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  1. #1
    Registered User DPR's Avatar
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    HELP! Is this a good topic sentence + opening paragraph for one of my college papers?

    I'm in a freshmen comp class and I can't think of a good topic sentence for my narrative on bullying. The opening paragraph is supposed to be between 200-300 words.
    The assignment is:
    "Using "no more tears for frankie" (a narrative on a girl that was bullied) as a model, write about a time when you a victim of a bully or someone who constantly bothered you. how did you feel? how did you feel later?"
    Here is my opening paragraph. Is my topic sentence okay? It's the oen part I don't really like:

    A major problem in school today, that is not usually talked about, is when people bully a friend intentionally or accidentally. Bullying, regardless of who it's by, will almost always have a negative effect on the person being picked on. However, I have personally found that it can be especially hurtful when someone who is supposed to be there for you, when you are feeling down, makes you feel down. This can be true even if the friend does not intend on hurting your feelings. When I was diagnosed with narcolepsy, I started being "bullied" for the first time in my life. I was not bullied in the traditional way, so to speak, but it still effected my morale. The people that were picking on me were some of my best friends. The reason for their bullying was that they had no clue what narcolepsy really was. Their lack of knowledge on it made them believe that it was, in a sense, caused by laziness. They would tell me that my sleeping problem was "all in my head" and was "just an excuse to be lazy". At the time that really angered and upset me, because I was struggling to cope with the disorder. Narcolepsy, however, is the body's inability to regulate sleep and wake cycles, which causes many different problems. The people who found this disorder funny, due to a lack of knowledge on the subject, did not realize that stupid little things like joking around and calling me "narc" hurt my feelings. Further on down the road my friends realized that it wasn't right for them to bother me about it. However, people of all ages need to find a line between bullying and joking with their friends.
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  2. #2
    Banned Leper Messiah's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by DPR
    I'm in a freshmen comp class and I can't think of a good topic sentence for my narrative on bullying. The opening paragraph is supposed to be between 200-300 words.
    The assignment is:
    "Using "no more tears for frankie" (a narrative on a girl that was bullied) as a model, write about a time when you a victim of a bully or someone who constantly bothered you. how did you feel? how did you feel later?"
    Here is my opening paragraph. Is my topic sentence okay? It's the oen part I don't really like:

    A major problem in school today that is not often discussed, is when people bully a friend either intentionally or accidentally. Bullying, regardless of who it iss by, almost always has a negative effect on the person being picked on. However I have personally found that such bullying can be especially hurtful when someone who is supposed to be there for you, when you are feeling down, makes you feel down. This can occur even if the friend does not intend on hurting your feelings. When I was diagnosed with narcolepsy, I started being "bullied" for the first time in my life. I was not bullied in the traditional way, so to speak, but it still effected my morale. The people that were picking on me were some of my best friends. The reason for their bullying was that they had no clue what narcolepsy really was. Their lack of knowledge on it made them believe that it was, in a sense, caused by laziness. They would tell me that my sleeping problem was "all in my head" and was "just an excuse to be lazy". At the time that really angered and upset me, because I was struggling to cope with the disorder. Narcolepsy, however, is the body's inability to regulate sleep and wake cycles, which causes many different problems. The people who found this disorder funny, due to a lack of knowledge on the subject, did not realize that stupid things like joking around and calling me "narc" hurt my feelings. Further on down the road my friends realized that it wasn't right for them to bother me about it. However, i b elieve that people of all ages need to distinguish between bullying and joking with their friends.
    Corrected
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  3. #3
    Registered User DPR's Avatar
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    thanks
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