forum to thank. I introduced her to it and now she is lurking around reading different post and condemplating a membership at the gym with one of her girlfriends.

Amris · 09-28-2006, 07:31 AM

So, what if she'll go with you? Are you willing to make going to the gym a bit of an "outing" with her?

It sounds to me like she doesn't want to go to the gym and be conspicuous. She doesn't want to feel isolated and wonder if people maybe are looking at her, etc.

Socializing with someone, being there (very obviously) with someone, appears to make her feel not only less isolated, but more interested, and less conspicuous.

Perhaps if you'll spend some time with her at the gym, rather than being severely businesslike and efficient (which I'm sure is most likely your nature while there- many of us body builders are like that), it might help to relax her and let her feel more like she fits in there?

tdog69 · 09-28-2006, 07:54 AM

no way, give up my early morning ritual, the empty gym, intense workouts, and just the slient sound of metal being thrown around...just kidding.

Unfortunetly our schedules do not permit this, but on my days off I have offered to tag along with her and bassically just go to have some fun and get her feeling at home in the gym, "of course this would also be a good time to get in some abs".

pauline · 09-28-2006, 07:56 AM

she has to do it on her own...my hubby tired and it wasnt till i WANTED IT BAD!!!!!!!!! did i bother...and now im obessed hahahaha...in a good way mind you

pauline

Amris · 09-28-2006, 09:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tdog69

Unfortunetly our schedules do not permit this, but on my days off I have offered to tag along with her and bassically just go to have some fun and get her feeling at home in the gym, "of course this would also be a good time to get in some abs".

That is unfortunate.

Have you discussed why she's so uncomfortable at the gym on her own? That might shed some light on a way to get her going more.

Have you considered, and do you have room for, a home gym like bowflex or something?

tdog69 · 09-28-2006, 10:41 AM

she just has never been a type of person that likes to do things by herself. Her going with one of her girlfriends is better it gives her the chance to get away and have a break from me and my son. The costodiens/trainers all know me and once she starts they will be more then happy to help her and her friend out.

No room right now, just enough for the norta track and ab lounge